I tried to stop myself from glancing at Eve, but the temptation was just too great. I found myself staring at her for several minutes, and then I realized someone else was looking in my direction.
Curious. I was used to being totally ignored by everyone, but not today. I locked eyes with a girl I wasn't familiar with, who was staring intently at me. I hadn't seen her before, but from her youthful face and pigtails I guessed she was a fifth-grader who had just started at our school. I wasn't in the mood to be stared at, so I shut my eyes and faced the window as the bus drove on.
* * *
I spent hours that evening reading and re-reading the chapter in my science text. I wanted to be sure that I knew the material backwards and forwards; not only would it make it easier to teach Eve, but it would probably get me an A on the test, and my parents always loved it when I brought those home.
My mother usually got home from the restaurant just in time to kiss me goodnight. Though she wasn't as active in my life as when I was younger, she still knew that I was much more asocial and withdrawn than I'd once been.
I was lying on my bed, re-reading The Fellowship of the Ring, when she came in and sat down in the nearest chair. “Hey, sweetie,” she said. “How was school today?”
“Fine, I guess,” I said. “A funny thing happened, though … my Science class lab partner asked me to help her study tomorrow during recess, right before our test. I mean, we've been sitting next to each other for a week, and this was the first time she even spoke to me. It's so weird.”
Mom didn't say anything; she just smiled knowingly in that way that mothers do.
“What are you smiling at?” I asked her.
“Oh, nothing,” she said. “I just think it's nice that you have a new friend. You seem to have so few these days.”
I made a face. “Well … we're not technically 'friends,' Mom. Just lab partners. She really doesn't like me. Like, at all.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Is she pretty?”
I closed my eyes briefly, picturing Eve's face. I smiled. “Yeah, she is.”
Mom stood up, still smiling. “Have a good study session, sweetie.” She closed the door behind her.
I stared up at my bedroom ceiling. That was Mom's gift: she not only knew what to say, but what not to say.
Wish I had the guts to tell her everything I wasn't saying.
Chapter 12
DAY 10
EVE
Despite Joshua's help with the lab project, I wasn't anywhere close to being ready for Friday's test, so I swallowed my pride and asked him to help me study. I was probably feeling vulnerable after my most recent failed attempt to speak to Emily.
It was obvious Joshua was terrified to speak to me. Looking directly at him, I was able to see his eyes clearly through the lenses of his glasses. I saw something there, behind them, something he was trying really hard not to show me.
* * *
On the bus ride home, I thought about Joshua's eyes. I glanced at him a couple of times, but he was just staring out the window, as usual. Funny thing, though … someone else on the bus saw me looking at him. A girl, around ten years old, sitting two seats away and across the aisle, was looking directly at me.
The girl had light brown hair set in two dorky-looking pigtails, freckles, and I caught a metallic glint when she opened her mouth slightly. Braces. Poor kid, she must catch hell for all those things. I thought she was going to say something, but she quickly averted her eyes and went back to talking to the other kids.
* * *
Kirsten and Sophie didn't give me a hard time on the walk home. They walked a few paces in front of me, making little-girl small talk with each other. I was thankful, because I already had enough drama in my life. Besides, I hated arguing with them, no matter how annoying they were sometimes.
When I got home, I finished my homework as fast as I could before going to my favorite spot: the old porch swing in my backyard. September was the best time of year to be outside, as it was sunny yet cool. All I could think about were Joshua's eyes. What was it I'd seen in them?
Fear. And yet, he'd agreed to help me study.
Loneliness. Yeah, that fit. The guy was alone everywhere he went, so being with another person, especially a popular girl, must feel like winning the lottery. Well, as long as we both got something we needed out of the arrangement, I was cool with it.
Chapter 13
DAY 11
JOSHUA
I finished lunch as fast as I could and ran to the library to claim the desk in the corner area next to the reference section. Eve arrived about ten minutes later, cautiously looking over her shoulder as she approached. I wanted to start off with a greeting or some small talk, but it seemed clear she was as scared as I was that we would be discovered, so we just opened our textbooks and talked science.
We went over the parts of the chapter she was having trouble understanding, which were the finer points of the periodic table. My preparations had paid off. I made sure to keep my voice low, and to make the material as simple as I possibly could. She seemed to appreciate this, which made me smile. And she actually smiled back.
Wow. That smile. It was so beautiful. It only lasted for a moment, and it was probably out of a sense of relief more than gratitude, but I took a mental snapshot of it so I could play it back in my head whenever I wanted.
With ten minutes left before the fifth-period bell, we finished our review. As I was putting my books into my backpack, I took one last look at her. “You think you're ready?”
“Ready as I'll ever be, I guess,” she said.
“You'll do fine,” I said, smiling slightly.
She nodded, and smiled again. “Thank you, Joshua.” Then she slung her backpack over her shoulder and headed for the exit.
I basked in the memory of that smile for a few minutes, and then headed for the side door, which was technically a fire exit, but there was no alarm attached so it was okay for students to use. It was the quickest way to the science classroom.
