by Tania Joyce
She put her hand over his mouth. “Stop. You goose.” Her smile lasted less than a second, wiped away by the ache flaring inside her heart. She placed her hands flat on his chest, glided her fingers upward, and linked them around his neck again. Shuffling their feet side to side, they swayed to the music. “Hayds, I’m not worried about the kiss . . . well . . . I’ve tried not to think about it. But something’s changed between us and it’s scaring me.”
“Lex, I do love you.” He cupped the side of her head. “You’re my best friend. I wanted to see if we could be more, but you said no. I’m disappointed, but it’s cool. I’ll get over it. Stop worrying about me.”
Something in his tone was off. Was he lying? “I will always worry.”
“I’m sure you’re just upset I’m moving.”
“It’s more than that.” She met his gaze, softened her tone. “I’m sorry you thought we had a chance at a relationship. You know I don’t want to fall for anyone ever again.”
“Stupid of me, wasn’t it?” A playful glint shimmered in his eye. He guided her toward a less crowded spot. “So if you don’t feel anything for me, why are you playing with the back of my hair?”
Shit. Her fingers froze. She’d been running her fingernails through his hair without even knowing. “Sorry. It’s just every time I’m around you now I feel awkward.”
He took her hand, spun her ’round and stepped in close, her back against his chest. He rested his chin on her shoulder. “What can I do to prove to you that I’m over it, it’s forgotten, and there’ll be no more weirdness between us?”
His hot breath on her neck sent goose bumps shooting down her arms. He might be okay, but she wasn’t. He hugged her around the waist and thousands of soda bubbles popped inside her stomach. This felt similar to her shattered memories of Quintin, only the buzz was stronger. It terrified her. She couldn’t allow herself to develop deeper feelings for Hayden. Not ever. It would only end in heartache.
His lips hovered near her ear. “Unless . . . you’re not being honest with me and you do have feelings for me?”
No. No. No. No. NO!
She closed her eyes and dug her fingers into his forearms. “I told you. I don’t.”
“Good. So let’s dance.”
He spun her ’round again so they faced each other, let go of her hand and jigged in time to the music. It took her a second to clear the haze from her mind. He jumped, clapped his hands and boogied to the beat like he was enjoying it. He knocked his hip against hers and pulled a crazy face. She laughed. She missed this. Spending time with him, goofing around. Maybe Hayden wasn’t the one with the problem—it was her. Had he put a crack in the hard shell around her heart?
Hell no. No way. Baste that bitch back up.
The DJ’s mix changed to a sultry, sexy beat. “Yeah,” Lexi scoffed. “I’m not dancing to this.”
She turned to head off the dance floor, but Hayden’s waggling finger was like a lasso, roping her closer, drawing her in. A smirk slid across his mouth.
She shook her head. She didn’t close-dance with Hayden just for the fun. The boundaries of their platonic friendship had to remain secure and intact.
But he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He stepped in front of her and slid his hands around her hips. In her pumps, she was only an inch shorter than him.
“Lex.” His voice, a deep baritone over the music, rumbled through her veins. His metallic eyes shimmered in the swirling lights.
“Mmm?” Her throat ran dry. Her heart raced crazy fast.
The crowd pushed against them, crushing her closer into Hayden’s chest. Groin. Legs. Knees. Arms . . . heartbeat.
She dragged her gaze away from his. “What are you doing?”
“Dancing.”
No. Not like this. Too close. Too, too, too close.
Her head spun. Her pulse whooshed in her ears. “Please. I can’t . . . can’t—”
She placed her hands on his shoulders to push away but a cold shudder ran up her spine and pooled at the base of her neck. Zac hadn’t moved. He stood, staring at her, his eyes icy spears. He pointed from himself to her, then grabbed his crotch. He made a V with his fingers over his mouth and slithered out his tongue.
Panic grabbed her by the throat and pushed her into a tight corner. She clutched the back of Hayden head and drew his lips to hers.
Crap.
What the hell was she doing? She could’ve called security to get rid of Zac rather than throwing herself at Hayden.
