by Lynn Faye
Chapter 14
Her eyes fluttered open. Everything seemed so fuzzy that she wondered if perhaps she’d been drunk and passed out. Somewhat disoriented, she tried to figure out where she was and what happened. Her mind was foggy as images jumbled. She could make sense of nothing. Blinking, she tried to make out a figure moving towards her. The figure loomed over her, which told her she was lying down. It seemed like a face, but a blurry one. A distant voice said something, which she could not immediately make out.
“K…s…n,” the voice said. “Sh.. a..ke! I.. go get… doct…r,” the words came out broken.
She could make out movements around her, but the figures were blurred. She blinked a few times and opened her mouth, but no sound came. Her mouth was dry and her throat felt as though she’d swallowed sand.
Gradually, the fog thinned, revealing a smiling face. Sparkling brown eyes looked down at her while scarlet lips moved. She knew the face, but could not immediately place it. She could not remember her own name.
The woman moved and without thinking, she reached out and grabbed something. It was the woman’s hand. She wanted to ask who she was… where she was… but her throat was constricted.
“Kristen,” the woman said. “Can you hear me?”
So that’s my name. She nodded and tried to say yes, but her own voice failed. Why couldn’t she remember the woman’s face? It was someone she knew. They were close, she could tell, yet the name evaded her.
The woman reached over to a side table and filled a glass from a pitcher of water. Next, the woman slowly assisted her to sit up. Pain shot through her head and she grimaced. Instinctively, she reached up her hand and touched her head. That’s when she realized it was bandaged.
“Easy now. Take your time,” the woman said, placing the glass to her lips.
After taking a few sips, she cleared her throat and tried to speak once more. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Honey, are you OK?”
Honey? Was she gay? She stared at the woman whose blond hair was cut short. She was pretty, very much so. Were they a couple? She wanted to ask but was embarrassed. The woman leaned over and straightened the bedsheet. In the process, the woman’s hand brushed her breasts. Kristen blushed and turned her head away.
“What’s the matter? Why is your face red?”
Kristen bit her lips.
“You don’t remember anything, do you? Do you know who I am?”
“No, I’m sorry. Are we… you know… together?”
The smile widened and her brown eyes twinkled. Kristen saw amusement in them. The name Camila popped into her head along with a flash of memory.
“Camila?”
“Of course, I’m Camila. I knew you would never forget your best friend. Now, I’ll go get the doctor and let Ethan know you’re awake.”
“Ethan? Who is Ethan?”
“Ethan is your fiancé.”
Camila turned and left Kristen to wonder who Ethan was. The name was familiar but she could not remember him. Shortly after, a nurse rushed in, followed by a male doctor. Camila returned and stood near the door while the nurse took her pulse and temperature.
“Miss Kristen,” the doctor addressed her. “I’m Dr. Michaels.” Holding up a couple of fingers, he asked, “How many fingers do you see?”
“Two.”
He asked several questions along that line, changing the number of fingers and the distance away from her face. Then he began questioning her about what she remembered.
“The last thing I remember is turning on the radio in my car. Everything is so jumbled!” Kristen moaned.
“Can you remember anything else?” he asked.
She racked her brain to retrieve her memories. A face of a little girl popped into her head but she could not remember the name.
“A little girl,” she said. “I see the face of a little girl.”
“That’s Hailey,” Camila said. “She’s your daughter.”
Dr. Michaels held up his hand, indicating that Camila say no more. “Can you recall anything at all?”
Kristen closed her eyes. A jumble of pictures flashed before her but nothing made sense. The images were distorted. She repeated the name Hailey in her mind, trying to use it as a means to remember her daughter. Hailey’s smiling face flashed in her mind but quickly disappeared.
“I can see a girl’s face, but that’s it.”
The need to see her daughter was suddenly intense. In the moment that she realized that she really was a mother, someone pushed open the door. A tall man with long brown hair and the most beautiful cerulean eyes entered and stood aside while the doctor continued his questioning. Camila spoke to him in a low tone before leaving the room.
