by Will Pearson
KEYWORDS: pin, prick, or pinprick
THE FACT: If you’re looking for someone to thank for the invention of the safety pin, all credit should go to Walter Hunt—and his inability to pay off his debts.
In 1849, Hunt was a prolific, if not entirely well off, inventor whose previous efforts included a repeating rifle, artificial stone, and an ice plow. Unable to draw any of his inventions, he was forced to hire a draftsman to produce the diagrams that had to be submitted with his patent applications. Several patents later, Hunt found himself in debt to the artist for a whopping $15. Realizing he wasn’t going to get the cash, the draftsman proposed an alternate way for Hunt to pay him back. He dared Hunt to invent something using only a piece of wire and to hand over the rights. In return, the debt would be forgiven and the draftsman would pay Hunt $400. It seemed like a great deal—that is, until Hunt’s hours of twisting produced the first practical safety pin. The draftsman walked away with a million-dollar patent under his belt, while Hunt got $400 and, we assume, a lifetime of bitterness.
SALIVA
(that’ll get you tanked!)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, barroom banter, and knowing what beverage not to order in the South Pacific
KEYWORDS: alcohol, drool, or what could possibly be worse than licking a toad to get a buzz
THE FACT: In much of the South Pacific, kava is the traditional drug of choice. Kava supposedly reduces inhibitions and enhances conviviality, much like alcohol. However, it isn’t the drug itself so much as the traditional mode of preparation that often dismays outsiders.
The active substance in kava is apparently released in interaction with chemicals contained in human saliva. Kava roots are thus thoroughly chewed, the masticated mass is wrung out in a twisted cloth, and the resulting liquid is then ready for drinking. Even though young people with good teeth and fresh breath are usually the designated chewers, kava drinking is still likely to put off the fastidious traveler.
SCHOPENHAUER
(the poodle-loving pessimist)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties and talking about philosophy, without actually talking about philosophy
KEYWORDS: Schopenhauer, misogynist, or glass half empty
THE FACT: One of philosophy’s most notorious sourpusses, Arthur Schopenhauer was a definite pessimist, and viewed reality as a malicious trap. In fact, he believed we live in the worst of all possible worlds.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, though, notorious misogynist Schopenhauer once pushed a woman down a flight of stairs. Grudgingly, he paid her regular restitution for her injuries until her death, when he recorded in his journal, “The old woman dies, the burden is lifted.” Schopenhauer despised noise but inexplicably had a fondness for something more odious—poodles. A series of disposable poodles were his constant companions for most of his life. Not a pleasant academic colleague, Schopenhauer resented the success of Hegel, whose philosophy he thought was the worst kind of nonsense. Perhaps planning to undo Hegel, Schopenhauer scheduled his course lectures at the same time as Hegel’s. The result, however, was an early retirement for Arthur.
SCOPES (MONKEY) TRIAL
USEFUL FOR: PTA meetings, impressing your high school history teacher, and irritating people at Sunday school
KEYWORDS: creationism, evolution, biology class, or monkeys
THE FACT: Everyone knows the Monkey Trial had something to do with teaching evolution in school. Not everyone remembers the actual outcome, or the monkey that was made of the prosecution.
It was a simple case. A Dayton, Tennessee, teacher had taught Darwin’s theory of evolution, in defiance of a new state law. But the charges quickly became international news when Clarence Darrow, the era’s most famous liberal lawyer, took up teacher John Scopes’s defense. The case only got more intriguing when William Jennings Bryan, the three-time presidential candidate, joined the prosecution. During the defense’s case, Darrow stunned the courtroom by calling Bryan to the stand. For two hours, the two dueled over Bryan’s literal interpretation of the Bible which hardly helped Mr. Scopes. Scopes was found guilty and fined $100. Bryan died a few days after the trial. But the state’s ban on teaching evolution was reversed in 1967.
SEA MONKEYS
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, stirring up ’60s nostalgia, and taking the wind out of an eight-year-old’s sail
KEYWORDS: monkeys, brine shrimp, or the worst pet ever
THE FACT: Ah, sea monkeys. You know ’em; you love ’em; you’re totally confused by ’em. Well, consider the monkey mystery solved.
