‘I’ll hold you up and drive you all night, I’ll hold you up and drive you till you feel the daylight’
Sweat covered me as I thought of Tanja and my passionate night with her. I felt my desire for her return, and love and lust filled my voice as I sang.
‘This is where I want to live right between your hips…’
Ina, Nellie, and Jenny all matched my seductiveness and ferocity, and the magical chemistry we’d felt during our rehearsals returned. When the song ended, there was a shocked silence that was followed by a deafening outburst of cheers and whistles. I could see and hear our Crazy Bitches in front of the stage screaming, absolutely beside themselves. I exchanged a quick grin with my bandmates. We’d done what we’d come here to do.
Without letting the crowd grow quiet, we launched into the last song of our set, ‘Coldhearted Bitch’. Our Crazy Bitches knew it very well, too, and shouted out the words of the chorus as I sang them: ‘I’m a coldhearted bitch, and I bang who I want!’
When this last song ended it became obvious that there were some people in the crowd who didn’t know quite what to make of it, because there was some loud incredulous laughter. But the cheers and whistles we heard were even louder. We bowed to the audience, grinning, and then we hurried backstage.
Once we got back to the lounge, we discovered that we seemed to have made quite an impression on the members of ‘Testosterone Poison’.
“Not bad for a cunt band,” said Long Dick with a smirk.
“Well, that’s quite a fucking compliment coming from a dickhead band like you,” I replied laughing good-naturedly.
Long Dick and his band mates shook with laughter. The whole backstage lounge reeked of marijuana, which probably helped to explain the change in the cock rockers’ mood.
In the meantime we heard the audience chant ‘Coldhearts, Coldhearts, Coldhearts!’ To our surprise the local promoter approached us. He was a nervous little man in a black leather jacket and a beer belly, who suggested that we play an encore, but only one. I smiled graciously and agreed at once, and so we headed back out onto the stage.
We decided to play another hard rock song from our setlist, namely ‘My Fist in Your Face’, the song I’d written after my fight with Mauro Schmidt. We played the song hard, heavy and without compromise, thus demonstrating again that we knew how to rock hard.
When our final song for this evening ended, the audience cheered, and we bowed and curtsied to them. The lesbian faction cheered like crazy, and we blew them air kisses, even our newbie Jenny. We took the usual selfie with the audience, a picture we’d post on our social media accounts. With the ‘Pink Panther Theme’ sounding from the speakers, we left the stage.
I was thrilled with our performance, and I could tell the other girls were, too. We had performed for a really big audience that hadn’t come to see us, but a bunch of cock rockers. Even so we stood our ground and made it our show. For a widely unknown support band that wasn’t too bad.
Some of our fan girls came backstage to see us after our show. They were all pretty chill this time. We were happy to pose for pictures with them and to chat with them briefly, while the stage was set for the cock rockers.
When we were done getting our pictures taken with our fans, Ina addressed them in a mock supercilious tone. “So, anyone want to see the dickhead band perform?”
Butch girl Jana stuck one finger down her throat and made violent retching noises that made all of us shake with laughter.
“Let’s go home, girls,” Nellie said, and we all agreed.
I knew when we got home we’d be exhausted, but still high from our gig. We’d have a beer or two before we’d be able to sleep.
Ich lag allein in meinem Bett und dachte an Tanja. Unerklärlicherweise sehnte sich mein Herz mehr denn je danach sie wieder zu sehen. Aber das würde sich schon irgendwann wieder legen. Schließlich rechnete ich nicht damit sie noch einmal zu sehen.
For once I was alone in my bed after a gig, thinking about Tanja. I couldn’t explain it, but my heart longed to see her again. I knew it would take time, but eventually the longing would cease. After all I didn’t expect seeing her again.
+++
I was busy, really, really busy… I was rehearsing new material with my bandmates, including two songs that Jenny had written. Managing ‘The Coldhearts’ became an ever-increasing challenge. It not only meant trying to get us new and more lucrative gigs, I was also looking after our finances, and promoting us. Although Nellie supported me here and there, the task was still huge. On top of that I also had to run my day job as a freelance graphic designer, too. I needed to pay my bills after all.
