by Will Pearson
VELCRO
USEFUL FOR: impressing preschool teachers, scientists, or any six-year-old with shoes
KEYWORDS: natural inventions, inspiration, or cockleburs
THE FACT: The idea for Velcro, one of the greatest inventions in the world (at least for anyone whose ever struggled with tying their laces), started as a thorn in someone’s side, literally!
Isaac Newton beneath the apple tree. Archimedes shouting “Eureka!” in the bathtub. And Georges de Mestral going for a walk in the woods. The greatest discoveries often stem from mundane observations, and while gravity (Newton) and measurable density (Archimedes) are cool and everything, nothing beats the sweet music of parting Velcro. Mestral, a Swiss engineer, returned home after a walk in 1948 to find cockleburs stuck to his coat. After examining one under a microscope, he noted that cockleburs attach to clothes and fur via thin hooks. Eureka! It took de Mestral eight years to develop his product. But in the end, the twin nylon strips worked precisely like a cocklebur on a coat—one strip features burlike hooks and the other thousands of small loops to which they attach, forming an unusually sticky bond.
VELVET REVOLUTION
(Czechoslovakia’s Quiet Riot)
USEFUL FOR: impressing your history teacher, chatting up rebels or revolutionaries, and instigating shy rabble-rousers the world over
KEYWORDS: velvet, silky smooth, and revolution
THE FACT: Few people believe that the pen is mightier than the sword. Václav Havel and his bloodless revolution might be the best argument for it.
This brave poet and playwright was jailed repeatedly in the 1970s for writing works critical of the communist government in then-Czechoslovakia. With civil unrest rising, he was jailed in February 1989, but kept turning out influential plays, poems, and essays, and even winning literary awards. Set free in May, he helped stoke a peaceful resistance movement known as “the Velvet Revolution.” Havel became the focal point of a largely peaceful revolution, where large crowds of nonviolent demonstrators showed their disapproval of the ruling communists. Havel addressed crowds that sometimes numbered almost a million. By the end of the year, the communist government was out and Havel had been elected president. He served as president of Czechoslovakia—and later, when the country split in two, of the Czech Republic—for 13 years, retiring in 2003. The tally? Poetry 1, communism 0!
VODKA
(as in chugging way too much of it)
USEFUL FOR: barroom banter, killing other people’s buzzes, and chatting up teetotalers
KEYWORDS: I am soooo drunk right now
THE FACT: Sure, there are beer-drinking contests, so why not vodka-drinking contests? Well, here’s why.
In 2003 a bar in the southern Russian town of Volgodonsk decided to hold just such a competition. After all, Russians are famous for their ability to hold their vodka, and annual consumption is over 15 liters per person. The winner would get…well, more vodka. Ten liters of it, to be exact. Sadly, the winner never got to claim his prize. After downing 1.5 liters of vodka in under 40 minutes (which is about 51 shots) the vodka champ passed away, about 20 minutes later. What about the runners-up? The five other contestants got treated to full luxury stays in intensive care. Scarily enough, many of the ones who weren’t hospitalized actually showed up at the same bar the next night.
W. C. FIELDS
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, barroom banter, and anywhere that liquor and film buffs pleasantly mix
KEYWORDS: W. C. Fields, chickadee, or I’ll drink to that
THE FACT: Of all the alcoholic comedians, the bulbous-nosed W. C. Fields (né William Claude Dukenfield) was by far the least embarrassed by his indulgence.
Fields started his career as a juggler, but found fame with his impeccable wit and comic timing, first on Broadway and then in the movies. Although also noted for his dislike of children (“Any man who hates children and dogs can’t be all bad”) and his ostentatious immorality (he claimed to religiously study the Bible—in search of loopholes), Fields is probably best known for his drinking. At his peak, Fields downed two quarts of gin daily. “I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy,” he once remarked. Fields died on his least favorite of days—Christmas—in 1946.
instant personalities
V is for VOLKSWAGEN: Before the first The Love Bug film, Disney had a casting call that included Volvos, Toyotas, and about a dozen or so friendly-looking cars. When the staff inspected them, they’d kick tires, grab steering wheels, and roughhouse each one a bit. But when they came to the Beetle, they just began to pet it! The smug car landed the part immediately.
Is MICKEY MOUSE married to Minnie? Walt Disney was always coy on the issue. In 1933, he insisted that, in private life, Mickey is married to Minnie, although on-screen, her role is leading lady. Two years later, he proclaimed there is no marriage in the land of make-believe.
CHARLIE CHAPLIN once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in a theater in San Francisco, and lost.
WAR
(on drugs)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties and impressing your history teacher (as well as the kids who never attended his class)
KEYWORDS: Nazis, cocaine, chewing gum with a kick
THE FACT: As strange as it sounds, during World War II Nazi Germany definitely led the pack in its use of amphetamines, cocaine, and other “performance-enhancing” drugs.
