by J. M. Walker
“What-what did he want?”
Asher looked away, moving to pull out of my grip but I only held on.
“Tell me,” I begged. “Please. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”
“You think you can help me?” he shouted. “Do you think any of you can help me? Just let me fucking go. It’s for the best. I don’t deserve you,” he told his brothers before looking down at me. “And I especially don’t deserve you.”
“You can’t mean that,” I stepped in front of him, gripping his shirt tight in my hands. I didn’t care what he said. It wasn’t true. None of it was. I loved him, and I knew he felt something in return for me.
I looked back at Angel. He nodded once. I went to turn back around when something caught my attention in Coby’s gaze. It was almost a pleading for me to help his brother. They knew this was the end. Asher would have to retire or get medically discharged from the Navy. The demons from his past had snuck up on him, and I knew without a doubt that he would get diagnosed with PTSD. It would be a rough time, but I would travel the rocky road with him every step of the way.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, I turned back around and wrapped my arms around Asher’s waist. I was done. I couldn’t handle seeing him break anymore. Whatever happened with his step-father, I would help him get through it. We would jump over this hurdle together.
“Meeka,” his voice cracked. “I can’t. He didn’t even talk to me, and I fucking broke.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. “I’m here. We all are.” I squeezed him tight just as warm bodies stepped up behind us.
“It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.” Asher ran his fingers through the hair at my nape, holding my head against his chest. It was his signature move. I had come to crave it. All this time, I thought he was doing it to comfort me, but really, he was comforting himself. All from a mere touch. The mind was a funny thing. A gentle touch could make all the nightmares disappear even if it were only for a moment.
“I love you,” I confessed, my voice muffled by his shirt.
Asher pulled my head back, staring intently into my eyes. His thumbs brushed over my cheeks, wiping the tears away. “Say that again.”
“I love you,” I repeated with more confidence. “I’ve been in love with you since the first day we met. But you are so damned intense, I’ve never had the courage to say it.”
Asher searched my face before crushing his mouth to mine.
I sighed, leaning into him, and poured all of the love I felt for the man into that kiss.
I barely noticed the guys leaving us alone, giving us some space.
All I could focus on was the man staring down at me. My hand grazed up his chest to his heart. It beat rapidly beneath my palm but his body had finally relaxed.
When we were alone, Asher pulled me into his arms and knelt with me wrapped around him.
I sat there quietly in his arms, afraid to let him go. Afraid of losing him forever. It felt like hours since either of us spoke. The only movement came from Coby when he wrapped Asher’s knuckles in bandages. He left right after, not saying a word.
“I know you don’t want to, but you need to talk about what happened.” I grabbed Asher’s hands gently, brushing my thumbs over his damaged knuckles. “Your brothers need to know.”
Leaning his head against the wall, he let out a shallow breath. “Right now all I can think about is you telling me that you love me.”
My cheeks heated. Looking down between us, I played with the hem of his shirt. “What happened to you years ago scares me. As each day passes, you lose yourself. I can see the darkness that you try so hard to fight. You told me once it’s why you joined the Navy. You felt it was safer for you and whoever you came across. It took you away from the man who tried so hard to destroy you. But as selfish as it is, it took you away from me too.”
Asher shifted his weight so I was straddling his lap. He wiped a lonely tear that had fallen down my cheek. “I want to tell you that I’ll be okay. That I won’t have another episode. But seeing him triggered something. I know I need help, but I don’t want to sit there and talk to a fucking shrink about my problems. I know I have shit to deal with. I’d rather talk to you and that’s it. I don’t need anyone else. No one else can help me through it like you can.”
“You need your brothers,” I said softly.
“Of course I need them, but you—” Asher pinched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I can’t live without you. What I feel for you scares me. It terrifies me more than the fear I felt as a child. Because I know that if something happened to break us apart, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“Nothing will happen to us.” I cupped his cheek. “I promise. Whatever happens, whatever you need; I will be there. If you go see a shrink, I’ll be right there by your side. But you need to see someone.”
“I know, but I don’t want to take a shit load of pills for the rest of my life.”
“Maybe there’s another way.” I shrugged. “Whatever you decide to do, I will be behind you a hundred percent.”
“No,” he said, his voice firm. “I want you at my side. Not behind me. We’re equal, Hummingbird. Remember that.”
Fresh tears welled in my eyes, threatening to escape. God, this man and how he could make my heart melt in a shitty situation.
His eyes moved back and forth over my face. “I love you, Meeka. I love you so damn much. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that I broke into your bedroom that first night.”
I laughed which came out more like a sob. “Well, it wasn’t like you were a stranger or anything.”
“I remember the first time I saw you in those sexy as hell pajamas. With your perky little tits and tight as fuck ass.” He groaned. “God, the things I wanted to do to you that night.”
“You could have,” I whispered.
“And then what? Your dad would have fucking killed me or chopped off my dick and fed it to me.”
“But you could have kissed me, at least. All this time, I thought we were just friends but then when you did finally kiss me—”
“What?”
