by Matt Cowper
“I will be satisfied just to see the pure energy shoot from your optic centers,” Dak rumbled. “Where you aim your destructive power, I care not.”
“Duly noted, Dak,” Baldwin said, “but something tells me Johnny here wants to be more specific.”
“I do,” I said. “I want you to do something pretty straightforward. Someone will be interviewed tomorrow morning. It’s with a smaller station, KOOW, so it won’t make much of a splash – no pun intended – unless someone gives it a big shove. That’s where you come in. Make sure the video of that gets to every relevant site on the Net, and that it stays trending. YayTube, TwiceDailyMotion, 999Chan, all of them. I want everyone in Z City to see this.”
“That’s it?” Netmaster said, squinting at me. “You just want me to post a video everywhere? No government hacking, no deep-sea diving to try to find out more about our major players, no mind-erasing viruses sent to the corrupt men and women of this godforsaken city?”
“No, none of that,” I said. “We’ve already seen what happens when you step onto Woodruff’s turf. He shouldn’t be able to track you if you’re just messing around with videos, right?”
“Probably not. These are international companies behind these websites; they have different priorities than soulless bureaucracies like the DOT. Woodruff could probably coerce them into doing his bidding, but it would take time.”
“Good,” I said. “I’ll let you know when the clip airs.”
“This press conference…what’s it about?” Baldwin asked.
“We’re taking the fight to Woodruff,” I said, grinning. “Using his own tactics against him.” I leaned back and crossed my arms. “Blackmail doesn’t work if you reveal the information the blackmailer is using against you.”
“I don’t know about that,” Baldwin said. “Woodruff’ll just deny everything, and charge you both with disturbing the peace or something.”
“Just wait and see,” I said. “Yeah, unofficially, he’ll be pissed, but officially? He’ll have to pretend he’s pleased as punch.”
“You seem confident in this plan of yours,” Netmaster said. “I like it.”
“Just be ready to work your e-magic,” I said. “The more exposure, the better.”
“It’ll have ten million views by the end of the day, or I’m a 56k modem.”
“What else you got cookin’?” Baldwin asked. “Somethin’, I can tell.”
“I’ve got a few things frying on the skillet,” I said, “but don’t worry about all that. Pushing that video is all I need you guys to do. And, of course, if you find out who outhacked you, that’d be very helpful.”
“You’re going to go cause some mayhem with that Deathrain woman, aren’t you?” Netmaster said.
“I’m…still undecided.”
“There is no lack of decision,” Dak rumbled. “You pretend to waver and ponder, but you know your course of action is set.”
“Shut it,” I growled.
“I think Dak is right,” Netmaster said, “but I’m not gonna argue with you. Just let us know if you need anything else.”
“How can I contact you?” I asked.
“Send an email to [email protected]. It’s safe.”
“Who the hell is that?” I asked. “One of your aliases?”
“Yeah, Engelbert Pumpernickel is the T. Cholmondeley Frink Professor of Comparative Literature at Northwestern Piedmont University. I use him to troll those stuffy literary types.”
“Alright,” I said, grabbing the handle to the van’s side door. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Later, Johnny,” Baldwin said. “Later, Dak.”
“Fare thee well,” Dak rumbled, “and blaze a path of destruction for all to see.”
I slid the door open and hopped down to the street. After being inside the gloomy interior, the daylight made me squint. I shielded my eyes as Netmaster shimmied over and started to close the door.
“Fire up our chariot, good man,” Netmaster said, “and let us be off!”
Baldwin turned the key, and clanks and hisses sounded from the hood. A cloud of black smoke belched from the tailpipe, causing an old woman walking her poodle to shake her bony fist at the vehicle. I thought the van was going to collapse right there in the street, but Baldwin pulled out and headed down the block without causing a traffic incident.
I watched them until they were out of sight, then crossed the street and climbed the steps back to my office. Miss Tuppingham looked up from her work as I entered.
“How did it go, sir?” she asked. “You all were talking for quite some time.”
“It went well, I guess – as well as things can go with those two.”
I replayed our conversation for her – omitting certain parts, of course – and she gasped, smiled, or tsk-tsked where appropriate.
