by Selena Kitt
I take a deep breath and push down, willing myself not to gag.
“Oh fuck I’m gonna…” He pants loudly and I suck him harder, lifting up all the way until his head is just inside my lips and down as far as I can go, faster, again and again. His hips buckle up into me and his legs go stiff. His finger inside of me curls more, completely rigid while I feel his hot cum rush into my throat. I’m right here with you…
I take his hand, making his finger slip out of me and show him how to rub my clit in a pattern that nearly makes me lose my mind. My second orgasm of the night hits me so hard I have to let his cock out of my mouth for fear of biting down.
I scream loudly and he fights the stranglehold my hand has on him to continue rubbing until my cries stop and I once more slump back onto the bed next to him.
It seems like an eternity passes before either of us have the energy to speak. “That was… you’re just…” he tries to catch his breath, “damn.”
“Same back at ya,” I say, “if you hadn’t told me otherwise I would’ve bet that you’ve done this loads of times before…”
“I suppose I may have had quite a while to research what I might do… Just in case.”
I lean up to reach the light switch, but he pulls me back and cuddles up to me from behind.
“Umm, Cath…” he starts, “you really don’t mind?”
“Mind what?” I ask, snuggling against his arm.
“Well, traditionally I guess the guy is supposed to be experienced, taking the lead…” he says.
“Honestly, if you hadn’t told me I wouldn’t be able to guess. You’ve made me feel things I didn’t know were possible,” I respond.
“But we haven’t, you know…” he says.
“If I get to be your first, that would make me the luckiest girl ever. Why would I mind that?” I whisper.
He kisses my neck and rests his face against mine. “You already are my first.”
Hearing these words makes me want to pinch myself just to know I’m not dreaming.
“Umm, just one thing. If I ever do something that makes you uneasy, promise you’ll tell me?” I ask.
He lets out a short laugh. “Sure thing, in that case can I put my shirt back on now?”
“OK, anything else,” I tease, “I’m not giving this up!”
Reaching behind me I place my hand on his side and caress his gorgeously tempting skin, letting out a content sigh. He has no idea how how close I am to turning around and taking a bite out of him.
His hand digs in between the mattress and my side, holding me firmly in place. I feel warm all over and not just because he is still burning up behind me. I’m warm inside, happy.
“So, I’ve made you feel like noone ever has? Not even guy-whose-clothes-I-was-wearing earlier?” John’s voice sounds amused.
“Especially not him,” I respond.
“What happened?” he asks.
“Well, we were together for two years, but I just didn’t fit into how he wanted his life to be,” I say, my voice sounding cold and distant, even to me. It’s been a while since I stopped considering what-ifs and accepted the situation.
“Sounds like he didn’t know what he had,” John says and kisses the special spot on my neck.
I take a few seconds, wondering if it would be wise to elaborate.
“He hated himself. I guess he couldn’t accept that I didn’t, at least not when we were still together. I’m kind of glad he left when he did.”
“Why?” John asks.
I release myself from his embrace and turn around to face him. It’s so dark I can’t really see. I put my arms around his neck and wait for him to hold me once more.
“Because then none of this would’ve happened,” I say.
My face is nestled comfortably against his shoulder.
“Sorry if I’m too clingy,” I add, “I just don’t feel like letting go.”
He just hugs me tighter in response.
“Not at all,” he sighs, “I love this.”
“Will you stay the night?” I ask, suddenly nervous about the answer.
“I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
He turns onto his back, pulling me with him so I’m now resting my head against his shoulder. I fold my arm next to me, hand resting on his chest. His tucks the duvet around my shoulder to keep it in place.
My eyes close and I keep listening to his heartbeat. It’s slowing, but so is mine.
IX.
I’m not sure how long I was sleeping for, but it feels like I closed my eyes only a few minutes ago. Our amazing night together feels like just a dream now, because he’s nowhere to be seen.
Stretching and yawning a few times, I let my eyes adjust to the light filtering through the curtains and listen for any indicators of his presence elsewhere in the flat. Nothing.
It’s chilly this morning, as it should be in early December. I get up and wrap a fleece throw around me while I look around the room.
His clothes are gone.
On the way to the bathroom, there is still no sign of him, except for a note left on the coffee table.
“Didn’t want to wake you. Am visiting my parents today. See you tomorrow at work.”
A bit strange that he just left like that, but maybe he was trying to be considerate by letting me sleep in.
After freshening up a bit and putting on the robe he was wearing only yesterday, I make myself some breakfast. Reflecting on last night, I can’t believe how everything happened so quickly. But I’m not about to complain.
John is amazing, I can’t wait to see him again. The robe still has his scent around it, I don’t think I will want to take it off all day.
With a steamy mug of tea in hand, I make myself comfortable on the sofa. My phone is on the table next to the note, funny because I don’t recall leaving it there. But then I was quite preoccupied last night, god knows where we put what on the way to the bedroom.
Two new messages; both Jason, wondering what’s up. Of course he’ll be keen to hear all all the latest news.