Turns out, they’re Artemia salinas, or brine shrimp. In the 1960s, inventor Harold von Braunhut discovered that the shrimp’s eggs lie dormant in salt flats waiting for the right conditions before they spring to life, so he started experimenting with them for his toy product, Instant-Life. Later, he changed the name (and struck pop culture gold) after a colleague heard him call the creatures his “cute little sea monkeys.” The shrimp became popular because of their ability to “come back to life” after being stored dry on a shelf, but fell from favor after children discovered that they had a lifespan of about a month. Over the years, however, von Braunhut managed to breed better sea monkeys—the shrimp can now live up to two years. As for von Braunhut, who passed away in 2003, he was also responsible for X-Ray Specs and the late-1980s hermit crab craze.
SHAKERS
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, barroom banter, anywhere martinis are being drunk
KEYWORDS: Shaker?
THE FACT: Officially known as the United Society of Believers in Christ’s Second Appearing, the Shakers were founded in Manchester, England, in1747. Nearly 250 years later, though, there isn’t a whole lot of Shaking going on.
As a group of dissenting Quakers under the charismatic leadership of “Mother Ann” Lee, the Shakers came to America in 1774. Like most reform movements of the time, the Shakers were agriculturally based, and believed in common ownership of all property. Unlike most of the other groups, however, the Shakers practiced celibacy, including rejection of marital sex. So how exactly did the movement spread? Membership came via conversion or by the adoption of children. Shaker families consisted of “brothers” and “sisters” who lived in gender-segregated communal homes. And during the required Sunday community meetings it wasn’t uncommon for members to break into a spontaneous dance, thus giving them the “shaker” label. However, their religious movement wasn’t built to last. In fact, of the original 19 communities, there is only one in existence today.
SHAKESPEARE
(as in the whole typing monkeys thing)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, dates at the zoo, and whenever someone brings up the idea of infinity
KEYWORDS: Shakespeare, monkeys, and typing
THE FACT: If a million monkeys typed on a million typewriters for a million years, would they produce a work of Shakespeare by chance? Well, not according to this experiment.
This notion has been used to indicate how over the vastness of time complex creations may arise from chance. Well, researchers at Plymouth University in England have carried out a small-scale experiment by placing a computer in an enclosure with six macaques (short-tailed monkeys). After pounding on it with a rock, defecating on it, and urinating on it, some of the monkeys did hit a few keystrokes, producing mostly a lot of S’s. Theoretically, the hypothesis defies statistics. The odds of striking the correct sequence is so small that you’d have to have a million monkeys typing at a rate of 31,000,000 strokes a year (1 per second) each for a million years, and then multiply that amount by itself almost 200 times. We think there are better odds at winning the Powerball jackpot.
SHEEP
(specifically, the blackest one of the Brontë family)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, impressing your English teacher, and making friends at the library (please keep the facts to a whisper)
KEYWORDS: Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, or any Brontë
THE FACT: Anne Brontë may have had an inferiority complex living with
sisters like Charlotte and Emily, but she was hardly the least-accomplished child in the family.
That honor goes to their only brother, Branwell. As a child, Branwell showed a lot of promise as an artist and writer, and because of that, ironically enough, Branwell was considered the prodigy of the family. With high expectations, his parents sent him to attend the Royal Academy Schools in London, but that proved to be an embarrassing mistake. Pretty much all Branwell did while he was away was spend exorbitant amounts of family money, become a raging alcoholic and opium addict, sleep around with legions of different women, and get fired from jobs for not showing up or, in one case, “fiddling with the books.”
SIBLING RIVALRY
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, chatting up the French, and consoling the Jan Brady in your family
KEYWORDS: Fredo Corleone, Jan Brady, or Mom always loved you best
THE FACT: It’s not easy being the little brother, especially when your big sib is a self-made emperor. So it’s no wonder relations between Lucien Bonaparte and brother Napoléon were often abrasive and strained.