The man kept his eyes on her and she found she could not take hers off him. She perused his broad shoulders, muscular arms, and scrumptious lips. Her heart skipped several beats and she knew he was Ethan, the man Camila mentioned.
“You’re suffering some memory loss. But don’t worry. These things sometimes happen after an accident. Your memory may return within minutes, hours or a matter of days,” the doctor said. “I’ll be back in a little while to check on you.”
Dr. Michaels left the room followed shortly by the nurse. Ethan kept his eyes on her as he came over. Pulling up a chair, he sat. Kristen suppressed a smile as his large frame swallowed up the small chair.
“You okay?” he asked.
His voice, she knew it. It gave her a warm feeling inside.
Kristen noticed the worry lines between his brows and ached to wipe them away. Something like a wave of current passed between them, making her feel secure. Wanting to ease his worry, she took his hand. Their eyes locked.
“Don’t worry, I’m okay,” she reassured. “You can kiss me if you want.”
She didn’t know what came over her, but since he entered the room, she could think of nothing but getting close to him. If he were her fiancé, then it would be the natural thing to do.
“Are you sure?” he asked with a frown.
“Of course, we’re engaged, aren’t we?”
In response, he eased from the chair and leaned towards her. His body heat pressed into her as his male scent aroused her senses. Her belly was like jelly and her stomach like butterflies as he closed the space between them and brought his lips to touch hers.
First, he gently brushed her lips. Then he took the bottom one and sucked. Kristen groaned as a wave of electric current passed through her. If a simple kiss ignited these feelings, she imagined what their lovemaking was like.
Impatient for more, she wound her arms around his neck and pulled him close, opening her mouth for a deeper caress. Ethan obliged by wrapping his tongue around hers in a searing embrace.
Someone clearing their throat caused them to break apart. It was Camila.
Ethan quickly pulled his flannel shirt over the front of his pants, but not before Kristen had a chance to witness the bulge there. The only thought in her mind at that moment was that she couldn’t wait to get him alone somewhere, where she could experience all of him.
“Hey, you two, get a room,” Camila joked. “Ethan, have you told Kristen yet?”
“Told me what? Are you two having an affair behind my back?”
Camila laughed. “Ha-ha, I knew you were just pretending. You’re back to your old self, joking around. I couldn’t tear Ethan away from you even if I wanted.”
“I haven’t told her because she just woke up and the doctor said she lost some memory,” Ethan said, his tone serious. “I didn’t want to push it.”
“The court date is not far away. She’ll lose Hailey if you don’t tell her now.”
Kristen’s gut wrenched. Something was wrong. “What are you two talking about and who is… wait… Hailey, my daughter?”
“Yes,” Ethan and Camila chorused.
Kristen closed her eyes. Hailey. Who was trying to take Hailey? Her father? Shaking her head, she dug deep into her memory before her eyes shot open. “I rememb
er her… she lives with her grandmother. Helen!”
Upon remembering the name, pain ripped through Kristen’s head as images flashed through her mind. The accident came crashing back full force. The car was unable to slow when she braked. It kept going out of control. As the memories bombarded her, waves of darkness swirled around her. She held on to the images, fighting to stay conscious.
“She tried to kill me,” she found herself whispering.
“What?” Ethan’s voice dripped with incredulity.
Camila threw her hands up in the air. “I knew it. I told you, didn’t I, Ethan?”
“You remember?” Ethan asked. “Tell me what happened.”
“The car, it wouldn’t slow. The more I braked the faster it went,” she said, her voice cracked. “Helen did this… Oh, God… what am I saying?”
Her heart was racing and sheens of sweat appeared on her forehead. A dull ache presented at her temples as waves of nausea assailed her. Her breathing became rapid as she tried to make sense of what she was recalling.
“She doesn’t look so good,” Camila said. “I’ll call the nurse.”
