by Mia Knight
“Carmen.”
She ignored him and focused on the exit until he blocked her. She stumbled to a stop. “Get out of my way.”
“We’re going to talk.”
He reached for her, and she backed away.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Look at me.”
She couldn’t. The sight of him hurt so fucking bad, she felt nauseous. She could handle being beaten and drugged. She could handle Lyla and her PTSD, her mother grieving her father, and the possibility of becoming Nora’s sole guardian if Lyla and Gavin died in Hell. She could handle anything except being rejected by someone she loved. The pain was unbearable.
“You’re hurt. Let me help you,” he said.
No, she wouldn’t let him do anything else for her. It was time to stop looking to men to fix her. Lucifer was right. In the end, everyone chose themselves, and she had to do the same. She didn’t have much left.
“Tell me what you need,” he said.
“I need you to let me go.”
“I can’t.”
She let out a harsh, slightly hysterical laugh. “You already have.”
“I know you’re angry. The bartender told me what Khalid said. I should have listened to you before I—”
Her shaky control snapped. Something raw and searing and deadly spread through her. She’d taken so many hits in the past twenty-four hours, emotional and physical, and she was done. The life she’d been rebuilding had been ripped away as surely as the illusion of the great love she had shared with Vinny. If Marcus wanted a showdown, she would give him one. She would prove him right and show him what a fucking savage she was.
She grabbed the closest object, a delicate vase, and hurled it at the wall. It shattered, just like her heart.
“This is what you don’t need in your perfect, orderly life, isn’t it?” She grabbed a picture frame and threw it. The sound of breaking glass was immensely satisfying.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m a crazy bitch! Everyone warned you about me; you should have listened!”
She couldn’t stand seeing everything looking so perfect. She grabbed an abstract wooden sculpture and tossed that too. It didn’t break, which pissed her off. She kicked over a mirror end table to compensate and was pleased by the loud smash. She was about to upend a vase of flowers she bought earlier in the week when Marcus grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Carmen, stop.”
She struggled like a wild thing. He didn’t want to hurt her, which she used to her advantage. She didn’t fight fair, and when his grip loosened, she broke free. She stumbled into his office and faced the ocean mural she had commissioned for him. She had decorated his office with her dreams for their future. She had to destroy the evidence of her naiveté. She snatched a pair of scissors from the desk and headed toward a painting.
“Carmen!”
Marcus stopped her inches from the swirling blue waters. Her swollen hands couldn’t get a good grip on the scissors as he fought her for them. She wasn’t deterred. She released her weapon and went for the canvas with her fists. He picked her up. She managed to land a solid kick that made the painting shudder, but it stayed mounted on the wall.
“Fuck!” she bellowed.
He carried her kicking and screaming into the bedroom. He pinned her arms to her sides and pulled her back against his chest. She fought him with all she had, kicking his shins, stomping his feet, but he didn’t release her.
“Let me go!”
“Listen to me.”
“Fuck you! Let go of me!”
She cursed, threatened, and struggled, but it made no difference. When she had nothing left, she went limp and dropped her head forward. She panted as tears filled her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.
“I can fix this,” he said.
She couldn’t let him do that. Khalid was the catalyst that brought the hammer down, but their arrangement began to unravel when he revealed that he liked things the way they were. He didn’t want things to advance. He had everything he needed, but she needed more.
“When I found out what Khalid said, I lost control. I choked him.” He dropped his face into her hair. “When I couldn’t get in touch with Mickey, I called Gavin. He told me what happened at the Red Diamond, that Angel was trying to figure out who’d taken you.” His warm breath seeped through her hair and caressed her nape. “I didn’t know what to do. Janice banished me from the office. I’ve been waiting here all day and then Gavin called.”
“They were waiting for their shot, and I was dumb enough to give them one,” she whispered.
“Tell me what you need.”
“I need you to let me go.”
His arms flexed before he released her. She took several steps away and took a deep breath. Her control wavered, but this had to be done. She wished she had the time to shore up her defenses and face him weeks from now when she could act cool and indifferent. Instead, she was forced to face him without any shields, when the pain was so great that she had no hope of hiding it from him.
She turned to face him. He didn’t look like his suave, collected self. His clothes were in disarray, his hair was mussed, and he had a bruise forming on his jaw. Love and sorrow twisted her heart into knots. He was everything she needed, but he wasn’t for her.
“I don’t know how I would have made it through the past couple of months without you. You were there when I needed you. I overstepped yesterday.” She clenched her hands into fists as she began to tremble. “Everything that happened after made me realize something.”
