by Kara Hart
“I don’t need to know. I’ve seen movies. I’ve read books. I do know the repercussions,” I argue.
“So, you’re turning into one of those evangelicals now?” she asks.
“Just drop it, already!” I nearly scream.
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes.
We both grab our books and attempt to go over the faux final that our professor gave us in our last class. Yet, there’s an awkward gap between us and I feel like I have to say something, so I do. I say, “Look, I’m going to leave it at this. I know exploration and this whole self-discovery thing is a big deal to you, but it’s not for me. I just want to meet someone who’s different from the rest of them. If it doesn’t work and we have sex, it’s fine. I’m not a puritan. I masturbate. I sometimes watch pornography.”
“You dirty girl, you,” she laughs.
“I’m being honest with you!” I laugh with her. “I guess I’m just wary of most men’s intentions.”
“Well, that’s probably good, I guess. Most men just want to pillage and conquer,” she says. “Sometimes I find myself acting during sex, just to make them feel like a king. You know?”
I shake my head. “No,” I say. “We should start studying.”
“Yeah, I guess,” she says.
So what? I’m a virgin. Is it that big of a deal? I’ll find someone eventually. Like, in ten years when I can finally pay off my student loans.
James
“He’s not doing too well, is he?” I ask my sister. Her eyes are dry and red, while I’ve been fighting back the tears all fucking night. She’s strong as hell.
“No. Not really,” she says. We’re outside, divided by the glass windows of the house. Near the bushes, we stand shadowed as siblings. Her hand is shaking as she lights a joint and takes a deep inhale. “Want some?”
“No thanks,” I mutter.
“C’mon, James. It’ll help,” she prods.
“Jenna, I’m a doctor,” I laugh.
“Oh. Right.” She takes another long drag and slumps against the wooded house. “I don’t know about dad. I think he knew this was coming. You know, we’re all getting older. He knows how to handle this stuff.”
“He wants me to get married,” I tell her. When I say the word “married,” my lips twitch slightly and I have to try hard not to look unenthusiastic about the idea.
“Family is everything, right?” she smiles.
“I don’t disagree with the notion. I’d rather just not dive into it yet,” I say.
“You will when you’re ready. Though, he’s got a point. You’re thirty-five now. Eventually, it’s going to be too late to do all those family things,” she says.
“Yeah. It’s just that most women are…” I stop speaking when I see a lone cat walk across the street.
“Most people aren’t worth the time. I get it,” she says. Her special cigarette has now burned halfway. The lit embers pulse downward, toward her fingers. She takes another drag.
“Exactly. Plus, I’m a fucking surgeon. I barely have any time for myself these days,” I say.
“Marriage isn’t a cake walk. Let me tell you,” she laughs and throws the joint. Then, she closes her eyes, but tilts her head up at the shining moon.
“I bet,” I say. “We should go inside. Dad will be wanting to have the honorary drink with his son soon.”
“It’s a good tradition. But I prefer the honorary joint with the sister,” she says.
I put my arm around her shoulder and smile. “Things will get better sis. They always do. Even in these circumstances.”
A tear falls from her eye. She tries her hardest to shield her face from me. No other tears form after that. “I know they will,” she says.
But the memories are all too perfect. There were the winters up north. There were the summers at the beach. Mom holding the whole family together, always with a giant smile on her face. Yes, everything was far too perfect, which is why this is so fucking hard for everyone.
I walk inside and quickly analyze the situation. As a surgeon, this is what I’m trained to do. If there’s a problem, there has to be a solution. Of course, the sad realization is that we haven’t caught up with our desires. Not yet, at least. We’re still fucking floundering and my mom is on her deathbed. My dad hasn’t got a clue as to what to do and for the first time in my life, I don’t either.
We just sit and wait. We drink. We stare. We laugh sometimes when we think about certain memories, but that always comes back to the one fact that remains. Someone we love is dying.