Hayden’s body turned rigid; his fingers dug into her waist. Music pounded in her ears. Lights swirled before her eyes. This kiss had to stop. Now. But Hayden sucked in a deep breath, relaxed his shoulders and moaned against her mouth. Holy shit. A jolt of electricity shot to her core. Damn it. . . . stop. This was just a kiss to piss Zac off.
Hayden snaked his arms around her, sliding them up her bare back. Not the night to wear a backless dress! She squeezed her eyes shut. Kept her lips tensed. Her heart jackhammered like a tappet against her ribs. No. Hayds. No. Just play along. Don’t read anything into this.
But wow.
The taste of the JD on his lips and the touch of his strong hands set fire to every cell in her body, weakened her knees. She wriggled in his arms, ignoring the growing want between her legs. Tilting his head, he opened his mouth and flicked his tongue to deepen the kiss.
No.
She ripped her lips away, the crush in her chest excruciating. “I’m sorry . . . for kissing you. Zac’s watching.” I’m such a fool. “I panicked.”
She yanked out of Hayden’s hold and dashed in the direction of their booth.
He grabbed her hand before she reached the edge of the dance floor and pulled her to a halt. “Lexi.” The fire in his eyes made her take a step back. “Wait.”
She ripped her hand free and splayed both by her face. “I’m sorry.” She waved in Zac’s direction. “Zac was making rude gestures. I didn’t think things through.”
Hayden drove his fingers through his hair, leaving tousled tracks in their wake. “What the hell is going on with you?”
His tone hammered in her head. She wished she knew. “I don’t know. Why did you try and stick your tongue down my throat?”
“Me? It’s just the way I kiss.”
Oh . . . she remembered the fiery flicks and rolls of his tongue against hers. Between her legs twanged with jealousy. Fuuuck. She had to get him out of her head.
His stormy gaze unnerved her, did strange things to her pulse. Just as well she was going away. She’d be able to put this nonsense to rest. Now was as good a time as any to tell him. “Hayds . . . so much has happened in the past few days. I need some time to get my head together. My boss has approved an assignment for me . . . in LA. I’m gonna stay with Gem for the next two weeks.”
“What?” The color drained from his face. “No. You can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s what I’m doing. The guys asked me to go to LA.”
“Since when?” Lexi screeched.
“Since Thursday night, at Thanksgiving. I organized leave from the studio yesterday.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Why didn’t Gemma tell her? Was this part of some twisted matchmaking plan? Not. Going. To work.
“Well . . . we haven’t really seen or talked to each other. You’ve been avoiding me. Remember?”
Oh, yeah. That. “What about your band?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “They’re pissed that I’m taking off with Everhide again, but that’s nothing new.” He closed his eyes. When he opened them, they flooded with hurt. “But . . . do you think we need a break? From each other?”
She fidgeted with her gold dress ring. “No . . . yes. I don’t want things between us to be awkward anymore. I want to put this mess behind us.”
“Mess?” He flicked his hand toward the dancefloor. “Was that what that kiss was? It felt pretty good to me.”
“It was nothing.”
“Nothing?” His
nostrils flared. “So why are you running to LA?”
“Because I don’t know what’s wrong with me. With us. I want to fix it. I’m afraid of what you said to me. I don’t want you to be in love with me. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Lex, you’ll never lose me. We’re friends first. I’m not crazy in love with you. Get over it.”
She rubbed her forehead to ease the throbbing tension. “I’m trying.”
“Can we please stop this bullshit and be sensible?” Frustration etched deep into his face. “We can both go to LA. Some time away from home might do us some good.”
“It better.” For her own sanity.
“It will. I promise.” He pulled her in for a hug, and she rested her cheek on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and inhaled the sandalwoodsy scent of his Prada L’Homme for Men cologne, which she’d always loved. It reminded her of summer holidays at the lake with her parents, watching the starry sky from the end of the jetty. But just like vacation, like marriage, like love, it had all come to an end.
She brushed her nose across his shirt and took a long breath. She couldn’t slip up again. She had to keep her boundaries with Hayden in place.
