“I’m okay,” she whispers. “You should call him. Try to meet with him again.”
This is such typical Ellie behavior. Thinking of me when it should be all about her.
“It doesn’t matter,” I repeat, pulling away so I can look at her. I’m completely in awe of her. She acts like what happened last night was no big deal. All she can do is worry about me, and I don’t deserve it. Shit, I don’t deserve her. “I think I ruined that chance for good.”
She keeps her gaze downcast, plucking at the comforter that covers her. “I hate that I made you leave your meeting.” Her frown is killing me. Seeing her like this is killing me, and I hate it.
I want her to feel better. I want to be the one who makes her smile. Makes her happy. Makes her forget what she’s suffered through.
“You didn’t make me do anything. It was an automatic reaction. My girl is hurt, I come running. My girl needs me, I’m there. And that’s what upsets me the most,” I say, emotion welling up, threatening to consume me.
She frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I failed you, El. That fucking tears me up inside, you know that? I had no idea what was going on, and it kills me that I was so far away.” I touch her hair, careful not to touch her face. I don’t know how much pain she’s in, and I don’t want to make it worse. “I’m down in Los Angeles, fucking oblivious, wrapped up in my own bullshit while some asshole is attacking you…”
I get choked up, and I can’t continue. Seriously, I’m going to fucking bawl like a baby, so I close my eyes, breathing deep. Trying to calm my riotous emotions, when she’s the one who’s been through hell and back.
Yet I feel like I’ve been through it with her. Fuck.
Tentative fingers stroke the top of my hand and I turn it palm up, interlocking our fingers together. “I’ll be okay, Jackson. Really. Don’t get so upset. It was scary. I can’t lie. I panicked, and it was truly the most terrifying moment of my entire life, but honestly? He wasn’t mad at me. He was just drunk and mad at his ex. The cops came to my room earlier and explained everything before I left the hospital. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind. He’s been threatening his ex since they broke up.”
“I’m not in the right frame of mind either.” I crack open my eyes to find her watching me. “If I got the chance, I’d kill him.”
Her expression is full of doubt. “You would not.”
“I would,” I say fiercely. “Anyone who lays a hand on you, doesn’t deserve to live.”
She squeezes my hand, saying nothing. Just smiles that patient smile at me while my emotions threaten to spill out all over the place.
So I let them.
“I’m in love with you, El. Took me a while to come around and realize this, but I am. You mean more to me than anything else in this world. I don’t give a shit about school or music or football, or anyone else. None of it matters if I can’t have you by my side,” I confess, my throat raw.
Fuck, saying those words feels scary. My confession leaves me vulnerable. I feel exposed. As if I tore into my guts and completely revealed myself, just for this girl. No hiding behind my charm or whatever the fuck else I used to get by. I’m just me, standing with my heart in my hands like a goddamned John Mayer song, offering it to Ellie.
The girl who gives me life. Gives me love. Gives me everything I could ever want.
I look at her. Really look at her, and see that there are tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes. Damn it, I made her cry again.
“Ellie. Baby.” Agony fills my voice. “Why the tears?”
“You’re crying too,” she says, sniffing. “Don’t get all accusatory.”
I can’t help it, I laugh. Then wipe at my eyes, feeling the tears there. “You’re right.”
“I know.” She pauses. “I’m in love with you too, Jackson. I’ve been in love with you since the first time I saw you, I think.”
“You giving me some Eli Bennett bullshit right now?” I ask her, making her giggle. “He says the same thing about Ava.”
“Well, I feel that way about you, so yes. I’m giving you some Eli Bennett bullshit right now,” she says as she works to sit up straighter, trying to get closer to me I suppose, but she grimaces in pain.
I move toward her instead, my face in hers, trying to ignore the horrible black and purple bruising beneath her eyes and around her nose, but it’s hard to avoid. She looks terrible.
Beautiful.
More than anything, she looks like mine.
“I don’t deserve you,” I tell her. “I want to be a better man for you, Ellie.”
“You’re already a good man,” she says, reaching up to touch my cheek. “And you’re only going to get better.”
“With you be my side,” I add, turning my face so I can drop a kiss on her palm.
“Of course,” she says firmly. “I can’t believe I’m having the most romantic moment ever and I look like this.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“You’re blind,” she says with a laugh.
“Blind with love,” I amend, making her laughter die.
But her eyes still sparkle. Despite the bruising and the swelling, she’s watching me with those all-knowing brown eyes and I understand in this moment…
I will never find another girl like my Ellie.
Thirty-Two
Ellie
Spring
I can’t take my eyes off of Jackson as he paces back and forth out on the back patio of his apartment, talking on the phone. I wish I was out there, blatantly spying on his conversation, so I could hear every word he’s saying, but I’m not. I gave him privacy because I’m a considerate girlfriend, but damn, I’m dying to know what’s happening right now.
Eli strides into the living room, stopping short when he sees Jackson outside, still pacing. Still talking. I’m pretending to be scrolling on my phone, but I’m bored. Anxious.
“What’s going on out there?” Eli asks me. “He looks serious.”
