by Jenika Snow
“You can trust me, baby,” he said. “You’re so damn wet. I’m going to make you feel good.”
He was making her feel good.
Glancing down, she watched as he tongued her nipple, using his teeth to bite on her tit and then soothe the sting. He moved to her other breast, sucking her nipple into his mouth. She cried out when he bit down a little harder but also teased her clit at the same time.
“Oh yes,” she said.
He slowed down the strokes on her clit, and it only served to have her panting for him.
“Do you want more?” he asked.
“Please don’t stop.”
“You like it?”
“Yes.” She never thought she would, but she did.
Hannah didn’t want him to stop, not now, not ever.
“Please.” She wasn’t afraid of begging.
“I’m about to make you feel a whole lot better.” He left her breasts and kissed down her stomach. She shuddered as he took little nips of her flesh just above her pussy. “You smell so fucking good. My mouth is watering for a taste of you.”
Taste?
What was he going to do?
Going to her elbows so that she could watch him, she saw him open the lips of her pussy and swipe his tongue across her clit. She gasped out as millions of mini explosions went off inside her body, creating a riot of sensation.
“That’s it, baby. Come apart for me.”
Nerd didn’t stop there. He kept stroking her pussy, sliding his tongue across her clit, around then down.
Hannah couldn’t take it and collapsed onto her back as he teased her pussy. Not once did she feel the fear. He sucked her clit into his mouth, taking his time to drive her body up to the edge of climax, keeping her poised.
Her body was on fire and desperate for that end, that pleasure.
Nerd didn’t keep her waiting long as he thrust her over the edge into a mind-shattering orgasm that had her screaming his name, begging for more.
He didn’t stop, teasing her clit and sucking it into his mouth, prolonging her release. Only when she couldn’t take any more did he sit back. He leaned over her, pressing a kiss to her lips, and she didn’t mind tasting herself.
“You’re amazing.”
She made to reach for him, but Nerd took her hands. “Not tonight.”
“What about you?” she asked.
“Tonight was all about you. I can wait.”
Biting her lip, she found him charming. “Thank you.”
“Come on, I want to get you home so that you’re not too tired for tomorrow.”
“I don’t want the night to end.”
Nerd pulled her to him. “This is never going to end. You’ve given me your heart, Hannah, now I’m going to show you how good it can be to give me a chance.”
Later that night Nerd sat at the bar. Most of the club had gone to bed as had Hannah. He’d brought her back home, and he’d seen the concern that everyone had. None of them trusted him to do the right thing.
“How are you doing?” Demon asked, surprising him.
He jerked around to see Demon holding his son. “You’re up late.”
“I could say the same for you. This guy didn’t want to sleep, and Deanna’s so exhausted lately. I don’t want her getting ill.” Demon kissed his son’s head. “I think he wants feeding. I’ve already changed his stinky, smelly diaper.”
“The joys of parenting. Let me guess? He didn’t even say thank you?”
“Nope. Parenting sucks if you expect thanks. Deanna has told me not to even expect it when he’s older. Believe me, he’s going to be showing respect.” Demon took a seat, and he already had a bottle in his hand. “Tell me what is bothering you?”
“Nothing’s bothering me.”
“Didn’t your date go well?”
“My date went perfectly.”
“Is that a problem?”
“No.”
Demon frowned. “Okay, so what is the problem?”
“Nothing’s the problem, the date went perfect. I’m just … thinking.”
“What about?”
“If this is the life I want her to have.”
“The club life?”
“Yeah, it’s not for everyone, and I don’t want to be a selfish prick by making her stay with me.” Nerd rubbed at his temple. “Tonight was my first ever date, and it was amazing. I don’t want to fuck her up, or do something that’s going to make her hate me in years to come.”
“You’re right, the club life is hard, and there are times I know Deanna hates it. She hates the club whores and the fights. She stays for me, because I love her more than anything. She knows I’ll never step out on her, and that she owns me, heart, body, and soul. The club life may not be what Hannah deserves, but she deserves you. There’s no one else that will treat that girl right.”
“Just be myself?”
“Be the man she deserves. Love her with your whole heart, and you’ll never regret a single thing. That’s my advice, and I’m happily married with a kid.”
That was exactly what Nerd wanted as well.
Chapter 16
Hannah sat in the waiting room of the therapist’s office, not sure why she was so nervous but feeling like her skin was tight and she couldn’t breathe. Although Nerd had told her to find another therapist but never actually explained why he’d felt that way, she decided to talk to Jamie and see what was going on. She might have told Nerd she would see someone else, but Hannah felt this newfound strength, and she wanted to be able to figure things out on her own.
She hadn’t made an appointment, because the circumstances around why Nerd didn’t want her seeing Jamie had rubbed her weird. She wanted to find out what was going on, and Hannah had worried telling Jamie she was coming might have had the woman denying an appointment. Although that was all speculation, because she had no clue what was going on or why she felt weird speaking with Jamie.
“Maggie, please cancel my two-thirty for next week.”
Hannah lifted her gaze and stared at Jamie. The therapist was looking down at a file and didn’t notice Hannah right away. But then she stopped and lifted her head to look right at Hannah. Their gazes clashed together, and Hannah felt that tightening in her belly intensify.