Ethan took Kristen’s hand. “Don’t try to remember. Calm down.”
Kristen gripped his hand. “She… my car,” she gasped. “The brakes.”
“Don’t worry about it, Kristen. Take it easy.”
Kristen’s breathing became short, as she seemed to be hyperventilating. Her eyes rolled back and her body arched. Too many images were running through her mind and her pulse quickened. Pain shot through her head when she tried to assimilate the images.
Nurse Emily rushed in along with Dr. Michaels. They asked Ethan and Camila to leave the room. Kristen’s breathing was rapid and short while her pulse sped like a horse on steroids.
Something jammed her arm and soon everything slowed. Her breathing gradually returned to normal and then she was drifting.
When she next opened her eyes, faces were hovering. The doctor and nurse were there. Emily was holding her wrist while the doctor looked into her eyes with the penlight.
“How are you feeling?” Dr. Michaels asked.
“I’m fine,” her voice came out a little croaky.
After making sure her vitals were normal and that she wasn’t in pain, they left her. Kristen’s mind was blank, except she wanted to see Ethan. Where was he? She kept her eyes on the door, anticipating him coming through.
She wanted to see his eyes, his smiling face and feel his lips like before. Her heart sank when after five minutes there was no sign of him. When the door pushed open, a smile brightened her face, her heart quickening. When Camila entered, her heart sank. It must have shown on her face.
“Sorry, it’s only me,” Camila smiled.
Why did he leave? Did something happen? Was Hailey okay? These questions plagued her as Camila perched on the side of the bed and brushed her cheek with the back of her hand.
“Where’s Ethan,” Kristen asked.
“He’ll be back later.”
Emptiness enveloped her at his absence. This made her wonder how close they were as she noticed she wasn’t wearing an engagement ring. Perhaps they took it off for surgery? Her memory was limited. She remembered her daughter and her best friend. Other than that, nothing else was forthcoming.
Camila was speaking and Kristen pushed aside her thoughts in order to focus. They spent some time talking about New York. Soon, she began to relax as she reacquainted herself with her life.
Chapter 15
Ethan opened his eyes as Dr. Michaels entered the room. Kristen blushed. For the last half an hour, she’d been watching Ethan dozing in the chair. His arms had been folded across his chest with his lips slightly parted.
After Camila had left, Kristen had drifted off to sleep. When she awoke, he was sitting there. She was so pleased to see him that she didn’t want to disturb him. When the doctor and nurse entered the room, she was disappointed.
“Do you mind if we examine the patient?” Dr. Michaels said to Ethan.
“Sure thing, Doctor,” he replied, getting to his feet.
Kristen gripped Ethan’s hand as he turned to leave. “Please, can he stay?” she asked the doctor.
“I’ll be right outside the door,” Ethan assured her, but she was reluctant to let him leave.
“He can stay,” the doctor said.
They checked her pulse and listened to her heart. She’d come to expect these exams on a regular basis. The doctor also looked into her eyes and asked about her head injury. Was she in pain? Could she see properly? How was she sleeping? Was she having nightmares?
With Ethan standing by the door, she could hardly focus on the questions her doctor was asking. And, she had a few questions of her own. “When can I go home?” she asked the doctor while keeping her eyes on her fiancé.
“You’re healing nicely. You can go home in a couple days. We need to make sure you are OK. When you do get released, you must come in twice per week to get checked,” he said, glancing at Ethan.
“I’ll make sure of that,” Ethan stated.
Kristen was elated. “Thank you, Doctor. Now I can get married!”
After the doctor left, she beckoned Ethan over. She needed to know when their wedding date was. “Where’s my daughter? How come you haven’t brought her to see me? Who’s picking her up from school?”
“She’s staying with her grandmother for a little while.”
“What aren’t you telling me? I know I can’t remember everything but I need to know what’s going on.”
Ethan took her hand. “You need to concentrate on getting better. Your memory will return soon.”
“Okay,” she replied. “But, why am I not wearing an engagement ring?”