At first a supporter of his big bro, Lucien became disillusioned by what he saw as the betrayal of the French Revolution. Unfortunately, he was sort of the Fredo Corleone of the family, being stupid enough to let a subversive pamphlet he had written fall into the hands of Napoléon’s police. Obviously, it strained their relationship even further and made him one of the few Bonapartes who didn’t end up king of something. In 1804, Lucien went into exile in Rome, and the pope named him Prince of Canino, largely to annoy Napoléon. Not the brightest move. Napoléon imprisoned the pope in 1809. Lucien on the other hand was America-bound. Captured by the British, he remained a prisoner for several years before returning to a comfortable, Napoléon-free retirement on the Continent.
SLICED BREAD
USEFUL FOR: impressing bakers, inventors, and anyone who loves their bread
KEYWORDS: toast, sandwich, or the best thing since sliced bread
THE FACT: It may get a lot of credit now, but at the time of its debut in 1928, sliced bread received less-than-rave reviews.
Baker and inventor Otto Frederick Rohwedder had spent 15 years perfecting his bread slicer (finally settling on one that wrapped the sliced bread to hold it together as opposed to the hat pins he’d tried earlier), but consumers weren’t quick to convert. People found the sliced bread strange and senseless. In fact, it wasn’t until the advent of Wonder bread, and the collective realization that sliced bread worked better in the toaster, that Rohwedder’s invention really took off. By World War II, the military was using sliced bread to serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as part of soldiers’ rations. Previously uncommon, the PB&J gained a loyal following among servicemen, who kept making the sandwich, sliced bread and all, after they came back to the home front.
SLOT MACHINES
(and one man’s tireless shenanigans)
USEFUL FOR: trips to Vegas, bachelor parties, and impressing anyone who’s ever tried to cheat the system
KEYWORDS: always bet on the house
THE FACT: Working from the back of his TV repair shop, Tommy Glenn Carmichael figured out more than a few ways to take Vegas, and all their slot machines, for a heck of a ride.
Starting in 1980, Carmichael invented, refined, then manufactured devices for cheating slot machines. Tommy’s bag of tricks ranged from coins on strings to light wands that blinded machine sensors, fooling them into dropping their coins. Then, for most of two decades, Carmichael and his partners raked in millions of dollars. But his luck finally ran out when federal agents tapped his phone and heard him discussing a new device that would rack up hundreds of credits per minute on slot machines. In 2001, Carmichael was sentenced to about a year in jail, and was ordered to stay out of casinos. In 2003, he told an Associated Press reporter he was developing a new gadget, called “the Protector.” It was designed to stop slot cheaters.
instant personalities
EDGAR ALLAN POE was expelled from West Point for “gross neglect of duty,” but many accounts tell it slightly more colorfully. After hearing that the mandatory uniform of the day comprised white gloves and belt, Poe showed up to parade duty wearing those two items but little else.
For his first 35 years, MR. POTATO HEAD came equipped with a pipe. But in 1987 he kicked the habit with the help of the American Cancer Society (and no doubt, a nagging Mrs. Potato Head).
GEOFFREY CHAUCER was taken prisoner by the French during the Hundred Years’ War, and offered back to England for the measly price of 16 pounds.
SOUP
(or how to give a dog a bowl)
USEFUL FOR: chatting up people who love Fear Factor, nonvegetarians, mailmen, and cat lovers
KEYWORDS: I hate dogs or I love soup
THE FACT: While you might be hard pressed to find someone who’ll eat it, man’s best friend makes man’s best soup in some parts of the world.
For those of you with iron stomachs (and no fear of the SPCA), the Chinese Bosintang, or dog meat soup, is relatively easy to make, assuming Bowser is agreeable. The soup requires taking strips of dog meat and boiling them in a soy paste. Then vegetables like green onions, taro stalk as well as the herb perilla leaves are added to the mixture, and the broth is brought to a boil. Finally, a sauce made from mashed garlic, red pepper, and ginger is mixed in. Rumor has it that it goes very well with a glass of soju (an Asian liquor). Of course, the dish has a bit of versatility. Rice can be served with the soup or the combination can be mixed together to make sumptuous leftovers or a warm meal the kids can take in their lunch box…or a doggie bag. Ugh.