But that wasn’t anything new. The thing that had me working my ass off all day and all night and living on coffee and cigarettes was a big project for a local music dealer called ‘Omnisound’. They were the biggest dealer for music instruments, amplifiers, stage equipment and stuff. With a little help of one of Ralf’s buddies I’d met the shop’s manager. We liked one another right away, although I knew that he would have loved to fuck me. After I’d made it clear that this wasn’t an option, talking business became easier.
I’d worked out a complicated arrangement, which made sure ‘The Coldhearts’ would always get the latest amplifiers, speakers, effect pedals and other electronic equipment in return for our endorsement. Along with that I’d also agreed to take on a job as a designer for our new sponsor at a reduced fee. I was going to establish a whole new presence for ‘Omnisound’, including an entirely new website, an online store, and multiple social media accounts. This was on top of classical print advertising.
I hardly had time to think, but when I did, I thought of Tanja. I began to realize she was always on my mind, and to my surprise she was also in my heart. In one of my rare quiet moments, lying alone in my bed and about to drift off to sleep after a long day, I remembered what one of my favorite authors, Edgar Allan Poe, once said. He talked about someone having a heart like a hanging lute, which sounded whenever it was touched. In my case it would have been a guitar of course, but I realized then that Tanja, that crazy little bitch, must have touched my heartstrings. And I had no idea what to do about it.
By the time I finished my work for ‘Omnisound’, this year’s Carnival had started. It was that time of the year when everybody dressed up in silly costumes, partied like crazy, and got drunk off their asses. I was looking forward to doing just that myself, but I’d landed us two gigs for Carnival, the first one of which took place at a college about fifty kilometers away from our hometown. The event was called ‘The Rockers Ball’. I’d learned it was a huge annual event that was a crazy combination of concert and party that was held in the aula - the university’s largest auditorium - and in another, somewhat smaller auditorium. This kind of arrangement allowed for two bands to play alternately without major breaks. ‘The Coldhearts’ were the event’s headliners, so we were playing the aula with its larger stage, and this was where my brother Ralf and our road crew had set up our equipment.
Just after we’d finished our sound check, Paula, president of the local students’ organization, and also co-chair of the local LGBT student’s group, arrived to welcome us. I knew her from previous events, and she had been very keen on having us. I suspected from the very beginning she primarily wanted us because she knew all of us liked girls, and that she was expecting us to make some kind of political statement for her.
We met Paula in front of the stage, where she was waiting for us. She and what I assumed was her girlfriend were in costumes. Paula was a tall girl with short, brown hair, and everything about her screamed ‘butch’. Accordingly, she was dressed up as a rocker dude from the nineteen fifties, wearing a black leather jacket, jeans, and a white t-shirt. The pale, slender, rather petite blonde girl beside her was wearing a pink blouse, a puffy pink skirt, and Mary Janes. She also wore pigtails.
“I’m so happy to have you here tonight,” Paula said, shaking hands with us and grinning. “I think it’s important for a
ll the LGBT students here that they be properly represented. Don’t you think so, too, Emma?”
“Yes, absolutely,” the blonde girl with the pigtails agreed in a little voice.
“Maybe you might like to make a statement?” Paula resumed, looking at us expectantly.
So it turned out just as I had expected. Paula had a political agenda, and she wanted us to express our support for it on stage. I had no intention of doing anything else on stage but rock, so I wasn’t about to give Paula what she wanted, but I wasn’t going to be tactless either, and of course we wanted to support the LGBT community. So, I gave her my most charming smile, and said, “We’re very grateful for your invitation, Paula, but if you’re asking us to make a political statement, I’m sorry. We don’t talk politics onstage, any more than we sing about politics.”
I spoke softly, and looked at her under my long lashes in a mildly flirtatious manner. “But I think we do make our own kind of statement, by being who we are, and making it clear to people just who and what we are. I think it’s a kind of statement people understand very well.” I added in a soft seductive tone, “As I think you’ll see when you watch us tonight, Paula.”