“We never had a chance to go shopping.”
She beamed. “Oh.”
There was something he wasn’t telling her, that much she could tell. She didn’t push as she wasn’t sure if it was something terrible. The good thing was that she was going home and she couldn’t wait.
Chapter 16
Worry lines etched Ethan’s features as he paced the hall of the ICU. Camila was with Kristen and here he was wondering how to face her. Occasionally, he glanced at the door. He wanted to go in, badly so. He needed to see her, hear her voice. But he was afraid of how he would respond to her if she asked for another kiss. He was barely keeping it together as it was.
The doctor said she was experiencing traumatic amnesia and that she was in a fragile state of mind. With psychotherapy, she may recover all her memories, but she should keep stress free and not be forced to remember. Kristen’s memory or lack thereof was only one reason that Ethan worried. She had no idea that she was about to lose her daughter. In addition, she seemed to believe that he and she were in love.
He was thinking about how to deal with her when Dr. Michaels came out of the elevator. The man turned towards the nurses’ station and Ethan ran to catch him.
“Doctor!”
The man halted and turned. “Ethan, what can I do for you?”
“I need to talk to you about Kristen,” he replied.
Dr. Michaels beckoned him to follow. Just beyond the nurse’s station was an office which the attending physicians used while on duty. The doctor led him inside and indicated a chair in front of a desk. Dr. Michaels took the seat behind the desk and looked questioningly at Ethan.
“What happens next?” Ethan plunged right in. “I mean, when will Kristen regain her memory?”
“Ethan, I can’t tell you that. It could be today, tomorrow or in a few months.”
“Doctor, what I don’t understand is why she only has partial memory loss.”
“This is called Traumatic Amnesia, where a patient loses only some of their memory due to head trauma. As with any amnesia patient, there is nothing we can do but monitor her.”
“Is it the same as selective memory loss?” Ethan asked. He needed to understand this in order not to make any mistakes with her.
Doctor Michaels patientl
y explained to him what he needed to know. “Selective memory loss usually results from stress or depression where the patient suppresses painful memories. This could be the case with Kristen. However, due to her head injury, we are treating her lack of memory as a result of an accident.”
“Can’t we just tell her what she doesn’t remember? Wouldn’t that trigger something?”
Dr. Michaels rested his elbows on the desk and leaned forward. “I wouldn’t recommend that. She needs to remember on her own. If her amnesia is because of pre-accident stress, then she might be subduing those painful memories. In addition, you remember what happened the last time? Pressuring her to remember may result in permanent memory loss.”
“Oh.”
“You have to allow her time to heal, both physically and mentally. Having someone who loves and cares for her will help her through it.”
“But she thinks we’re in love. How do I tell her that the marriage was one of convenience?”
The doctor shook his head. “You can’t tell her that.”
“But she thinks we’re in love. Why is that? I don’t understand,” Ethan said.
“It’s possible that Kristen might be surfacing emotions she previously buried.”
“Huh?” Ethan was confused.
“Before the accident, according to what you told me, you two barely got along. She probably suppressed the negative emotions and surfaced the ones she wishes to keep.”
“Are you saying what she’s feeling now is real?”
“More than likely. Those emotions that she’s expressing have to come from somewhere inside of her. They can’t have developed overnight.”
“But… Kristen hates me,” was all Ethan could think of.
Dr. Michaels continued, “Most amnesia patients experience indifference towards their loved ones,” Dr. Michaels informed him. “They have to get to know their spouses all over again and fall in love a second time. With Kristen, it’s the opposite. She may have buried the negative feelings she had of you along with her memories. What she’s feeling now might be emotions she’s suppressed all along.”
If that was true, then the antagonism she showed him might be anger towards herself for how she felt. Ethan ran a hand across his chin. He had enough time to figure out what Kristen felt. Other things needed immediate attention. “What about the hearing? It’s in two weeks and we aren’t yet married,” he said to the doctor.