Contemplating the best week I'd had in years, I walked out the side door and straight into the arms of the bully squad. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I was on the ground writhing in pain from two gut-punches within seconds. They were there, all four of them, laughing at me. I didn't look at their faces; as terrified as I was, I always tried to never let them see it. I just clutched my stomach, trying like hell not to vomit.
I looked around to see who else might be watching, hoping I might catch sight of a faculty member in the distance … but no, only a few familiar faces had stopped to watch. Random classmates, people I'd once freely socialized with, now chose to stand well back and observe my humiliation from a distance. That always happened. It was sad, but I'd gotten used to it.
Then I saw Eve. She was standing on the upper concourse with Rhonda, looking down at me. Rhonda was smiling that shark's smile she always did. Oh God, did she know about our study session? Is that what this was about, or was this pounding just business as usual? I locked eyes with Eve for a brief moment, but then the bully squad surrounded me, blocking out the light.
“How was lunch, dog turd?” Brent asked, laughing cruelly. “Here's your dessert.”
He put his filthy sneaker on my head, pinning it to the sidewalk for a full minute. Then he kicked me once in the stomach before calling it a day. They left me lying there, beaten and humiliated, for all to see. No one came and offered me a hand, or even asked if I was okay. That, too, was normal.
Ten minutes later, I was in Science class being handed my test. I'd washed Brent's shoeprint off of my face as best I could, but the emotional impact of my first real beating in months was causing me to tear up. I could feel my hands shaking, and my mind was going a million miles a minute.
Nothing's changed. Not a damn thing. It's not fair! Why does this keep happening to me? Why am I so weak? Why doesn't anyone care? I hate this place so much …
I tried not to look at Eve. I couldn't stand the thought of her seei
ng me like this. As we began the test, she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
I was only able to half-concentrate on the test. All I could think about was … how much did Eve really know about me? Had she seen me getting beaten up before? What was I going to do? Wait a minute, did she really just squeeze my hand, or did I imagine that?
* * *
Later that day, I was still in a fair amount of pain as I took my customary seat on the bus, thinking paranoid thoughts that maybe I was bleeding internally or something. I was so lost in thought, I didn't even notice when Eve sat down in the seat next to me. She was looking directly at me. Please, God, don't let me start crying now, I'll never live it down …
As quick as our eyes met, I turned away again, resuming my thousand-yard stare out the window. Why was this happening now? There wasn't anyone on the bus that would rat us out to Rhonda, but this conversation could only lead to more trouble. All I could think about was the pain in my gut and the way Eve had looked at me from the second story earlier. And the way she's looking at me now … is that … compassion?
“Joshua, look at me,” she said.
I felt the punches all over again. What was she doing? This was just wrong. Don't look at her, Joshua. Just don't.
“Look at me,” she said again.
Do girls have this magical power that makes boys do whatever they want? My resistance was never high, but I'd known right from the beginning of our partnership that I could never refuse Eve anything. I looked at her full-on, and those piercing brown eyes bored right into my soul. I tried frantically to stop the tears gushing from my eyes, but it didn't work.
I could feel my breathing getting more labored, as the hopelessness and abandonment I'd felt over the last few years completely overwhelmed me. I desperately scanned the bus for something else to look at, settling on my shoes. Another tear trickled down my cheek. I just couldn't face her. Not like this.
“Please, just leave me alone.” I wanted to say more, but the words died at the back of my throat.
She took my hand and clasped it between both of hers. Her hands were warm and soft, just like I imagined they would be. The sensation was so unfamiliar to me; I'd reached puberty more than a year before, but I'd never been touched by a girl in such an intimate manner. If this was what physical contact felt like, then I definitely liked it. After a few seconds, though, the rational part of my brain regained control.
“No, Joshua. Just talk to me,” she said.
“About what?” I said quietly, meeting her gaze.
“You know what.”
I didn't let go of her hand, but my eyes kept wavering between her face and the back of the seat in front of us. “What's there to talk about? This is my life. It's been this way forever. It never changes.”
She let go of my hand and edged a few inches closer to me. I looked around at the other passengers, but no one was paying us any mind. As usual. “How long has this being going on?” she asked.
“Since fifth grade,” I replied. God, has it really been that long?
A horrified look crossed her face. “Three years?” She turned away, shaking her head. “I knew you were being picked on, but I didn't realize it was for that long.”
“It wasn't always this bad,” I said. “It used to be just name-calling. By sixth grade, it had grown into pushing and shoving. Things didn't start getting really violent until last year.”
The blood drained from her face. “How violent?”
“Small stuff at first, you know, bruises, welts, charley horses, Indian burns, stuff that heals fast. But by the time we finished seventh grade, they were doing actual damage. Bumps on my head, bloody noses … well, use your imagination.”
“Why don't you tell someone?”
You've gotta be freakin' kidding me. I felt myself getting angry. “Gee, why didn't I think of that?”
She looked hurt.
“I'm sorry,” I said.
She nodded. “It's okay.”