Later, my father gives me a glass of scotch and motions me to follow him to the study. “How are you holding up?” I ask him.
“Never ask a man that sort of question. He’ll always lie,” he says, with a slight smirk to his lips, though they never rise too high.
“I suppose you’re right,” I nod.
“I wanted to give you something.” He walks toward his desk and sits down on the red leather chair behind it. Setting the drink down on an elegant coaster, he sighs and shakes his head. “What a day, huh?”
I keep silent. I wasn’t prepared for this, but I’m going to remain strong for my family. Whatever he needs from me, I’ll be there. “Remember when I bought Jenna that cabin in the woods up north?” he asks me.
“Yeah,” I laugh. “I was pretty pissed.”
“It was a modest marriage present,” he jokes. “You see, I’ve always had a plan for you too.”
“A plan?” I ask him. I lean against the bookcase, filled with endless pages, quite possibly never read.
“Family, son. It’s all that matters. But now, life has reared its ugly face at us, causing us to act faster than normal. There was something I wanted to give you, as well,” he says.
“I don’t need much,” I tell him. “I just want to be here for everyone.”
“That’s exactly my point. Someday, you’ll be in a similar situation to me. You’ll understand the importance of everything then, I’m sure,” he says. He reaches for his glass and takes a drink. The ice lightly taps against the inside, near the rim. “This house is our house. We don’t pay a thing for it anymore. Well, nearly.”
“I love this place,” I tell him. It’s up in the mountains, yet not too far away from civilization. Outside the window are the endless lights of the city.
“I know you do. Your sister never cared much for it. But you… you’ve always had a fondness for escape, even if you are an extrovert. It’s the perfect place for a man like you. That’s why I want to gift it to you,” he says.
“Gift it to me? Dad, I can’t accept that,” I whisper.
“Well, if you don’t, it’s going to Aunt Carolina,” he laughs. “And then you’ll never see the inside of this room again.”
“Yeah, because she’ll turn it into the cat grooming area,” I laugh with him. “I guess I can’t let that happen, huh?”
“No, you can’t,” he says, buckling down once more. “This gift comes with one special condition.”
One special condition. Everything comes with conditions in this family. I sigh and look him in the eyes. “What condition?” I ask him. This is starting to feel like a business deal gone wrong.
“That you find a woman and marry her,” he says. “And you better do it before I leave this earth, dammit.”
“Dad, you’re healthy. You’re going to be around for a long time,” I tell him. It’s true. Even at his age, he’s looking five to ten years healthier than most men. The Mason family has always had good genes.
“Stop ignoring what I just told you. I’m being serious, James,” he says.
“Marriage,” I sigh once more. Fuck me. “That’s what you want out of me?”
“Love. Family. Real happiness. Continue the family name,” he says. “Find a nice girl who hasn’t been tainted by society yet. I know that’s what you’re after.”
“You’re old school,” my father used to tell me. I’m not sure if I am, but he’s at least a little bit right. The women I come across at ba
rs or in clubs, even at fancy restaurants are not the women I’m after. Everyone is constantly staring at their devices, their television screens. They’re too afraid to confront what’s in front of them. Not me. I confront death on a daily basis. I deal with tumors the size of fucking watermelons. I’ve seen horrible things and because I’ve faced my fears head on, I’ve grown as a man.
“It would take me ages to find someone I like,” I say. “And I’m not sure the whole marriage thing is for me.”
“Spoken like a true progressive. Well, if you can’t do it, you can’t do it. The house will go to Aunt Carolina. Cheers.” He holds up his glass in the air.
“I’ll try my best,” I say.
What the hell do I even mean? The house is definitely going to Aunt Carolina, that asshole. But I can’t lie to myself. There isn’t anyone special out there for me. It’s just me vs. the world. It always has been.