“So what’s next on your agenda, Mr. Wagner?” she asked when I was done. “Oh, I almost forgot. I looked on the Net for that Deathrain person you mentioned, but I didn’t find much of anything. I did my best, but the Net is so big, and it’s easy to get distracted.”
“Not a problem,” I said. “Netmaster scanned just now, and even he didn’t find much.”
“Well, that makes me feel better,” Erna said, nodding.
“As for what’s next….”
“What’s next is we prepare for our convergence with Rain of Death,” Dak rumbled.
“Dak—”
The door to my office banged open, revealing a thin, lank-haired man wearing a leather jacket. The air within my office was suddenly acting very strange: a breeze knocked over some papers on Erna’s desk, and I could feel cool currents playing across my body, as if tiny invisible fingers were poking me.
“Can I help you?” I asked, wondering if he was a potential client. Then I recognized him. I clenched my God Fist and tried to look like a dangerous superhuman, but sweat was already forming on my brow, and my heart had fallen all the way to the basement.
The man let out a hissing laugh. “You know who I am, huh?”
“What do you want, Gale Force?” I asked in the sternest tone I could muster.
“Gale Force?!” Erna gasped. “Mr. Wagner, we’re doomed!”
Gale Force laughed again. “That you are, my dear. That you are.”
Chapter Fifteen
“You looking for a private investigator?” I asked. “My rates are competitive, and no one works harder to get results.”
“Stop trying to be cute, Wagner,” Gale Force said. “You know why I’m here.”
“Do I?”
The supervillain tilted his head ever so slightly, and a column of air slammed into my stomach. It felt like a battering ram was trying to drive my innards out of my back. I keeled over, hacking, the pain already making me dizzy.
“Mr. Wagner!” Erna wailed. She rushed to my side and bent down beside me, wrapping her arm around me in a motherly hug. “Oh, that bad man!”
“Yes, I’m a bad one,” Gale Force said, his cadaverous face twisting into a sinister smirk. “A callous murderer, a terrorist, an anarchist, and so on. People fear me, Wagner.” He walked into my office and surveyed the surroundings. A grunt and chuckle indicated he wasn’t too impressed with my décor. “Do you fear me?”
I did, but I wasn’t about to let this villain know that. Before I could think of a witty rebuttal, though, Dak’s voice rumbled through the office.
“You seem confident in your abilities, Force of Gale,” he said, “but have you ever fought a God of Destruction? I think not. Best prepare yourself, for Dakroth’gannith’formaz is furious, and his perfervid anger causes the mightiest warriors to quail.”
Gale Force shook his head, smiling. “That’s a great voice you’ve got there. You should narrate movie trailers.” He walked over to me and Erna and looked down at us like we were two misbehaving pets. “Unfortunately, that’s all you are to me, Dakroth whatever-the-fuck-you-said: a voice. I’m a Class A superhuman. Johnny here is listed as a Class D. You’re a speck of dust.
An ant. A loser.”
“Mr. Wagner is not a loser!” Erna hollered. “He’s a fine man, and a wonderful employer, and—”
“Jesus, you’re irritating,” Gale Force said. Another tilt of the head, and Erna went flying into the steel folding chairs in my waiting area, landing with a crash and a yell. The chairs banged down around her as she lay there, along with a cheap painting of a sunset that I’d nailed to the wall.
“Oh, that’s not good,” she said. “My system—”
“You scoundrel!” I yelled as I used Erna’s desk to pull myself to my feet. “How dare you assault a helpless old woman? If you want to fight me, let’s fight, but leave her out of it!”
“But Mr. Wagner—” Erna said.
“Erna, stay right there!” I said. “I’m sure you’re injured, but I’ll help you as soon as I deal with this madman, I swear!”
“Oh…uhm…OK, sir!” Erna said. “I…I’m in pain, but I’ll endure – I have to!”
“Shut up, granny,” Gale Force commanded, “or I’ll suck the air out of those decrepit old lungs of yours. I was planning just to kill Wagner, but I’ll off you too, if you keep bothering me.”