Paula looked absolutely staggered by my response, but she quickly regained her composure, while she took a quick look at Nellie’s t-shirt. I followed her gaze. Nellie was wearing a black t-shirt that showed quite a bit of her belly. The t-shirt as such was captioned ‘Let’s cuddle and listen to metal’ on top of a picture of two girls cuddling and kissing.
“I suppose you’re right, Bette,” Paula finally said. “After all, it is a Carnival party, not a political forum. I’m sure you’ll rock the house tonight. C’mon, we’ll show you around.”
My bandmates and I followed Paula and Emma as they guided us to the next auditorium where the party had already started, but since it was still quite early the place was fairly empty. There was a DJ playing classic rock songs from The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and Status Quo, while the other band’s equipment was still set up.
“The other band playing tonight is from around here,” Paula informed us, yelling over the den of the music. “I think they play oldies stuff from the fifties, but I’m not really sure. It was someone else who booked them.”
Then Paula and Emma led us to a hallway outside the auditorium, which held a long bar counter at which most of the people who were here seemed to be lining up for drinks.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Paula addressed Nellie and Jenny. “If you don’t mind me saying so, the two of you make a really cute couple,” she added with a polite smile.
There it was again! Paula thought Nellie and Jenny were a couple. Jenny stared at Paula in confusion, but Nellie smiled beatifically at her. “Oh yes, we’re a couple, Paula. And yes to a drink.”
When Nellie and Jenny each ordered a beer, Paula asked Ina and me, “Anyone want something different?”
“Beer is good,” I replied, while Ina nodded and said, “We never go on stage drunk or wasted. Unlike some other people.” Apparently she was thinking of the dickheads from ‘Testosterone Poison’.
“Sarah! Four beers for ‘The Coldhearts’,” Paula cried to one of the girls behind the bar. Sarah was a cute blonde girl who was dressed like Madonna in her video for ‘Like a Virgin’. She smiled at us broadly after looking us over, and then she opened four bottles of beer and pushed them over the counter to us.
“Something to drink for you and Emma, too?” She was speaking to Paula and Emma, but she kept on staring at Nellie. What was it about Nellie tonight? I smiled to myself, knowing that she was wasting her time. Our lovely drummer wasn’t about to show any interest in anyone but Jenny.
“No, not right now. Oh, and Sarah, the beers are on the house,” Paula announced.
As we all clinked our bottles together and took swigs of our beers, I kept an eye on Nellie and Jenny, making sure they wouldn’t notice. It was obvious from the way they looked at one another that very soon they were going to be a couple, just as Paula had thought they were already. They were adorable together, and watching them was hilarious, but I was a little worried about the possibility of new trouble. The few times I’d met Emilia, Jenny’s girlfriend, she’d seemed to be as possessive a lover as Caro had been of Ina.
Still standing at the bar we watched as more and more partiers arrived. It was strange and fascinating to see how everyone had dressed as rock stars and rock fans from the fifties to now. There were guys in rockabilly outfits, and girls dressed in miniskirts with bouffant hairdos. There were hippies from the sixties with shoulder length hair and bell-bottom jeans. There were punks from the seventies, and gender benders from the eighties. And there were quite a number of people dressed as David Bowie from all his many different incarnations.
Then the oldies band came out to start their gig, and we joined the crowd in the auditorium to watch their performance. They were announced as a four-piece-band whose name was ‘Tanja and the Teddyshakers’. At first only the three guys were onstage, playing guitar, bass, and drums. They were dressed like rock-n-rollers from the fifties, wearing blue jeans and leather jackets, and they all had Elvis Presley hairdos. They started with a long standard rock-n-roll instrumental intro, and then their singer Tanja came prancing onto stage, and God knows she was sexy.
However, nothing could’ve prepared me for the shock I got when I realized who the band’s sexy singer was. It was exactly the same Tanja I’d spent a night with, and who I’d been daydreaming about the last week or two. As soon as I recognized her, my heart began to pound wildly and the butterflies in my stomach did crazy things. What kind of incredible coincidence was that? Or was it even a strange twist of fate?
