by Jenika Snow
Wrinkling her nose, she saw the other old ladies weren’t too fond of the idea.
“Our men don’t mind them not being there but the ones without any old ladies, or even some with, want them there for the company,” Amy said. “Joker doesn’t go to them.”
“You’re confident of that?” Renee asked.
“Yes. I trust Joker with my life. I know he’d do anything for me, and he’s even risked his life more times than I can count. He will never, ever do anything that would make me hate him.”
“If you’re having doubts, don’t you think you should deal with them now before you head down the aisle?” Constance asked.
Renee shrugged. “If it will happen, it will. There’s not a lot I can do to change that, not really.”
“That’s negative,” Deanna said. “If you’re feeling like that then I don’t think you should go through with it.” Deanna poured herself another glass of wine.
“You think I should tell him no?” Renee asked.
Deanna took a seat beside her and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. “What I think really doesn’t matter. I love Demon. I know he fucked club whores before he met me. He even had one when I was here, but that was before we got together. I know he’s faithful to me, and I am to him. Marriage is hard, honey. It takes two, and if you have doubts now, do you really think they’re just going to disappear?”
“I thought this was supposed to be a celebration, and now I’m just really depressed right now,” Elena said.
“I think she should consider her options,” Deanna said.
Silence fell around the room, and the happiness that Renee experienced moments ago had diminished. She loved Weasel more than anything. He had been the guy she developed her first crush on, and she believed him to be the love of her life.
Sitting back, she sipped at her wine and thought about a life with him. He was surrounded by girls who looked younger with perfect bodies and an enthusiasm to please that hadn’t yet been jaded.
“Look,” Amy said, sitting up. She had been lying down. “We married bikers, club brothers. Women throw themselves at them all the time. Right now, they’re surrounded by women and temptation. The question is, does it bother you, and do you think he can be faithful? Also, do you care?”
“Of course I care. I don’t want him to be screwing some random bitch and then coming back to me stinking like her.” Renee stood up. “I need some air.”
She left the room, heading out to the back yard. Weasel was at the club, and she trusted him. She had every faith in him and yet there was a niggling doubt in the back of her mind that if she gave herself to him, then he was going to break her heart, and there was nothing she could do about that.
If he cheated on her, that was it. She didn’t want to be with a man that hurt her like that.
“Hey,” Constance said, coming outside to her. “Are you okay?”
Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head. “No. I’m not okay. Not even close. I didn’t have any doubts, and then talking and stuff … now I’m a nervous wreck. What if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life?”
“You think no other woman feels the way you do? It’s a big commitment. It’s not as big as it used to be. There’s divorce if it goes badly.”
She turned toward her sister-in-law with a glare. “You’re not helping.”
“Sitting out here and crying about it isn’t helping either.” Constance sat down on the steps. “I love being outside. You know for a long time I used to sit beside my parents and my dead fiancé’s graveside.”
“You were engaged before Vengeance?” she asked.
“Yes, I was. We actually met at a graveyard. Kind of creepy now that you think about it. All that death around us, and we were still able to come together. He took me by surprise.”
“Do you miss the other guy? The deceased one?” Renee cringed at her lack of tact. She didn’t know what was happening to her lately.
Her emotions were all over the place.
“No. We would have made each other miserable. I’m so thankful that I didn’t get the chance to marry him. I love your brother, I love the club.” Constance stood up and moved toward her. “You know the only person you can talk to about your feelings right now is Weasel. Don’t push him away or try to deal with this on your own. Don’t be that stupid girl that thinks she can do everything alone. You’re not her. You don’t have to be her.” Constance hugged her tightly.
“Do you think I’m being stupid?” Renee asked.
Constance thought about it. “He’s a biker. I love Vengeance, and when you know someone, and you love them so much that you couldn’t imagine life without them, you learn a part of them. I know he’d never cheat on me, mainly because I’d beat him to death with a shovel. Talk to Weasel, tell him your worries, your concerns, and get over that hurdle before you walk down the aisle. It’ll make you feel a hell of a lot better. Believe me.”
Chapter 27
Renee sat on the steps of the front porch, the glass of wine in her hand half-full. She’d filled it up completely to the top, but since then had been sipping on it, enjoying the berry composition of the drink while she stared out at the scenery.
She was waiting for Weasel to get home because she had to talk to him, had to get this emotion of worry and uncertainty of the future off her chest.
Weasel’s house was spaced out to where they had some privacy, but she could still see a few neighbors in the distance. They probably thought something was wrong with her for just sitting here staring, but her mind was full and her thoughts were racing.
She took a long drink from the wine glass and held the liquid in her mouth, just savoring the flavor. Weasel was due home any minute, and she wanted to talk to him about her worries, to try to made sense of them. She wanted to see if he thought the same way, if he had anything he wanted to get off his chest too.
