by R. J. Groves
“Emma, are you okay?”
I looked up into dark green eyes slightly hidden by dark blonde hair. Maybe I wasn’t alone. I still had James.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, trying to convince myself that I would be. “Hey, you never told me what you were going to say at the party.”
He sighed, removing his hand from my arm and letting it stretch up to rest on the back of his neck.
“Yeah… look, it doesn’t even matter anymore,” he said. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I was probably just too caught up in the party. I was way out of line. Sorry.”
He touched my arm again as he walked past me.
I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. I pinched myself, wishing my day was just a horrible nightmare, hoping that I would wake up and everything would be exactly how it was before. But it wasn’t. It was happening, and it was happening to me.
All of my questions had been answered in a matter of minutes. Aimee didn’t care about me anymore, Kane’s biggest wish was to hurt me more than he already has, and whatever opportunity I had with James was long gone.
I had nobody’s trust, and I couldn’t trust anyone.
I wished for the day to be over. I wished that if I had to be left alone, then the people I used to trust wouldn’t be around where I could see them. I wanted to be happy again, to have everything running smoothly and perfectly like it used to.
But I knew I couldn’t have this. Apparently, I’d already had more happiness than I deserved, and my sorrow and pain was to set balance and reality back in my life. A balance I never wanted to exist.
At least not for me.
There had to be at least one place I could go to escape the hurt I was feeling, the life I was dreading.
School provided no security, no protection or shelter, for me. Most of my afternoon was spent in the girls’ bathroom or alone in a quiet area outside. I wanted to run away from it all, to be free from everything that haunted me. I could run as far as my feet could take me. I would walk when I got tired and sleep when my legs failed to take me any further. I would do anything to eliminate the disconcerting thoughts and the fears that taunted me, to forget the people I grew close to, then lost in a matter of minutes. I needed somewhere to go, someone to be with.
I couldn’t go home. Home held too many memories, and I would still be alone because my mum was working.
I checked my phone, which I realised I hadn’t done all day, and was surprised to find one unread message.
I opened it:
Sorry Emma – I won’t be at school. Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to attend school for at least a fortnight, not four nights! Shall talk soon, Renée xx.
My eyes widened as I thought of an idea.
She was still my friend. I could go to her place. We could watch movies or do something – anything – to distract me from how I was feeling. The bell rang, and I gathered my books from the desk I sat alone at and headed straight out the door. I would not make eye contact with any of the people who left me solitary today. It was the end of the day and my goal was to escape from these too-familiar surroundings that held haunting memories with as little pain as possible.
I decided to drop my things off at home before walking to Renée’s. It was out of the way a bit, but it gave me some more time to be by myself at will – to think. I stayed at home long enough to put my bag in my room, get a drink and write a note to my mum telling her where I would be. I then grabbed my house keys and started my walk to Renée’s.
The walk seemed to last forever, but was not quite long enough at the same time. I turned into the path that led to the front door of my only remaining friend’s home. I could smell the freshness of the wet garden, the fragrance of the flowers and green grass, and felt the soft spray of the sprinklers. There was only one car in the driveway – a red one. Fayne must be home.
I walked up the few steps that led to the door, the only barrier between me and my one ally. I knocked on the beautiful stained-glass door. Even barriers have an element of beauty to them, easily fooling all who dare come near and wish to pass through.
The hurt inside of me eased when a tall, handsome young man answered the door.
“Emma! Hey, come in,” Fayne said, moving to the side, his green eyes dancing.
I smiled. He always seemed so happy to see me. I’d never heard of someone being as happy to see his little sister’s friends as he was. Never.
“Renée’s in the kitchen,” he said, shutting the door and falling into step beside me.
I didn’t need to wait to be led around the house anymore. I knew where all the basics were from coming here so often. I turned to enter into the kitchen, seeing Renée sitting at the table with a tall, black-haired young man sitting next to her with his back to me.
My heart shattered.
He was here. He was ruining my life more than he already had. He turned around as Fayne walked over near them.
“Kane, this is–” he began, smiling.
“I know who she is,” Kane snapped, his eyes refusing to release mine.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him as harshly and rudely as I could manage.
He rose to his feet, picking up his phone and wallet off the table.
“Leaving,” he replied, his eyes continuing to taunt me.
My body began to shake. I could feel the fury building inside of me.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll go,” I snapped.
I spun on my heels, storming out of the kitchen. My pace quickened as I flung the door open, running away from the beautiful house, leaving the barrier to close itself.
“Emma! Emma, wait.”
I heard the door being shoved ruthlessly open and once again being left to close itself. I didn’t care that he didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t care that he was her brother. I needed to run and I wouldn’t stop.
“Emma, what’s wrong?”
He caught up with me, grasping my shoulders and turning me to face him.
Tears were already streaming down my face. I had to get out of there. I struggled to free myself.
“Don’t, Fayne. Don’t. I have to leave,” I gasped through my sobs, avoiding all eye contact with him.
