by Lori Wilde
“Tulip,” he whispered.
The sound of that nickname poured honey over her ears. Tulip.
It shot her right back to seventeen and the first time they’d made love.
It had been on a blanket between a tall thicket of juniper bushes in Sweetheart Park. They’d had trouble finding a place. Her father was strict, and Caitlyn had been afraid of what he would do if he caught Gideon in her bedroom. And at his house, his sick mother had been in the next room. That would have been really bad manners.
So they’d settled on Sweetheart Park at midnight on a weekday. She’d brought the blanket, he’d brought the condoms. It had been rushed. They’d both been afraid of getting caught, but it had been glorious. The next day she’d been very sore between her legs, but every time she’d moved, felt the ache, she’d smiled. She was no longer a virgin, having given herself to the love of her life. In spite of the furtiveness, it had felt so incredibly right.
“Giddy,” she answered with the nickname she’d given him. She wasn’t sure if he really cared for the silly moniker, but it fell naturally from her lips.
He kissed those lips, softly, quietly.
She savored it, closing her eyes, focusing on the moment. He tasted different than he used to taste. Once upon a time, he’d carried a greenish flavor. Like Granny Smith apples. Today, he tasted more like apple pie—deeper, more complex than a single flavor. It suited him, the depth. She feared that she tasted shallow and one note. She’d never been out of Texas. Had never seen the world. She had no idea what was out there, but one kiss from him and she could taste it.
Gideon propped himself up on his left elbow, arranged the blanket to hide his stump. She didn’t know how to reassure him, to let him know it didn’t bother her. Honestly, she was just so happy to have him back. Battered, scarred. It didn’t matter. Gideon was alive and in her bed once more. The world was a wonderful, forgiving place.
He looked down at her, his eyes shining bright. “Eight years ago, I thought you were the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen. You moved like water, smooth and calming. I wanted to be a part of you so badly. I thought if I could make love to you that some of that cool smoothness would rub off on me.”
“Little did you know that cool smoothness was a cover-up for my insecurities. I never felt beautiful until you.”
“But I was wrong.”
“Wrong about what?”
“You’re way more beautiful now than you were then.”
“My breasts aren’t as perky as they once were.”
He leaned to kiss one nipple and then the other. “They nurtured our child. That makes them even more beautiful.”
“Ah, you really know how to charm a girl.”
“I wish I could have been there,” he said. “It rips me up that I wasn’t there.”
She studied his face. He looked so sad.
“I missed out on so much time with Danny that I can never get back.” The pain in his words cut her to the bone.
“Gideon, I’m so sorry.” She reached out to run a finger along his cheek.
He forced a smile, trying to hide the pain, but she saw it in his eyes, heard it in his voice. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“But Gideon, you’re not the only one who lost out. Danny and I had to go on without you.”
“You’re right,” he said. “I’m feeling sorry for myself.”
“That’s not what I meant. You have a right to feel hurt and cheated.”
“What’s done is done. I can’t go back in time and change the past.”
“We both made a lot of mistakes.”
“Yeah.” He looked away.
She cupped his chin in her palm, directed his gaze back to her. “But this isn’t one of them. Danny isn’t one of them. He might have been a happy accident, but he was never, ever a mistake. That’s what my father didn’t understand.”
Gideon pulled her close to him, buried his face into her hair. “I’m so sorry, Tulip, for all you suffered.”
“It wasn’t a tenth of what you went through.”
They lay there for a long moment, absorbing warmth and comfort from each other, then slowly, Gideon began to stroke her again. First her hair, then her face, then his hand fell to her breasts.
Caitlyn’s nipples beaded instantly, jutting into hard little peaks.
He laughed a throaty laugh and then moved to suckle first one knotted bud and then the other. The heat of his mouth shot sparks of desire throughout her entire body. Her belly quivered, her womb tightened. How she wanted him!
For the longest time, he languished there, kissing and suckling, nibbling and tasting her breasts. She could feel the tension building inside her, growing higher and hotter with each flick of his tongue. A long, low moan escaped her lips.
Gideon’s adept mouth drew responses from her that she didn’t know she was capable of, and when he started to trail his mouth from her breasts southward, she groaned, threaded her fingers through his hair, arched her back upward, and egged him on.
Down, down, down, he went. His slick tongue pausing to tease her navel before sliding lower and lower until he reached the apex of springy curls nestled between the notch of her hip bones.
“Gideon,” she whispered.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“You don’t have to do that. I—”
“Shh,” he interrupted. “Shh.”
She didn’t need any more reassurance than that; she let her knees fall open, giving him full access to her queendom. The king was in the house. She smiled up at the ceiling as his hot tongue touched her trigger point.
In a matter of seconds, it quickly became apparent that Gideon had indeed learned a thing or two over the years. Before, when he’d performed this particular act, it had been hesitant and hurried. Now, oh wow, now.
Caitlyn’s eyes slipped to the back of her head and her entire body tensed. She clutched the quilt, patterned with the delicate marvel of Peru flowers, in both fists. What a proper quilt for an improper lovemaking.