“Hannah,” Jamie said, her voice bland of emotion. “I didn’t think we had an appointment today.”
Hannah stood and shook her head. “We don’t, but there are some things I’m confused about.” They didn’t speak again for a moment and then finally Jamie nodded.
“I have a few free moments. Follow me to my office.”
Hannah followed Jamie, and once inside and seated in the chair in front of Jamie’s desk, the two women stared at each other, neither speaking nor moving.
“I didn’t think you’d be back after you ended our session early last time.”
No, Hannah hadn’t planned on coming back.
“What is it that I can help you with?” Jamie asked, her voice emotionless, her expression blank.
Hannah looked down at her hands, twisted them together in her lap, and breathed out slowly. “Aside from how you offended me during the last appointment, and the fact I really had no intention of coming back, Nerd doesn’t want me seeing you. I can’t understand why it would bother him if I saw you again, seeing as I didn’t tell him about why I didn’t want to come and see you again.” She lifted her gaze to stare at Jamie. The therapist didn’t speak for long seconds but finally exhaled and stood. She turned around, and Hannah felt her brows knit low in confusion. “What are you…”
Jamie lifted her blouse top up and showed off the small of her back. Tattooed on her flesh were the words, “Grade’s Pussy On Demand.” Jamie let her shirt fall back down and turned to face her again. “I know what it’s like to be in the MC world. But my appetites, and demands for what I wanted, ended up getting me booted.” Jamie shrugged, not elaborating, but also not seeming apologetic for whatever she’d done.
“You were a…” Hannah thought of
the term the club called the women that were basically there for sex alone.
“A club whore, and proud to be one,” Jamie said with that very pride in her voice. But her expression became darker. “And then I was too much for them to handle.”
Hannah didn’t think that was all of the story, but she didn’t really care about hearing any more. And then it clicked in Hannah what was really going on. She stood, and for the first time in a long time, she actually felt rage fill her. “You wanted to be with Nerd? You used me to get to him, to the club?”
“At first no. I didn’t know much about you aside from the bare minimum of information you gave us. But then hearing what you had to say, it made me want that life again.” Jamie stood. “It made me want that club attention again.”
Hannah pursed her lips. “You can’t have Nerd.”
“Believe me, your biker made it clear for me to stay away.” They stared at each other for long seconds. “I think it goes without saying our professional relationship has to cease.”
“No shit,” Hannah found herself saying, and before Jamie could respond Hannah left the building, feeling as if she was going to claw out of her skin.
She loved Nerd, and the very thought that someone else wanted to tear them apart, or at least take something she loved and held dear, had this power surging through her.
Nerd was in the Soldiers garage working on a bike that had been sitting in the corner dismantled for the last year. He just needed something to do, something that would help keep his mind off what he wanted to do with Hannah … to Hannah. Having her come for him had been so fucking arousing that when she’d left he’d jerked off twice. But he wouldn’t force her, wouldn’t push her, not even if she wanted to wait years. Yeah, for Hannah Nerd would be the most patient motherfucker around.
He worked on tightening some bolts and heard the sound of a car door shutting. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Amy drop Hannah off before pulling away from the MC and leaving. Hannah glanced at the clubhouse but then looked toward the garage. Nerd stood and turned around, grabbed a rag, and cleaned his hands off.
“Hey…” He stopped speaking when he saw the focused look on her face. When she was in the garage, her eyes wide, her hands balled into fists at her sides, all instinct rose up. “What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay? Did someone fuck with you?”
She was in front of him only a second later, had her hands clenched around his T-shirt, and looked into his eyes.
“Baby girl, you’re scaring the shit out of me.”
But she didn’t speak and instead rose on her toes and kissed him. After a second she pulled away, breathing harder, heavier. “I saw Jamie, spoke with her. She told me what she did, what she tried to do with you.”
He clenched his jaw. “I hadn’t wanted you to see her. She’s a conniving bitch.”
“I know,” she said softly.
He cupped her cheek and stroked her soft skin. “I love you so fucking much.” She smiled, and that one gesture could light up the whole fucking room. “I thought you were hurt, that someone really fucked with you. I was ready to hunt them down and slit their throat.”
“Jamie won’t be in my life anymore. I wish you would have told me you went to speak with her though.”
He exhaled and nodded. “Yeah, I should have. I don’t want to keep anything from you.”
“I don’t want that either.”
Nerd wanted to be honest with her, wanted nothing between them. She’d already had so many obstacles in her life that he wanted to make things easier for her, smooth. But a part of him knew he’d probably fuck up somehow. He was cold and hardened, and all he’d ever known was how to be a hardcore biker. Would Hannah be able to still love him when she really understood that was who he was, no matter how gentle he was to her?
Chapter 17
Over the next few weeks Hannah continued to see Nerd, go to classes, and she ceased all counseling. Amy offered to go with her for her first session but it wasn’t something she wanted to do. None of the Soldiers forced her, which she liked. Amy kept encouraging her to go, but she had made a decision, and that was final.
