by Karen Booth
When she was done, she pulled her final suitcase into her foyer. She took one more pass through her beloved apartment, making sure the fridge was empty and lights were turned off. She had someone to come by and water the plants. She would return. She just wasn’t quite sure when. Perhaps when the hurt subsided.
Bright light streamed in through the one window that didn’t have the shade drawn, California sun dancing on the glossy wood floor. It was hard to believe everything that had happened in the months since Johnathon had died. She’d come to San Diego thinking she was bidding farewell to her ex-husband. She’d never dreamed she was embarking on a whole new life, or that she might find love. She’d never imagined that it would all blow up in such spectacular fashion.
She’d forged a friendship with Tara and Miranda, who were the closest she’d ever come to having sisters. She’d found a new career path, one she believed she was quite good at, despite the missteps she had made. And most important, she’d had a glimpse of true love with Clay. It was still there in her heart, thumping away and reminding her of its presence, but she was resigned to the inevitability of it all. He wasn’t able to let her all the way in. She couldn’t blame him. She’d pushed his limits.
Astrid’s phone beeped with a text. It was from Tara. Presentation went well. Thank you for all you did.
I’m so glad. It was the least I could do.
Leaving soon?
Astrid fought a tear. This was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but it was the only thing that made sense. She needed time to think. She needed distance to figure out her next step. Yes. Flight departs in a few hours.
Safe travels.
The driver she’d hired arrived at her door and took her bags downstairs to the car.
“I’d like to make one stop before we go to the airport, please,” she told him out on the street.
The driver consulted his watch. “Will we have time?”
“Yes. I won’t be long.” She gave him the address and sat back in the car, trying to remind herself that just like her decision to move to San Diego had been temporary, so could her return to Norway. She didn’t have to stay anywhere. She could move to New York. Back to Los Angeles. Or perhaps somewhere else. Wherever it was, she was done with love. There would be no matching what she’d had with Clay. Maybe there would come a day when he could forgive her, if only so she could have some closure.
The driver pulled into Miranda’s driveway and opened the door for Astrid.
“I’ll just be a few minutes,” she said, then marched up to ring the bell.
Miranda answered a minute later, looking surprised. “Astrid. What are you doing here?”
“I know you work from home on Wednesdays.” Astrid handed over an envelope. “I wanted to give you this.”
Miranda glanced at it, then looked out to the driveway, spotting the driver. “Do you want to come in?”
Astrid shook her head, not wanting to drag this out. “This will be quick. I know that you and I spoke about the Johnathon situation over the phone, but I wanted a chance to apologize in person. I never would have allowed that to happen if I’d known about your engagement. I hope you know me well enough by now to know that’s true.”
“I know. I do. I’m sorry I was so angry when we spoke about it on Monday. I was in shock.”
“And I only kept it a secret because I knew there could never be a resolution. You can’t confront Johnathon. You or I will never be able to find out why he did what he did.” Astrid’s sights fell to Miranda’s belly. “More than anything, I didn’t want to taint the image you have of the father of your child, especially when you’re still grieving.”
Miranda smiled. “I understand. I do.” She looked down at the envelope. “What’s in here?”
“I’d like to give my shares of Sterling to the baby. I don’t see any point in me being there anymore. I’ve finished my work, and Tara and Clay did the presentation this morning. They’ll find out before Christmas whether or not they landed the Seaport job.”
“Astrid, no. Have you talked to Tara about this?”
Astrid nodded. “I did. She agreed that my presence at Sterling wasn’t great for morale right now. But the real truth is that I can’t work with Clay.” It felt so funny to say that out loud, the very thing he’d always said about her. How things had changed. “There was always this part of him that couldn’t let me in.”
Miranda looked out at the car again. “Is there somewhere you have to be? I feel like we need to talk about this.”
“Actually, I’m headed for the airport. I’m going back to Norway.”
“What? No. You can’t leave. Don’t you want to be here when the baby is born?”
Astrid felt as if her heart was being torn out right now, but she didn’t see how she could stay. Miranda and the baby were inextricably tied to Clay. “My parents are expecting me. And they’d like me to be there for Christmas.”
“Okay. I understand.” Miranda reached for Astrid’s shoulder. “But I just want to say one thing. As the person who has been through the worst of the worst with my brother, I can tell you that when he closes himself off, he’s protecting something. There have been many times when it was me. There have been many times when it was Delia. That’s all it is. His defenses.”
Astrid sighed. “I can’t fault him for wanting to shield the people he loves.” It’s a huge part of why I love him.
“Maybe you two need to have one last conversation? He’ll be here with Delia in a little bit. He decided to take a half day at work so he could spend some time unwinding.”
This was why she had to leave San Diego. She couldn’t live her life trying to dodge the man she loved, all because it would only dredge up pain. “I’m sorry, Miranda. But I have to go.”