In fact, amphetamine pills were included in every German soldier’s first-aid kit, and Nazi researchers developed chewing gum that delivered a dose of cocaine with each piece. But that wasn’t all! According to a book by German author and criminologist Wolf Kemper on the subject, Nazis on Speed, one of the compounds tested by the Nazis in 1944, D-IX, was actually a cocaine-based compound that included both amphetamine and a morphine-related chemical to dull pain. The experimental drug was tested on prisoners of war, and Nazi doctors found the test subjects could march 55 miles without a rest before they collapsed. The Nazis hoped that the drug could put some fighting spirit into their armies, which were by that time being defeated on all fronts, but luckily the war ended before production could begin.
WEBSTER
(the one behind the dictionary)
USEFUL FOR: chatting up librarians and copy editors, and making friends at the spelling bee
KEYWORDS: Webster, dictionary, spell-checker
THE FACT: Noah Webster was never fondly referred to as “The Godfather of Spelling,” but he did offer Americans a spelling (and pronunciation!) resource they couldn’t refuse.
A schoolteacher, Webster started out writing spelling books, which soon blossomed into an obsession with standardizing American spelling and pronunciation and distinguishing it from the British. During the 20 years it took him to compile the 70,000-word American Dictionary of the English Language, published in 1828, Webster was strongarming prefixes and suffixes in a constant attempt to break words to his own will. He forced musick to music, carefully urged (for its own good) centre to center, and—although there were no witnesses to it—changed plough to plow and colour to color. Unfortunately, he was so busy instilling order and structure to the language that he never got around to changing words like bureaucracy to something a little more phonetically friendly.
WEDDING TRADITIONS
(and why you can’t see your bride)
USEFUL FOR: bridal showers, blind dates, and wedding receptions
KEYWORDS: here comes the bride
THE FACT: It’s a common American tradition: Keep the glowing bride in hiding on the morning of her wedding so that the groom can be all the more awestruck by the sight of his woman in white. Sounds sweet, but its origins aren’t quite so tender.
For hundreds of years, fathers arranged the marriages of their daughters by offering money to young men. However, if Daddy’s Little Girl wasn’t exactly fit for the cover of Maxim, Daddy might decide to search for prospective grooms in nearby towns, for obvious reasons. When these men showed up on their wedding day
—not having seen their future bride before—it was common for some of them to flee the scene. So the tradition that it’s “bad luck” for a man to see his bride before the ceremony really started out as just insurance for her dad.
WEREWOLF SYNDROME
USEFUL FOR: barroom banter, Halloween chatter, and making small talk with the person waxing your back
KEYWORDS: hairy, hairball, or Henderson
THE FACT: Forget your cousin Sal and his hirsute offspring, the Ramos Gomez clan of Mexico currently holds the Guinness record for world’s hairiest family.
Five generations of this family’s members suffer from hypertrichosis, or “werewolf syndrome,” which causes thick hair to grow over the entire body (98 percent of it, to be exact), including the face, ears, and neck. Brothers Larry and Danny Ramos Gomez are the most well known of the family, as they travel the world performing their duties as professional trampoline acrobats—an occupation no doubt made appealing by the fact that it’s actually weirder than having hair all over your face. But Larry and Danny wanted a profession that wasn’t contingent on their appearance. In the 1990s, producers at the The X-Files offered them guest-starring roles, but they declined.
WHITE-FRONTED PARROTS
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, nerdy dates, and proving that Polly doesn’t want a chauvinist
KEYWORDS: birds, chicks, or sensitive males
THE FACT: White-fronted parrots are something of an anomaly in the animal kingdom. For one thing, they may be the only species (besides humans) to engage in what is essentially the act of “kissing”!
Before mating, the male and female birds will lock beaks and gently flick their tongues together. If that goes well, the males will make the bold move for “second base,” which involves regurgitating food for his mate in a generous show of affection. How sweet! Native to Mexico and Central America, white-fronted parrots were also totally ahead of us with the whole “two-income marriage” deal. Along with various species of the albatross, penguin, ostrich, and other large birds, white-fronted parrots generally lay a solitary egg, with both the male and the female taking turns incubating it. Once the chick hatches, both parents feed and otherwise care for the young bird.
WOODCHUCKS
(and how much wood they chuck)
USEFUL FOR: impressing biology teachers, nerdy dates, and tongue-twisted third-graders
KEYWORDS: Woodchuck cider, Groundhog Day, or beavers
THE FACT: So how much wood would a woodchuck chuck? Probably none.
Woodchucks aren’t particularly tree-oriented, and while they can climb to find food, they prefer being on the ground. In fact, they actually got the name “woodchuck” from British trappers who couldn’t quite wrap their tongues around the Cree Indian name, “wuchak.” More commonly (and accurately) known as groundhogs, these animals are closely related to squirrels, marmots, and prairie dogs, with whom they share an affinity for burrowing. And while they aren’t so prone to chucking wood, a burrowing woodchuck can chuck dirt, in the form of tunnels that can reach five feet deep and as much as 35 feet in length. Based on that number, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas calculates that, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, it could chuck as much as 700 pounds of the stuff.