“I knew I was done.”
“Baby, I was done the first time you smiled at me.” He rubbed a hand down his face, the dark mood once again taking over. “I know I need help, but I can’t do this without you.”
“I’ll be here. Every step of the way.”
He kissed my forehead, then my nose, and placed a soft peck on my lips. “I love you. Fuck, I love you so damn much.” His voice wavered. “Don’t ever doubt that. No matter what happens. Know that I am yours.”
My heart swelled. “And I am yours.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
Asher
“WHEN I WAS a child, I was abused by my step-father. Nothing sexual, although, what he put me through was almost as bad.” I explained to my brothers what had happened in my shitty start to life. My mother dying only made my step-father worse. I told them about the blood he would make me clean up after he would destroy the pureness of the women he fucked. He was as bad as Charles, if not worse. I was a kid. There was no way I could have proved what he had done. He was a prestigious man in our small town. The only people who knew his dark and dangerous secrets were Meeka and myself. And the women he ruined.
“What happened today?” Angel asked, sitting across from me at the dining room table. He placed a bottle of water in front of me and waited. All eyes were on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at them. Meeka sat at my side, holding my hand tight in hers, listening intently to what I had to say. Although she knew everything, I was getting to the part I hadn’t told anyone. A darkness was unleashed back in the day. Charles had been right. Everyone had a darkness of their own.
“I saw him.” I took a breath and another before I continued. “I went to the store to get some food. He was there. I haven’t seen him in years. When I was finally big enough to defend myself, I threatened to kill him if I ever saw him again.” I looked at Meeka. “But I didn’t because of you.
As much as I wanted to rip him apart for what he did to those women and to me, I couldn’t do anything to lose you.”
Tears welled in her eyes.
God, I hated making her cry but I needed her to hear what I had to say. “Because of you, I’ve been able to move past this. But now with Charles breathing down our necks and seeing my step-father, it triggered something.” And that something was dark. It hovered over the years until finally, it brought me to my knees.
“I’m pulling you off the mission.” Angel pushed to his feet, pacing back and forth. “We’ll find another way. I’m not losing you to the likes of those bastards.”
There was no way. I stared after him. “I can—”
“No,” Angel snapped, his voice final. “There is no argument. If you stay in, we do it together.” He cupped the back of my neck. “I will see to it that you still have a good career. It will fucking suck not fighting by your side, but your health is more important to me. There’s no point fighting for my country when I can’t fight for you.”
My eyes burned, a lump forming in the back of my throat.
“Fuck, man,” Dale sniffed. “You’re going to make me cry.”
“Asshole.” Stone smacked him across the head.
“Fucktwad.”
I laughed, which more came out like a sob. Dropping my head in my hands, I let it out. All of it. Every single fucking emotion I was scared to feel over the years. Love. Hate. Fear. The one I craved was the one that threatened to destroy me. Control. God, I was never in control.
“We’re here, brother,” Angel squeezed my neck. “Always.”
And this coming from the guy who had no idea how to love in the beginning. Now he was telling me how to feel. The roles were reversed. I made a mental note to thank that girlfriend of his.
The calloused hand that belonged to Angel was soon replaced by a soft and gentle touch. I looked up, meeting Meeka’s watery gaze.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“Hi,” I ground out.
Meeka had told us that Charles called her cell. The fucker wouldn’t give up.
Angel and the guys left the kitchen to make some calls. Meeka and I were no longer allowed to go to Charles place alone no matter what he had threatened.
Meeka slid onto my lap, running her hands under my shirt.
My eyes fluttered closed at the love pouring from her finger tips. I always craved her touch. It calmed me. Even back in the day when it would only be a hug, it meant more to me than she’d ever begin to understand.
Her hands trailed down to my abs, her fingers brushing over the hem of my sweatpants. It had been a couple of hours since my break down but we both knew that now was not the right time for sex.
“Let me know when you are ready, and I’ll make all of your nightmares go away.” She chewed her bottom lip. “Even if it’s just for a moment.”
***
The next day, I woke up from a nightmare to the constant ringing of my damn phone. I put it on silent and watched the screen light up every couple of minutes. Charles was adamant on speaking with me, but as per Angel’s orders, I didn’t answer the phone. Coby, Stone, and Dale had gone out to Charles’ place last night thanks to tracking my phone weeks before. Charles wasn’t stupid. He wanted my phone tracked. It was why he never took it from me when his security originally searched my pockets.
Flipping my phone, I exhaled a heavy breath and sat back in the plush chair.
Meeka stirred, sitting up in bed and frowned when she caught me staring at her. “Come back to bed.” She yawned. The white sheet fell to her waist, revealing her pale skin.
My nostrils flared, a searing heat shooting straight to my groin. Her rosy nipples hardened in the cool air, the draft rolling in from the open window.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, sliding out of bed.
Rising to my feet, I charged for her and pushed her back on the bed. For the next couple of hours, I took control. I gave her what she needed and what she craved, taking what I wanted in return.
Her moans of pleasure and screams of desire were everything I craved. Everything I lived for.