His tongued danced, flicking quickly back and forth over her straining clit.
Instant heat poured into her womb. Her thigh muscles spasmed around his head. The brush of his hair was soft against her skin. Gideon. Not only alive but back in her bed, doing wild and interesting things to her with his mouth. And what a mouth. Made of pure lava from the feel of it. Molten, devastating, breathtaking.
His tongue quickly became an instrument of torture as he took her to the edge of orgasm and then ebbed away, stirring two simultaneous emotions—urgent desire and rank frustration.
“Oh please, oh please, oh please,” she begged.
“Please what?”
“Please, please—”
“You have to ask for what you want,” he teased.
“Please make me come. Please, please.”
“All you had to do was ask.”
Then the torture stopped and he took her where she’d begged him, riding high on the wave of his wicked tongue in a mad drive toward the ultimate pleasure of the flesh.
“Gideon,” she cried, and tightened her fingers in his hair.
He chuckled, breaking the headlong rush.
She made a noise of irritation.
He laughed again, then picked up where he’d left off, pushing her up, up, up. A riot of sensation attacked her, buzzing through her bloodstream, pulling her tight and hard into utter rapture.
Love was indeed lovelier the second time around, Gideon decided as he moved his body inside Caitlyn’s.
She lay on her back in the middle of his bed, looking up at him with wide, shining eyes. He loved the way she felt surrounding him, flexing her internal muscles, giving him a feminine squeeze like no other. Even through the rubber of his condom, it was the most amazing sensation.
“More,” she whispered. “Deeper.”
This was different. Her telling him what she needed. When they were teenagers, she’d followed his lead, going wherever he took her. It had been fine back then, but now he appre
ciated her giving him instructions, telling him what pleased her.
He cradled his right arm around her head, peered into her eyes, felt her soul touch his. Caitlyn. He’d missed her so much. He’d told her his darkest secret and she hadn’t turned away from him.
Slowly, he slid deeper into her.
Caitlyn moaned. “I’d forgotten how big you were.”
“I hadn’t forgotten how good you felt,” he cooed, and continued stroking.
She wriggled her hips, and her movement fueled the fire burning inside him.
“Wicked minx.”
“Slowpoke, I want more friction.”
“You’ve gotten bossy.”
“Is that a problem?”
“Not at all. Your wish is my command.” Gideon picked up the tempo, watched her eyes widen in pleasure.
“Ooh, yes, that feels nice.”
“Just nice?” He stroked deeper, harder, faster.
“More than nice.”
“How about this?” He pumped into her hard, shaking the mattress, rocking the headboard into the wall. Bam, bam, bam. Back in the day, he’d never taken her like this. So fast and hard and animalistic.
But the harder he pounded, the more she groaned. “Yes, yes, yes.”
He gave her his all, sinking into her soft flesh all the way to the hilt.
She inhaled sharply, raised her hips, pushed against him. “Gideon, Gideon, I’m coming undone.”
He pulled back. “Not yet, too soon.”
She balled her hands into fists, rapped them against his shoulders. “Bastard.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“I didn’t mean it like that—”
“I know,” he said. “It’s okay.”
She panted. “You’re torturing me.”
“I know baby, but it’s for your own good. You’ll be thanking me in a few minutes.”
“Prove it.”
“Look at the mouth on you.” He dipped his head and kissed her while he started his slow stroking again, giving her another leisurely buildup. “You are so wet, woman. So sweet.”
“C’mon,” she begged. “Let me have it.”
“You want more of this?” He increased his speed again and the headboard went back to slamming.
“Give it to me,” she begged.
Then she said a word he’d never heard her say, and the shocking sound of it made him throw back his head and laugh at the same time he did exactly as she commanded. Giving her everything he had in him, working her over until she let out a guttural cry and reached up to wrap both arms around his waist, pulling him impossibly deep within.
His cock throbbed. His brain hummed like a swarming beehive. His balls pulled up tight and hard. He felt his seed spill from him at the same moment he experienced the rhythmic undulations of her orgasm clamp down on him hard and tight.
“Caitlyn,” he cried, and the same moment she whispered, “Gideon.”
They shuddered together in a simultaneous climax so powerful it robbed them of their breath. They clung to each, his mouth pressed against the top of her head, her head nestled against his chest, their bodies fused in the most intimate act a man and woman could share.
He held her as their orgasm ebbed. Held her. Kissed her. Whispered her name over and over.
The pleasure was so intense, the longing so great that it terrified him. He couldn’t, wouldn’t lose her again.
Because that was his greatest fear, losing her a second time. He didn’t think he could live through that again.
Sometime later, Caitlyn awoke, feeling more alive than she’d felt in years. Gideon was here, back in her bed where he belonged.
Wait, whispered the cautious voice in the back of her head that was so terrified of getting hurt again, don’t jump to conclusions.
But she couldn’t help herself. Last night had been so incredibly amazing, she couldn’t help wishing for a lifetime of his lovemaking. Caitlyn rolled over on her side, stacked her hands on top of each other, slipped them under her cheek, and studied him in the soft morning light coming in through the window.
