Demon Lord, Retry! Volume 3

by Kurone Kanzaki

  “L-Let go, please... Help...!”

  Yu grabbed Milligan by the hair and dragged him away. He was like a pathetic worm being snatched by a monster.

  “Yu, play with it all you want, but get all the info we need first.”

  “Don’t worry. You know I’m good at both torture and playing doctor.”

  “Yeesh. You hear that, Tron? I don’t care how sick you are, don’t go near that place. Yu, I’m not sure I want to know the answer, but... What do you mean, ‘soil’?”

  “I’m growing a new plant. With human bodies as feed, she grows off of their blood and nutrients. She’s going to bloom a beautiful... flower.”

  “A-Alright...”

  “I want to gift the Secretary that flower when he returns from up north.”

  Hearing this, Milligan desperately tried to break free, but his body remained motionless. Someone speaking about something so horrific had the expression of a teenager writing a love letter.

  “Tahara. Don’t you think the Secretary will like it?”

  “Y-Yeah...”

  “I knew it! When I tried it with his friends earlier, I think the flower became more vibrant when I induced certain levels of pain in them. This one’s got a lot of work to do.”

  “R-Right...”

  Leaving Tahara’s frozen expression and Tron innocently waving her goodbye, Yu carried off her new fertilizer with a jubilant attitude. Being dragged by the witch, Milligan squeezed out:

  “I-I don’t know, nothing... I was just told I can come and play!”

  “Don’t worry... I’ll make sure you tell me all about it. For example, I have a skill called Censorship, which allows me to manipulate information. Humans, in a sense, are just a collection of information.”

  “W-What are you...?”

  “Take your age. That’s a piece of information. If I manipulate that to make you eight, you’ll be a child again, excited to tell me everything. Ooh, I can manipulate your sex, too. It could also be fun to manipulate who your parents are. Once I’m your mother, you’ll open up to me.” Yu explained her skill like a teacher giving a lesson. With each new example, more blood drained from Milligan’s face until he appeared as white as a ghost. Originally, the Censorship skill was created to reset one’s kill count in order to defend against powerful attacks that dealt more damage the higher their enemy’s kill count was, like Zero’s Righteous Hero and Do or Die. But, since every little backstory came to life in this world, her skill had many more uses now. The ability to manipulate any piece of information could be used for incredible good or horrendous evil.

  “I want to make the Secretary proud, so I’m counting on you. I’m going to pull out all the stops, too!”

  “H-Helb...”

  “Hah ha ha ha! You idiot!”

  Yu finally burst out laughing at Milligan’s pathetic cry. Her witch side finally came out.

  “No one is going to help you. Did you ever let anyone go because they cried for help? I don’t think so. So I’m not helping you, either. Why would I? You’re going to die, and not as a human, but as a plant. You’ll forget all your words soon.”

  “N-No... Noooooo!”

  “Oh, that’s a good cry. I’ve been thinking lately. Even an ant mustn’t disrespect the Secretary by soiling the sole of his shoe. The ants should clear the way for him. Don’t you agree?”

  As she gleefully went on, she stored Milligan and his torn off leg into her Backup Backpack. The next morning at the village of Rabbi was peaceful, as if nothing had happened. In fact... nothing had happened at all.

  Keep Starving Tigers Separated

  A girl who appeared to be a farmer was walking through the city of Yahooo. Her name was Hanzo, the chief of espionage for the New Kingdom of Xenobia. She entered a house and removed all of her clothes.

  (This is going to be worse than I thought...)

  Recalling the events from the other day, the girl sighed a little. She had visited the village of Rabbi under the guise of delivering a letter from a noble-seeming knight... As directed by Kongming, of course.

  (That building...)

  When she saw the Hot Springs Resort, a building of her homeland came to mind. It was uncanny. Her ancestors had passed down, through generations of storytelling, that they sailed across a long, long ocean from the far east. The legends had faded over generations, but Hanzo couldn’t help but remember them upon seeing that construction.

  (And that elusive man...)

