by Will Pearson
KEYWORDS: dog, Beatlemania, Liszt, or haircuts
THE FACT: Believe it or not, the Beatles weren’t the first stars to have such an insane following. In fact, Franz Liszt was a rock star before rock was invented. And he even had to buy a dog to cope with the fame (but not for the reasons you’d think).
There’s a reason musicians only give out autographs these days. The Hungarian Franz Liszt (1811–1886), a virtuoso in the tradition of Paganini, played the piano and created a sensation throughout Europe. Everywhere he toured, women swooned—and he sometimes swooned himself. Liszt was one of the first rock stars, and the word Lisztomania was actually coined during his lifetime. In fact, he used to receive so many requests for a lock of his hair that he finally bought a dog, snipping off patches of fur to send to his admirers. An unexpected use for your best friend.
FISHING
(for answers)
USEFUL FOR: chatting up nerds and scientists, and making small talk at bait shops
KEYWORD: Teflon
THE FACT: If it weren’t for a fortuitous fishing trip and a curious Frenchman, the wonders of Teflon might never have seen light of day.
Roy Plunkett discovered Teflon (tetrafluoroethylene) in a Du Pont lab in 1938 during the search for a new refrigerant. Much like Spencer Silver’s Post-it notes, though, it was tossed aside for lack of application. In fact, it wasn’t even considered for commercial production until a Frenchman named Marc Gregoire went fishing. Gregoire found that the substance worked great on his tackle to reduce tangling. Of course, now Teflon is used in everything from car brakes to space suits to replacement arteries for the human heart. It’s also used on microchips, rockets, and, surprisingly, it’s even rubbed liberally on the Statue of Liberty’s arthritic joints (Teflon apparently slows down the aging process in statues).
THE FLASHLIGHT
USEFUL FOR: chatting up inventors, nerdy dates, and anytime you lose electricity
KEYWORDS: flashlight, flashbulb, or two “C” batteries
THE FACT: If you’re looking for a reason to break out the good stationery, why don’t you send a note to Russian novelty-shop owner Akiba Horowitz, inventor of the flashlight.
It all started in 1896, when Horowitz (also known as Conrad Hubert, his postimmigration name) bought the rights to a funny little gag gift called the electric flowerpot. As the name implies, the gadget consisted of a battery and a light bulb that sat inside a pot and lit up a fake flower. Horowitz remarketed the thing as a bicycle lamp, but the product was less than successful. Then Mr. H joined forces with David Misel, an inventor who had designed an early tubular lighting device. Apparently, it was a match made in lighting heaven. Horowitz took the improved version of the pot to the people, now selling it as a battery-operated candle replacement. The rest is history. As for the moniker, however, the “flashlight” picked up the name because the limitations of contemporary batteries meant you had to continuously switch the light on and off.
FLIRTING
(Victorian style)
USEFUL FOR: talking about how lame the Victorians were
KEYWORDS: hand fans, come-ons, or secret codes
THE FACT: In the Victorian age, an eligible Victor couldn’t just cruise up to a Victoria and put the moves on her. No, in the extraordinarily prudish age proper etiquette had to be maintained at all times.
However, that didn’t exactly mean that flirting was off-limits at social events. In fact, it was pretty en vogue. And one of the most subtle ways of demonstrating interest or disinterest was with the use of hand fans. In fact, a whole sign language was created around fan movements and placement. If a young lady let her fan rest on her right cheek it meant she was interested, if she placed it on the left, however, it meant the guy was being passed over (subtle, but harsh!). Similarly, if she moved the fan slowly it was a signal that she was already engaged or married. If she held the fan in front of her face with her right hand it was a signal for the young man to follow her. Finally, if she moved the fan across her forehead it meant they were being watched. Whew! With all the mixed signals, restrictions, and rites of courtship, it’s a wonder anyone found time to procreate.