My heart was shattered, and the broken pieces were being crushed to dust as I was confined to the pretence I was trying to run away from. It hurt being near him. It hurt not having my friends with me when I needed them the most. It hurt that every time I wanted to escape, someone would be restricting me.
“Emma, tell me what’s wrong. Use me, please,” he pleaded, not letting go of my shoulders.
I looked up at his pained face. I was hurting him. I never wanted to. I never realised it until now. I was hurting someone who actually cared about me. Seeing his pained face triggered my emotions. More tears streamed down my face, my body heaving. I fell to the ground, sobbing, unable to speak.
Fayne dropped next to me, his hands still on my shoulders.
“Fayne, I–” I sobbed, my tears falling down my cheeks.
“Shh, Emma, it’s okay,” he said, pulling me towards him, wrapping his arms around me.
He allowed me to cry into his chest, my tears spoiling his nice, clean shirt. His heartbeat and his voice were the only things I could concentrate on.
“Everything will be all right.”
Chapter 12
The beauty in the ugly.
This was a day I would never forget. A day that could only happen to people who deserved it, one that I never thought would cross my path. I thought what happened could only happen in movies. The stories were always the same. The main character would screw up, lose all of her friends, and at the end realise that her best friend was always going to be there for her and always was, and they all live happily ever after.
I wished this could really happen. I wished this was my fairy tale.
Unfortunately, you can’t always get what you want. My life used to be as perfect as I thought it could be and, in such a short time, it was t
urned around completely. I hated what was happening to me. I wanted so much for everything to be exactly how it used to be. It was like a fairy tale in reverse. It started off good and ended up being horrible. Fairy tales are never meant to happen in real life. That’s why it’s called a fairy tale.
Now, all I wanted was to have my best friend with me. Aimee was always there for me, no matter what. I thought the promise we made to each other when we were young would still be relevant when we were older. Yes, people change. But I thought that Aimee and I would only ever change together, that nothing would come between us. Yet somehow, I was wrong about that. Our relationship might be restored one day. But would we ever be how we were? I couldn’t think of my life without Aimee beside me. I tried, and I didn’t like what I saw. I could never live that life.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
“Emma? What are you thinking?”
I turned my head to see Fayne walking beside me. I got so lost in thought that I forgot he was with me. I hadn’t been paying attention to anything he may have been saying, or even where he was leading me.
His eyes are so green. I thought, reminded of a grassy area where you can always find comfort and a quiet place to think.
“Emma?” he asked again, one of his eyebrows raised.
“Yes?” I asked, forgetting his previous question.
His already raised eyebrow moved further up his forehead as he studied my face.
“Oh, nothing,” I lied.
“Right,” he said, his eyes still studying every inch of my face, his forehead creased. He finally relaxed and looked ahead of us. “We’re here.”
Our gaze connected again. I thought about how enchantingly green his eyes were. Was it possible that they could be greener than before? I felt my own forehead crease as I studied his eyes further. No, it was more than that. I studied the details, the reflections.
Beyond the reflection of my own eyes in his, I could see the grassy area providing comfort and a safe environment for children to play. A safe environment for everyone but me.
I tore my eyes away from his to look beyond him. A tree. No, the tree. The tree that would forever hold my most presently dreaded memory. The tree that concealed my memory with its splendour, a dominant feature where there would always be shelter for anyone running from their fears. The tree that would never forget what I went through in the shade of its magnificence and never fail to remind me about my unfortunate experience.
“Fayne, what are we doing here?” I turned my attention back to Fayne quite abruptly.
“Emma, it’s a park. Parks are the best places to talk,” he answered, pointing it out as a fact, confused at my response.
“I can’t be here,” I said in an attempt to protect myself from the attack against the fortifications I’d built inside me. “It holds too many memories, and that tree is taunting me.”
I glanced once again at the tree standing tall behind him. Fayne’s eyes followed mine, and he let out a small laugh when they reached the tree. It was then when I realised how ridiculous it must have sounded.
“Look, we don’t have to go near the tree,” he said, returning his gaze to me.
“The park itself holds too many memories, Fayne, any of which I don’t want to recall anytime soon,” I repeated.
Fayne smiled, letting out a sigh.
“Okay – but before we leave,” he said, holding up a finger. “Tell me when the last time you went on a swing was. Or down a slide.”
It was my instinct to think he was teasing, but behind the smile, he somehow seemed so serious about what he said.
“Are you serious?” I gasped, refusing to answer.
“When was the last time?” he asked again, shrugging.
I looked into his eyes. He was serious. He really did want me to answer his question. I knew that there was no way I could avoid answering it any longer. As silly as it was, it made me think. When was the last time I went on a swing? When was the last time I’d even been near a playground, let alone on one?
I could feel Fayne’s eyes studying my face again. He seemed so eager for an answer to a pointless question. But was it really a pointless question? Was there some significance in it?