  Her expression twisted in distaste as she remembered the grinning face. It was like hammering a nail into mud when dealing with that man. She had come all the way to the village of Rabbi, after hearing that the demi-human being transported used to be Luna Elegant’s servant, but she was greeted by Tahara instead of the Holy Maiden.

  (He seemed to be in charge of the village. And what’s with the large-scale construction going on...?)

  There were countless things to contemplate and to report. As she organized all of the new information in her mind, she swiftly dressed in her Ninja outfit. Once she finished, numerous shadows appeared in the room, seemingly out of nowhere. They were all girls wearing the same garb.

  “Lady Hanzo, how did it go?”

  “...Don’t call me that.”

  “Wha...?”

  “I told you to call me Cocoa.”

  “Well, that’s...”

  The shadows looked around at each other, seeking direction. Hanzo was the name given to their leader generation after generation. It had never been changed before.

  “I-It is a proud name that carries the legacy of our clan...”

  “I can’t stand being called by that hideous name!”

  “I don’t know what to...”

  “Imagine this rosy-cheeked girl of eighteen being called Hanzo! What am I, some man in his fifties with five-o’clock shadow!?”

  The other shadows in the room secretly sighed at Hanzo’s usual conniption. Sometimes it was Kotone, sometimes Touka... in any case, Hanzo would force her subordinates to address her with a traditionally feminine Japanese name.

  “T-Then... Lady C-Cocoa...? About the mission...”

  “Make it sound cuter! Put some love into it! It means love in your heart, okay!?”

  “I’m sorry to have to say this... Lady Hanzo, you are acting like... ‘that girl.’”

  “Don’t call me Hanzo, I said!”

  Hanzo was an extremely talented woman in espionage and stealth, but because she was raised to live in the shadows under the strict training of their clan leader, she now craved all things girly.

  “In any case... Who is that man?”

  The foreman of the village of Rabbi, who came from somewhere in Holylight. As none of the other shadows seemed to have found the answer, no one could answer Hanzo’s question. The man practically fell out of the sky one day, after all.

  “Should we dive deeper?”

  “No. There’s a strange woman there, too.”

  With just a glance, Hanzo could tell that she was dangerous. It even felt like the woman was housing hundreds of devils under her lab coat. Hanzo decided that, barring any direct orders, it would be too dangerous to go in any deeper.

  “We’ll keep our distance from the village for now. Start gathering rumors in the capital.”

  The shadows scattered at once, leaving Hanzo alone in the room. She closed her eyes for a while, contemplating Holylight and the shift it was undergoing. The rumors of the Demon Lord’s appearance, of a Dragonborn defeating a high-rank devil, and now the large-scale construction in a run-down village. Even Hanzo and her long experience in the shadows couldn’t figure this one out. The only thing she knew for sure was that powerful devils had been defeated.

  “There’s no sense dwelling on this any longer... I’ll wait for the chancellor’s orders from here.”

  The moment she uttered that to herself, Hanzo vanished from the room as well.

  Meanwhile, the chancellor was frantically scribbling something down in Beatrice’s private quarter
s. She would go from crossing her legs, which peeked out of her Chinese dress, to cackling out of nowhere as if she had been possessed. Watching Kongming the Ice-Cold Chancellor act like this, Beatrice didn’t hold back her glares of disgust.

  “Another one of your evil schemes, Senpai?” Beatrice asked.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m doing it all to serve our country.”

  “No, you’re not. You just like watching people writhe in agony in the palm of your hand.”

  “W-What kind of person do you think I am!?”

  “You’re not a person. You’re a devil.”

  “You little... W-Well, all right, Beatrice. I’ll explain it to you.”

  After barely holding back a few choice words by digging her palm into her face, Kongming explained her current scheme... She called it “Starving Tigers,” a strategy of pitting two powerful forces against each other like starving tigers fighting over a piece of meat. The grand objective was to take both tigers out at once when they were worn out from fighting each other. If she succeeded, she could reap massive rewards for little cost. Even if she didn’t get as far as taking them out, Kongming would consider her scheme a success if she could only create some kind of wedge between the currently allied Tzardom of Light and Holylight. Kongming was deploying other tactics as well, though...

