While I’m happy to see her, it feels awkward. We didn’t end on the best of terms after I told her she was doing Fernando wrong in tricking him to get her pregnant. She disagreed, and I left in tears.
Fernando stands, keeping Hero perched in the crook of his elbow. He gives Jewel a smile, and pulls her in with his other arm, kissing her cheek in greeting.
“How’s it going?” he says.
She murmurs a low response I’m unable to hear over the sudden flash of thundering jealousy between my ears. My chest twists in pain as he keeps an arm around her, his head lowered, nodding as she speaks. Hero grins as she looks between her parents, and puts one hand on each of their heads, pulling them together to make them bump.
“Mama, kiss,” she demands.
“I already gave Mama a kiss,” Fernando says, his eyes flicking to me.
I lower my gaze, feeling sudden shame for my jealousy along with my deep-seated desire to own every part of this man, even though it would mean breaking apart a beautiful little girl’s feeling of security.
“Yeah, I’ll work on it.” Fernando says in response to whatever Jewel said, dropping his arm from her shoulder. He steps back and turns to me with Hero in his arms, then glances at Jewel in a silent plea of support. Comprehension dawns on her face, and she rushes over to my side.
“Hero, this is my and Papi's friend. Her name is Aida.”
A pair of bright, blue eyes framed by thick lashes study me with open curiosity. She runs her gaze down to my thin-soled white Converse, then looks at my bare legs, studying the frayed hem of my jean shorts.
I’m being judged by a toddler.
I force a bright smile on my face. “Hi, Hero. Nice to meet you.”
How does one greet a child?
I raise my hand in a high five. She scowls and leans away, leaving me hanging. Ouch.
Fernando chuckles. “Don’t take it personally. She doesn’t like anyone new.”
“Come on in, guys.” Jewel angles a thumb over her shoulder toward the house. “I’ve got a souffle in the oven.”
“Coffee?” Fernando says with a note of hope in his voice.
Jewel tosses a grin at him. “Duh.”
Another jealous ache twists in my gut. I never saw them together before today, only spent time with each of them separately. Now I’m starting to feel like the jealous prick.
Hero wriggles in Fernando’s grip, trying to get to the ground. “Papi, swing.”
He shoots me a quick look. “I gotta fix her swing really quick. Wanna come?”
The little girl narrows her eyes at her father, not bothering to disguise her unhappiness with his question.
I raise my palms, and walk backward. “No, no. You just got home. She wants to be with you.”
Comprehension lights up Fernando’s eyes. “Yeah, of course.”
I grab my suitcase and pull it toward the porch, where Jewel is already dragging Fernando’s luggage up the three steps. She holds the screen door wide for me, and I step inside their home. Jewel toes off her shoes and I copy.
“Follow me,” Jewel says, wheeling the luggage through the beige carpeted living room. “You’re sleeping in his room, right?”
“Ehh, I don’t know. I feel really weird.”
Jewel stops and angles toward me, giving me a patient look. “Hero will have to get used to it sooner or later.”
I bite my lip, stabbing my big toe against the high piled carpet. “It doesn’t feel right to me. It seems like she thinks you guys are still together.”
“Fernando and I haven’t been a couple since she was a few months old. She’s used to our friendship. We hug often, and he always kisses my cheek when he sees me, but he does that with a lot of people. It’s like a cultural thing.” She shrugs. “Anyway, we’ll probably sit with Hero and discuss some things soon. Like how we’ll have two houses now, and she’ll get her own room at each house. I think Fernando and I will be different from other couples in how we co-parent, because we don’t have hurt between us. We plan on having family outings frequently, movie nights, dinner once a week. It’s important for us that Hero feels secure through this.”
I nod. “Of course.”
Jewel’s eyebrows draw inward. “Did Fernando talk with you about any of this yet?”
“Not yet.” I swallow, giving a quick shake of my head.
“Oh, no. Well, please give him some time to discuss things with you, then. I’m sorry if I screwed anything up, but since he saw you again, we’ve been talking every day about how we’ll transition through our divorce.” She flashes me a grin. “Is it odd that I’m excited about my divorce?”
