by Jenika Snow
“Honey, you may not like the real me.”
Hannah stared at him. “I doubt that.” She liked him. Nerd wasn’t a handsome man. He was kind of messy. His hair longer and not kept at all. She’d noticed his clothes were always creased and in need of a good iron. But she liked every part of him. He was rough around the edges, but she liked those sharp angles of him. “I like you. I find you’re fun to be around.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. You don’t expect anything from me, and you don’t demand that I talk, which is a real bonus. I hate talking, and I find it really uncomfortable to actually do.” Talking with her therapist was hard, and with the Soldiers paying for her care, she felt obliged to talk.
He chuckled. “You know, usually I can’t get a woman to shut up. You, I can’t get to talk. I like you anyway you come, Hannah. Just be yourself and don’t worry about anything else.”
“I don’t think I want to go and see the therapist anymore,” she said.
“You don’t have to. I’ve spoken to Gregory. He’s happy to take your case.”
She didn’t speak for a moment. “You spoke to Gregory? When? What about Jamie?” She knitted her brows low, confusion filling her.
“Don’t worry about anything. She’s got other cases to deal with.”
This was a little strange, but she’d felt weird speaking with Jamie, like she couldn’t really be honest and open. But Hannah had told herself over and over again it was just because she didn’t want to express how she really felt because her fear was too strong. She cleared her throat. “Maybe she just isn’t the right fit for me.”
“We all have methods of dealing with problems.”
“How do you deal with yours?” she asked.
“I kill my problems.”
She didn’t know what to say for long seconds. “Really?”
“Yeah. I do,” he said without remorse or apology.
She should be afraid of him, terrified. She wasn’t. Nerd killed his problems, and some problems needed to be put in the ground. She knew that more than ever after what she’d gone through. “That’s what you did to mine.”
“Those bastards were hurting you. They shouldn’t have been doing shit like that. Not to you, or to anyone. We may be a biker club and break a shit load of rules, but we’ve got morals, and I don’t hurt women.”
Hannah smiled. “That’s good to know.”
“Fuck, you’re not afraid of me, are you?”
“Not at all. I actually find you rather charming. Is that strange?” she asked. “Not many men would offer to kill a problem, or actually do it. You did. I think that takes some balls.”
She stared down at her clasped hands.
“You say things, and I don’t have a clue how to respond.”
Hannah stared at his hands, which gripped the steering wheel. He was driving a manual, and as he changed the gears, she couldn’t help but admire his hands. What would it feel like to hold him, to have him hold her?
She had to try new things, and Nerd didn’t make the experience unbearable. He made her want to try new things.
Reaching out, she ran the tips of her fingers across his hand where it lay on the gear stick.
“My hands are a little cold,” she said.
He released the gear stick and took hold of her hand, locking their fingers together. His hand was so warm.
“I’ll keep you nice and warm.”
Nerd squeezed her hand, and even though to some it wasn’t much, to her it was a small victory. Smiling, she stared out of the window.
It was too soon for her when they pulled up in front of an Italian restaurant.
“Call me stupid but I noticed how much you love pasta. Now, I know Italian food is more than spaghetti and meatballs, but it’s a good place to start.”
“I love Italian food. This is a good place to come to.”
He released her hand, telling her to wait there. Nerd handed over his keys to the valet and helped her out. The restaurant was high end, and she saw the extravagance of the place.
“This looks fancy.”
“It’ll be okay.” He led them toward the maître d. They were escorted to the table, and she was much more relieved when Nerd took over, pulling out her chair.
“I can do that.” Nerd helped her into the chair and took the seat opposite her. Hannah was sure she saw a celebrity couple in the corner, but she couldn’t be sure.
She took the menu, thanking the man, and then they were alone. “So much to pick from,” she said.
“I want you to enjoy every second of this.”
She nodded, taking a deep breath.
“You want some wine?”
She shook her head. “Alcohol and the anxiety pills I’m on don’t mix.”
“That’s okay, baby. It’s water and soda for us tonight. Besides, if you wanted to drink, you know we’d let you, and not tell the law.”
She felt herself flush at his endearment and giggle at his comment. “You don’t seem like the water and soda kind of guy.”
He chuckled. “I’m not, but for you I can be whatever, Hannah.”
Her heart beat a little faster at hearing him say those words. If she hadn’t already fallen for Nerd, she would have at this exact moment.
Chapter 10
They’d stayed at the restaurant for two hours, and as much as she thought it would be weird going on a date, it was actually really nice. Hannah couldn’t deny she enjoyed spending that time with Nerd. Even if he wasn’t the type of man who was sweet and soft, being with him made her feel like everything would be okay. Nerd was hard, unforgiving, strong and powerful. He was frightening to the ones who were smart enough to fear him. Above all she knew he was loyal, truthful, and would protect what he cared about at all costs.
And he cares about me, I know that.
They’d gone back to the clubhouse, and even though she assumed the night was over with, she really didn’t want it to be. She stared at him backed by the glow from the floodlight on the clubhouse causing a gleam to move over the Harleys parked in a row.