  “While we’re at it, we’re going to drive a bigger wedge between the Tzardom and the paladin,” Kongming declared, elegantly waving her fold-out fan. Destabilizing her enemies and recruiting forces that could knock them off balance was her forte and preferred strategy. Secretly, she had been gently whispering into the paladin’s ear the entirety of the bishop’s party’s behavior. She had been hoping for the paladin to become tired of it and join her side one day, but just sowing the seeds of distrust had been widely effective — the paladin had stopped appearing on the battlefield.

  (It was important to spill all of the Tzardom’s shameful behavior, after all...)

  Kongming’s eyes squinted further, making her appear as devious as ever. Beatrice turned her nose at the familiar sight, standing up from the bed.

  “You’re really a piece of crap, Senpai. Do you remember when I tripped in the middle of that dance party? ...Because you put olive oil on the soles of my shoes?”

  “W-What are you talking about...? You must be tired, Beatrice.”

  “Don’t try and deny it! Who else would do such a thing!?”

  “Beatrice, you suffered a terrible injury to the head that day. Ever since, you began telling me stories of the past that never happened at all,” Kongming said, with a sorrowful look in her eyes.

  She was trying to brush everything under the rug this way.

  “Senpai? Ever heard the saying ‘liar, liar, Kongming’s pants on fire’?”

  “Stop making up colloquialisms! And don’t stand while I’m here... Sit down.”

  “Does it bother you that much that I’m taller than you now? Does it? Does it?”

  Beatrice looked down on Kongming, as if to rub it in. While there wasn’t much of a difference in their height, it must have been a dire difference for these two. Seeing Beatrice looking down at her with smug victory on her face, Kongming’s shoulders began to quiver.

  “Don’t look down on me, you idiot! I’ll put you in your place!”

  “And the truth comes out! Somebody! Come imprison this evil chancellor!”

  “You’re going to be the one locked up...! You want to eat your meals on the toilet again!?”

  “I hate this country! I’m running away, just you see!”

  “You’re not getting away... Not you...!”

  The couple rolled around on the bed, entangled, and continued their bickering. No one knew how Kongming’s schemes were going to play out.

  Bastille Dungeon: Level 5~7

  After leaving the Monster Party, the Demon Lord’s group went further down into the dungeon at remarkable speed. This was a dungeon for Rookies, after all, so B-rank adventurers like Yukikaze and Mikan could traverse it with their eyes closed. While the monsters from the first to the third level were pretty much the same, as soon as they reached level 5, a monster called the Raging Chicken took the Demon Lord by surprise. The meter-tall bird had attacked them out of nowhere. Mikan easily decapitated the thing, but a giant chicken charging humans was a shocking sight for the Demon Lord. For him, it was more terrifying that an enlarged version of a familiar animal attacked him than it would have to be attacked by something like a lion or bear.

  “Pluck the feathers, chop the meat.”

  Gleefully, Mikan sang her song off-key as she took apart her kill. In the way she swiftly plucked the white feathers and sliced off the meat, the Demon Lord could see how experienced she was.

  “How much does that thing go for?”

  “...The meat is a commoners’ delicacy. Feathers have a lot of uses, too. The whole thing will sell for two silver coins.”

  “A pretty good kill then.”

  That meant a profit of one silver coin per member in a tandem party, or five bronze medallions in a four-person party. While that didn’t seem enough to risk one’s life on, that could quickly change when more of the monsters showed up.

  Meanwhile, during their conversation, Mikan continued taking apart the monster with expertise.

  “I’m impressed, Mikan. That’s good work.”

  “Heh. If His Majesty the Porter was taking it apart, we could hunt a lot more without wasting time... Just talking to myself, though.”

  Mikan’s glare and sarcasm didn’t seem to affect the Demon Lord. He wasn’t really carrying their spoils anyway. He had just been tossing them in Yukikaze’s wagon.

  “Okay! All done!”

  “...Thank you. Whitening.”

  With Yukikaze’s cleansing spell cast on her hands, Mikan looked refreshed. They seemed to make a good team after all. Watching them, the Demon Lord couldn’t help but smile. Just as it was back in the game arenas, watching a well-coordinated team could be a lot of fun.