It wasn’t the girls’ fault, and they hadn’t put anything in her head. Deep down she’d wondered about all this anyway, about if he wanted to see other women, if he wanted to be with them. God, just thinking about that made her sick. Weasel was it for her, would only ever be the man she wanted.
Getting involved with the biker wasn’t as easy and cut and dry as maybe a “normal” relationship would’ve been. They were alpha man, hardened to the core. They were like no other men out there. And because of that the female population also wanted them. They also had desires, more primal needs that were raw, roughened.
She trusted Weasel, had loved him for longer than she wanted to even admit. And although he asked her to marry him, said he loved her as well, was he really ready to settle down with her?
Would he really want an old lady attached to his hip?
She didn’t want to drag anybody down, and she certainly didn’t want to get involved in another relationship disaster.
She heard a rumble of his motorcycle before she saw him turn the corner and head down the street toward the house. Renee took another long drink from the wine, knowing that she needed to bring this up before things moved forward.
Although she trusted him with her life, trusted him with fidelity, telling him her worries was part of being in a relationship. She didn’t want to keep anything from him, didn’t want her emotions to be bottled up because she was afraid of saying anything.
And hell, maybe he had the same worries about her?
He pulled his motorcycle into the driveway and cut the engine. He removed his helmet and climbed off his bike, his focus trained on her. She saw the emotion on his face, his expression showing his love.
She smiled, feeling her heart beat faster the closer he got. Before she could even stand up, he had her pulled into his arms. Thank goodness she’d set the wine glass down beforehand.
She heard him inhale by her hair and knew he was taking in her scent.
“I missed you, baby.” He pulled back and cupped her cheeks before leaning down and kissing her on the mouth. His lips were firm, strong, and she melted into him.
“I m
issed you too,” she said against his mouth. He pulled away and smiled down at her. She wanted to ask him how he felt about all of this, if he was sure that was what he wanted to do.
Renee wanted to make sure that he’d have no regrets. Marriage was a big commitment, and as much as she wanted to do it with everything inside of her, she also wanted to make sure he felt the same way.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, maybe seeing by the expression on her face that she had something on her mind.
“Nothing,” she said and pulled away, but now was the time to speak with him. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about getting married and some other things. I want to be open and honest and I don’t want to keep anything hidden.”
“Okay,” he said, the concern on his face clear.
It was now or never, no waiting until the time was right, no wondering for the rest of her life if she kept her mouth shut. They needed to talk about this and she needed to do it now. She loved Weasel and there was nothing more in the world she wanted than to be by his side for the rest of her life.
But if she didn’t bring this up now she’d always wonder. And all that would do was drive a wedge between them.
Chapter 28
Weasel knew her concern. She couldn’t hide it from him, nor could she hide the fact that Deanna had come back to the clubhouse and apologized. Now he had to deal with the fallout and what it meant for his woman.
Being part of an MC, he’d gone crazy for a time. Screwing women as if they were going out of fashion. He’d partied hard and fucked even harder. Women were easy when it came to the club life. They wanted one thing and one thing only, to please the bikers that were there.
He got his fair share of pussy and didn’t care about anyone or anything. It was all so easy for him, and he relished it. He loved it.
Then one day he realized he was so fucking empty he was lost. Of course, the emptiness began, and it gradually grew until when he looked in the mirror, he no longer recognized himself.
The women became blurs, all coming together as one. It didn’t matter who they were, and he lost interest. He found himself coming away from the free sex and more into the club. The business and his brothers, that was where the club was at.
He’d watched several of his club brothers fall in love. At first, he didn’t care. It was just another woman within the club. After a while he started to watch the old ladies with their men, and he knew straight away that he was missing out.
Over the past few years he’d wanted what his brothers had. Going home at night to an old lady, to a family. A woman who stood by your side no matter what. He wanted that so much.
Being with Renee, he knew he was never going to hurt her.
He’d lost her once, and he wasn’t going to do anything that would risk their relationship again. He loved her more than anything else. Nothing would have ever made him throw in his patch, but if that was what Renee needed from him, he’d do it.
Renee took a seat at the table, and he grabbed a beer from the fridge. Opening the bottle, he took a long sip, and then sat at the table, staring at her. He waited for her to tell him what the problem was. She needed to be open with him.
He smiled at her. “I’m all ears, babe.”
She smiled. “You know I was debating what to say. I don’t know the right words, or how to describe it.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
“I don’t want you to get angry.”
“I won’t. I don’t imagine this is easy for you at all.” He glanced down at her finger where his ring lay. “I’m not going to say anything. This has to be all on you.”
Tears were in her eyes, and he saw she was struggling with this. “I don’t …”
“Ask me, Renee. That’s all you’ve got to do. Ask me, and I’ll be open, honest, with you.”
“I’ve been having second thoughts about us getting married.” The tears spilled down her cheeks, and it made him hurt to see her this way.
He leaned forward and put his hand over hers.