“I can’t remember,” I admitted, breaking the silence.
“Really?” he asked in disbelief. “I mean, from how athletic I hear you are, I thought you would have at least been on a swing sometime recently.”
I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked away from Fayne to read what it said, unaware that the quick glance he managed to get could provide him with enough information to know something was up.
Incoming call: Renée Clarkey.
I sighed, pressing the end key, rejecting the phone call. I could feel his eyes observing me, questioning why I ignored his sister’s call.
“So, what was the point in your question?” I asked, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Come on. There’s something I want you to do,” he said, taking my hand and leading me away from the tree.
“Where are we going?” I questioned.
“To the swings, Emma. You need it,” he said, smiling.
“I need it? What are you saying, Fayne?” I said.
My body was shaking as we reached the swings. I didn’t know what to do or how I should feel. He held onto one of the unoccupied swings and turned to face me, letting go of my hand.
“Be a child again. Forget life’s difficulties and live in the moment – your moment. Have some fun,” he said, offering the swing to me.
My previously unsure feelings now seemed like nothing. Was this advice I could take and not regret? Or was he somehow trying to trick me in some way? I pulled my thoughts short. Trick me into what? I scolded myself for thinking such an illogical and irrational thought.
I heard him sigh.
“Emma, if you don’t get on this swing within three seconds, I will literally make you get on it and like it,” he said, pushing the swing towards me.
I couldn’t resist returning a smile to the broad, gorgeous smile on his own face.
“Oh, so I have to like it now?” I said as I took the swing from his hand and sat on it.
He moved ecstatically behind me and began to push the swing gently. I was reluctant at first to have any fun, but it became increasingly difficult for me to not enjoy it. Sensing the breeze against my skin and closing my eyes when I reached the peak of the swing’s rise gave me the feeling that I was flying, that I was free. I began saying things like “Higher, I want to go higher,” and could never resist smiling when I saw his face light up.
I never knew that, as an eighteen-year-old, I could still find pleasure in the simple mundane things I enjoyed when I was so young.
΅ ΅ ΅
Call ended.
I groaned in frustration at the denied call. I knew that Emma would have had her phone on her; she always does. Sure, she had basically walked in on her arch enemy conversing with her friend, but I still didn’t fully understand why she would ignore the call, no matter how angry she may have been. I noticed that Fayne had left to follow her when she inexplicably left our house upset and angry. If only she was willing to even listen to his story.
“No reply?” Kane asked in a worried tone.
“She ignored it,” I sighed. “I’ll try Fayne. Maybe he’s with her,” I added as I dialled his number and pressed call.
I waited while the phone rung three times and then went silent. I heard a laugh – a girl’s laugh – followed by my brother answering, his happiness carrying through the line.
“Hello?”
“Fayne, it’s me. Is–” I started.
“Oh, Renée,” he interrupted, his tone changing. “Is everything all right?”
“No. Well, yes, I’m fine, but–”
“Are Mum and Dad home yet?” he asked.
I started growing frustrated with his interruptions. He rarely ever interrupted me. This wasn’t how he usually acted.
“No, but Fayne–” I attempted agai
n.
“Listen, Née,” he said. “If they get home before me, just let them know that I have some things to do and I don’t know when I’ll be home, yeah?”
“Yeah, whatever, Fayne. Is Emma there?” I finally managed to say.
I waited as I heard nothing but silence on the other end of the line; even the girl’s laughter was gone.
“Oh… umm… why would Emma be here?” he stammered after his hesitation.
“Fayne, can I talk to her?” I asked urgently.
“Renée, I have to go. I’ll see you when I get home,” he replied, abruptly ending the conversation.
“No, Fayne, wait!” I said.
Beep.
“Agh!” I said in an elevated volume as I flung my phone on the table in front of me out of frustration.
“Nothing?”
I looked into the questioning, confused blue eyes that were looking back at me, full of concern. I sighed, filling my glass with the jug of icy water sitting on the table. I had a long drink and sat in silence for a moment, thoughts of varying kinds running through my head.
“Nothing,” I whispered, admitting defeat.
΅ ΅ ΅
I watched in silence as Fayne ended the conversation with his sister, holding my breath for fear of giving away my position. He sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket and leaning against the swing set pole.
“Thanks for not telling her I’m here,” I said appreciably, still sitting on the swing, though not moving.
“No worries, Em. It was somewhat obvious you didn’t want her to know where you were,” he teased. “You know, with shaking your head and hands and mouthing ‘no’ quite frantically.”
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to make it clear,” I shrugged, moving my gaze to the excited children in the short distance.
“Emma, do you want to tell me what that was about?” he said, finally.
I felt my face flush and my heart begin to race.
“What was what about?” I asked, already knowing what his response was going to be.
“Why you’re avoiding my sister, or Kane. Or both,” he replied, crossing his arms and questioning me with his eyes.