* * *
Clay left the presentation and headed back to Sterling Enterprises with very little sense of triumph, even when it had gone incredibly well. The problem was Astrid. She’d worked so hard to drag them over the finish line, and she hadn’t been there to get any credit or do a victory lap. All of that was on him. He knew how much she struggled to work with him when he was pushing her away. He’d started their working relationship on that course. And he was still having a hard time steering off of it.
The trouble was that every magical memory of Astrid was colored by the pall of her secret. Now that he was a few days removed from the revelation, he was starting to dig down to what was really bothering him. He was terrified of being blinded by a woman. He was scared of being duped and having his whole life fall apart as a result. It had happened before, and everything had rushed back when he discovered Astrid’s secret.
He arrived back at his office and planned to take care of a few minor things before leaving to pick up Delia from school. He’d made plans with Miranda to spend the afternoon relaxing out by the pool. It had been unseasonably warm for early November, and Miranda kept the water at a balmy 82 degrees, all to keep Delia happy. But that was when he spotted an envelope on his desk, with his name scrawled in Astrid’s frenetic handwriting.
Dear Clay,
I hope the presentation went well today. If it was half as brilliant as you, it was a home run. I want to let you know that I am going back to Norway. I need to clear my head and think about what my future might hold. I plan to come back eventually, but as to when that will be, I don’t know. I also don’t know that I will stay.
I don’t want you to think of me as a repeat of the hurt in your life. Yes, I’m leaving, but you will never have to guess why. It’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I do. And I know I’ve hurt you. I know that by proxy, this will hurt Delia. I’m doing everything I can to minimize the pain so you can heal. I want that for you more than anything.
I will never regret our time together. Even when we were at odds, I had hope that we would find our way through it. I know now that our timing was all wrong
. I arrived when you weren’t ready, and I pushed even though you told me so. You gave me an opening and I took it, but only because I was desperate for even a minute with you. I’m so thankful we had more than that.
With all my love,
Astrid
P.S. Please kiss Delia for me. If she asks where I went, tell her I’ve gone looking for the Snow Princess. I’ll bring her back if I track her down.
Perhaps it was the exhaustion, but Clay was struggling to understand what he’d just read. She’s leaving? She can’t do that. He had to stop her. Right now.
He flung his laptop bag over his shoulder and jogged down the hall to the lobby. His first instinct was to take the stairs, but the maintenance people were painting them. Dammit. He pressed the elevator button and stared at the numbers, as if that might possibly make it go faster. Finally it dinged and the door slid open.
JJ from the tech department appeared out of nowhere. Clay had asked him to dig deeper on the email that was supposedly from Johnathon. “Mr. Morgan. We got an answer for you about that message. It wasn’t really from a Sterling server.”
Clay stuck his arm out to hold the elevator. “Wait. What?”
“We traced it to a company in Seattle. It’s owned by Mr. Sterling’s brother.”
Clay felt as though his heart had stopped beating. Astrid had been right. And this also meant that they had a serious problem on their hands. For some unknown reason, Johnathon’s brother, Andrew, was trying to sabotage the company. “Wow. Thank you. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I have somewhere I needed to be like five minutes ago.” Maybe ten.
“Sure thing, Mr. Morgan.”
Clay hopped on board and jabbed the button for the garage, nearly sprinting out to his car when he arrived. The elevator and the parking deck were both notorious dead zones, and he had to call Astrid to keep her from leaving her apartment. He didn’t get the chance though. Miranda called him first.
“Miranda,” he blurted, pulling out onto the street. “I can’t talk right now.”
“Have you talked to Astrid? She’s leaving. For Norway. Right now.”
“I know. I’m on my way to her apartment. I’m hoping to stop her.” He shot a look over his shoulder and changed lanes to get around a slow driver.
“She’s already on her way to the airport.”
“What? No.” Dammit. He was pointed in the wrong direction, and so much of downtown San Diego was one-way streets. “Are you sure?”
“She was just here. She came by to tell me she was giving her shares of Sterling to the baby.”
It was so much worse than he thought. That did not sound like the action of a woman who was planning on coming back. “I have to go to the airport.”
“Of course you do. That’s why I was calling.”
Despite the urgency of the moment, he had to laugh at the absurdity of it, and that his sister was just as invested in this as he was. “You’re sure you’re okay with Astrid? Did you two have a chance to talk things through?” He impatiently waited for the light to turn green, drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel. “I need to know that right now. Because I have a lot to tell Astrid as soon as I find her.”
“I can’t believe you would even ask me that. Would you really let my happiness stand in the way of yours?”
What kind of question was that? “Of course I would, Miranda. You are the one person who has always been there for me. I would do anything for you.”
“Okay, then. I want you to stop worrying about Delia and me and start worrying about yourself. You can’t make Delia happy if you’re not happy, and you sure as hell can’t make me happy either.”
Somewhere in his brain was that same bit of information, but he’d been unable to reach it before. “I hate it when you’re right.”
“I’m sorry it happens so often.”