“Thank you for tonight.” She smiled didn’t know what else to say or do and went to turn to head back into the clubhouse. But he reached out and took hold of her hand. Hannah looked over her shoulder at him, surprise filling her.
“Come with me for a ride,” Nerd said. He pulled them away from the front doors and to where his motorcycle was parked. “We’ll change, of course, but I just want to spend more time with you.”
She wanted to be with him so badly, but she was also afraid of not being able to be “normal” ever again. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, looking over at the bottomless pit beneath her and knowing the slightest breeze could have her falling over the ledge.
“A ride? Where would we go?” Her heart was thundering, and everything in her body was alive right now. The smell of him, strong, masculine, with a hint of spicy cologne, made the feminine part of her long to touch him, to be with him. But she was afraid of her own issues screwing this up.
“We can go anywhere you want. We can just drive around and take in the scenery. Hell, Hannah, I just want to be with you a little longer. I’m not ready for the night to end.”
“I don’t want the night to end either,” she said softly, seeing him move another step closer. He stopped when he was a foot from her, his big body taking up the scene behind him. He was tall, at least six and a half feet, and his body…God, his body, so big, muscular, and all those tattoos covering him, made her needy, aroused. She hadn’t felt desire in so long, and Nerd had been the only man that had made her feel this way, even before she’d been taken.
It was exciting but also frightening, and it was that fear that had her taking a step back. All she could think about, see, feel, was Nerd. What was it about him that made her feel like this?
“Don’t tell me you don’t feel this connection between us, Hannah,” Nerd said and lowered his gaze to her mouth. “I knew you did. I felt it when you kissed me, when I touched
you.”
She licked her lips, as if him looking at them made her suddenly aware of their presence. It was so strange feeling this kind of heat, arousal. A part of her told her she shouldn’t even want this because of what she’d been through, but she couldn’t care about that right now. All she could think about, feel, was Nerd.
If you don’t move forward, you might not know what you could have between the two of you.
“Just tell me that this isn’t just me,” he said, lifting his hand and touching her cheek.
She didn’t move away, and in fact felt herself lean into his touch. It felt so good. He felt so good. His fingers were rough, calloused from doing manual labor. He felt like a man and made her feel so very feminine.
“Just tell me that you want me as fucking badly as I want you, and that nothing matters aside from that.”
God, she did want that, did want to say that. But she was also afraid, not of Nerd but of herself.
“I do feel something, Nerd.”
He continued to stare at her. Everything from his tattoos to the scruff around his cheeks called to the very feminine part of her.
“You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I won’t ever let anything hurt you,” he said softly. He took a step closer. “You have no idea how much you mean to me, Hannah.”
Her heart plummeted to her stomach, but it was the good kind of drop, the real kind. If she was going to do this, then she was going to jump in with both feet and hold on tight. “Okay, let’s go for a ride.”
Chapter 11
“What do I wear to go on a bike?” Hannah asked.
Amy was sitting on her bed. Thankfully, Amy hadn’t disappeared for the night with Joker. She didn’t know where Amy’s man was, but his loss was her gain.
“Wear jeans—it’s much easier to climb on and off the bike without showing yourself off.”
“Right, I hadn’t thought about that. I’m so nervous.”
“Is Nerd pressuring you?”
Turning to face Amy, she shook her head. “No, I’m not under any kind of pressure. Nerd’s not like that.”
Amy held her hands up. “That’s fine.”
Opening her wardrobe, Hannah grabbed a pair of jeans that were a little loose and wouldn’t be uncomfortable. She went into the bathroom to change, not wanting to give Amy a show. After she was dressed, she went back into her bedroom, and Amy nodded. “Perfect.”
“It’s fine?”
“More than fine, Hannah. You’re a beautiful woman.”
“Thank you.” Hannah gritted her teeth as her cheeks started to heat once again. Why couldn’t she control herself? Instead she kept lighting up like a damn neon sign just attracting attention.
Grabbing a jacket, she headed toward the door with Amy close behind her. “I really appreciate you helping me.”
“That’s fine. I like to help. I remember dating Joker and feeling all over the place. You’re not alone.”
Nerd was already waiting for her at the front door.
“Are you ready, princess?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m ready.” She got this warm feeling when he called her endearments.
“Amy,” Nerd said.
“Nerd.” Amy smiled at both of them. “Have a nice time.”
She followed Nerd out to his bike. Her heart racing as they approached the motorcycle. He handed her a helmet. “Put this on.”
“Won’t it ruin the feel of the ride?” she asked.
“I want you safe, Hannah. I don’t want to put you at risk.”
Hannah had never ridden a bike before. Nerd straddled the machine, and after putting the helmet on, she climbed on behind him.
“You’re going to have to hold me.”
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she felt a fluttering between her thighs. The engine started up, and she got a thrill from the hum of the machine. She squealed as he took off. He wasn’t going particularly fast, but she wished she didn’t have the helmet on so she could feel the wind in her hair.
She trusted Nerd completely.
He rode out of town, moving between cars, and even leaning over to round a corner. Hannah mirrored each of his movements, following him without stress.