Instead of space and distance, she’d be cooped up in a house with him in LA. Crap. She’d have to drown herself in work, busy herself with her photography, and hang out with the girls when they had free time.
“You’re right. LA will be fun.” Doubt lingered in her voice. She stepped out of his embrace, straightened the waistline of her dress. Tried not to think about his hands gliding over her body, searing her flesh. “It’ll be like vacation. Maybe we can do some of the things on our bucket list.”
But like she’d been doing here in New York, she’d find as many excuses as possible to steer clear of Hayden in LA. She needed to sort herself out. Was that even possible when she didn’t know what was wrong?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She headed back to the booth where their friends were downing JD, Hayden trailing behind her.
She grabbed a spare glass, poured herself a shot and knocked it down. So much for time away from Hayden; she wouldn’t even get one night. She couldn’t believe her lack of luck. Couldn’t believe she was going to LA with Hayden.
Fuck!
She couldn’t believe she was about to spend two weeks with the one man she was trying to avoid.
Chapter 5
Hayden loped down the stairs. Blazing Los Angeles daylight speared his eyes and drilled into his head. The glow, streaming through the large bi-fold doors that spanned the length of the open-plan living area, glistened off the glossy floor tiles. He needed sunglasses on; Gemma and Kyle’s new house was too white and bright. The modular sofa, dining table, kitchen and walls were all white, only intermittently toned down by royal blue and charcoal-colored home decorations, cushions, and artwork. He rubbed his tired eyes. The joys of having a hangover . . . everything hurt.
He’d arrived in California with Everhide, their entourage and Lexi yesterday morning. Last night’s housewarming party had turned into a crazy gathering of about sixty people. Scanning the mess left on every surface, he shuddered. His blood ran cold in his constricting veins. Mess. It brought back childhood memories of living in squalor. His parents preferred to spend their dimes on drugs rather than on him, on basics like food and clothing or having a comfortable home.
He clenched and unclenched his hands. Blocked the nightmares from his mind. But for his sanity, he had to get this place into order.
He ambled around, picking up empty beer bottles, crushed packets of chips and pizza boxes, and threw them into the trash. Grabbing a used glass off the coffee table, he paused, holding it in his hands. Lexi’s. Her pink lipstick stained the rim. Jealousy rocked and rolled in his gut. Last night, she’d flirted with Flint Glover, one of Everhide’s rising rock star friends. Unable to watch, Hayden had downed too many beers and stormed off to bed around two in the morning. He glanced up the staircase. Had she hooked up with Flint?
He scratched at the ache in his chest. Fuck, this sucked.
Being in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way was shit. He had to lock away his love for her, pound it to smithereens. It hadn’t worked yet, but it would once he moved to Boston. Until then, he could pretend everything was normal.
As he loaded the dishwasher with a stash of dirty glasses, soft, loping footsteps padded on the stairs. Lexi. He glanced in her direction. In her black flannel pajamas covered in daisies, her hair a wild mass of unkempt blonde curls and her eyes smudged with makeup, she looked totally adorable. He dragged in a deep breath. No sign of Flint.
“Morning.” He grabbed a glass out of a kitchen cupboard for her and filled it with cold water from the faucet.
“Thanks.” She took the drink and downed it. “What a night.” She scanned the huge room. “I think we can successfully say Kyle and Gem’s place is well and truly christened.”
“Yep. I’ve cleaned up half the mess.” Hayden pointed to the overflowing trash can. The stench of stale alcohol lingered in the air, even with the bi-folds open. “There’s still more to do.” The huge white table was covered in bottles of liquor. Outside on the pool deck there were beer bottles scattered by the sun chaise lounges, and the kitchen was a mayhem of used bowls and plates.
Lexi put her glass down and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It’s okay, Hayds. You don’t have to do it.”
She’d been to his parents’ house often enough to know why he liked order. The home he lived in until he was ten, before he went into foster care, was always strewn with filth, and the stench of pot and chemicals still infested the air every time he visited. He could handle being around alcohol; he loved a good party and drinking, but never drugs. Living with addicts had scarred his soul, permanently.