Olivia
I sit next to Josie in the lecture hall. One more stupid lecture in this class before the big tests. I can barely pay attention. Josie scrolls through her phone mindlessly, as I stare at the front podium. Professor Harinjer is telling the class that he’s brought a world-renown surgeon in. Dr. James Mason. “He’s here to tell you about the wonders of the human body,” he says.
Josie looks up and rolls her eyes, but as soon as the man walks out on stage, she smiles. “Holy shit. I’d love for him to show me the wonders of the human body,” she says.
“Him? Really?” Now I’m the one rolling my eyes. I squint at the doctor to get a better look. He’s a good looking man, that’s for sure. He’s masculine, strong, and obviously holds a pretty good title to his name. But that whole surgeon world is filled with creeps. “Anyway, it’s not like you’re going to get the chance.”
“Is that a challenge?” she asks me.
“No, it’s not,” I groan. “Not everything is a challenge.”
“Now I’m definitely going to talk to him after class,” she says, slapping her hand on her desk. A student next to her turns and glances over at us, annoyed.
“Do whatever you want,” I whisper.
“You know what?” A big, stupid grin forms on her face. A plan. She’s formed a plan for me and I know it’s going to be something I don’t like.
“I don’t want to know, Josie. Just leave me out of this,” I say. “I have a shit ton of studying to do tonight and you’re already messing with my head.”
“Yes, I’ve got the best idea. I’m going to set you two up!” she whispers.
“Josie,” I snarl. “Do not talk to him about me. Do whatever you want, but leave me the hell out of it!”
“You always said you wanted to meet someone decent. This man is definitely decent. He’s a fucking eleven on the hotness scale. No, he’s a twenty. Look at his left hand. See a ring? I didn’t think so. He’s totally single, rich, and he saves lives every single day. If that’s not a good candidate to dick you down, I don’t know who is,” she says.
“Dick me down? Ew. You truly are disgusting,” I whisper. “And it’s not about status for me. It’s about feeling.”
“Yeah. Right. Feeling. Have fun with your Xbox obsessed boyfriends. You’re going to have a real time with all of them,” she says. I don’t know what to say. I don’t need anyone right now. I’m good by myself. “This is your chance to go out with someone important, someone incredible.”
“You don’t even know if he wants to! Why are you making all of these assumptions?” I ask. Oh, jeez. Am I really going along with this? No. I can’t do that.
“You’re the hottest girl on this campus,” she hisses. “Stop being stupid.”
“He’ll want to go for one of those sorority types,” I tell her.
“Doubt it. He’s in his thirties. He’s going to want something different,” she says. She shifts her voice into a cutesy, squished sound. “And you’re so innocent. So fresh. The virgin princess, ready for the big doctor.”
“Shut up,” I blush.
She stops, but keeps her eyes on me for an extra second. She’s right. Now, I can’t stop staring at him. His perfect teeth, hair, and dark eyes. Who is this man? What’s his story? Oh, who even cares? Am I really going to go through with this?
The alarm rings and he exits out the back of the building. Josie whispers, “Dammit!” She grabs my hand and pulls me toward the back exit. We quickly run around the building and see him heading for the parking lot. “Doctor?” she calls out with haste. He turns around, confused.
I feel my heart quickly beating. This is so fucking stupid. What the hell are we doing? I can hear Josie’s voice in my head saying, “Live a little.” Well, I don’t need to live. I need to go home and study. That’s it.
“Doctor!” she yells once more. He catches our eyes with a hesitant smile.
“Can I help you?” he asks.
His smile. That damn smile. That damn pose he’s making, like he’s the best man in the world, the man to solve everyone’s problems. His hands lay smug in his pockets, as he waits for Josie’s response.
“It was a great lecture,” Josie blurts out.
“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it, ladies.” He smiles and fishes for his car keys. “I should be going though. I have a few things scheduled today.”
“I mean, my friend really enjoyed it,” she says, nudging me in the arm. Her nudge pushes me forward, until I’m right in front of him. Our lips nearly touch before I can reach out and balance myself… on his chest. Oh, God. Why does Josie always put me in situations like this?