“Suck the air from my lungs?” Erna gasped. “No! Please don’t! That’s a horrible way to die!”
“Then shut up!” Gale Force yelled.
Erna let out a few whimpers, then fell silent.
I looked down at the floor, trying to hide my grin. If something damaged Erna, alerts flashed through her robot consciousness, but she didn’t feel pain in a conventional sense. She’d been about to blabber about her system and the repairs that needed to be made before I stopped her and got her to play along with my charade. I didn’t want Gale Force to know she was a robot; if he did, he’d probably rip her apart instantly. As long as he thought she was a frail old lady, I had an ace in the hole.
“You dare strike Erna Tuppingham?” Dak rumbled. “Even I, with my unquenchable thirst for annihilation, do not use wind-powers to blow the elderly across rooms. An act such as that reeks of cravenness.”
My grin widened, and I put my hand across my face to hide it. Dak was playing along too. For once my God Arm understood the subtlety at play here.
“You’re a fraud, then,” Gale Force said, “a puny god of flowers and rainbows, not of destruction like you claim.”
“I am nothing of the sort!” Dak roared. “I am the alpha and omega, and everything in between! I will—”
“Shut up!” Gale Force yelled, his rage causing the air to whip around the room, sending more papers flying. “Can’t a supervillain kill someone in peace?”
“Why do you want to kill me?” I said. “Am I getting a bit too close to the truth about the Captain Neptune murder?”
Gale Force grinned. “See, I knew you knew why I was here. Yes, it’s something like that. Not that it matters anymore. Maggots will be munching on your corpse very shortly.”
He raised a skeletal hand, and my office was suddenly eerily quiet. I didn’t know what that meant. Was he forming a large burst of air to steamroll me? Was he sucking the air from around me so I’d suffocate?
I wasn’t going to wait to find out.
“Erna!” I yelled. “Defense Protocol A!”
Erna sat up, a little too quickly for an injured old woman. “A? Are you sure? That’s the highest-level one! Wouldn’t B or even C be more suited to—”
“A! A! A!”
“What are you two—” Gale Force began.
He stopped when Erna jumped up and raised her right arm. In a blink, panels opened and slid back on her forearm, revealing the metallic construction and circuitry beneath her skin. Her hand clanked back into her arm as the panels moved forward, forming a cylinder-like contraption that looked exactly like an ion cannon.
Which is what it was.
“Target locked,” Erna said. Her voice was no longer the voice of a happy-go-lucky grandmother; it was the cold voice of a robotic killer.
A blue beam of energy shot out of her arm-cannon, hitting Gale Force directly in the chest. The explosion screamed into my ears, and sent me sprawling over Erna’s desk. The entire building rocked on its foundation.
I scrambled back to my feet quickly. Normally, a person unfortunate enough to be blasted by an ion cannon would be incinerated. But this wasn’t a normal situation. Even caught unawares, I didn’t think Gale Force would be taken out that easily.
And I was right. He was down on one knee, and looked queasy, but he was still alive. He must’ve used his powers to create some sort of dense air barrier that protected him from the worst of the blast.
“That was…a mistake,” he said hoarsely.
“Doesn’t look like it from where I’m standing,” I said. “Dak, superstrength, please and thank you!”
“Your arm is now filled with might,” Dak rumbled. “This imbecile will regret the insults he hurled at Dakroth’gannith’formaz.”
I threw myself at Gale Force, sending a blow into his ashen forehead. I held back a little, since I didn’t want to crush his skull, just incapacitate him.
Bad move. Though weakened, he still had his barrier up; it felt like I was trying to push my hand through a tornado. I reared back again, this time giving it all I had, but my blow was still repelled.
“Dak, I need more power!” I thought-spoke.
“This arm has enough strength within it to rip the teeth from an elder dragon.”
“Well, it’s not enough! If we give him time to recover….”
“Like I said, Wagner,” Gale Force said, his voice stronger, “that was a mistake.”
A thousand invisible fists rammed into my body. I staggered backwards, and a scream tore from my body. I spat out blood and tried to push past the pain, but my God Arm, controlled by air currents, curved around and rocked me in the nose. My vision went black for an instant, then fuzzy lights danced around my sight. I collapsed, banging my head against the floor.