“Hey darling, what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you in a while!” Jase excitedly answers.
“Oh I’m great, just saw your messages. Let’s say yesterday was quite eventful, I haven’t been keeping an eye on my phone,” I respond.
“Oh really? Well please do elaborate! I hope it was eventful in a good way?”
“In a very good way I would say. Finally managed to hook up with John. And he’s amazing, I couldn’t have wished for anything better,” I say.
“Hooked up eh? Hope you’re not giving it up too easy there, you want to keep the guy interested for a while!”
“Don’t think I’ll have trouble with that. So let me tell you what happened.” I start, outlining everything that took place. From the note I’d left in his bag, to the unexpected visit in the middle of the night right up to last night’s excitement.
“Sweetheart, if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you’re making this up because it sounds like quite the sappy love story! Well I’m glad for you, after all you’ve been obsessing about him for ages now. Meanwhile, I also have some news…” Jason says before filling me in on his date on Friday night. Seems like we’re both heading in similar directions with our love life. Finally!
After our catch up and gossip session is over, I settle down in front of the TV for a bit. I’m only half paying attention, most of my thoughts are with John and desperately wanting to send him a message or something. Just to let him know I’m thinking about him. I realise this is just plain needy. In any case, we’ll see each other tomorrow, maybe we both could do with some time to process everything that has happened.
Jase made a good point as well, I shouldn’t make myself too available. Most men live for the hunt, not the having. And if this thing with John works out, I’d be stupid to fall into old traps of giving up too much of myself for a relationship. Nothing good comes out of that.
This last realisation helps to motivate me to find som
ething else to occupy my Sunday afternoon. I start with a nice little meal, followed by revisiting some of the video games I haven’t played for a while. Too much time passes as I tire myself out shooting, stabbing and kicking at stuff on-screen.
Finally I’m done, eyes burning and head fuzzy. But John has been in the back of my mind throughout. And now that I’m properly game over, I start to wonder what he’s up to. Before he came over on Friday night, we had started getting a little bit friendly at work, but not very much so. Surely after everything that’s happened, it would no longer be weird if I decided to look him up online?
Opening Facebook on my phone, I type in his name. Damn, this is going to be more difficult than I anticipated. Scrolling through the various Jonathan/John Halls Facebook has to offer, I feel like I’ll never find him!
I grab the laptop so at least I can filter the results by location. Sure enough, the photo is unmistakably him, my heart skips quite a few beats as I send him the request. Now all I can do is wait and wonder if he even checks this account or not. I’ve never seen him do anything personal on the office computer, I wonder if he even uses Facebook. 10 minutes pass while I’m still looking through the public parts of his profile. Two profile pictures, both gorgeous of course, even if the first is a bit outdated.
No status updates or other photo albums.
No response to my request yet either and no option to send him a message. Looking at the two photos again, I study his features and how he’s changed over the years. The changes are subtle, hair slightly shorter and more office-proof, plus he obviously looks a little bit older now.
But he doesn’t appear too cheerful in either of them, at least his eyes aren’t. Nothing like last night at the party, that particular look he gave me while walking up to me with our drinks, or how he would glance up often at dinner. He genuinely looked happy and I desperately want to see him like that again.
Once again I’m excited about Monday and it’s not because of the work.
X.
When I enter the office, it’s largely quiet still. No sign of John and for some reason my heart is pounding in my chest. I keep checking my phone, but there is no response to the friend request I sent him either. I guess he’s not a fan of social media then, but it’s not that surprising considering he doesn’t appear very social offline either.
My watch says 3 to 9, I decide to just go ahead and fetch some tea while I wait. I’m not entirely sure where to go from here. Jason’s words of not being too easy are still ringing in my ears. But at the same time I can feel myself completely taken over by John. I want nothing more but to spend every possible moment with him. Do stuff together, or just hang out at home. Don’t be so bloody clingy!
After placing one cup on his desk and sitting down taking a few careful sips of mine, I try to think of what he might like. He’s a bit of a geek, like me. Video games, movies, surely we can find tons of things to agree on. Even our musical tastes seem similar, but I don’t know if he likes to see bands live. He’s never really talked about what he does in his spare time; always a man of few words.
5 past 9. I better get to work before people start to notice. Everyone will have heard the gossip that we turned up at the Christmas party together. They’ll be scrutinising my work for weeks to come at this rate.
Finally I see him come in, he avoids my gaze completely and sits down.
“Your tea might be a bit cold by now,” I remark, studying his face. He looks no different from last week, bleak.
He’s unresponsive. Like nothing changed and we’re still strangers.
Initial confusion makes way for blind panic. Everything was perfect when we went to sleep on Saturday night! What have I done wrong?
Meanwhile he gets up and heads towards his old favourite, the copier room. Still a bit dazed, I decide to confront him.
“John, what’s wrong?” I ask, closing the door behind me.
He’s just standing there, leaning against the copier and staring at the floor.