WORK
(you probably don’t want)
USEFUL FOR: seafood buffets, barroom banter, and realizing how much better your job is than you know
KEYWORDS: Alaska, fishermen, or king crab special
THE FACT: Annoying bosses, bad benefits, and even preretirement pink slips can’t make a job more hellish than that of Alaskan king crab fishermen.
Because most crab are harvested during the winter months in Alaska, conditions are particularly brutal, with strong winds, short daylight hours, and high seas. Every year, 34 fishing vessels and 24 lives are lost in the water around Alaska—an occupational fatality rate 20 times the national average. Most deaths result from hypothermia, capsizing, or falling overboard. The risks are exacerbated by exhaustion, because the fishermen often work 20-hour shifts pulling 450-pound crab cages across the slippery deck. But the hard work pays off—if you survive. Alaskan king crab fishermen work for shares of their vessel, with some boats bringing in $200,000 a day, and deckhands taking home up to $100,000 in a four-month season.
WORLD WAR III
(as almost started by a bear)
USEFUL FOR: impressing your history teacher, terrifying your friends, and occasionally as a fun fact whenever you’re watching Yogi Bear cartoons
KEYWORDS: Cuban Missile Crisis, nuclear holocaust, or the Bad News Bears
THE FACT: On October 25, 1962, during the Cuban Missile Crisis, a security guard at an airbase in Duluth, Iowa, saw a shadowy figure scaling one of the fences enclosing the base. It almost led to a world war.
The guard shot at the intruder and activated an intruder alarm, automatically setting off intruder alarms at neighboring bases. However, at the Volk Field airbase in Wisconsin, the Klaxon loudspeaker had been wired incorrectly, and instead sounded an alarm ordering F-106A interceptors armed with nuclear missiles to take off. The pilots presumed that a full-scale nuclear conflict with the Soviet Union had begun, and the planes were about to take off when a car from the air traffic control tower raced down the tarmac and signaled the planes to stop. The intruder in Duluth had finally been identified: it was a bear.
THE WORST
(a guy named Napoleon)
USEFUL FOR: cocktail parties, academic gatherings, and making friends with a Yanomami
KEYWORDS: Napoleon, anthropology, or “I’ve never had the measles”
THE FACT: Until 2000, Napoleon Chagnon was known as author of the best-selling anthropology text of all time: Yanomamö: The Fierce People. But since then his so-called research has been mired in controversy.
The anthropologist, along with geneticist James Neel, inoculated many of the Venezuelan tribe’s members against measles. Unfortunately, it was right about this time that the Yanomami experienced their first-ever measles epidemic, leading to thousands of deaths and reducing the tribe to half its original size. Coincidence? Perhaps. Many defend the expedition, claiming it would be impossible for a vaccine to spark such an outbreak. Critics point to the expedition’s financier, the Atomic Energy Commission, as proof that the accused were using the Yanomami as human test subjects. Either way, the scandal raised serious questions about the practices of studying indigenous peoples, and made it nearly impossible for Neel and Chagnon to pick up ladies at future anthropological conventions.
WRIGHT
(’cause when you’re Wright, you’re Wright)
USEFUL FOR: housewarming parties, chatting up architects, and irritating fans of Frank Lloyd Wright
KEYWORDS: temper tantrum, prima donna, or Trading Spaces
THE FACT: Whether or not Frank Lloyd Wright could walk on water, the genius designer behind Fallingwater sort of believed he could.
It’s true, the amazing designer of the Robie House, Fallingwater, Taliesin West, the Guggenheim Museum, and countless other buildings was notorious for his belief in his superiority to mere mortals. In fact, the architectural egomaniac frequently acted as if the rules did not apply to him—even the rules of geography and climate. But when you’re Wright, your Wright. Commissioned in 1935 to design a Dallas home for department store magnate Stanley Marcus, the project quickly went sour when he insisted that his client sleep outdoors year-round on “sleeping porches.” He also decreed that the Marcus small bedroom “cubicles” would have almost no closet space. When Stan respectfully explained that a) it is frequently well over 90 degrees at night during Dallas summers and b) a high-fashion tastemaker might need bigger closets, Wright threw a series of tantrums in letters still extant that make for delicious reading.
XIUHCÓATL
(and the wrathful god that wielded it)
USEFUL FOR: scaring kids, impressing mass murderers, and making conversation during the Kali Ma scenes of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
KE
YWORDS: Aztec, sacrifices, or the phrase “show a little heart”
THE FACT: The ambition of the Aztec empire might well be linked to one wrathful god and his turquoise snake.
According to Aztec legend, Huitzilopochtli’s 401 older siblings tried to kill him, but the clever god turned the tables on them and wiped ’em out with his weapon of choice, the xiuhcóatl (or for those of you who don’t speak Aztec, a turquoise snake). Represented either as a hummingbird or as a warrior with armor and helmet made of hummingbird feathers (not exactly bulletproof), Huitzilopochtli was both God of the Sun and the God of War. As such, Aztecs believed that he needed a steady diet of human hearts—preferably of the warrior variety—and human blood. In fact, the need to feed Huitzilopochtli fueled the Aztecs’ ambition, and increased their urgency for fighting and conquering other peoples.