I continued, “Sometimes the teachers catch them doing it, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I go directly to the principal myself. Every time I think he's going to give them the punishment they deserve, he either gives them a day's detention or he does nothing at all.”
“Detention?” she replied. “You mean, they pick up garbage for forty-five minutes after school? That's it?”
“That's it.”
“He doesn't threaten to suspend them, or tell their parents or something?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea what he does, but I doubt it. All he says to me is, 'Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Joshua. I will take care of this. You can leave now.' Every time, he says that. But if he does give them detention, they just come back at me angrier than ever, threatening me with even worse stuff. I don't even bother telling on them anymore.”
A look of anger crossed her face. “How can you just accept this?” As if it was all my fault.
I could feel the bitterness swelling in my gut again. “What am I supposed to do, Eve, fight back? There are four of them, and three of them are way bigger, stronger, and meaner than I am. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm tiny. I'm the smallest guy in our class!”
I could feel myself getting choked up, and my breath was becoming rapid. “I'm a weakling! I have no friends! No one cares!” My voice trailed off into a barely-audible whisper. “What did I do? What did I ever do to deserve this?”
I shot a look out the window again, trying to stop the tidal wave of emotion I was feeling. “People used to like me, believe it or not. I had friends … but as soon as the bully squad started tormenting me, they all just faded into the background.”
The look of anger on her face had morphed into one of pure pity. “That's horrible,” she whispered.
“That's my life. All I can do is avoid the bullies. Most days, I can. But on those days that I can't … all I can do is deal with it.” I resumed staring out the window.
“Maybe … maybe I can talk to Rhonda, see if there's something she can do for you. She has a lot of influence.” She seemed to brighten at the thought.
I was amazed at how naïve this girl was. But then, she'd had her close circle of friends once, and most people our age rarely stray too far outside their comfort zones. It's very easy to ignore bad things, just as long as they're not happening to you.
The bus rolled up to my stop, and I was looking forward to a weekend of peace and quiet. There wasn't enough time to tell Eve that the Rhonda she knew was very, very different from the Rhonda I knew, which was an arrogant, cruel bitch who flaunted her popularity and power at every turn to people like me, the people she deemed the dregs of the school. I'd nicknamed her 'The Dragon Queen' some time ago, for obvious reasons.
I gathered my backpack and stood up, edging past her into the aisle as the bus slowed to a halt. Turning back to Eve, I placed a hand on her shoulder. “You really don't know, do you?” I gave her the slightest of smiles, and then I walked off the bus and didn't look back.
* * *
I replayed our conversation over and over in my mind that weekend. But mostly, I just thought about her smile and the warmth of her hands.
Chapter 14
DAY 11
EVE
I learned a lot about Joshua during our study time in the library. When there was no one around, he seemed like a completely different person. He was almost cheerful, something I'd never seen him be before. I knew he was smart, but he was also very nice, which was something I hadn't expected. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to explain science to me in a way I could understand, but he somehow found a way.
I also used our time together to study him. I searched for traces of the freak I'd been told he was, but I found none, which also surprised me. I was sure he knew what people said about him, but I wasn't going to bring that up while I still needed his help.
I threw my pencil down on the table. My head was starting to throb. “Noble gases, earth metals, atomic weights … how do you keep all this stuff in yo
ur head?” I asked him.
He looked puzzled. “I don't know. I just read it until I understand it, I guess. If there's a word I don't understand, I go online and look it up. I just keep at it until I get it straight in my brain.”
I nodded. “You've got a good mind for this, Joshua. I guess my brain's just wired differently.”
“It's really not as hard as you think, Eve. Don't look at it like it's a ten-foot wall you have to climb over. Do what I do … look at it like it's a brand-new world, one worth exploring.”
I thought about this. It actually made some sense. “That might take some doing. Will you help me?”
He smiled. “We're partners, right? Of course I'll help.”
I looked at his face, at his smile. He actually had a very pleasant smile. Not a fake smile, like I saw on Rhonda's friends all the time, but a genuine one.
Wow, this didn't go the way I thought it would at all.
A couple of minutes after leaving the library, I found Rhonda on the upper concourse. She often went there during recess. She liked to look around at what was going on, like a queen surveying her domain … which was more than a little arrogant, but as she was the most popular girl in school and an entitled rich girl, I guess it wasn't that unusual.
“Where have you been?” she asked.
“Studying,” I replied. “I have a big science test in a few minutes, and I have to pass it or my parents will freak out again.”
“Whatever,” she said. “Just don't make a habit out of it.”
Before I could respond, I heard someone cry out from ground level, about fifty feet away. Rhonda and I walked over to the railing overlooking the courtyard between the buildings right next to the boys' lockers. I looked down, my eyes wide.
Joshua was on the ground, clutching his stomach. He'd obviously come out the side door of the library and run right into Brent and his friends. They were standing over Joshua, laughing at him. I suppressed a gasp, and Joshua unexpectedly turned his head to look directly at me. It only lasted a second, though, before the bullies closed in around him.
Joshua's Island (James Madison Series Book 1) Page 4