“This weekend, it was a mistake. I should’ve known better,” he says.
Hearing him say this feels like a slap in the face.
“What the hell do you mean, a mistake? If you weren’t interested, you could’ve just said so, rather than sneaking off like a coward before I woke up and then acting like nothing happened!” Rage has built up inside me and I’m having trouble controlling my volume.
“Well, you said you were single!” His eyes, no longer cold, betray at least as much anger as I feel.
“What are you talking about?” I hiss.
“Who the fuck is Jason? I didn’t mean to spy, but your phone buzzed and when I tried switching it off so it wouldn’t disturb us. I saw his message; ‘Hi sweetheart, etc.’! I’m not an idiot!” John glares at me, eyes glazed and wild.
Relief washes over me straightaway.
“Jesus, that’s all?” I take a few steps towards him and he looks at the floor again.
“John, he’s gay. He’s just a friend.” I try to take his hand but he pulls away.
“Oh fuck,” he whispers, his whole demeanour has made a U-turn and now he just looks defeated.
I try to pull him towards me by his shoulders, he barely reacts.
“I’m so sorry, Cath. I assumed… seeing the message and his picture next to it… every instinct I had was telling me that this thing we had couldn’t be real.”
“Look at me,” I say, guiding his face towards me with my hand.
When he makes eye contact, it becomes obvious how betrayed he must have felt. He’s a mess of emotions.
“I see how his messages would have made you assume things, he’s odd that way. And I should’ve told you, but really we haven’t had a whole lot of time to get to know each other yet.” Giving him a little smile, I get up onto the balls of my feet and put both arms around him tightly.
“He’s so not my type though!” I joke.
He soon starts to relax under my touch and sure enough his arms find their way around me as well. He sighs, bending down so I don’t have to tiptoe anymore. His face pressed against my neck, we stand like this for what feels like ages. It’s fine, just a misunderstanding. My heartbeat slows to a more normal pace from pounding earlier, until the door swings open, startling the both of us.
“What the…! Cath, John, a word in my office!” Dick looks furious.
Part III.
I.
“Cath, I’m sorry it had to come to this, but I’m sure you’re aware of the reason I’ve asked you to come in.”
Dick gives me a look which suggests he enjoying this more than could be considered professional. He closes the vertical blinds and sits down on his chair, hands folded on the desk in front of him.
“I have some idea, yes.” I squint slightly but maintain eye contact.
Now more than ever it’s important to not show any sign of weakness, even if my heart is pounding. I cannot get fired!
“When I hired you, I made it clear that your initial three months would be on a trial basis. I don’t need to tell you that there have been concerns.”
“If it’s not too much to ask, I would like you to clarify in what way my work has been lacking?” My tone is curt and I continue to stare at the smug expression on his face.
“It’s not so much your quality of work, not beyond what can be expected from someone just undergoing initial training. But you cannot deny that there have been issues with your attitude and efforts to fit into the team here.” Dick adjusts his hands slightly.
He seems to think he is handling this with the finesse of a seasoned politician. He’s wrong.
“Say, shouldn’t there be a representative from HR present during meetings such as this one?” I change the topic.
His face hardens.
“As your direct manager, I have the authority to hold performance appraisals without involvement from HR if I feel it is the appropriate path to take.”
“Fine. It wasn’t clear to me that this would be a performance appraisal,
since I’ve not been given time to prepare.” It’s obvious that Dick isn’t enjoying my responses, as the twitching of the corner of his mouth reveals.
“Cath, let’s cut the bullshit. The reason we’re in here is that I am willing to give you one last chance to adjust your attitude. I can’t have people in this team who won’t give their all.”
He gets up and leans against the side of his desk, too close for comfort. My heart is racing and I’m not sure whether to run or fight. However my bank statement at the end of every month doesn’t fail to remind me how badly I need this job.
“You may not realise it, but I’ve seen you look at me from across the office…” he says.
My mouth falls open but I can’t find the words to respond. How deluded can one man be!
Meanwhile he just looks down at me, enjoying the inherent position of power he has while I’m still sitting down. And the view from above seems to please him as well.
“What is it that you want,” I sneer.
My question is quite unnecessary, I suspect that I already know.
He leans down and catches a lock of my hair between his fingers, pushing it behind my ear. His face is only inches away from my ear when he speaks again.
“Look, I don’t know what game you’re playing, hanging around that fat bastard, John…”
I’m holding on to the armrests of the chair in a vice like grip. This is not fucking happening! The raw emotions caused by my earlier quarrel with John flare back up. Predominantly anger grips me this time.
“You make a lot of assumptions. Richard, I am not now and not ever…”
I try to get up but he pushes me back down into the chair. Having his face so close to mine makes me feel utterly sick.
“If you value your career you will shut up and do what is asked of you. Don’t doubt for a minute that I can’t make a few phone calls and ruin any chance of finding employment in this industry. And the same goes for your boyfriend.” He may be whispering, but his voice sounds grim.