“John Wagner, you are greatly injured,” Dak thought-spoke, “but you must arise and—”
“I can’t, Dak. I…I can barely see….”
“Target locked,” Erna said. Apparently her ion cannon had recharged, and she was ready to send another blast Gale Force’s way.
“Not this time, sweetheart,” Gale Force said.
With a sweep of his hand, pencils, pens, staplers, and paperclips from Erna’s desk sliced into the ion cannon, causing it to buzz and spark. The blue glow within the cannon subsided, and Erna frantically ripped out the office supplies with her left hand.
“Reboot weapon system,” she said.
“What weapon system?” Gale Force said.
One of the metal folding chairs slammed into Erna’s cannon as if it had been thrown by an F5 tornado. The ion cannon shattered, sending wires, bolts, and metal fragments sailing through the air. The blue glow disappeared, and thin trails of smoke drifted from the remnants of Erna’s arm.
“This unit has other means to dispose of the threat,” Erna said coldly. She lunged at Gale Force, but she was stopped in mid-air. She hung there, unmoving, like a fly encased in amber.
“Nice trick, Wagner,” Gale Force said. “A tender, loving old woman who’s actually a weapon-toting robot? You got me, I admit.” He pointed a long, fleshless finger at Erna. “But while I may be reluctant to kill an old lady, I have no problem crushing this thing.”
Erna’s body, held there by implacable air currents, seemed to shrink. I blinked, thinking the beating was making me see things. But she was shrinking – or actually, being crushed. Gale Force was squeezing her with who knew how much pounds-per-square-inch pressure.
“Stop it,” I said. I’d meant to yell, but I couldn’t manage it in my state; my voice sounded weak and begging.
“Oh, she means something to you?” Gale Force said, looking down at me with that evil grin of his. “But she’s just a robot. Surely you or whoever built her can build a new one.”
“I wish to destroy the Force of Gale,” Dak rumbled, “but I cannot
with you laying here doing nothing.”
“I’m trying, Dak….”
I raised myself up on an elbow, but then Gale Force closed his fist in a quick motion. There was a incredible roar, like a freight train, and then, with a hideous crunch, what was Erna Tuppingham, Mark-355 was compressed into a glinting metal sphere no larger than a soccer ball. It hung in the air for a few seconds, and then Gale Force relaxed his arm, and it tumbled to the floor and rolled into the corner.
“Erna!” I said, still trying to get up.
“What the hell’s going on here?” a voice said.
I looked over to the doorway, and saw Officer Vannetti, pistol drawn, with Mardi Grass standing beside him. She still hadn’t been mowed; the blades of grass on her body seemed to stand out in angry spikes.
“Who the fuck are you, and why are you wrecking my property?” Mardi yelled.
“Shit!” Vannetti said. “That’s Gale Force!”
He aimed and fired off two rounds, but the bullets swerved by Gale Force and lodged in the door to my inner office. Then the gun was wrenched out of Vannetti’s hand and flew to the far side of the room, by that crack in the wall that I always thought looked like Italy.
“Oh me, oh my,” Gale Force said. “Some witnesses. Guess I’ll have to kill them.”
A wave of air buffeted Vannetti and Mardi, knocking them to the floor. I could see them both struggling, but the wind pounding against them held them firm.
“Now is the time!” Dak roared.
“I know,” I thought-spoke back, “but brute force alone won’t beat this guy. His defenses are too strong. I’ve got an idea, though.”
“What do you propose?”
“I need you to create a vacuum around him. If you can do that and negate that air barrier of his, all it would take is a few blows to beat him.”
“I do not create, John Wagner. I—”
“You were creating monuments in your realm yesterday!”
“That is different. I was building them so I could destroy them.”
“Goddamit, Dak….”
Mardi and Vannetti’s screams ripped through the office as Gale Force smothered them. In a few seconds, they’d be crushed, just like Erna. But although I was furious the bastard had compacted my robotic secretary into a ball, Erna could be rebuilt; Mardi and Vannetti couldn’t.