“I love you, Hummingbird.” I kissed her softly on the mouth while our bodies stayed connected. “More than you’ll ever know.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I know. God, I know. Because I feel it too.”
I made love to her for hours. Feasting on her body like it was the food for my soul, I didn’t come up for breath until late that evening.
I kissed her forehead. “We have to head to the club.”
She stirred, groaning, and shoved her arms under the pillow. “Just a little more.”
I chuckled, pulling the covers off of her naked body. She didn’t even flinch. “Come on. I’m not leaving here knowing you’re naked in my bed.”
“Then stay with me,” she pouted.
“Angel and Jay need to meet with us. She has some information on Tyler.” I wasn’t sure what it was, but by the panic in Angel’s voice when he called earlier, it couldn’t be good.
“Fine.” Meeka yawned and pulled herself from the bed.
My cock stirred at the naked beauty before me, but it would have to wait.
Charles had spent the last week trying to get a hold of me. He would be pissed if we ever came face to face again but according to Angel, that would never happen. I was confused as fuck. I was a Navy SEAL working undercover trying to bring down a sex slave ring. I needed a fucking raise.
Meeka got dressed and let out a sigh. “I’m ready.”
I stared at her. She wore grey sweatpants and a black sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and those slippers that women wore as shoes were on her feet. I would never understand why someone would pay hundreds of dollars for slippers.
“Asher?”
I cleared my throat, the back of my neck heating at being caught staring at her.
“Were you staring at me?”
“Yes.” I closed the distance between us and kissed her hard on the mouth. “You’re so damn beautiful when you’re not trying.”
“Thank you.” Her hands tugged at my belt.
“What are you doing?” My mouth moved down the length of her jaw.
“I’m stressed. I’m horny as fuck and I need your cock inside me.”
I coughed. “Well, then.” I shoved her back on the bed and flipped her onto her stomach. “I think I can accommodate your request one last time.”
***
(Meeka)
He filled me. Utterly and completely. Every time I breathed, all I could feel was him. He moved above me, pinning me against the edge of the bed. Something hadn’t sat well with me. I let Asher think it was because I was tired but really, I was so damn tense, I needed him to fuck it out of me.
Asher’s grunts filled my ears. His hands squeezed and massaged my body. His thick length slid in and out of me in rough powerful thrusts. He was everything I needed.
We jumped over the edge together, our names melting together as one.
“I love you,” his words whispered across my skin.
After we cleaned up, we headed outside and stopped in front of my bike.
He grinned. “I still need to fuck you on this.”
“You will.” I winked. Tilting my chin, I tapped my mouth.
His grin grew. Placing a soft kiss on my lips, he smacked my rear. “Drive safe, Hummingbird.”
I giggled. “Always. With this powerful machine roaring between my legs, I have no choice but to be safe.”
“Fuck.” He adjusted himself, shaking his head. Walking toward his truck, he called out over his shoulder, “I will punish you for that image you put in my brain.”
My heart fluttered. “I look forward to it.”
***
I didn’t ride my bike as often as I would like. Although it was my only way of transportation, being in a small town, most places were within walking distance. A lot of times, the bikes became a necessity to prove power. King’s Harlots were still struggling try
ing to make a name for themselves. After the beat down Jay and Brogan gave to that guy, I had a feeling that respect would be earned. Even if it would be the hard way.
Asher’s truck was a couple car lengths ahead of me. I smiled to myself, knowing he was looking at me as often as he could in the rear view mirror.
I gave him a wave, and I swore I could see him straighten a little. It felt like a lifetime since he broke down in front of us. His brothers had been supportive and Angel came through on his promise. Asher would start his new position in a month. He wasn’t happy about it but his mental wellbeing was more important to me. To all of us.
Lost in my own thoughts, I missed the turn off to the street the club was on. Normally, I could drive to it blindfolded, but with everything that had been going on, I was distracted.
Turning around, I headed back to my turn off when I saw a car flipped over onto its hood. No. Another look and I realized it was a truck. A black truck. My heart started racing.
Asher. There were tons of black trucks in the area. Weren’t there?
I slowed down to a stop, shut off my bike, and pulled off my helmet. Placing it on the seat, I made my way to the crash. No smoke was coming from the truck, but the gas tank was leaking. Sparks from the destruction were landing only inches away from the liquid. Where was the body?
Searching around the debris, I heard a cough and some curses. My stomach dropped to my feet. “Asher.” I ran to the driver side.
“Meeka,” he coughed again. “Get out of here.”
“No, I’m not leaving you.” I pulled at the door, attempting to get it open but it wouldn’t budge.
“Get out of here,” he rasped. “Please.”
“The gas tank is leaking.” I did everything I could to search. “I don’t know what to do,” I sobbed.
“Meeka,” he coughed, struggling to undo the seatbelt and get to safety. But he couldn’t. Blood seeped from a wound in his head. Scratches and cuts marred his skin. He was favoring his right arm, wincing every time he moved it. “I think my arm is broken. Fuck.”