I smile weakly and begin following her up the staircase. I’m not sure what to think of all this. Sharing a room with Fernando, even for one night, feels wrong.
Jewel points to the room to the right. “That’s my and Hero’s room. And to the left here is Fernando’s.”
She opens the door, revealing a simple bedroom with a full-sized bed. The bed where Jewel first tricked Fernando into having sex with her. The bed where their daughter was conceived.
I can’t seem to help the bitter dregs of the past mucking up my mind. When I see Fernando, the one thought I have is mine. Being here with his wife and child is clear proof that I will have to share him.
Jewel catches the direction of my stare and sighs. “Hey, I know this all seems like a lot. But I promise it’ll be okay. Everyone will need to adjust, and we might have moments where it doesn’t go so smooth, but don’t give up on him, okay? He’s worth it.”
“How can you …” I pause, trying to gather the right words. “If I had Fernando to myself like you, I’d never let him go.”
Jewel smiles softly. “Don’t you see? He never belonged to me. The minute he met you, he was yours.”
Warm, soapy water runs over my hands as I make myself useful following the breakfast Jewel graciously had ready for us. Dishes are an easy way to help, and usually the least favored task.
Yawning, I rinse the plate, the lack of sleep finally catching up. I squint at the clock on the microwave. 9 o’clock in the morning. I frown. Abram should have at least called by now, but if everything went smoothly, maybe he only wants to go to bed like me.
“Shoes, Hero,” Jewel says from the doorway. “Don’t you want to go visit Claudio?”
The little girl nods and runs on heavy feet to the door, plopping her bottom to the wood floor to slip on her shoes. I grab a used coffee mug and scrub the inside with the sudsy sponge.
“We’re gonna spend the morning by Isabel’s house so Hero can play and you guys can sleep,” Jewel says.
The heat of Fernando’s gaze runs over my spine.
Jewel laughs. “Or not. Have fun, you two.”
“We will.” Fernando’s chair slides away from the table as he stands and then brings his plate to the sink.
He takes the sponge from the ledge and cleans his plate as I rinse the mug under running water.
“Bye Papi,” Hero chirps, skipping to him.
Fernando dries his hands and drops into an easy crouch, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly on the cheek. “Have fun playing with Claudio. We’ll swing outside later, okay? Aida and I are gonna take a nap.”
I glance at Hero, wondering how she’ll react to that.
She wrinkles her nose. “Not me.”
“No, your nap is after lunch.”
“Have fun at playing at your friend’s house,” I say as brightly as I can manage, wiggling my fingers in a wave at the little girl.
She looks away. Fernando smooches a kiss on the side of her chubby face one more time. “Love you, mija.”
“Love you, papi.”
Hero runs out the door, and then Jewel closes it behind them. Silence blankets the space. Fernando stands and returns his attention to the sink, grabbing the soufflé pan to clean.
“Go on up and shower. I’ll finish cleaning,” he says.
With a quick, silent nod, I gladly rush out of the kitchen an
d jog up the short flight of stairs.
I cry in the shower.
Fernando’s daughter doesn’t like me. He and Jewel have this perfect, easygoing friendship, making me feel like an immigrant in a strange, intolerant land. Everything feels wrong.
After turbaning a towel around my hair, I wrap another around my torso. Steam coats the mirror, and I wipe it away, staring back at my red-eyed reflection.
A knock sounds on the door. “Can I come in?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
The door opens and Fernando peeks his head inside. A swath of steam curls around his head.
“You alright?”
“Hero hates me.”
He opens the door fully, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. “I told you, she doesn’t like anyone new. She needs time.”
Shrugging, I duck under his arm and move toward my luggage. Fernando wraps his hand around my wrist, pulling me to a stop. I turn, meeting the dark intensity of his gaze. Gooseflesh ripples down my thighs and spreads over my arms.