Her appearance was in stark contrast to the outfit her band mates had on. She was dressed like Taylor Momsen used to a few years ago, wearing a white corset with black stockings and garter belts, and platform shoes with incredibly high heels. Why hadn’t that crazy bitch told me she was a singer, too? Okay, we didn’t really talk much that night, but still she could’ve said something.
My band mates were almost as startled as I was, and almost as curious, too, so together we all pushed our way forward to the stage. When Tanja noticed the four of us staring at her, she winked at us, and said something to her band mates. They immediately began to play a song that I recognized as an old song from the seventies that had more recently been covered by Joan Jett. It was called ‘AC/DC’.
I remembered the song, sort of, but I didn’t remember the lyrics. So I was absolutely speechless when Tanja grinned at me like the crazy bitch she was and locking eyes with me when she began to sing, ‘She got girls, girls all over the world!’
I felt my mouth fall open. I didn’t know if Tanja was improvising or not, or if she’d changed the song lyrics, but she was obviously singing about me!
‘AC/DC, she got some other women as well as me!’
I couldn’t keep my eyes off Tanja, and she didn’t take her eyes off of me, either. Fucking me with her eyes, she sang, ‘She got zing! You oughta see her ding-a-ling! Well, lesbian in it together, I guess she’ll be in it forever, you’ve gotta to take it now or never…’
I wasn’t sure what ‘zing’ meant, but I did realize that ‘ding-a-ling’ must mean my pussy, and as I felt my face turn red, I began to laugh. Ina started laughing too, and I covered my face with my hands, as we both started laughing hysterically. I laughed so hard tears were running down my cheeks. I shook my head, unable to comprehend what I was seeing and hearing. “Fuck me Jesus!” I cried out. “That is the Craziest Bitch ever!”
When the song ended, we all joined the rest of the crowd in cheering and whistling. That was the absolutely craziest performance ever, even by my standards. I liked Tanja a lot, and I knew I had to see her again. This time I’d not let her go just like that. I also had to admit this Crazy Bitch knew how to entertain her audience. The band followed up their first cover by playing some other old school rock songs, among them another Joan Jett cover song.
&nb
sp; We watched their performance for about thirty minutes, until I thought it was time for our own show. I caught Tanja’s eye, and holding up one arm I pointed to my watch. Tanja got my message, and grinning back at me, she blew me a kiss. While Tanja and her three band mates kept on playing, I signaled my own band mates that it was time to leave, and we pushed and shoved our way to the exit.
Once we made it outside, we ran into Emma, who had apparently been looking out for us. “Paula thinks it’s time for your performance,” she said, blushing.
“Yeah, and she’s fucking right,” I replied, growling and putting my Bitch Goddess grin on my face. “That’s why we’re fucking here, Babe.”
“Let me show you the way,” Emma said, blushing even more. We followed her out the building’s exit. She unlocked a door back into the building, which led us straight to the backstage of the aula, where Paula was waiting for us, looking anxious. Her face lit up as Emma marched us towards her.
“Oh, good, here you are,” she exclaimed in relief. “When do you think you’ll be ready to start your gig?”
“Give us ten minutes,” I said to her.
“That’s good. The crowd’s waiting for you.” In the meantime Tanja and her guys were taking a break, thus giving the audience a chance to walk over to the aula where we’d be playing.
I gathered with my band mates in our usual circle for our pre-gig ritual. “Call us cunt band, we don’t care! Call us bitches we don’t mind! Black-hearted Coldhearts, Bitch Goddess Coldhearts, rock, rock, rock!”
We high fived one another, and then I took my Flying-V and strode onto the stage. That night I was wearing a low-cut scarlet mini dress, that showed off quite a bit of my breasts, but not much of my legs, because I was wearing thigh high black leather boots. Ina had on skintight black jeans that were ripped at her knees and upper thighs, and a studded belt with silver chains. Her cropped black tank top showed off her tattooed arms and toned abs. She looked exactly like the kickass rocker chick she was.
Hard Rock Hot Heart Page 6