Lexi circled her hand over the back of his sweatshirt. “You’re an angel sent from heaven. Gem and Kyle will love you for cleaning up. But I’m sure they have a housekeeper.”
“I know. Just wanted to help.” Squeezing her close, he shut his eyes and inhaled the scent of her gardenia shampoo. The clean fresh fragrance soothed his mind. He’d miss morning hugs when he moved to Boston. He had to savor every one between now and then.
But all too soon, she jerked out of his embrace. “Sorry.”
“What for?” His arms froze, still posed in hug mode. Did he hold her too tight?
“Are hugs okay?” She grimaced and scratched the side of her neck.
“Why wouldn’t they be?” His hands fell to his sides. “We hug all the time.”
She fumbled with the neckline of her pajamas. “I know. But last night, you kept glaring at me. Are you still pissed at me for kissing you?”
“At the club? No.”
“Is it because I was talking to Flint?”
He fisted his hands, punching down the ball of jealousy festering in his gut. A short, sharp laugh burst from his mouth. “For the record, you weren’t talking to Flint. You were putting on the moves, girlfriend. You were nudging his arm.” He faked a chuckle as he mimicked her actions from last night. “You were touching his knee. You ruffled your fingers through your hair when you giggled at his jokes. I know your pickup moves. You were on fire.”
Her eyes widened; her mouth fell open. “I was not.”
“Oh. Yes. You. Were.” He kept his tone teasing and playful, but his twitching fingers wanted to punch a wall. Jealousy was something new for him. He didn’t want to be this way around her. “Did it work? Is he upstairs?”
“No, he’s not.” She lowered her gaze. Resting her hip against the counter, she folded her arms. “Did you hook-up with Julz?”
“Julz?” He jerked his chin back. Confusion swirled through his sore head. “We talked. I haven’t seen her in two years.”
“But you had a thing for her.”
“Yes. A long time ago.” In New York. Three years ago. She’d been a damn hot summer fling. That was it.
“I never liked her.” Lexi’s brows pinched together. “She�
�s not good enough for you.”
Hayden shook his head. Julz, who’d scored a role in a Netflix series, wasn’t good enough for him. Fuck. “Who is then, Lex? Why should me chatting to someone other than you be a problem?”
No girl he’d ever dated survived Lexi’s ruthless screening process . . . or was it sabotage? Lexi happily pointed out to them his good and bad points before he’d made the girl a morning coffee—the main one being his music would always be his number-one priority. . . but hey, there was nothing wrong with that, right? On the other hand, girls got weirded out by his friendship with Lexi—the way he and Lexi joked around, hung out together, did everything together. Fuck. They were like an old married couple. “Were you jealous, Lex?”
“No. Not at all.” But the tension in her face told him otherwise. That was new. “But when I was talking to Flint, I kept seeing you look at me. When you took off upstairs, I felt terrible. If I liked someone and saw them talking, or trying to hook up or whatever with another person while standing in front of me, it would hurt. So, I’m sorry. I should’ve been more considerate and mindful of your feelings. I promise not to hook up with anyone in our last two months together.”
He puffed through his nostrils, wiped his hand over his face. That was Lexi—she had so much compassion and consideration for others it blew his mind. But he wasn’t a fragile egg. “You don’t have to do that. I’m not broken.”
“I know.” She put a few plates into the dishwasher. “It’s okay.”
That made him laugh out loud. After grabbing a dishwasher tablet, he popped it in and turned the dishwasher on. “You’re going to go two months without getting laid?”
A ripple of doubt flicked through her eyes before defiance burned bright. She straightened her shoulders and nodded. “Yep. Easy.”
“Yeah, well . . .” He grabbed a dishcloth and wiped the countertop clean. “I should join your pact. I haven’t got laid since Vegas.”
“What?” Disbelief shot through her voice. “Since Kyle’s bachelor party? In September?” She blinked several times. “Wow. That’s why I haven’t seen or heard you bring anyone home lately.”