by Kiera Cass
We had been most everywhere, but I knew anything out of the ordinary would appeal to them; after so many years it gets difficult to create ways to distract yourself. So in an attempt to go to every continent, we decided to visit Antarctica. Though it was empty and barren, it was beautiful. I couldn’t appreciate it fully, but it was distinct in its loveliness.
We didn’t plan ahead. There was nowhere to steal or borrow clothes from here. We probably could have made some, but none of us wanted to hurt an animal to get it; we had to hurt enough living things as it was. Instead, when the weeks’ worth of our dresses started gathering holes, we took a rushed swim around the continent, coming back to where we left fully clothed in a new gown. It was a luxury.
I wished someone could have taken a picture of Miaka with her dark hair and skin in her glorious blue dress against the backdrop of snow. It should have been hanging in a museum. She looked so fragile against the angry wind, it was almost distracting.
At first I admired her. Then I was bothered.
I wondered if it had been Miaka or Elizabeth or even Aisling who Akinli had found in the woods that night, would he have wanted to kiss them, too? They were all beautiful and just as mysterious to the average human being. I wondered if Akinli would have acted faster if it had been Aisling. She looked a lot like Casey. For absolutely no reason except for her blonde hair, I disliked Aisling even more. And then, remembering Miaka’s gentle beauty, I disliked her. And then thinking of Elizabeth’s fire, I disliked her.
I was jealous of my sisters. In my head they kissed Akinli, stayed with him, managed to make him confess his love for them. Through the course of my malicious daydreams, they’d all crawled into his bed, convincing him to not hold out— they were worth it. In my imagination, they all betrayed me. It took me weeks to get over this fictional pain.
They were confused by my sullen attitude. It was my idea to come here after all, right? When nothing, not the atmosphere or interesting animals or the way our glorious voices echoed in the void, could bring me around, we went back to Paris. They were tired of me. I could have disappeared in the snow, and no one would have noticed.
March passed.
Miaka and Elizabeth went out without me more and more. I didn’t mind. When they were gone, I was free to think about my real family. Not the family that was stolen from me all those years ago, but the trio living across the Sea next to the lighthouse that still beckoned. I wondered about Julie and Ben. Akinli said that he suspected she would become a Schaefer soon. Were they engaged yet? Already married? Expecting a family?
I found myself stuffing pillows under my shirt and staring at my reflection in the mirror. I thought I’d be beautiful pregnant. Would I someday finally get to be a mother? Who would the father be? Akinli would be settled into his family by the time I started one. His beautiful features would blend with someone else’s.
When that thought finally and truly sunk in, I barely breathed for the rest of the month. I don’t know what happened in March.
April passed.
The world was greedy this year. We were called to serve again. I don’t remember what ship it was. I don’t remember where we were. Who the hell cared? The lives and the faces didn’t register to me. There was only one face, one life I cared about. And, try as I may, I couldn’t see it.
Miaka and Elizabeth’s frustration with me turned to concern. If I had needed to eat or sleep, I wouldn’t have bothered. I started to really wish there was a way to die. I didn’t know if I could take the ache much more. I could have gone and asked the Sea to take me, but I really thought She would tell me no. She refused to give me anything I genuinely wanted.
Miaka took up painting again. One day while she was creating a beautiful cityscape, she asked me to come and sit with her.
“I’m worried about you,” she said.
“Why? I’m totally fine,” I lied. I was so used to putting on the show that I was still trying— even now that I was aware that my sisters could see right through it.
“I don’t think so. You aren’t yourself. You used to laugh a lot more, and you wanted to do things. Now you hide away. It’s like no matter where we are, you wish you were somewhere else.”
Oh, Miaka, you have no idea.
“I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been very interesting to be around. I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things the last few months,” I told her. It was the most honest thing I could say.
“Kahlen, it’s been nine months now. Maybe it’s time you said good-bye. I know you don’t really paint, but I think if you make Jillian something, it will help you feel better,” she suggested. She misread my sorrow, but her intentions were so kind. After how horrible I had been to her, Miaka wanted to help me. How could I have been jealous of her?
“I’ll try,” I promised. I sat in front of the massive canvas, intimidated by it. At first, I did try to think of Jillian. But I wanted to make something honest. It always seemed like the best art was honest. So I thought of Akinli. All I managed to paint were leaves. Falling leaves of all colors— some not even found in nature— covered the canvas. It took me an hour or two, because Miaka gave me such a large space. But when I was done, it looked like it said what I wanted it to.
Change. Death. Beauty. Secrecy. It was my mysterious story.
Miaka loved it. Making it had been such a relief that I made another. And another. I kept on, creating designs with my leaves. In one painting, I hid a pair of beautiful blue eyes. In another, I painted myself made entirely of leaves. In another, only part of a chubby leaf poked itself out of the side of the canvas— an homage to the baby belly I found myself aching for.
Of course they were nothing next to Miaka’s caliber, but the creating process was satisfying none the less. It was the easiest I had felt in a long time. Maybe because I was finally saying something about the only topic I wanted to discuss.