His face was gentle in repose, the tightness softened. His lips were slightly parted. A lock of hair had fallen over his forehead. Just looking at him filled her heart to overflowing.
Gideon. The love of her life.
It was all she could do not to reach out and trace a finger over his features, touch the scar on his cheek, caress the bridge of his masculine nose. Danny would look similar to this when he was grown. They had the same forehead, the angular shape to their lips. Seeing the father in the son tightened her chest with emotion. Love shoved to new heights.
They could be a family.
The thought gave her heart wings. How much she wanted that, but she couldn’t suggest it. Not now. Not yet. It was too soon. Both for her cautious nature and for Gideon. He still carried a lot of baggage from the world, and the nightmares he suffered were proof enough of that.
Time. They both needed time to come to terms with the past and to start down the path to a bright new future. There was no rush.
He opened one eye. “You’re staring at me.”
“I am,” she confessed.
“What do you see?”
She put the tip of her tongue to her lips. “I was thinking about how much Danny looks like you.”
“And you tried to pass him off as Kevin’s child. No one in town fell for it.”
“I know,” she said. “But they pretended to.”
He smiled.
He didn’t smile often, but when he did it was like the sun coming out after weeks of hard, punishing rain.
“We could cook breakfast together,” he said. “I’ll make your favorite, pecan waffles.”
“You remembered.”
He reached out to trace a finger over her nose. “Of course I remembered, Caitlyn. You were my first love.”
“How many loves have you had?” she asked, then immediately amended it. “Scratch that, I don’t want to know.”
“I’ve had a few women in my life,” he said. “But you have to remember I’ve been in the Middle East for eight years. Not a lot of opportunity for falling in love.”
“Who were the women?” she asked, fearing he was going to confess that he’d been to prostitutes. Not that she could blame him. He was a man, after all, and men had their needs, she just hated knowing the details.
“There was one woman,” he said. “Right after the accident, but that relationship was pretty unhealthy. She was a devotee.”
“A what?”
“A devotee. It’s people who are turned on by those of us who’ve lost a limb.”
“You mean it’s a sexual kink?”
“Yeah. They don’t love you, they love the fact that you’re missing something.”
“That’s very strange.”
He shrugged. “A lot of amputees get mixed up with devotees at some time or another. It’s pretty seductive at first. Especially if you’ve never heard of an acrotomorphile. You think this person is accepting you for who you are, but instead they want you only because you’re an amputee. Some amputees don’t mind. They think any love is better than no love.”
“But it bothered you.”
“Yeah,” he admitted.
She scooted across the sheet, getting closer, peering into his eyes, peering straight through him. “I accept you for who you are, Gideon. You don’t scare me. Your missing arm neither turns me off nor turns me on. It’s simply a part of who you are. Like your height and the color of your hair.”
“You say that now . . .”
“Do you really have such a low opinion of me? That I would let your disability come between us?”
“It’s a lot more complicated than you understand.”
“Well,” she said, splaying a palm over his chest. “It certainly didn’t affect your lovemaking. You’re far better now than you were eight years ago.”
“You think so?” He looked pleased at her compliment. And well he should look pleased; after l
ast night, he’d outdone himself.
“I’ve never had such an amazing lover.”
“How many lovers have you had besides me and Kevin?”
“That’s it,” she admitted.
“So really,” he teased, “I’m only better than Kevin.”
“Hey, you rocked my world.”
“I guess that’s good enough.”
“So besides me and the devotee, who else was there?”
“I had a casual fling with a local girl when I was in boot camp. She looked a lot like you. A case of transference, I suppose. If I couldn’t have you, I went after your look-alike.”
That caused her to feel simultaneously touched and saddened. He’d been searching for her replacement. She hadn’t even tried to replace him. She’d known she wasn’t in love with Kevin. He’d known it too, but he hadn’t been looking for a grand love. He’d had that with his first wife, who’d died of breast cancer at twenty-eight. Kevin had wanted nothing more than companionship and to be a father to Danny. That made her feel sad too. That she and Kevin had settled for less than they deserved. Still, he’d been a good father, a good husband.
“Then there was Moira.”
“Moira?” Caitlyn said, feeling more jealous than she should. Gideon was here with her, no Moira in sight.
“She was a relief aid worker. British, originally from Liverpool. She talked like the Beatles. It was fun listening to her. We were a lot alike, she and I.”
Unlike Caitlyn and Gideon, who were night and day. Caitlyn nibbled her bottom lip. “What happened between you two?”
“I left Afghanistan.”
“So you just recently broke up.” She hadn’t expected the vise-grip of jealousy. It was ugly, but she couldn’t banish it.
“We were never together. Moira and I were friends with benefits, we both knew it was nothing more.”
“Are you sure?”
Gideon smiled. “Hey, wait, are you jealous of Moira?”
“No,” she lied.
“You are.” He hooted.
“I’m not.”
“Then why are the tops of your ears turning red?”
“They’re not.” She reached up to cover her exposed ear with her palm.