She sat outside of the clubhouse as a party was going on full swing, and she stared up at the stars. Nerd had to go on a beer run, and he’d be returning soon. She hoped when he got back, she’d be able to go on a nice long walk with him to just talk. That was what she wanted. Parties at the clubhouse were still large and boisterous. No one tried anything with her, but they made her uncomfortable … life anymore made her uncomfortable.
“What’s wrong?” Weasel asked, coming to sit beside her. He kept a careful distance from her.
In the early days of her being at the clubhouse she would scream the house down with a panic attack if anyone came near her. But she knew she was making progress, if only a small amount, when she felt calm around others.
“I’m waiting for Nerd.”
“He’ll be back before you know it.”
She nodded and looked back at the stars. “It’s a beautiful night,” she said.
“Yeah, it is.” A moment of silence passed between them. “You and Nerd, it’s the real deal?” Weasel took a sip of his beer, and she looked over at him and thought about his question. In the elemental and basic sense she knew they were, but she also knew she had a long way to go before she could be a decent partner to anyone.
She nodded, though, not wanting to talk about that to anyone.
“It’s the real deal. At least, I think it is.” She kept the rest of her thoughts to herself. “Even to my own ears that sounds crazy.” She ran fingers through her hair, brushing out the knots as she did. “He’s a really sweet guy.”
“Only with you,” Weasel said.
She glanced at him again.
“Do you really know Nerd? The club?” Weasel asked.
“I don’t think I understand what you’re trying to ask.”
“Open your eyes, Hannah. You’re living in a protective bubble. We’ve all been protecting you. Now I thought you and Nerd had something but this, it’s not going to work, not now, not tomorrow, not ever.”
Hannah frowned, so shocked by what he was saying that she couldn’t even respond. “I don’t get—”
“Nerd is part of one of the most feared biker clubs going around. How do you think we got that reputation? It wasn’t by handing out chocolate and flowers. We’re killers, Hannah. We killed the people that took you, and we’ve killed a hell of a lot more since.”
She knew this.
“He’s not a gentleman. That party in there,” he tipped his chin toward the clubhouse, “Nerd would be balls-deep in fucking pussy by now.”
A shocked gasp left her at his crude words.
“Instead, you’ve got him all twisted up in your own shit to see what the fuck is going on.”
“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this, why you’re saying it in the first place.”
He shook his head. “I want you to open your eyes, Hannah. I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just being me, and being real with you.” He threw his bottle away, and she heard it smash against the asphalt. She wasn’t used to this kind of outrage from the Soldiers, even if she didn’t know Weasel that well. From the cult that had taken her, yes. This, it was all wrong.
“I am just saying until you get your head on straight, until you get your shit worked out, you can’t really be there in the ways that matter.” He stared at her. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She started to shake as his words hit home. Yeah, she knew what he meant, had thought about it herself, but to hear someone else say it … she exhaled, not knowing how to respond.
“What the fuck?” Nerd said from behind Weasel, his voice booming, his outrage clear.
Hannah turned to the man who had given her hope in her darkest hours. She looked at him, and she knew that Weasel was right, even if she didn’t want to admit it to anyone but herself. She was damaged, and as much as she wanted to be with Nerd, she was afraid of herself and ruinin
g everything. How could she be everything that Nerd needed when she could only just stand his touch?
“Man, I wasn’t going to hurt her, and I was just speaking the truth.”
“It’s not your place to get between us, or to say shit to her.”
“Everyone thinks you and her, it’s a good thing. It’s not, and I’m sorry I have to be the one to break it down. Don’t you see, she’s fucking petrified, and until she gets her head on straight she’s no good here. She’s a liability, man. We’re a club, united together, Nerd. Your mind isn’t even on the job half the fucking time but on her, and that puts the club in jeopardy. You haven’t even claimed her as your old lady, so how can you expect the club to back you up?”
Nerd didn’t respond, but he looked pissed as hell.
“I don’t need a man on the road who has his head on the pussy he’s trying to fill.”
Nerd took a step toward Weasel. “You better shut the fuck up, man.”
“What the hell is going on here?” Demon asked, suddenly stumbling out of the club with Deanna on his arm.
Hannah hated this. She hated being the center of attention where all eyes fell to her. She hated being the one to cause problems. This was never the life she wanted, and she’d never wanted to cause trouble or a rift between brothers.
She looked toward Nerd. The intention of violence surrounded him. He wanted to do damage, but she knew he was holding back because she was there. She wasn’t whole enough to be ready for him. He deserved so much more.
Their perfect dates; it wasn’t enough. Even to her, their time together wasn’t enough.
“He’s right,” she finally said.
“What?” Nerd asked incredulously. “Don’t listen to this asshole, Hannah.”
She shook her head. “You and me, this is never going to work, not until I can work on myself.” At least it can’t work right now.
“Hannah, we’re doing fine, baby. I won’t pressure you. You know that.”
“I know that, Nerd. But I don’t want fine for you. I want you to have what Amy and Joker have. What all of the club couples have. You deserve that, and more. Right now, I’m holding you back. Look at me, Nerd. I’m broken. I want to be good for you, want my head in the right place, because you deserve that. We deserve that.”