FORESKINS
(and the best darn moyel in the Bible)
USEFUL FOR: weddings, circumcisions, anytime you want to say the words Bible and foreskin in the same sentence
KEYWORDS: David, Goliath, or dowry
THE FACT: If you know where to look, you can find all kinds of crazy stuff in the Good Book, including tales of insane dowries and circumcisions.
It’s true! So grab your King James Version and flip to chapter 18 of the first book of Samuel for the story of David (yes, that David, with the stone and the sling and the psalms) and Michal. After David smote the heck out of Philistine badass Goliath, he went to live with King Saul of Israel. Saul, afraid of David and troubled by evil spirits, began to plot his murder. When Saul’s daughter Michal revealed her love for David, Saul made her a deal: Have David bring back 100 Philistine foreskins, and he can marry you. Now Saul had no particular affinity for foreskins; he just wanted David to get killed trying. But Dave and his posse, with God’s help, brought back 200 for the good king. Saul couldn’t help but bless his daughter’s marriage to such a go-getter.
FORGERIES
(only the best darn ones in the whole wide world)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, museum dates, and making someone double-guess themselves after buying “authentic” artwork
KEYWORDS: real, genuine, and one of a kind
THE FACT: What made Elmyr de Hory infamous wasn’t the sheer number of forgeries he sold. It was that they were damn good forgeries.
For 30 years, de Hory sold forgeries of paintings by the world’s greatest artists, including Picasso, Chagall, Matisse, Degas, and Toulouse-Lautrec. In fact, his forgeries were so good, so precise in every detail, that they fooled even the most experienced art buyers—so much so that the native Hungarian has even attracted a cult following of his own, who pay high prices for “authentic” de Hory fakes. Irony of ironies, the forger’s forgeries are now being forged and sold by other forgers! Even more odd, today legitimate museums host exhibitions of de Hory’s works. De Hory told his story in the 1969 biography, Fake! by Clifford Irving (who went on to, yes, forge an autobiography of Howard Hughes). But in the end the master forger wound up penniless (just like a real painter) and committed suicide in 1976, although rumors persist that he faked that, too.
FORMAL WEAR
(according to Einstein)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, fashion shows, and justifying your dressed-down appearance anywhere
KEYWORDS: the invitation did say black tie
THE FACT: Albert Einstein wasn’t exactly the snazziest dresser of them all. But who knew he hated getting gussied up so much?
Sure, you know all about Uncle Albert’s famous equations, his knack for the violin, his love of sailing, or maybe even that he was offered the presidency of the newly created Israel in 1948. But did you know that he was a notoriously bad dresser? That’s right, unkempt hair and all, Albert Einstein was a poster boy for unruly appearances. In fact, he was so underdressed on one occasion (a reception with the emperor of the Austro-Hungarian empire no less) that he was mistaken for an electrician because of his work shirt. Not surprisingly, Albert also disliked extravagance, claiming that luxuries were wasted on him. Despite his intellectual celebrity status, the Nobel Prize winner refused to travel in anything but third class.
FREEMASONS
USEFUL FOR: Mummers parades, Shriners conventions, and whenever you spot a bizarre handshake
KEYWORDS: The Craft, the Grand Geometrician, or Colonel Sanders
THE FACT: The granddaddy of all not-so-secret secret societies, Freemasonry, or “The Craft,” as its members call it, actually has its roots in medieval stoneworkers’ guilds.
Mason lore, however, extends its origins back to biblical times, linking the society to the building of the Temple of Solomon. One thing’s for sure, tho
ugh, freemasonry is split into numerous subgroups and orders, and all of them consider God the Grand Geometrician, or Grand Architect of the Universe. At their hearts, these groups are all means of exploring ethical and philosophical issues, and are famous (or infamous) for their rituals and symbols. Take, for instance, the use of secret handshakes and passwords, all collectively known as the modes of recognition. Not surprisingly, the list of famous masons is massive, explaining the many conspiracy theories regarding the Masons’ influence and intentions. Mozart, FDR, George Washington, Mark Twain, Voltaire, Benjamin Franklin, John Wayne, Jesse Jackson, and Colonel Sanders were all Masons.