“I’ll be out of the shower in five minutes. Wait for me in bed,” he says, his intention clear.
My mouth goes dry, and my lips tremble as I manage a quick nod. I don’t know why I feel so much trepidation over being with him again. When we’re together, something unbearable aches in every fragile part of me, igniting my insecurities and shredding my sanity.
It’s a pain I can’t escape, but every time I know I’ll throw myself headlong into him like a fiend seeking release.
Many minutes later, he leaves the shower, his body naked and skin steaming. His eyes rove over me where I stand next to bed, my towels discarded in a heap on the floor. With a grin, his legs eat up the space between us. Our bodies connect as our mouths slam together, the damp heat of his skin inflaming mine.
Desire coils, tightening into an intricate knot of bliss for him to unravel.
“I’ve needed you,” he mutters, between kisses. “God, I’ve needed you, Aida.”
He nudges one knee between my thighs and then uses his foot to gently knock my feet apart, spreading me for him. Separating his lips from mine, he leans back with a slight smirk as his hand snakes between my legs, borrowing my moisture to soften the circling motion of his fingertips.
My eyes flutter shut as my head falls back, sinking into the building sensation. His fingers move in a relentless rhythm, and I collapse back on the bed, my legs unable to function any longer. The warmth of his body covers mine, his lips returning to press against my cheek, then forehead, and finally my mouth. I nearly groan aloud with pleasure from the taste and heat of him.
“I want to …” He exhales and presses his forehead to mine before pulling slightly away. “I need to …” His fingers withdraw from between my legs, and then he closes his eyes as he brings his hand to his mouth, sucking the taste of me from his fingertips. “Stay in the moment with me, Aida. Don’t leave.”
He lowers his face to my neck, trailing a wake of suctioning kisses along my collarbone, then up toward my ear before moving lower. Our hands entwine, my arms spread wide to the sides as he centers his attention on my breasts, swirling around my nipples, then tugging each of them into his mouth with long, slow pulls of his tongue.
I buck and writhe under his weight, until he shifts himself so his heavy thigh rests between my legs, giving me something to rub this throbbing ache against. The pressure of him against me sends electric sparks of pleasure up my spine. He’s savage as he returns his mouth to mine, kissing me with a deep, almost violent intensity that I return. Our breaths combine as our moans mingle. His hardened length lay heavy along my hip and I shift to center myself on him, needing the fullness. Fernando laughs softly against my mouth, our teeth bumping gently before he moves lower, pressing his lips to my chin, then my belly.
The wet warmth of his mouth moves between my legs, his tongue tracing the lines and peaks of me. His leisurely pace drives my body to new heights as his tongue discovers hidden paths, sending licking flames to devour my senses. My brain seems to flutter and try to drift away from the moment, but Fernando squeezes my hands in an attempt to bring me back from the dark corners of my mind.
A low sound sighs from his throat as he buries his face against me, feasting on my heat and the source of my arousal with a raw, unrelenting hunger. But my mind keeps trying to float away like a balloon with its ribbon shorn, wandering higher to embed me in the vast atmosphere far away from this delicious torment.
The last time we were together this way, he wanted me to keep my focus on him. It helped to see the dark depths of his eyes lit with adoration.
He tightens his grip on my hands with an urgent tug, pulling my attention. Flexing my abdomen, I shift my shoulders upward and prop my elbows on the bed to see his dark head ensconced between my legs. His eyes flick up to mine and his mouth moves against me as he smiles.
I love you.
Pain floods my heart as simultaneous heat surges between my hips.
Fernando releases my hands and then moves his right hand to my breast, trailing the rough pads of his fingertips over the tightened bud of my nipple. I gasp and thread my fingers through his thick hair, gripping it at the roots. He chuckles softly and suctions his lips to my engorged knot of nerves. His left hand grips my thigh as he pulls my legs even wider before bringing his fingers beneath his mouth and inserting two inside me.
