I wince, knowing Dan doesn’t have insurance.
He was almost broke before he left and wouldn’t have gone if it hadn’t been a free trip.
Feeling sorry for him and guilty at the same time, I say, “I’ll buy you lunch. I’ve got a case to run by you.”
As I knew he would, Dan perks up at the mention of food. Gripping the armrests of the chair, he pushes himself up like an old man and looks around my office.
“Where did you get those prints?” he asks respectfully.
“They don’t look too bad.”
“Amy thought,” I say, standing up, too, “my office needed sprucing up.
I gave up on the plants since they insist on being watered.” “You gonna marry Gilchrist?” Dan asks as he follows me out.
“You could do a lot worse.”
“I have done a lot worse,” I remind him, but not responding to his question. Amy, Dan, and I were classmates and friends together in night law school, and he knows about some of the women I dated after my wife Rosa’s death. Actually, Amy and I are considering living together if I
ever get heat in my shiny new house from hell.
At the front desk, Julia grins at Dan.
“You couldn’t look any stiffer if you were mounted on the wall.”
It has taken me years to get used to Julia, a niece of the owner, and I have needed every one of them. She has lifetime security in a job she despises. If that isn’t a prescription for hell on earth, I don’t know what is. As usual, Dan regresses in her presence.
“Actually, my body is one long, stiff, hot poker,” he says, leering at her.
Julia lets the skirt that Dan calls imitation cracked leather when she’s not around ride up to within an inch of her panties.
“If I had a dollar for every guy who believed that,” she says, stretching her breast implants against today’s tight wool sweater, “I could buy this dump from my Uncle Roy and turn it officially into the nursing home it’s becoming. When are you guys gonna get some clients in here? It’s like living in a morgue, it’s so quiet.”
“It’s the cold,” I say, knowing she is talking about Dan and some other lawyers on our floor.
Dan is floundering, but then it seems he always is.
“If it was the summer,” Julia challenges me, “you’d be saying it was the heat. Face it, you solo practitioners are dinosaurs. You don’t know how
to market yourselves. You charge too little or too much, and then don’t collect half of what you bill. Half you guys on this floor are dead and don’t even know it.”
Dan grins.
“Thanks for the pep talk, sweetie,” he says, staring admiringly at Julia’s chest.
“You want me to bring you some pie from downstairs?”
“It wouldn’t make it to the elevator.” She smirks, staring back at Dan’s stomach. Though she would sooner die than admit it, Julia has become quite protective of Dan. While he was going through his recent craziness, she worried about him like a mother hen. While Julia likes to pick on Dan, she becomes enraged when other people follow suit. Or putting Dan’s own spin on it, to be such a competitive society, there is nothing we hate worse than competition.
Downstairs in the cafeteria, Dan blows through a plate of spaghetti in five minutes flat.
“Have you ever noticed that the real pleasures in life,” he says, wiping his mouth with a napkin at our table in the non-smoking section, “last no more than a few minutes tops—fucking, eating, shitting, the few seconds right before you know you’re finally going to sleep? All this civilized behavior just fills out the day. We’re just animals, ole buddy. I’d just as soon drop over on all fours right now and quit kidding myself.”
Poor Dan. He’s never had a kid. Childish and silly, he would make a great father. The children of his divorce clients hang all over him.
He plays with them as if he is their long-lost brother.
“What’s stopping you?” I egg him on.
“Just get neck id and plop on down there. The country’s looking for some honest-to-God leadership. If poor Bill tried to do it, half the country would say it was just a way to try to get a woman to go to bed with him.”
Dan loosens his tie as he gazes out over the crowded tables of mostly office workers from inside the Layman Building, who, like us, are beginning to show symptoms of cabin fever after a long cold snap. How do people stand the north in the winter? Three weeks in a row of frigid air is all it takes for us to start talking crazy. Dan sips greasy coffee and then nags at me, “Have you thought any more about joining One-on-One?
They’ve got a list of boys a mile long.”
I roll my eyes and pretend to sigh. Dan has been bugging me to get involved in a buddy program for ghetto kids for the last month.
“I know,” I say, thinking of the fact sheet he left in my chair last week.
“Let’s make a deal. If you can keep quiet about it until after this case is over, I’ll sign up, okay?” Despite Dan’s cynicism, he has a bowl of
mush where his heart ought to be. Actually, I’ve been feeling guilty for deciding to desert my old neighborhood. Rosa and I lived in a mixed area for years. Since her death I’ve felt increasingly detached from my black neighbors. At Dan’s urging, I have thought of taking on a kid from one of the projects as a way of keeping a pledge to Rosa that I wouldn’t try to become a Yuppie after her death. Fat chance with my income, but my new neighborhood will be lily-white, and maybe joining One-on-One will keep the guilt at a manageable level.
Rosa would have been angry with me for leaving our neighborhood without a good reason.
Dan pretends to zip his mouth.
“So go ahead and brag about your new case. I don’t mind. I think I took a vow of poverty somewhere along the way and nobody told me about it.”
I smile at the thought of Dan as St. Francis of Assisi. A monk he is not, even if he might be happier if he accepted his new solo status as permanent.