FUNERAL FEASTS
(that are sinfully delicious)
USEFUL FOR: making small talk at morgues, wakes, and anytime you get a hankering for some evil
KEYWORDS: sin, confession, or cake
THE FACT: If you’re looking for a meal that’s sinfully delicious, you might want to head to Wales, where the ancient custom of “sin-eating” still takes place.
According to the practice, foods are waved over a loved one’s body so that they will “absorb” the deceased’s sins. Afterward, mourners chow down on the grub as a way of consuming any mischief done, ensuring that the body’s spirit can pass on to the next world squeaky-clean. On the other end of the spectrum, however, if you’re looking to pick up some new talents (like enough rhythm to dance in public), Bavaria might be your funeral destination of choice. According to ancient custom, unleavened cakes (later to be baked) are placed on a corpse. The sweets are supposed to soak up the loved one’s virtues, and distribute them to anyone feasting on the dessert.
GANDHI
(the most Nobel loser of them all)
USEFUL FOR: impressing your history teacher or nerdy dates, or consoling anyone who wanted more than just the honor of being nominated
KEYWORDS: Gandhi, Nobel Peace Prize, screwed
THE FACT: The Susan Lucci of Nobel Peace Prize contenders, Mohandas “Mahatma” (Great Soul) Gandhi was nominated like crazy: 1937, 1938, 1939, 1947, and 1948, but never actually won!
Most people would agree that Gandhi certainly deserved the Peace Prize. After all, his name is basically synonymous with peace. Even more convincing, though, is the fact that his nonviolent methods helped kick the British out of India and became the model for future Peace laureates like Martin Luther King Jr. Actually, when Gandhi’s final nomination came in 1948, he was the odds-on favorite to win that year. However, the “Mahatma” was assassinated just a few days before the deadline. Since a Nobel Prize is never awarded posthumously, the prize for Peace went unawarded that year on the grounds that there was “no suitable living candidate.” The decision was also motivated by the fact that Gandhi left no heirs or foundations to which his prize money could go.
GENGHIS KHAN
(and a good reason not to mourn him)
USEFUL FOR: wakes, or impressing history professors, camel lovers, and Indiana Jones
KEYWORDS: Genghis Khan, buried treasure, or dromedaries
THE FACT: On August 18, 1227, Genghis Khan, the most feared leader of the 13th century, was buried along with a simple procession of 2,500 followers and a mounted bodyguard of 400 soldiers. Of course, no one lived to tell about it except a camel.
It’s true. Anyone unfortunate enough to happen upon the procession was immediately put to death by the soldiers. Upon arriving at a remote mountain location in Mongolia, 40 virgins were killed to provide Khan with the needed pleasures in the afterlife. Then, at the end of the funeral ceremony, the soldiers killed all 2,500 members of the procession. When the 400 soldiers returned to Khan’s capital city, they were immediately put to death by another group of soldiers so that no one could reveal where Khan’s final resting place was. So did anyone survive the onslaught? Well, yes—a camel. The creature was spared since she could find her way back to the site if Khan’s family wanted to visit.
GERMOPHOBES
(one cokehead, to be exact)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, impressing history teachers, and chatting up interior designers
KEYWORDS: cocaine, bathrooms, or OCD
THE FACT: Picture every stereotypical South American drug dealer you’ve ever seen in a movie. They’re all based in part on Pablo Emilio Escobar Gaviria, except for the obsessive-compulsive part.
As the head of the Colombian Medellin drug cartel, Escobar ran his ruthless empire from a lavish pad complete with Arabian horses, a miniature bullfighting ring, a private landing strip, and a private army of bodyguards. Clearly, money wasn’t an object for the man. After all, he could afford to pay local authorities $250,000 each to turn a blind eye. Plus, he used his cash to build schools and hospitals, and was even elected to the Colombian Senate. But eventually the pressure got to be too much, and he turned himself in. Of course, incarceration didn’t stop him from living the lush life. Escobar converted his prison into a personal fortress, even remodeling all the bathrooms and strengthening the walls. Once he left, he was a fugitive again, but he wasn’t hard to track down. An obsessive germophobe, Escobar left a conspicuous trail of dilapidated hideouts with shiny, expensive new bathrooms.