SOUTHERNERS
(and their fisticuffs)
USEFUL FOR: barroom banter, Civil War reenactments, and avoiding fights across the land
KEYWORDS: excuse me
THE FACT: Strangely enough, “cultures of honor”—or societies where it seems essential for men to avenge insults with their knuckles—have been on anthropologists minds for a while, and the South made for an interesting case.
Two University of Michigan researchers decided to see if theU.S. was still split into cultures of honor. They conducted a study in which a man bumps into a male subject in a long hallway and then calls him a derogatory term (one that rhymes with “bass hole”). The result? Men from the South were deemed more likely to throw a punch. And not only were they visibly angrier than their Northern counterparts, but, after the incident, their saliva tested higher for cortisol (associated with stress, anxiety, and arousal) and testosterone (associated with aggression). It’s thought that this simply means that Southerners (generally rural) are less accustomed to this type of confrontation and thus react angrily, whereas Northerners (in crowded urban areas) get bumped around and called names on a regular basis.
SPANISH FLY
(great for beetles, a little less so for humans)
USEFUL FOR: barroom banter, locker room chats, and warning anyone looking for happy pills in Chinatown
KEYWORDS: Viagra, aphrodisiac, or any condition that starts with “erectile”
THE FACT: Mention “Spanish fly,” and people’s thoughts turn to carnal activities. In truth, though “The Fly” isn’t a fly at all, but a beetle.
In fact, it’s a beetle that produces a compound called cantharidin, an irritant of the urogenital tract. While it isn’t an aphrodisiac, “Spanish fly” can produce an erection. It can also pose a serious threat to human health. Luckily, however, it poses no threat to the male pyrochroid beetles, which rely on the stuff for mating purposes. During the mating ritual, the male secretes a gooey substance that the female tastes. Only if she tastes cantharidin does mating become a possibility—a good example of chemical warfare and species survival. The female passes the cantharidin on to her eggs, which are then less appetizing to predators such as ladybugs.
SPOILED MILK
(and a reason to cry over it)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, impressing history buffs, and anytime you’re drinking milk
KEYWORDS: Lincoln, sour milk, or expiration date
THE FACT: Strangely enough, one of the unfortunate victims of bad milk was Abraham Lincoln’s mother, Nancy Hanks Lincoln, who died of milk sickness in 1818.
The sickness, which actually wiped out many pioneers, had nothing to do with bacteria and everything to do with a cow’s diet. When the animals grazed on a plant called snakeroot, people who drank their milk got sick and often died. A naturally occurring substance in the milk called tremetol was converted by human body enzymes into a highly toxic substance. When chemists linked milk sickness to snakeroot early in the twentieth century, farmers were counseled to rid their fields of the plant, and the milk sickness was quickly eliminated.
SQUID
(studs of the animal kingdom)
USEFUL FOR: barroom banter and making small talk at the aquarium
KEYWORDS: endurance, tentacles, or calamari
THE FACT: According to some interesting recent research, the lowly squid has the kind of stamina that could put Sting to shame.
Scientists at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, have uncovered the bizarre and intricate mating rituals of the squid, a deep water creature, and, once word gets out, the squid is certain to become the talk of the ocean. Squid mating begins with a “circling nuptial dance,” where teams of squid continuously circle around spawning beds in an area that can reach 200 meters across. At daybreak, the squid (or squids, whichever you prefer) begin to mate and continue all day long, halting the activity only long enough for the female to dive down and deposit her eggs. Once she comes back to the circling area, she reunites with her male companion and the process begins again. At dusk, the males and females go offshore to feed and rest. Then, at the first sight of sun, they head back to the spawning area and go at it again all day long. In fact, it’s believed that this routine can last for up to two weeks, which undoubtedly results in some sore tentacles.