The pressure increases and a feral, needy sounding whine rips from my throat as my hips begin moving in an involuntary rhythm with the tug of his lips and slide of his fingers. Minutes of bliss later, he wrenches a powerful, shattering orgasm from my body as his name falls from my lips in a song of soul and body.
“God,” I whisper, my thighs trembling around his head as I collapse onto the bed.
A single tear snakes from the edge of my eye, but thankfully I don’t start sobbing like I did the first time.
He presses a kiss to the inside of my thigh, then nibbles a path to my hip and then up my body, before settling himself between my thighs. One of his hands cups the side of my face and he brushes his thumb across my temple to swipe away the tear.
“This time was better?” he asks softly, his eyebrows drawn in concern.
My face cracks in a smile, and then a bubble of laughter moves up my chest. His eyes crinkle as he gives me a goofy grin, relief clear on his face. Again, my heart swells with a sensation so painful it takes my breath away. I raise one hand to his face, trailing my fingers over his brow and gliding my thumb over his full bottom lip.
“I’m afraid I might love you, Fernando.”
His breath catches and then he crushes himself to me, wrapping his arms around my back. He buries his face in my neck, and his ragged breaths heat the tender skin.
“Aida,” he whispers, then delicately presses his lips to my neck in tender kisses.
I shift beneath him, opening myself wider to accept his body into mine. He groans as he broaches my entrance, and my head arches back as he fills me inch by inch. Propping his hands on either side of my shoulders, he raises his face to mine, his eyes a kaleidoscope of color, brown tinged with green, reddened with emotion. Our bodies blend and merge in a sacred dance of sweat and tears.
And we make love out of regrets, turning pain into joy and heartache into hope.
Chapter 18
HEAVY WEIGHT LANDS ON top of my head then embeds in the pillow, wrenching at my hair.
“Papi, wake up!” comes a little voice.
After our nap of the century, this is a rude awakening. Turning onto my back, I press my lips together to stifle the string of curse words I want to yell as strands of my hair get ripped out under Hero’s bare foot.
“Hey, Hero,” I whisper, my voice husky with sleep.
Her big eyes narrow in the curtain darkened room, and then her gaze moves to the other side of the bed where Fernando sleeps soundly, facedown and the sheet covering him halfway.
“Papi,” she whines, tumbling off me and crawling to his side of the bed. �
��Wake up. Go outside.”
An idea pops in my head. This might be a good opportunity to bond with Fernando’s daughter. I glance at the clock on the bedside table. Two in the afternoon.
“I can take you out to play. Can you go to my bag on the chair there and grab that pile of clothes on top?”
She pauses, her lips pursed as she studies me over her shoulder. “I want a cookie.”
Great, she’s looking to bargain. Kid is lucky I’m desperate.
“Do you know where the cookies are?” I ask.
She nods.
“Where’s your mama?”
“Take a nap.”
“Okay, we’ll grab some cookies before we go outside.”
Hero bounds off the bed and gathers the stack of clean clothes I had ready for after the shower. I sit up, careful to keep the sheet wrapped across my breasts. My eyes linger on the bronze skin of Fernando’s muscled back, and the curve of his buttocks under the sheet. Desire flares inside me, but is immediately dampened by the clothes his daughter shoves in my lap.
Quickly, I locate my shirt in the pile then pull it over my head. Hero stands at the side of the bed, waiting. I really don’t feel comfortable putting on my shorts in front of her.
“Go downstairs and find the cookies, okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”
The little girl skips out of the room, her braids bouncing against her back. I then check my phone to see a message from my brother an hour ago.
I’m getting on a flight to North Carolina now. What’s the address where you’re at?
Quickly, I check the location on my phone, then text it to Abram. He’s probably landed already.
I slide my phone into my back pocket and head downstairs. The door to the pantry lay open and pale light glows from inside. Smiling, I walk inside the well-stocked space. Hero stands in front of a shelf, her head tilted back to see the uppermost ledge.
“Up high,” she says, pointing.
“Hmm.” I settle my hands on my hips. “You think you can help me?”
Her clear blue eyes blink once as she gives me a rapid nod.
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