G.I. JOEL
(Scrabble-playing hero)
USEFUL FOR: living room Scrabble games, barroom banter, and bringing up anytime you happen to burp
KEYWORDS: Triple Word Score, bingo, or excuse me!
THE FACT: Even if you do know all those annoying two-letter words listed in the Official Scrabble Dictionary, you still don’t stand a chance against “G.I.” Joel Sherman.
In 1997, Sherman won the ridiculously competitive World Scrabble Championship in Washington, D.C., and in 2002, the National Scrabble Championship in San Diego. But that’s not the only reason you want to avoid a matchup with this guy. Turns out, he didn’t get his nickname because of his militaristic assaults on his opponents. Nope. The G.I. actually stands for gastrointestinal, because he belches so much during games.
instant personalities
The French poet GERARD DE NERVAL had a pet lobster that he enjoyed taking for walks, guiding it through the park of the Palais Royal on a pale blue ribbon.
If it wasn’t for his uncle’s influence, CHARLES DARWIN wouldn’t have gone on his famous voyage on the HMS Beagle. The ship’s captain tended to judge a man’s character by his profile, and he thought so little of Darwin’s nose that he initially banned him from the ship.
Who knew GREGOR MENDEL began his career in remedial training? That’s right, the monk famous for giving peas a chance was trying to get a job teaching science in a grade school, but he failed the teaching certificate exam and was forced to take remedial biology classes.
GOD COMPLEX
(namely, Caligula’s)
USEFUL FOR: impressing history professors and students of the classics, and dropping into conversations at the movie store whenever you pass the movie Caligula
KEYWORDS: power trip, holier than thou, or just plain loony
THE FACT: God complex or not, Caligula was immensely popular—that is, until he started declaring wars on mythological deities, literally.
Although he was emperor for just four years, Caligula (A.D. 37–41) was still able to take Rome on a wild ride, according to the ancient historians Suetonius and Flavius Josephus. The adopted son of the previous emperor, Tiberius, Caligula was initially very popular with Roman commoners. You can chalk it up to his spontaneous distributions of gold coins or his wacky, unpredictable sense of humor. Whatever the case, the public opinion quickly turned when (according to Suetonius) Caligula began cross-dressing in public, impregnated his own sister, declared war on Poseidon (bringing back chests full of worthless seashells as “booty”), and topped it all off by declaring himself a god—the classical definition of hubris. Poor Caligula. The seashell sovereign was assassinated by his own disgruntled bodyguards not long after.
GOLDFINGER
(the real one)
USEFUL FOR: conversing with jewelers, alchemists, and James Bond enthusiasts<
br />
KEYWORDS: gold, heists, wealthy criminals
THE FACT: British bad boy John Palmer has a cool nickname: Goldfinger. What he doesn’t have is a golden rep.
Currently ranked Great Britain’s wealthiest criminal, the UK scoundrel suckered over 16,000 people in a phony time-share scheme. But that’s just the start of it. Having amassed ill-gotten wealth of over £300 million, the notorious Mr. Palmer owns a fleet of cars and several houses all over England, including a huge estate at Landsdown in Bath. Palmer defended himself in the fraud trial, lost, got eight years in the clink, and has so far only been slapped with fines of £5 million. But this wasn’t his first criminal activity. In 1983 he took part in the UK’s greatest-ever robbery, in which he and a partner stole £26 million in gold bullion from a cargo storage company at Heathrow Airport. He smelted the gold himself and was arrested when police found two gold bars, still warm, under his sofa.
GUM CONTROL
USEFUL FOR: making conversation at precincts, with district judges, and on flights into Singapore
KEYWORDS: Hubba Bubba, Bubblicious, and gum control
THE FACT: You know the tiny nation of Singapore hates gum, but who knew the extent of their “You chews, you lose” laws?