Over a piece of pecan pie and a cup of coffee I don’t need, I run through Lattice Bledsoe’s visit and admit, “I had forgotten how much anger I’ve carried all those years at the Taylors. I thought I had gotten over it.”
Dan burps into the fist of his right hand.
“We never get over anything,” he gasps, ever the philosopher.
I wonder if that is true. If I take this case because I think I can get back at the Taylors somehow, I will screw it up. Surely, I’ve got more sense than to pull a stunt like that. Though I have made more mistakes in the last five years than I care to remember, I have never betrayed a client or sacrificed his interest. Now is not the time to start. I look down at my watch. It’s time to get on the road.
I begin the dreary trek east on 1-40 toward Bear Creek thinking how monotonous it would be to make this drive every day. The cold gray winter afternoon and unrelieved flatness of the Delta soil give me plenty of time to think. I know I am having a severe case of buyer’s remorse, but it is hard not to second-guess my abrupt decision to move from a neighborhood I’ve lived in for the past twenty-five years. Yet, maybe I should have sold the house after Rosa’s death seven years ago.
It is only in the last few months that I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that my image of myself as an ex-sixties liberal no longer fits the facts. It was Rosa who had bonded with our neighbors, a mixture of mostly middle-class blacks and elderly whites who, for one reason or another, had decided they couldn’t afford to sell when blacks had begun to be steered into the neighborhood.
The sixties (despite the excesses) had been such a hopeful time for me.
I was helping to implement the legacy of Kennedy’s Camelot and Johnson’s “Great Society.” Driven by the legislation of the period (the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Medicaid, Medicate, the Economic Opportunity Act, the Housing Act of 1968, etc.), America would wipe out its twin evils of racial discrimination and poverty, and I was doing my part.
After my two-year stint in the Peace Corps, I worked briefly for a Blackwel
l County War on Poverty project until it finally dawned on me that it was a bureaucratic make-work project for blacks that rivaled any northern city’s reputation for patronage, waste, and political intrigue. Damn, was I naive! After about a year of pushing paper I drifted into a social worker’s job for the county, investigating child abuse, and stayed there until Rosa finally prodded me into night law school.
And all the while, instead of becoming a model of peace, prosperity, and racial harmony, parts of Blackwell County, like much of the rest of the country, were becoming a battle zone for the gangs, drug dealers, and the underclass that seems to be growing daily.
As I angle south off 1-40 before reaching Forrest City, I wonder why it took so long for me to realize I was no longer a soldier in a war that couldn’t be won, not in my lifetime anyway. I didn’t really need to solve the world’s problems.
It has been more than I can do to raise Sarah and keep myself out of trouble. Sarah. The thought of her makes me smile. Such a wonderful kid but a moralist as only the young can be. At various times in the past three years she’s been a fundamentalist Christian, a dancer on the Razorbacks porn porn squad, a feminist. Now she’s a caregiver to AIDS victims.
Always searching. I hope I haven’t made her too insecure ever to be content with herself. Her mother’s death from breast cancer when she was in junior high didn’t help. How much did my father’s schizophrenia and subsequent suicide when I was thirteen affect me? It is something I will always wonder about. Sarah has coped much better than I did.
I stop at a convenience store in Moro to use the bathroom. Middle age.
If this is a precursor to what’s ahead, I can’t get too excited about it. Is it my imagination or do I really have to piss fifteen times a day? How do guys who work in factories cope with one fifteen-minute break in the morning? As I read the copy on the white condom boxes above the urinal, I realize I would need a catheter and a bottle the size of a water cooler strapped to my leg to hold a job in a plant.
On the road again with a cup of coffee, I can tell I am back home in the Delta by the increasing number of beat-up old cars with blacks behind the wheel, many of them as ancient looking as their cars.
Despite having been away, I can’t escape the feeling that I know this area, and I know its people, better than I’ll ever know anyplace else.
There is something vaguely comforting about the past even if it was difficult. I think of the way I acted at thirteen after my father hanged himself on the state hospital grounds in Benton.
As far as shitty adolescent behavior goes, I can’t quite say I wrote the book. Walking out of class, talking back to teachers, sneaking beer out of neighbors’ refrigerators, was small potatoes compared to the problems kids have today, but it was enough to make my mother think that she wasn’t going to be able to handle me. She couldn’t afford to send me to Subiaco, but, as Marty, my sister, has pointed out, at the time she couldn’t afford not to. Fortunately, for me, society didn’t have psychiatric institutions for kids who mainly needed a good kick in the butt every day.
At Subiaco I cried like the baby I was that first semester, but Mother had the sense not to let me come home. I resented it at the time, but she was right. Was she perhaps right also to discourage Rosa and me from returning to Bear Creek? Why did I want to go back, anyway?
Rosa’s presence would have been a constant reminder to the town that perhaps the rumors about my paternal grandfather’s out-of-wedlock child were true, something that my mother had consistently denied.
“It’s in the Page blood,” they would have said.
“They’re all nigger lovers.”
Coming into the outskirts of Bear Creek on 79 I continue east toward Memphis, and I arrive at the state prison and county jail facility fifteen minutes later. I sign in at the reception desk and then have to get back in my car and drive around to a separate building to see my client, a hassle I’d like to avoid in the future.