She opened her mouth to go on, but her voice dried up. Marcus stepped forward with his hand outstretched, but she stepped back and shook her head wildly.
“No, you can’t touch me. Let me… I need to say this. You need to understand,” she said raggedly.
The only sound in the room was her hitched breaths as she tried to get through this.
“I get too attached to people. I hold on too tight. I need too much. That’s why I never recovered from Vinny. I let myself go too deep and you…” She shook her head. “You woke me up, you brought me back to life, and…” Her last bit of self-control ebbed away, and a tear slid down her cheek. “I won’t survive you either.”
Nothing showed on his face, but she felt the atmosphere in the room shift.
“Vinny’s need to prove himself to Gavin killed him. You feel indebted to Gavin for giving you a chance. That’s why you work so hard, why you’ll do anything for him. You’re trying to prove that you deserve your position, but no one is questioning it but you.” She tried to breathe past the pain. “I’m going to keep my promise. We’re going to be friends. I just… I just need some time…”
Oh, God, the silence was awful.
“I already know how this goes. I can’t love another man who needs work or someone else’s approval more than he needs me. I wasn’t enough for Vinny.” She spread her hand across her aching chest. “And I won’t be enough for you either. I don’t have much left so… I can’t do this.”
The dam holding her emotions in check fragmented. Emotional overload. Too much in too little time. One event chased by another more traumatizing than the last. Her illusions shattered, another home that was no longer a home, and another man who couldn’t give her what she needed. She dropped to her knees, hands over her face, and bowed her head as heart-wrenching sobs shook her.
He wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t have the strength to push him away. She cried for everything she had lost, and everything that was still slipping through her fingers. Life put her through the wringer, and she was tapping out. All her fire and zeal had been beaten out of her. She had nothing left.
Marcus picked her up and placed her on the bed. She buried her face in the bedsheets and grabbed handfuls of it as she let go of her delusions and fantasies. His hand rested at the base of spine. When the tears ceased and she was empty, he lay beside her and tipped her against his chest.
“No! I don’t want—” she sa
id hoarsely.
“Shh,” he murmured.
He pressed her face against his throat, and she was wreathed in classy sin. Even though she didn’t want to, her body responded to his familiar scent and she relaxed. The only sound in the room was the occasional hitch in her breath as she tried to get herself under control. She was grateful for the darkness that hid the tears that slid down her face and soaked his shirt. She was too tired to battle for space, for privacy. Instead, she lay tucked against him with his hand tunneling through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. Her face rode the steady rise and fall of his chest. She trembled with fatigue, pain, shock, and heartache. She willed herself to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t allow it. Time passed.
“My mother sold me to Lucifer’s father when I was five years old,” Marcus said quietly. “He used me.”
She stopped breathing.
“He forced Lucifer to watch. I wasn’t the only one. There were others.”
There was no inflection in his voice, but his body was tense against hers.
“One day, Lucifer let it slip to a visitor about us. He saved my life.” His fingers played with her hair as he spoke. “We were taken to a hospital. The man who saved us thought we were broken. He said if we survived, to look him up when we got older and he would help.”
He stopped. Even in her exhausted state, she had to know the rest.
“Who…?” she croaked.
“Emmanuel Pyre.”
The final puzzle piece fell into place.
“He gave me my name. I went into the foster system and had years of therapy. Out of the group of kids saved that day, I’m the only one still alive.”
Her broken heart bled for him. She reached up and cupped his cheek. His hand covered hers, holding her palm against his jaw.
“That image of Emmanuel is embedded in my mind. He’s my hero. When I made it to college, I contacted him, and he told Gavin about me. He knew the challenges I faced and gave me a chance. I don’t want to let him down.”
It all made sense now. All his life, he strived to be a Pyre. He clung to the goal of success to get through the hard times. He was living his dream, a dream he fought for tooth and nail. He made it and didn’t want anyone getting in his way.
“My whole life I’ve been trying to reach this pinnacle. That’s what kept me going and now… I don’t know anything about relationships. I’ve never had one. I don’t know what’s beyond this, but I like what we have. I don’t want things to change. I don’t—”
She put her hand over his mouth. She didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. He owed her no explanations, and he had actually come after her in Hell. She made him step into a place he hadn’t been to since he left. She closed her eyes against the burn of tears. Again, her fault. Now he owed Lucifer a favor because of her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“What?”
“You shouldn’t have come there. I didn’t know—”
His hand fisted in her hair. “I spent hours thinking you were dead. Hearing you were alive, I didn’t care that I had to go into Hell to fetch you.”
“You owe him a favor because of me.”
“I can handle it.”
