by Mia Knight
“You’re eating.”
“Yes.”
Mom beamed. “I haven’t seen you eat like this in years. You’re getting better.”
“Better than what?”
“Just… better. You smiled, laughed, and ate, but you can’t fool me. I know you, Carmen. You were wasting away and now…” She clasped her hands together. “You’re back.”
Apparently, her acting skills needed work. “I couldn’t move on with that fuck still on the loose, but now I can. I just said goodbye to Vinny.”
Her mother nodded. “I understand.”
“Did… did you say goodbye to Dad?”
Mom hesitated and then said, “Yes, I had to.”
She eyed her mother who didn’t look recently widowed. Mom looked a decade younger than when her father had passed. Mom had adapted amazingly well, unlike her. “You’re good? You’ve been living alone for months.”
“Yes, I’m great, dear. Are you moving back in?”
“Yes. Now that it’s over, everything will go back to normal.”
Mom grasped her hand. “Are you really okay?”
“I will be.”
Mom pulled up a seat, and she told her everything. When she finished, her mother’s hands were over her mouth.
“Oh, poor Beatrice…” Mom whispered. “I have to go see her.”
“I’m sure Lyla will go down there today even though she’s exhausted. You should call her.”
“Yes, I will.” Mom ran her hands over Carmen to reassure herself that her daughter was whole. “You don’t seem as upset as I thought you would be.”
“That fucker’s dead. I’m ready to move on.” She straightened and said, “What do you think about me with red hair?”
Her mother didn’t miss a beat. “What shade?”
“I can do cherry, burgundy, or an in-between shade.”
“You always look great no matter what.”
She pulled her phone from her pocket. “I wonder if Shonda can fit me in today at the salon.”
“You’re going to the salon after everything you just told me?”
“Yes, I have to start right now.”
“Start what?”
“Living. And changing my hair is the first step. Everything will fall into place after that.” She dialed and paced around the kitchen. “Hey, Shonda, it’s Carmen. I know it’s been forever. Can you fit me in? You’re the best! Wait, hold on.” She put her hand over the phone and asked Mom, “You want to come with me?”
“No, you go ahead.”
“Yeah, Shonda. Just me. I’m on my way.” She hung up and kissed Mom’s cheek. “I love you.”
“Love you too. You be safe.”
“Always.”
She snatched her purse and rushed out to the car. She fired up the engine and dashed across town. She wasn’t sure why changing her hair was so important to her, but it was. Her appearance was a reflection of how she felt, and the black hair had to go. Red was a defiant, power color that showed a zeal for life. On impulse, she swung into a Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through, and when she walked into the salon, balanced two boxes of donuts on one hand while she pushed her sunglasses up on her head with the other.
“Bitch!” Shonda shouted and opened her arms wide.
She tossed the donuts on the counter and threw herself at Shonda who wrapped her in a bone-crushing hug before she pulled back and held Carmen at arm’s length to examine her from head to toe. She suddenly gasped and slapped her chest as if she was putting out a fire.
“You took out your implants?” Shonda shouted.
The hairdressers left their clients to gather around and pat her chest as if they couldn’t see with their eyes that her chest was smaller.
“I’m going au naturel,” she announced proudly to the salon at large.
“Why?”
The question came not only from the salon staff but also several clients.
“Back pain,” she said.
“No pain, no gain,” Shonda said and got several grunts of agreement from the onlookers.
“My clothes didn’t fit right, and I can get a man without water balloons on my chest,” Carmen said.
Keenan, a black man who could work wonders with hair, tapped his sneakers and regarded her as if she crawled out from under a rock. He wore a striped button up shirt with a fuchsia scarf and a hat pointing sideways.
“I don’t like it,” he announced.
“Well, I do, and I have proof that not all men are repulsed, so…” Carmen put her hand in his face.
Shonda snickered. “You could cut off your tits, and you’d still have men lining up to fuck you.”
“Stupid white bitch, walking in here with that face and body,” Keenan muttered and snapped his scissors irritably. “Making everyone else feel like crap.”
“I missed you too,” she said and kissed his cheek.
“And what the fuck is this?” Keenan snapped as he prodded the donut box as if it was a snake.
“It’s donuts,” she said and reached in to grab a frosted strawberry one with sprinkles. “Help yourself.”
“And she comes with fucking donuts,” Keenan muttered before he walked back to his client. “Who does she think she is?”
She took a bite of doughy goodness, stopped in her tracks, and grabbed another before she skipped toward Shonda’s chair. She ignored the incredulous stares from the rail thin, high-maintenance broads who visited the salon every two weeks to make sure their glossy appearance never wavered. She made a show of eating the donuts, moaning in delight, and licking her fingers because she was in the mood to fuck with people. If there had been any straight men around, she would have licked off every sprinkle and made a spectacle of herself just for shits and giggles.
“Bitch, why’d you bring these donuts?” Shonda asked as she devoured a cake donut.
“Because life’s too short not to eat donuts.”
Shonda finished her donut and eyed Carmen in the mirror. “Don’t insult me by calling for an appointment. You know any of us would drop everything for you. You’re part owner, idiot.”