I want to say, oh you know, our entire future is on the line, and he’s trying to figure out what’s happening next, but I don’t.
“He’s on the phone with Rick,” I say instead.
“Ah. Evergreen Rick.”
I nod. Don’t really say anything else because what else is there to say?
My man ended up taking a record deal with them. He skipped the spring semester on campus, opting to take four classes online, so he could be at the studio down in Hollywood, working on tracks, creating an album long into the night, while catching up with his classes during the day. It’s been intense, his schedule has been heavy with obligations, but he’s fulfilled every one of them.
I’m so proud of him. All of his hard work is paying off.
Originally, he didn’t even want to meet with them yet again. But when Rick called around a month after Jackson ran out of their meeting, confessing that he couldn’t stop thinking about him and his music, Jackson went back to Evergreen Records.
And they came to an agreement.
He wanted me to go with him down to Los Angeles, but I couldn’t. I have a lease at my apartment I can’t break, and a job and school. My friends, and my family. We’ve changed some safety procedures at work so an incident like what happened to me won’t ever occur again. Donna felt so guilty over leaving me behind that night, but I told her it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know.
That guy was going to do something, it didn’t matter to who. I was just the unlucky one.
I healed nicely. Both inside and out. The bruises are gone, and my nose is a little crooked, but nothing major. I’m okay. Mentally, I feel even stronger. Like I struggled and fought, and came out the other side a better person. Pain is a true learning experience. You can grow from it, and I feel like I’ve grown a lot this year.
I’ve also been considering some things. About my life, and what I want from it. I’m going to make some changes. Do something different this summer, and next year too.
So is Jackson. I can feel it.
The best part?
We’re going to do everything together.
I can tell the conversation is coming to an end. I see the smile on his face. The way he’s nodding again and again, his dark blond hair bobbing across his forehead. A giant smile stretches across his face and I hear him laugh, the sound causing joy to bubble inside of me.
It was good, their conversation. He’s going to give me good news.
He ends the call, reaching for the handle on the sliding glass door and pulling it open so he can enter the apartment.
“Well?” I ask after he closes the door but still hasn’t said anything. “What did Rick say?”
He grins and scoops me up right from the couch, swinging me around and around, making me laugh. “It’s official. Pack your bags. We’re going on tour, baby.”
“Yes!” I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him tight, bringing his mouth to mine for a too-quick kiss. “I can’t wait,” I say, pressing my forehead to his.
“Wait a minute,” Eli says from behind us.
We both stop twirling, turning to look at Eli, who’s watching us with his hands on his hips and a frown on his face.
Oops. I sort of forgot he was there. I bet Jackson didn’t even see him.
“What?” Jackson asks him.
“You’re going on tour again this summer?” Eli asks.
Jackson nods, smiling down at me. “Yeah. For longer though. And I’m bringing Ellie with me.”
“What about the groupies?”
I roll my eyes. “Eli.”
The guys love to give Jackson crap about the groupies.
“Fuck the groupies. I’ve got everything I want right here.” Jackson kisses me again, his mouth lingering on mine.
“Ha, I was giving you shit.” Eli shakes his head, his hands still on his hips. “You’re not coming back to school, are you?”
“I don’t know, man. I get the feeling my entire life is about to change, so maybe not,” Jackson says, that grin still stretching his mouth wide. Like he can’t stop smiling. I can’t stop smiling either. “They’re bumping up the schedule, too. We’re dropping the first single in two weeks.”
“Pink?” I ask excitedly.
“Yeah. They wanted me to debut with a banger. The ballad will come next.”
“I See You.” The ballad he wrote for me after what happened in the parking lot that night. It’s such a beautiful song, filled with so much emotion. It makes me want to tear up every time I hear it.
Jackson’s face lights up. “Oh and get this. Fucking Cupid’s Bow is opening for me through the summer.”
“No way,” I breathe, laughing. “I love it!”
“Remember how jealous I was over them?” Jackson shakes his head as he laughs too.
Of course I do. He was so down, and it was all for nothing. Look how well they’re both doing. Together. And with the same record company, too. Now they’re going on tour together. I love it.
Life has a way of working out perfectly sometimes, I swear.
“You’re really going on tour with him all summer, Ellie?” Eli asks me, pulling me from my thoughts.
Jackson finally sets me down on my feet, releasing me and I smile at Eli. “I am. I already warned my boss I was probably quitting. She promised me if I ever came back, she’d rehire me.”
“If?” Eli’s eyebrows rise.
I shrug, excited about the unknown. “Yeah. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I kind of like the idea of being the boho girlfriend of a famous rock musician. Going on tour with him. Traveling the country,” I say.
“Maybe the world,” Jackson adds.
“Yeah. It’ll be fun. We’re only young once, right?” I glance over at Jackson, smiling tenderly at him. He sends me the same look, and I remember the conversation we had last night, when the scheduled call with Rick still loomed over his head and Jackson wasn’t one hundred percent sure if we were touring or not.
“Promise you’ll come with me, El. I don’t want to do this life alone. I know school is important to you, but you don’t even know what you want to do yet. We have the rest of our lives to figure that shit out. Just—come with me. Be my support, my muse. Travel the country with me, baby. Let me see it all through your eyes too,” he said, his gaze never straying from mine.