Short, round, and balding in his bright orange jumpsuit, Bledsoe does not look like a killer. We sit across from each other in a visitation room in green plastic chairs separated from each other by a clear glass window and steel mesh, and I scribble notes while he talks.
“I liked ole Willie,” he says mildly.
“I felt pretty bad when they told me someone cut him up. He was a hell of a good man. Hardly anybody would be workin’ in Bear Creek at all if it wudn’t for people like him.”
“When did they first start acting like you were a suspect?” I ask, noting how easygoing Class appears. I was afraid he was going to be some hulking monster who looked at home with a butcher knife. Instead, his hands are smaller than mine, and his receding hairline and a squint give him a mild, innocent expression that a jury can’t help but notice.
“The best I figure now, the very next morning,” Class drawls, wiping his nose with his sleeve.
“The plant’s got these two meat inspectors, and one of them said he saw my knife wasn’t put up exactly right, and they said there was some blood on it. I heard it turned out ‘0’ positive—same as ole Willie’s.
Of course, I didn’t know all this was going on. They began questioning everybody on the kill floor that day and up front, too. Even though I’d been home that afternoon by myself, I never figured I had to worry.”
“How’d they say Willie was killed?” I ask, realizing how much I have forgotten to ask his wife.
“Was there a struggle?”
Class shakes his head.
“Naw, they said he didn’t even put up a fight. That’s why they knew right away it was somebody who worked in the plant.
Whoever done it jus’ walked right up behind him at his desk and cut his throat and then stepped back and watched him die. It wouldn’t take long
if you get that artery.” Class draws an imaginary line across his throat.
I feel a chill, and it isn’t just from the cold.
What a horrible moment it must have been for that old man when he realized what was happening to him.
“So you were the only suspect?” I ask, thinking how tempting it would be to try to frame someone like him.
Class shrugs.
“They acted like we was all suspects for a while till that blood got checked. Then the sheriff wanted me to take a lie detector test, and I wouldn’t. Hell, I don’t trust that shit. Then they fired me, but nothing happened after that until yesterday when all hell broke loose.”
Somehow he is able to grin, though weakly, at the spectacle of himself being taken into custody.
“Your wife said she heard that the DNA analysis,” I say, realizing he may not know, “showed conclusively that the blood on your knife was Willie’s.”
“I don’t know about that,” Class demurs, scratching a sore on his ring finger.
“Anybody could have got hold of my knife. We just kept ‘em laid out in the back. Ever’body had his own spot.”
I try to visualize the floor of a meat packing plant and conjure up a scene of bloody, controlled carnage. I will have to get the judge to allow me a tour of the plant. The inside of my mouth begins to moisten at just the thought. This will be fun: I can’t even see a dead weasel on the road without becoming a little queasy.
“How do they tell them apart?”
“Most scratch a little mark on the handle,” Class explains.
“I got my initials on mine.”
It occurs to me that Class misses his work.
“What have you been doing since you got fired?”
I ask, wondering how I’d handle months of idleness.
I’d probably turn into an alcoholic after the first month.
“I’ve been helpin’ out at my uncle’s barbecue place in town for a while,” Class responds.
“It’s actually owned by Paul Taylor. I didn’t even know that.”
For the first time since I’ve been talking to him, I pick up a false note here. I haven’t asked about his association with the Taylors.
“What are you talki
ng about?” I ask, watching his face carefully.
If he is conning me, I’d like to find out earlier than later.
“They’re sayin’ he hired me,” Class says.
“I hardly even know him.”
I question him at length about Paul, and he admits that before he started at the plant he was a delivery man for an appliance store in town that Paul owned. Paul rarely came in the store, but when he did, he would make a point to speak to the help.
“He was real friendly,” Class says.
“We always got a ham at Christmas from him.”
That sounds like Paul, the great benefactor of the underclass. He wouldn’t pay minimum wage if there was any way he could avoid it, but he liked to play Santa Claus.
“Have you seen him since you worked there?” I ask, afraid I see where this is heading.
“On the street every now and then,” Class says.
“And then at Oldham’s Barbecue some. See, like I say, it turned out he owned it, and my uncle just managed it for him.”
Paul, it appears, has had Class on the payroll for years.
“So how long have you been working one way or another for Paul Taylor?”
“About eight years, I guess,” Class says, using his fingers to count.
It is easy to guess what has happened. While the prosecuting attorney was waiting for the results of the DNA analysis, he just sat back and watched Class. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Oldham was about to retire and Class was going to join the entrepreneurial class, courtesy of Paul.
On the other hand, it is not out of the realm of the possible it was a coincidence. Employers are few and far between in the Delta.
“How much were you making?” I ask.
“More than I was making cutting meat,” Class admits. He sighs, knowing things don’t look good for him.
I ask him directly, “Did Paul Taylor hire you to kill Willie “Naw, sir!” Class says, raising his voice for the first time.
“I swear to God he didn’t. I didn’t murder ole Willie for nobody.”
Gideon - 05 - Blind Judgement Page 2