“Very funny.” He was finally headed in the right direction, but he realized he’d forgotten one important detail. “Dammit. I was supposed to pick up Delia from school. Can you do it? I’ll come right over to your house when I’m done at the airport.”
“If you do it right, you should not be coming to see me after you find Astrid.”
“Miranda. Are you seriously trying to talk about sex right now? Because I’m not discussing that with you.”
“Don’t be an idiot. That’s all I ask. Now go.”
“Hold on, Miranda. One more thing. I found out the source of the email you got on Monday. It came from Andrew’s company up in Seattle.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either, but we’re going to need to sort it out. I think he’s trying to sabotage Sterling Enterprises. As to why, I do not know, but I think there’s a chance he was behind our problems with the Seaport project.”
“So Astrid was right all along? All the more reason you need to get to the airport.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m on it.” He bid goodbye to Miranda and focused on the road. As he ran through yellow lights and made a few risky maneuvers with his car, all he could think about was that he had no idea where to even start with Astrid. There were fifty different things going through his head, all of which started with a long string of apologies.
As he pulled up to the terminal, there were dozens of cars stacked up to drop off passengers. He’d stupidly whizzed right past the valet, and if he tried to circle back around, he could lose at least fifteen minutes. Maybe more.
He was just going to have to make a sacrifice—his car. He zipped around the thick of the traffic jam, then angled between two cars and squeezed into an impossibly tight spot. Not only was the security guard standing on the curb, he was watching him. Of course. Clay hopped out and started to run inside.
“Hey! You can’t leave your vehicle,” the officer said as he jogged past.
“Tow it if you want,” Clay shouted back. “I have to find the love of my life.” He kept going, not waiting for a response. Consequences were for later. He’d already suffered plenty from his own bullheadedness. Inside, Clay was confronted by the chaos of hundreds of travelers, dragging suitcases behind them and absentmindedly blocking traffic while they stared up at departure boards. He zigged and zagged around people, quickly scanning the baggage check-in lines. There was no sign of Astrid. Hope was evaporating with every second. If she was here, she was getting closer and closer to getting on her plane. And then it occurred to him—he was doing this all wrong.
He pulled out his cell phone and called her number. It rang. And rang. The buzz of the line was about to drive him nuts, when she finally answered. “Clay? What do you want?”
“Where are you?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I love you and I’m an idiot and we have to talk.”
“This is horrible timing, Clay. I’m at the airport. I’m about to get on a flight to Norway.”
“I know that. I read your letter. I’m at the airport, too.”
“I didn’t leave that for you so you’d follow me. I was just trying to explain myself. Are you crazy?”
“Probably. Actually, definitely. Just tell me where you are.”
“In line for security, about to turn over my passport.”
“Don’t move an inch. I’ll be there in one minute.”
* * *
Security had taken forever. Astrid was typically able to take the line for first class, but they had closed it today. Something about a shortage of agents. Astrid wasn’t about to complain. She was fine waiting as long as everyone else did, but it had dragged on and on forever. Her fellow passengers were all voicing their displeasure at the delay, grumbling under their breaths and standing on tiptoe to see what the problem was ahead. Astrid kept looking in the opposite direction, wondering if Clay was really there. Would he do something so desperate? It didn’t seem like him at all. She was next in line when she heard his voice.
; “Astrid!” Clay Morgan, the man who was reserved to a fault, was currently shouting her name in the middle of a crowded airport.
She couldn’t help but laugh. She thrust her hand up in the air and waved back, only to see him trying to wind his way through the stanchions, past the other passengers, one by one. He was lucky no one was picking a fight with him.
“Don’t move.” His gaze connected with hers, sending a zip of electricity through her. Damn him for being so irresistible. Damn him for being everything she ever wanted.
Astrid turned to the woman in line behind her. “That’s that man I fell in love with.”
“He’s not going with you on the trip?”
“I think he’s trying to prevent it.”
“And is that a good thing or a bad thing?” she asked.
“Depends on how good he is at groveling.” It was Astrid’s turn to present her boarding pass and passport, but Clay had just reached her.
“Please don’t get on that flight,” he blurted. “We have to talk.”
The other passengers griped in near unison.
“Ma’am, I either need your boarding pass or you need to step out of line,” the agent said. “But I’m warning you that if you step out, you have to go back to the very end.”
Astrid let the woman behind her go ahead, then turned to Clay. “Well?”
“I promise I will make it worth it.” Breathless, he grabbed her hand, unhooked the black retractable strap from the stanchion, and pulled her back in the direction where she’d started.
Astrid stumbled ahead, lugging her carry-on. “I can’t believe you would try to hunt me down at the airport. What has gotten into you?” This was so unlike anything she’d ever seen Clay do, it was hard to wrap her head around. Still, she found it to be quite thrilling that he would be willing to embarrass himself in public like this. It had to mean something.
They came to a stop once they’d reached the wide concourse between check-in and baggage claim.