“It’s crazy because when I’m with you like now, I know my thoughts are crazy. I love you so much, Weasel. But what if I’m not enough. What if you find some younger woman who can do things that I don’t do?”
He didn’t laugh. Weasel didn’t do anything. He grabbed her hand and held her as she voiced her fears. Each one broke his heart, but he got it.
A biker didn’t have the best reputation, and she had seen the lifestyle more than once. In most situations, men were not faithful to their women.
Weasel had been shocked by how long his brothers had been faithful to their women, but he got it now.
When you’re with the right woman, you wouldn’t dream of doing anything to risk that. Also, there was no one else.
He didn’t look at other women, nor did he seek other women out. All he wanted was Renee. She was the only woman he craved more than anything else.
“I’m being stupid.”
“You’re not being anything other than careful, baby.” He stroked over the engagement ring he’d gotten her. “You know when you left, I thought a part of myself was dead. I fucked and didn’t give a shit. None of it filled the hole that you had left. You’re right, I’m a biker, and a younger model could come along, but I know in my heart that I love you. You’re the only woman I want.” He reached out and wiped some of her tears away. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Nothing at all.” He moved, picking her up, and placing her on his lap.
“I feel crazy right now.”
“You’re always going to be a little crazy. It runs in your blood.” This made her laugh. “You mean so much more to me than anyone else in the world. I love you, baby. If you want to wait to marry me, then we can wait. I won’t rush or force you into anything.”
“I want to marry you,” she said. “I do.”
“I just want to point out that this can go both ways.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You can find some other man who thinks he can please you better than me. What will I do then?”
She burst out laughing. “No one can compare to you.” She cupped his face and pressed her lips against his. “No one can please me as you do, Weasel.”
“Exactly my thoughts concerning you, Renee. So what makes you think that anyone else could ever mean anything to me? You’re my girl, and I’m your guy.” He pressed his hand against her heart and took hers, placing it over his. “We’ve always belonged together, you and I. That is never going to change. Never. You want to take your time. I can wait to marry you. I don’t want to, but you need to know that when it comes to you, I’ll do anything for you. I’ll wait weeks, months, and years to be with you.”
She licked her lips and then shook her head. “I don’t want to wait too long.”
He stroked her cheek. “You can set the date and we can deal with everything. I want you to always come to me whenever you have doubts, worries, whatever it is.”
“Even if it’s stupid?”
“Especially when it’s stupid.” He gripped the back of her head and tugged her down to kiss her lips, silencing her the only way he knew how.
Chapter 29
The wedding
Three months later
Renee couldn’t believe the day had finally come, that she was actually about to marry Weasel, the man she’d wanted for longer than she cared to admit. It almost seemed as though she were dreaming, as though the world had stopped and she was in this otherworld.
She’d planned the wedding with the help of the other old ladies, and in only three months they’d whipped this celebration up. But with no one on her and Vengeance’s side to come, that made the guest list pretty easy.
This was a biker wedding, after all, so that was the only family she needed here.
Here she stood, in one of the back rooms at the clubhouse, the dress she wore gorgeous and delicate. It had lace and crystal, and in a biker wedding probably looked out
of place, but she couldn’t wait for Weasel to see her in it.
She smoothed her hands down the gown and couldn’t help the smile that covered her face. This was actually happening, and she was about to marry the man she loved more than anything else in this world.
There was a knock on the door and then it was pushed open. Deanna, Amy, Elena, Eloise, Daniella, Hannah, and Constance all came in, their bridesmaids dresses deep blue, all slightly different but matching enough it was clear they were part of the bridal party.
“Oh wow.”
“Gorgeous.”
“Weasel’s going to shit his pants.”
The girls each gave their praise as they came toward her. They touched her hair, her dress, smiled at her, told her how beautiful she looked. She felt loved in that moment, part of a family, a sisterly bond.
“How are you feeling?” Constance asked and Renee turned and stared at herself in the mirror. The other girls were primping and prepping across the room.
“I’m pretty nervous,” she said honestly.
“That’s normal. Weasel will see you and he’ll cry. We have a bet between us.” Constance laughed.
Renee moved the long fall of her hair over one shoulder and stared at the tiny pearl earrings Constance had given her to use as her something borrowed. Each woman had given her something that was important to her, and it touched Renee deep in the heart.
Everything on her right now looked delicate, fragile, maybe not the girl she’d been at one time or the woman she’d grown to be, but she felt like herself right now.
But I also kind of feel like I’m not myself, like this isn’t my life.
Constance attached the veil to the back of her hair with a crystal barrette, and as everything really sunk in, she breathed out and forced herself not to cry.
Renee closed her eyes for a moment and just breathed. “I need to get past my nerves. I know this should be normal, but I feel like I’m coming undone at the seams.”
“That’s normal. You’ll do beautifully. And yeah, everyone will be watching you, but that’s only because this is your day.”