Hannah didn’t know for how long they were riding before he pulled up at a lake. He slowed the bike down to a stop and turned off the engine. “We’re here.”
Climbing off the bike, she reached out to steady herself as her legs nearly gave out.
“Where are we?”
“A little lake that has been deserted and allowed to flourish. I believe some men come out on the weekends to fish. It’s where I come to think.” He took the helmet, securing it to his bike.
“What about school kids?”
“None come here. There’s some kind of tale about a wrongly accused woman haunting the woods.”
“Seriously?”
He nodded and grinned. “True story.” He winked. “She was wrongly accused by another woman of witchcraft. They tied her up and tossed her into the lake. The woman who accused her married the man that was destined for the ‘witch.’ A few years later, the woman died of drowning.”
“That’s so not true.”
He chuckled. “It is, or at least the tale that is told is true. I don’t know. I’ve been here many times, and no one has tried to drown me.”
Hannah grabbed his hand tightly. “That really wasn’t funny.”
“Don’t worry, I was kidding.”
She pulled back. “What?”
Nerd laughed. “Kids go parking up the creek over there. I wouldn’t bring you here if it wasn’t safe, ghosts or not.”
“You … horrible man.” She started laughing softly.
“What? It got you to hold my hand.”
When she made to pull away, he wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t afraid. The way he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close, made her feel … things. She didn’t know exactly what she felt. Each new sensation that he was inspiring inside her, she didn’t understand.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me.”
“Telling me a horror story isn’t going to help.”
“Didn’t you enjoy my little tale?”
“No.” Hannah couldn’t help but smile. She hadn’t liked his tale, but she was holding his hand. It was another obstacle that she’d passed.
“What’s that little smile for?” he asked.
“I’m holding your hand. It means a great deal to me.”
“Good, get used to it.” He squeezed her fingers. “Come on, I’ll take you to my spot.”
He led her to a secluded part of the lake that had a large patch of grass. Across the lake there was an array of trees and shrubs, but the break in the foliage meant the sun cast on that one spot. The grass had grown and flourished because of it.
Nerd removed his jacket, placing it on the ground. Taking a seat, she waited for him to sit back down before snuggling against his side. “I really enjoyed tonight.”
“You and me both, princess.”
“Our first date. I think it was a success, what about you?”
“You’re the first woman I’ve been with that I’ve not wanted it to end. That for me was entirely surreal.” He kissed the top of her head.
The action seemed so natural that Hannah looked up at him. They stared at each other for a few seconds, the pressure and heat surrounding them increasing.
“I want to kiss you,” he said softly. “Will that be okay? I don’t want to rush or push you into something.”
She shook her head. “I want you to kiss me, Nerd,” she whispered.
He leaned in close, and she stared at his lips. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and when his lips touched hers, it was like millions of electric shocks going off along her mouth.
The touch was light, not too much pressure.
Nerd pulled away. “Too much?”
Opening her eyes, she stared up at him, licking her lips. “It wasn’t nearly enough.”
Chapter 12
The kiss was explosive, electrifying, and all Hannah wanted to do was forget about everything and anything except for this one moment. He pulled away, the kiss breaking, but the force of his breathing brushing across her face. The tendrils of her hair moved along her cheek, and she felt her heart beat a little faster. They were so close, but Hannah could still see his chest rising and falling quick and hard from his breathing. Was her need just as evident as his? Although she didn’t think she could have sex with him just yet, her own issues still fresh in her mind, Hannah wanted to be with Nerd so badly she could feel it in every part of her.
I want to feel Nerd on top of me, to feel his strength and power, to know he desires me as much as I desire him.
Her hands shook, and she was afraid of her own arousal, but Hannah didn’t want this to stop.
“Touch me, Hannah,” Nerd said in a deep, soft voice.
She lifted her hands and placed them on his hard chest, feeling the strength come from him. The hard muscles clenched under her palm, and she slid her hands down the rolling, defined hills of his abdomen and rested them on each of his pecs. The beat of his heart was strong and heady, so unlike her rapidly pounding one.
“Hannah,” he said her name on a whisper. If she derailed from what she wanted to do, she wouldn’t be able to regain her strength. And she wanted to be strong for Nerd, for herself. She wanted to get through this turn in her life.
She leaned into him, felt the heat from his body seep into hers, and closed her eyes. It felt good to feel warmth, to feel him and not be afraid. For a long time, all she knew was a coldness that stole her breath and left her numb. Nerd made her feel cozy … alive.
When she opened her eyes and looked into his face, the fierce look of desire reflected back at her increased her pulse. Very gently she curled her fingers into the hard yet pliant flesh at his chest.
“You make me feel good, Nerd. I don’t want to lose that, or ignore it. I don’t want to give up everything that has grown between us because I can’t get through my past.” She moved an inch closer until her chest pressed against his. “Will you help me heal?” She was asking him for so much, but a part of her knew only Nerd could be the one to help her. She could be strong in her own right, but she wanted Nerd to be that rock she could lean on. She rested her forehead on his chest and closed her eyes, just inhaling the strong, masculine scent that was all Nerd.