“Silent partner.”
Shonda rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You saved our ass. You can come in whenever.” She put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “You’re okay? I know you’ve been having a hard time since Vinny died.”
She gave Shonda a determined smile. “I’ll be better once we do my hair.”
Shonda nodded as if she understood completely. “What am I doing to you?”
“First, this needs to go,” she said, pointing at her black hair.
“You want to go back to blond?”
“I’m thinking red.” Carmen waggled her brows at Shonda in the mirror.
Shonda put a hand on her hip. “Are we talking red or red?”
“I’m feeling…” Carmen did a little shimmy under the tarp she was wearing. “You know?”
“I know just what I’m going to do to you, girl.” Shonda handed her a glass of champagne. “Now, sit back, relax, and tell Shonda all about it.”
Six hours later, Carmen stood in front of a mirror and examined the woman staring back at her. Shonda stripped away the black and replaced it with the color of rich wine. Long layers highlighted her features and gave her a sultry, seductive air. Her fingers and toes were the same shade of dangerous red. She had been waxed and received a facial that made her skin glow.
The woman smiling back at her held no resemblance to the exhausted creature she had been this morning. She spent the day catching up with the salon staff she’d known for years. She laughed, had food delivered, and willed the past away. The hours spent being waxed, processed, and primped made her shiny and new again.
When she was a little girl, her favorite pastime was dress up. She loved that a shade of lipstick could make an impact and the right outfit could strike an audience speechless. She experimented as a kid and reaped the benefits as an adult. She knew which silhouettes suited her body type and what shoes made her legs go on forever. She used her looks and wile
s shamelessly against Vinny who had been poleaxed and ripe for the picking. She had been fortunate that they fell in love and were perfect for one another. Many suspected she was a gold digger. She enjoyed playing the role because that meant she had the upper hand since they underestimated her. She was restless by nature and had a wild side Vinny didn’t try to tame. She didn’t care what people thought about her. All she cared about was how she felt about herself, and right now, she felt better than she had in years.
Keenan ambled up behind her. He’d been watching her progress throughout the day and sent many sour looks her way. They used to party ages ago. He never forgave her for hooking Vinny. It didn’t matter that Vinny was straight. If Keenan coveted, he believed he should be able to have. That was just his way.
“Jealous?” she asked as she fluffed her hair so it caught the light and fell perfectly around her face. She pouted at him in the mirror and posed, exposing her midriff and slight curves, even though she knew it did nothing for him.
“You’re back,” he declared.
“Back?”
“To yourself. You’re not moping around like a wannabe biker chick anymore. You’re Carmen. You can’t waste that look,” he said with mock solemnity.
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me you’re not going home to watch TV. We need to go out like old times.”
Carmen grinned. “Just tell me when and where and I’m there.”
6
Carmen pulled up to a Pyre Casino and took the hand of the valet who reached in to help her out. She unfurled from the car, grabbed her silver clutch, and headed toward the casino. Her hair bounced with every step, and the skintight dress with long sleeves and an open back hugged every curve. She wore the highest heels she owned, which made her feel invincible. She knew from experience that the diamond choker would catch the light and sparkle like a fucking disco ball. She felt like a million dollars, and the stares from the men and women confirmed it.
She absorbed the energy from the crowd as she blazed a path through the throng. She was ready to dance, drink, and drown herself in Sin City delights. A night on The Strip was a gamble, and she loved tossing the dice. She would take whatever came her way. No plans or responsibilities, just impulse and pleasure.
She ignored the losers who catcalled and the ones who tried bad pickup lines. She was an Amazonian, and Amazonians didn’t bother with boys. Maybe luck would be on her side tonight, and she’d find someone who could rev her engine. Her body hummed with energy.
Shonda, Keenan, and the other stylists were standing in line to enter Ecstasy. She waved them over, and they ducked under the velvet ropes.
“Girl,” Shonda said and looked her over, “you look amazing!”
“Thanks to you! Come on, let’s get drunk.”
She linked her arm through Shonda and Keenan’s and led the way to the entrance. The bouncers recognized her and held up the line so she and her squad could pass. She thanked them with a big smile and ignored the slew of insults from those waiting in line.
“Oh, my fucking God,” Keenan breathed.
Ecstasy was a small, intimate club. For that reason, they were extremely selective of who entered. The club was built like an amphitheater with wide stairs for people to dance on since it was standing room only. The top tier of the club had a white backlight to highlight the silhouettes of the professional dancers. The floor glowed a glassy blue that made it seem as if they were wading into a sea of exotic people. Carmen and Keenan made a beeline for the dance floor while most of the girls headed to the bar.
Keenan wore a see-through plaid button up shirt and the tightest pants she had ever seen. He wasted no time twerking and grinding his butt against her crotch. She laughed as she moved with him.
“Rules!” Keenan barked. “If he’s bi, then I get first dibs!”
She ran her hand down his chest and breathed, “If I want him, I’ll have him.”
“You’re so greedy!”
“I’m starving,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and bucked her hips against his ass.
Keenan glanced back at her, brows raised. “If you do that in the bedroom, no man will leave you!”
“I know!” she shouted back.