How could I resist that?
I agreed. I’ll take a semester off. So will he. He won’t be playing football for the Bulldogs any longer, but it doesn’t matter anymore. He went after what he really wanted, and now he’s got both. His music career.
And me.
“We need to start packing,” Jackson says much later, when we’re in bed and snuggled up together. We went out to dinner to celebrate, bringing everyone along with us. They were all happy over Jackson’s news, though I saw the faint judgment in Caleb’s eyes. The guy is still miffed he’s now the only single man standing. He can’t fathom how Jackson is going on tour, performing music for screaming women for months, and that he’s taking his girlfriend along with him.
Ah, poor Caleb. He has no clue what it’s like, to really love someone. He’ll figure it out someday.
“I have to get all of my stuff out of the apartment before we leave,” I tell him. The lease is up in July, but we’re leaving the beginning of June. I plan on paying the remainder of my rent before I leave the apartment for good. I never did really make friends with my roommates. They were nice enough; we just all had such different schedules and we never really saw each other. Plus, I didn’t spend much time there.
“What about your place here?” I ask him, my fingers skimming his bare chest, my head propped on his shoulder. “What’s Eli going to do without you?”
He chuckles, his chest vibrating with the sound. “Get this. Tony and Hayden are moving in together when school’s over. He told me that at dinner.”
“No way.” I haven’t talked to Hayden in a few days. Guess she’s been holding out on me. “What about Gracie?”
“She’s moving in with—are you ready—Eli and,” he pauses, “Caleb.”
“Noooo…” I close my eyes, pressing my face against his chest. “That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”
“I already warned Eli that living with those two is going to be trouble. He’s game for it, though. He says they can squabble all they want, but he’s not worried about it.” Jackson slips his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a kiss on the lips. “Can you see the three of them living together?”
“No. It sounds like a nightmare.” I give a little shudder.
His expression turns serious. “You okay with going on tour with me?”
I smile. “Yes. Of course I am.”
“You sure? It’s going to be a grind, El. Lots of traveling. Sleepless nights. I’ll be on stage a lot of those nights, while you’re watching from the wings. You might get bored or pissed at me. I don’t want you thinking I’m ignoring you.”
“I know you won’t be ignoring me. You’ll be working. It’ll be fun. An adventure,” I tell him, shifting so I’m lying half on top of him, my face in his. He’s in his boxers. I’m wearing panties and a tank. Easy-to-get-rid-of clothes, since we do that a lot once we’re in bed together. Get rid of our clothes.
“I’d rather be bored out of my skull with you on tour, than all by myself, missing you and bored out of my skull.”
“I bore you?” he asks with a faint smile, though his brows are furrowed.
As if he really thinks he bores me.
This man sometimes still has doubts when it comes to me and our relationship. Like he can’t believe I’m in love with him, when I’m the one who harbored feelings for him far longer than he ever did.
Maybe he was experiencing them too, he just didn’t know how to label them. Or recognize them.
It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is we’re together. Our life is going to be good. Amazing. Epic.
Together.
It’s all that matters.
“That’s what you got out of what I just sai
d? That you bore me?” I roll my eyes before I dip my head down and kiss him. “What I’m trying to say is that no matter where I’m at, I’m going to be happy because I’m with you.”
“Oh. Yeah.” He wraps his arms around me, his hands landing on my butt, his fingers slipping beneath my panties. “That’s better. I can go along with that.”
“Figured you could.” I kiss him again, my lips lingering. He deepens the kiss in an instant, his tongue parting my lips, tangling with mine. “I’m so excited,” I say when we end the kiss moments later.
“So am I.” He thrusts his hips against me, so I can feel his excitement, literally.
I laugh. “I’m not talking about that kind of excited, though I suppose I am.”
He shifts, slipping his hand between us, his fingers diving beneath my panties to test me. “Yep. You’re definitely excited.”
We stop talking after that, getting lost in each other. Found in each other. Our hands wandering, dispensing each other of any remaining clothing, our fingers seeking. Stroking. I grab a condom and roll it onto his thick erection, just before he takes over, flipping me onto my back and sliding inside of my body with ease, all the way to the hilt. He holds himself there, hovering above me, that chain he’s always wearing dangling from his neck. The necklace he gave me when he came back from last summer’s tour is around my neck as well, a symbol of his love for me, even when he didn’t realize it yet.
“I love you,” he whispers as he slowly starts to move.
I move beneath him, hooking my legs around his hips. “I love you too.”
“Even though I’m an egotistical shit?”
“Especially because of that,” I say with a smile. He hits a particular spot deep within me and I close my eyes on a moan. “Oh my God, don’t stop.”
He hits that spot again and again, increasing his pace, and I can already feel it coming. My orgasm pressing down on me. Until it’s all over me, and I whisper his name, my body shaking, my inner walls squeezing him tight, choking the orgasm right out of him mere minutes later. Until we’re both a trembling, panting heap of tangled limbs and quivering parts, clinging to each other.
The Sophomore Page 29