Miaka had made a dozen or so paintings and asked if she could take mine along with hers to do a show at a gallery. I don’t know how she managed to set up these things without talking. It’s amazing what passion will drive us to try. I didn’t need the paintings, and I certainly couldn’t keep them, so I told her it was fine. She could do whatever she liked with them. So she did.
Every last one of them sold.
I didn’t know that’s what her show would accomplish, but they were all sold to uptight French artsy people. For the first time in all of my life, I had earned money. Tens of thousands. In cash. I held it all in my arms, and cradled it like a child. I was so proud that I finally had something to show for all the sadness I’d experienced. I thanked my muse— my handsome and far-off muse— for refusing to leave my heart.
How in the world could I use this money? I had to make it matter.
May passed.
I silently planned. Part of the planning involved me painting more to show Miaka I was trying to get over Jillian. I did paint things besides leaves, but they were much less fulfilling. I made seven and only two sold. When Elizabeth stumbled upon a night club we had never been to, I dressed up and danced on the smoky floor. When they suggested an idea, I’d second it. I became as agreeable as I had been before, if not more. I tried to come up with little adventures of my own. Nothing I ever dreamed up could top Elizabeth, but they were both pleased to see my effort. The effort was all it took.
I spoke to the Ocean without mentioning Akinli. I told her about my paintings and how people had enjoyed them at Miaka’s art show. I didn’t tell Her I had made money off of them. I also didn’t mention they were all leaves. I guarded my mind pretty well. If I hadn’t, She most definitely would have called me on it. I talked about the fun I was having with Miaka and Elizabeth, racing each other up the Eiffel Tower to see who was fastest. Surprisingly, it was Miaka. I sounded peaceful, polite. I gave the right amount and type of energy. I was obedient. Obedience was always the key.
She was pleased to see
that I was making such an effort. I was returning to that girl She had found worth saving, and nothing was better in Her eyes. But She told me that it didn’t mean She would take me to Akinli.
Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to ask.
June came.
CHAPTER 14
June brought with it a sense of hope. Usually, when June came, I felt strange and sad. I knew I had become a siren in June. I took my last trip in June. I lost my family in June.
After Marilyn left, I knew the month didn’t matter so much, still I looked to June as a time of change, a way to mark the passing years. It was a month to remind myself of why I had agreed to this life in the first place. A time to think of the things I wanted. Now I only wanted one thing, and I was going to get him.
I had to do a lot of work to lead up to it. I had to play a part. I had resented all those years I had to act normal, but they made my time of preparation so much easier.
I smiled for my sisters. I did what I was told. When it was hard, I thought of what these actions were buying me. I had the structure of it drawn out in my head. I waited for an opportunity. All it would take was for Miaka or Elizabeth to get bored with Paris.
Boredom came mid-June.
I told them I had an idea. I wanted to spend my money since I couldn’t save it for the future. I wanted to do something big with them. I wanted a lavish adventure. I wanted to do something that usually would have required the Ocean’s help, but instead try to see if we could manage it without Her. This caught Elizabeth’s interest right away.
“What do you have in mind?” she asked.
“A trip. A journey. But not just any trip. Something in style,” I said, drawing out every word, trying to make it sound fabulous.
They both beamed.
“First, I think we should go from here to someplace else in the world, somewhere overseas. We’ll need to get identities, passports. We could ask the Ocean for some, and that would be easy. But could we do it on our own?” I let the idea hang for a moment. I saw my sisters catch on. “I think so. Elizabeth, I think we could safely leave that up to you.”
“Excellent!” she exclaimed. I could already see the strategies forming in her head. I hoped they wouldn’t take her interest from the trip itself.
“I think we should go on a cruise together. Usually, She would take us across the world, but I think we could do it by ourselves. I’ve got plenty of money for us to get posh suites on a transatlantic trip. We could lounge around, eat amazing food, dance at night, gamble, get massages— the whole shebang! Just live it up as if we were heiresses on a holiday,” I said with what I hoped was a mix of casualness and excitement.
“Ohhhh! That sounds so fun. Couldn’t you just see us in bikinis on a deck drinking frosty little things? Everyone would be so jealous of us!” Elizabeth was totally on board.
“Okay, okay, but we’ll need to look the part. Miaka, I’m counting on your sense of style here. We’re going to need three killer wardrobes,” I pleaded, looking at her imploringly.
“Oh! Really, you want me to do it all?” She seemed honored.
“Of course!”
“You do have amazing taste, Miaka,” Elizabeth chimed in.
“Okay, then! I’ll do it.” She was radiant with excitement.
“Wait. Hold on. Where are we going to go?” Elizabeth asked, finally touching on the one subject that I knew would make or break the plan. I had alternatives, but it meant much more work. I hoped this would be enough to amuse them.
“Well, I’ve been trying to figure that out. I hadn’t settled on anything yet, but the best idea I could come up with was Florida. There are a ton of theme parks there, lots of places to play. I thought we could just go and be like kids— have fun.”
They looked at each other.
“So what you’re suggesting is that we go out, steal identities, buy tons of clothes we don’t need, and go on a cruise to America. Then, once we get there, we drop the charade and run around like a bunch of crazy children in amusement parks?” Elizabeth asked, summing up the idea.