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Is it true?” he asks, staring at me. For a second, I see his eyes move up and down my body. I blink and he’s back to looking at my eyes. Maybe I’m imagining things. “You liked the lecture?”
“I did,” I lie. Truth is, I wasn’t paying too much attention. For the whole class period, I was staring at my notes or dealing with Josie’s rants about how I need to talk to this man. Well, here I am, talking.
He laughs at my answer, but it’s a friendly laugh. It’s the kind of laugh that lets you know someone understands the situation. I turn a deep shade of red, once again.
“Now, who in their right mind actually enjoys a lecture? Man, I hated going to those things,” he says.
“I’m interested in the state of our country’s health. I think there’s a long way to go in medicine, but it starts with some pretty simple life decisions,” I say. My inner voice is telling me: Stop! Stop speaking now, Olivia. You don’t even know what you’re saying at this point.
But he doesn’t mind. He just nods his head in total understanding. In fact, it seems like he’s actually interested in talking more about this with me. Maybe this is my ticket into something bigger. Maybe I’ve found someone who can help me out after graduation.
“I completely agree,” he says. His eyes crease as he nods. “There’s a lot that needs to be done in every field right now.”
“It’s a bit hard with all of the corporate funding getting in the way. It seems like we could be making huge advances, but of course, there are the lobbyists,” I say.
Now, Josie is staring at me like I’m a crazy person. “Totally,” she says with a look of confusion.
His tone begins to change. “You’re actually interested in this stuff, aren’t you?” he asks.
He puts his hand on my shoulder. I awkwardly step back and he immediately takes his fingers off of me. At first, I’m tempted to tell him to “fuck off.” Yet, there’s a part of me that wants to say, “It’s okay, pull me into your arms.” It’s something I hardly ever feel and right now, I have no idea how to make sense of it.
My mouth is dry, but I swallow down and give a faint smile. “It’s my life passion. I want to help people,” I say.
He shifts his position into a more comfortable stance. With one hand, he runs his fingers through his hair. He’s perfect. He’s god damn perfect. “You remind me of myself, back when I first went to school,” he says.
“I graduate in a few wee
ks. I’m just excited to start doing this,” I say. Right. Excited. More like terrified. More like what the hell am I going to do with a health degree?
“Well, I’d be happy to talk more about this,” he says. “How about tomorrow? My office.”
I gulp down hard and feel my body start to shake. Josie gives a look that says, “If you don’t go, I’ll never speak to you again.” Am I going to do this? Am I going to step inside his office to talk about the current health situation facing America? Or is this a ploy that all men make when they want something? Still, even facing these questions, I can’t help but give in to curiosity.
“I would love that,” I say. “Tomorrow sounds good. I get out of class at noon.”
“Great,” he claps his hands together and swings his keys around his finger. “I’ll see you at 1 PM? Here’s my card. Call me if you get lost. The name’s James by the way. You don’t have to call me doctor.”
“Okay,” I stutter. “James. I’m Olivia.”
He touches my arm as he turns to walk away. Goose bumps dart across my body. “Nice meeting you two. See you tomorrow, Olivia,” he says.
There’s no mention of Josie’s name, but she’s smiling anyway. As he walks straight to his car and opens the door, she nudges me once more and opens her big, stupid mouth. “Oh. My. God!” she squeals. “I cannot. I just can’t.”
“Stop, Josie,” I groan. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“I’m unbearably proud of myself right now.” She smiles.
As for me, I’m unbearably wet. My panties are soaked, all the way to the edges. “You shouldn’t be,” I tell her. But honestly, I haven’t felt this excited in years.
James
A speaking function here, a check there. It’s all in a good day’s work. The universities pay big money to have a guy like me come in and talk about the basics, so of course I’m going to do it. What I didn’t expect was that completely hot bombshell of a brunette to come my way.