“You don’t know what he’ll ask for.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
It did. Lucifer was twisted and maniacal. His favor could have deadly consequences and would no doubt twist Marcus’s scruples. More blame on her head. She’ll ruin your life. Gavin’s voice echoed in her head, and she flinched. Marcus should be proud of the man he was. He had survived Hell and come out the victor. She couldn’t say the same.
“I understand,” she murmured.
He pressed his lips against her temple. “I care, Carmen.”
She rested her forehead against his throat as another tear slipped down her cheek. Caring wasn’t enough.
A ringing phone woke her. Marcus rolled away and picked it up.
“Yes?” He rose from the bed and headed to the closet. “The police are there?”
A casino emergency. She heard the rustle of clothing. She kept her eyes closed and breathing even. Her body felt heavy and unresponsive.
“Carmen, wake up.”
She played dead. She didn’t want to face him.
He cupped her face. “Come on, baby, wake up.”
She allowed her eyes to open. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to smell him. Yes, she was a sucker for a good guy who fucked like a bad boy, had a chip on his shoulder, and would never love her back as much as she loved him.
“My head of security’s dead. Witnesses say the assailants left on motorcycles.”
The Black Vipers were making hits on Pyre Casino employees? More death and drama that could be traced back to her.
“I’ll be gone three hours tops.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “Gavin comes back today. Once he takes over, we can figure this out.”
Figure out what? She understood his reservations. Knowing his background, his ambition and drive made sense. It meant he was Vinny on steroids. He would never stop, would never fill that well. If work made him happy, he attained a level of happiness and contentment very few people reached.
“Just give me some time,” he said.
Give him time to figure out how he felt about her? They already knew the answer. When he didn’t move, she nodded.
“Once I get back, I’ll take you to the doctor. I want to make sure you’re okay. There are guards outside. You’re safe here.”
He straightened and walked toward the door. He paused, looked back, and stared at her for a long minute. He opened his mouth, shook his head, and then disappeared.
She listened to him leave and stared straight ahead. Sunlight streamed through the windows. Her body felt as if it weighed one thousand pounds. She slid her legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a few minutes before she found the strength to move. She staggered to the window. There were two SUVs in the driveway full of Gavin’s guards. Fuck.
She hobbled to the garage and fetched her clutch from her car. The diamond necklace winked at her. She left it in the console and nabbed her phone, which beeped with messages she ignored. She stared at the damaged living room as she dialed and put the phone to her ear.
“Carmen?”
“Angel, I need a ride.”
Crime Lord Series
Thank you for reading Awakened by Sin! The next book in the series is Crime Lord’s Paradise.
After Gavin Pyre steps down from his position as crime lord, he and Lyla focus on picking up the pieces of their lives and creating the paradise they deserve.
I’ve written a bonus scene from Angel's POV during his debut as crime lord in The Pussycat. Join my email list and have it sent to your inbox!
Author’s Note
Hi All,
Yes, there is going to be another book for Carmen! I said each character after Gavin and Lyla would only get one book and broke my rule on the first try. Ugh! The characters have a mind of their own and I’ve stopped trying to control them. We’re going to let the characters do their thing and tag along for the ride.
I hope you enjoyed Awakened by Sin. This book took me over a year to write and is the most emotionally complex story I’ve written. When Vinny was murdered in Crime Lord’s Captive I didn’t know that Carmen would get a story or that one day, I would have to deal with her grief. She ripped my heart out. This has been a very trying year for me. It’s insane how my life paralleled a lot of the psychological struggles in this book. I had my first huge loss this year so writing this book was cathartic and gave new meaning to writing in your own blood. Carmen made me laugh, cry, cheer, and helped me through my darkest moments.
I’ve written a bonus scene from Angel's POV during his debut as crime lord in The Pussycat. Join my email list and have it sent to your inbox! Crime Lord’s Paradise is the next in series, a novella that features Gavin and Lyla!
Thank you for giving the Crime Lord Series a chance and coming on this ride with me! I couldn�
��t do this without you. Please leave a review and recommend the books to a friend. It helps me out a lot! Book 5 will come out in 2019!
* * *
Love,
Mia
Books by Mia Knight
Crime Lord Series:
Crime Lord’s Captive
Recaptured by the Crime Lord
Once A Crime Lord
Awakened by Sin
Crime Lord’s Paradise
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Singed Series:
Bitter Heat
About the Author
Mia is the author of the Crime Lord Series and Singed Series. She writes dark, contemporary romances and currently lives in Sin City where she is shadowed by her dogs who don’t judge when she cries or laughs with the characters in her head. She loves road trips, fast food, lakes and rivers, trains, and daydreaming.
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