I had to pause. It sounded a little crazy, hearing it condensed like that.
“Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” I replied.
“That,” Elizabeth said, keeping me in absolute suspense, “is the best idea you’ve had in a year.” Her face lit up with the prospects of the journey. I could see her reveling in all the little details of it now: trickery, seduction, playfulness. All I had to guarantee is a good time. And really, I wouldn’t have to do much— the ships and the parks would do that for me.
“Definitely,” Miaka agreed. “But what about the Ocean. Do we need to tell Her? Will She be mad if we just go somewhere?”
“That’s the thing. First of all, She just fed; She won’t need us for a while. And second, I bet we could do it without Her ever knowing. Think about it: If we stay out of the rain and the water, the Ocean won’t know if we’re here or anywhere else. I’ll bet we could do this whole thing in two weeks and come right back here without Her ever knowing the difference. Wouldn’t it be fun to try and see? Besides, I don’t think She’d get upset with us if She did catch us anyway; She might actually be impressed.” That last part was a lie, at least for me, but I said what I had to.
“I like it. I’ll bet we totally could.” The tiniest hint of danger, and Elizabeth was sold. With her all for it, Miaka followed suit, just as she always did. I had hoped that was how it would work: give Elizabeth something tempting, pray Miaka would join in, and then praise them for their extraordinary talents which would make the whole thing possible.
It was almost too easy.
We started making plans. I could have done this without them, but if they spoke to the Ocean, She would know where I had gone. She would have commanded me back, and I would have had to obey. Like this, it was just a silly adventure we were all in on together. No real danger, no real risk. Just something to see if we could do.
I made my plans. I borrowed a computer by sneaking in through an open window. I made reservations for us on a cruise ship leaving in four days. It took some effort to find ones that were one-way. I then booked an entirely different cruise for the way back home two weeks from the day of our arrival. That would give us time to do what we wanted, give me time to do what I needed. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it on the ship back or not, but I planned for it anyway. I booked our room in Orlando, the capital of theme parks. I was going to treat my sisters in style; I had more money than I knew what to do with. I decided right then that if I could manage to do it without being seen, a very large envelope of money would make its way into that precious mailbox with the most beautiful surname in the world printed on the side.
With the reservations made, I set to making plans of my own. I looked up a few things, printed off maps. I also did a little bit of research. The last time we stole a car, the idiot left the keys inside. I couldn’t count on that this time. Don’t people realize how dangerous it is to inform others on how to steal or make bombs? In a matter of minutes, I knew how to hot wire a car.
I searched desperately for holes in my plan. I figured that the only two uncontrollable variables were Miaka and Elizabeth. After wracking my brain for hours, I settled into the truth that there was nothing I could do to restrain them. If one of them went to the Ocean, it was over. If one of them discovered I was lying, it was over. If one of them learned about Akinli, well, it was more than over if that happened. I had to have faith in their quietly defiant natures to keep to this ridiculous plan and not expose me.
I don’t know how in the world she managed to do it. I was afraid to know what lengths she went to, but Elizabeth had acquired passports and identifications from girls who could have easily been our twins. I couldn’t have imagined the Ocean producing better results. If Elizabeth could bear to be obedient in a true way, I had a sense that she would excel at a job that required espionage. She was fearless, cunnin
g, and truly heartbreaking to gaze upon. There’s no doubt in my mind that Elizabeth could bring down a country if she had the mind to do it.
I was to be a lovely girl named Tara. Miaka was Kiko. Elizabeth was Veronica. I got the feeling she went to extra means to get hers; Elizabeth would have wanted a sexy name. Veronica was perfect.
She did this in less than three days.
Miaka, wanting to contribute more than just her amazing taste in clothing, gave plenty of her own money to the wardrobe fund. In fact, I don’t think a penny of mine went into our clothes. And they were absolutely perfect. She found tops that were simple but obviously high-quality and well-made. She bought designer jeans in every flattering cut. She found the most amazing bathing suits for us to soak up the sun in. Elizabeth particularly enjoyed those. The dresses Miaka found accented our individual beauties. One showed off Miaka’s delicate back, another brought out my gentle curves, and yet another made Elizabeth’s cleavage the envy of us both. Everything she managed to find was suited for each of us. I could not have done whatever Elizabeth had done to get our passports, and after seeing Miaka’s wardrobe, I knew I would have done a sloppy job of making us look like millionaires. I was glad she took the job. Miaka really had a gift for noticing the details of life. I think that’s why she excelled at art; she really saw things.
When all of this was said and done, I truly appreciated the sisters I had been away from for years and then had practically ignored the last few months. We all had the same confinements in this life, but they still managed to stand out at things. They could see the world, truly. And they were beautiful and fun.
I felt a deep pang of jealousy and regret.
It was all almost over. Eighteen years was an instant and an eternity in my eyes. I had never achieved anything to the degree of Miaka or Elizabeth. I was an average siren… nothing special. And while I mourned being absolutely ordinary, I couldn’t bring myself to mind it. My thoughts were on the other side of the globe, hopeful and expectant.