  Then, a gurgly voice seeped into the air, as if to spoil the moment.

  “What’s up, Mikan?” The voice called.

  The Demon Lord turned around to find a chubby man with a pimple-scarred face. Immediately, he sent a Communication to Yukikaze.

  Yukikaze, who is that guy?

  ...I can hear Mister Fox’s voice in my head. Is this what marriage is like?

  What are you talking about? Who is that guy?

  ...That’s Endjoy, a D-rank. He’s after Mikan’s cherry.

  To each his own.

  The Demon Lord almost wanted to wish him luck for going after this bucking bronco. Still, Endjoy’s attitude seemed too familiar to her.

  “What’s with the cold shoulder? Why didn’t you let me know you were down here?”

  “Huh? Why the hell would I do that?”

  “It’s you and me, babe. Come on.”

  “Ew!”

  While Endjoy was acting ridiculous, Mikan’s attitude was harsh enough to match it. Then Endjoy turned to the Demon Lord with an exaggerated gesture of ‘oh, I didn’t see you there,’ and a smug, condescending grin to boot. The Demon Lord nearly clocked the guy in the face, but managed to control his temper.

  “Mikan, don’t tell me you’re into geezers now... Ogghhh!”

  Endjoy’s comment was stopped short by the Demon Lord lightly flicking a pebble into his stomach. While he could absolutely control his temper, he didn’t shy away from teaching the disrespectful youth a lesson.

  “What, a stomach ache? You must have eaten too much ice cream.”

  The Demon Lord’s comment didn’t seem to reach Endjoy, as he was struggling to breathe while holding his gut. When he dropped to one knee from the agonizing pain... A loud fart echoed out of his rear. After a moment of silence, the Demon Lord spat out in laughter, which he covered with a large clearing of his throat before steadying his expression. With a solemn tone, the Demon Lord said:

  “Letting it rip in the middle of a dungeon... And
you fancy yourself an adventurer? I must say, you should take this more seriously.”

  “W-What the hell...”

  “What? Is that a special skill of yours to allure monsters to the stench?”

  “I’ll... kill you...!”

  When Endjoy tried to stand, enraged, a second blast was released.

  “I don’t get it... You disappoint me,” concluded the Demon Lord, as if he had any prospect for Endjoy. Unable to withstand this barrage of insults, Mikan finally burst into laughter. Of course, the Demon Lord could already barely even remember the guy’s name. If he were to ask again, he would only remember him as ‘fart guy.’

  “Draw your weapon! I’ll kill you!”

  “Really...?”

  The Demon Lord threw another pebble, which scraped past Endjoy’s rear. With friction igniting the gas... a handy flame erupted on Endjoy’s pants, bright enough to illuminate the dungeon nicely.

  “Hot! Hot! Water! I need water!”

  “A fire act, now? Why don’t you risk your life doing something more useful?”

  “...Endjoy the show.”

  Yukikaze’s comment caused the Demon Lord to start laughing, too. Laughing along the way, the party headed down to level 6, leaving Endjoy behind to frantically run around trying to put out the fire.

  “I’ll kill you... I’ll kill youuuuu! Agh, hot!”

  When the party had reached level 7, the Demon Lord stopped in his tracks. He had received a Communication from Tahara.

  “I’m going to meditate for a moment. Have fun, you two.”

  “...Okay. I’ll protect you, Mister Fox.”

  “Meditate? You think you’re so cool, don’t you?”

  Even as she showed her disdain, Mikan turned to a Raging Chicken with her longsword drawn. At the end of the day, she seemed to be enjoying this nostalgic dungeon after all.

  What is it, Tahara? An emergency?

  Nah, just an incident report. We took care of this idiot that came to the village, yesterday... According to Yu, he was working for that noble, Dona Dona. Just like you planned, Mister Secretary.

  It took long enough...

  The Demon Lord managed to play it cool. In fact, this was the first time he had even heard the name Dona Dona. All he could think about was the unforgettable tune.