He shook his head. “Damn, girl. Let’s do this!”
Keenan had energy to spare. They took turns grinding against one another before he spotted a group of gay men dancing outrageously on the fringes of the crowd. Shonda and the girls joined her on the floor. They cheered as a Beyoncé song blasted through the speakers. Carmen downed the drink they handed her. She couldn’t decipher the complicated mix of liquor and didn’t really care since it made her feel as if she had wings.
When the girls were ready to bounce, they pried Keenan away from his new friends. Keenan’s shirt was unbuttoned, proudly displaying his new hickey. They laughed and stumbled into Kaleidoscope. It wasn’t a Pyre club, but they breezed in anyway because they looked so damn fine. The club had neon strobe lights and a DJ who knew what he was doing. They refueled at the bar before they made it to the dance floor, which was filled with half-naked people having a grand time. She accepted Shonda’s dare and took a shot glass from a man’s underwear using only her mouth. That was just the beginning.
Around two in the morning, they stumbled into Incognito. She accepted a scarlet lace mask at the door and surveyed the crowd. There was a distant twinge in the region of her heart. She would never be able to enter this club and not think of Vinny. She made a beeline for the bar. Two shots later, she was feeling remarkably lightheaded and fuzzy. She headed to the main floor and danced with a bunch of strangers she would never see again.
Even though her feet felt like they were about to fall off and her calves were cramping, she kept going. The energy of the crowd was infectious. These people were living at the moment. No one was thinking about the consequences of tomorrow, so neither would she. When she found herself in the middle of a hot man sandwich, she didn’t try to get away. Her dress was plastered to her body with sweat, and she didn’t give a shit. The feel of two hot muscular bodies pressed against her felt fantastic.
When one man tried to lift the back of her dress, she shoved him away and boogied through the crowd. Stupid men, always ruining her fun. She was a tease, yes, but that didn’t mean she was easy game for just anyone.
She moseyed aimlessly through the crowd in a euphoric state of bliss. The press of bodies, the liquor, and the drugging music made her happy to be alive. She didn’t take being petted and kissed personally. She understood the need for human contact better than most. Besides, that was why most people were here—to live out their fantasy of hooking up with a stranger. That was part of the club scene, and something she’d been doing since her teenage years. The night swirled with possibilities. Anything was possible in this desert oasis.
She cast her eye over the VIP section and felt her giddy delight dip when she spotted Regal, a sleazy pimp known for his brutal treatment of his girls. He was dressed all in white with at least ten gold necklaces resting against his wife beater. He was surrounded by women who were clearly on something. Regal was all flash and no brains. How he managed to stay in the game was beyond her. A nerdy man with a sour face sat on the edge of the booth, glaring at Regal, who looked like he was getting a hand job beneath the table.
Carmen stopped in her tracks when a beautiful brunette stepped in her path. Before she could go around her, the brunette kissed her. She closed her eyes as the woman pressed soft marshmallow lips against her own. She’d had her fair share of kisses from women, but never while in this heightened state of awareness. The woman placed a hand on her chest and squeezed one breast while she tilted her head to the side and deepened the kiss. She tasted like Pina colada and smelled like Chanel. Although she was intrigued, she didn’t feel any heat. As she ran a hand down the brunette’s cheek, she found herself more interested in her moisturizer than feeling her up. She was distracted by a slide of tongue before the woman pulled back. She was drop-de
ad gorgeous with full candy apple lips, dark eyes, and long, straight hair. She also had a great smoky eye, a dress with a daring plunge, and five-thousand-dollar shoes.
“You into threesomes?” she asked.
“No,” Carmen said apologetically. Apparently, a pretty face wasn’t all it took to get her in the mood. The human needed to own a dick. Good to know.
“You sure? I thought you’d be up for it.”
She was too selfish to be involved in a threesome. “Maybe another time.”
The woman pouted. “Boo. That sucks. My boyfriend won’t let me invite a guy, only another woman. I’ve been scoping out the floor for an hour. You’re the only one we both agreed on.”
“I’m flattered, but I’m not into women, only men. Where’d you get your dress?”
The woman’s eyes lit up. “You a local?”
“Yes.”
“There’s this great boutique on Westin and Lincoln called The Look.”
“I’ll check it out.”
“You sure you’re not interested?”
“Yes, but thanks for asking,” Carmen said courteously.
“You taste good. Just one more.”
Carmen accepted the second kiss. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation aside from the lip gloss, which was messing up her own.
“Looking for a third?”
She pulled back and felt her euphoria vanish when she saw Angel. He was dressed much as he had been this morning in black jeans and shirt. He was seriously underdressed, but he stood out among the crowd. It was that face and his arrogant, bad boy vibe that made women take notice and men edge out of his way just in case he was the real deal.
“Hey, babe,” he said.
Did he think she was someone else?
“I like the red,” he said and winked. “It suits you.”
The fact that he picked her out of the crowd when they had met once, and she had a new hairdo and wore a mask was stretching coincidence too far. “Are you stalking me?”
“Does that turn you on?”
“Yes,” the brunette gushed and flushed when Angel turned to her. “Hi.”