My purpose is to attain, in the remaining part of the year, as much knowledge as can easily be had of the Gospels and Pentateuch. Concerning the Hebrew I am in doubt. I hope likewise to enlarge my knowledge of divinity, by reading, at least once a week, some sermon, or small theological tract, or some portion of a larger work.
To this important and extensive study, my purpose is to appropriate (libere) part of every Sunday, holyday, Wednesday, and Friday, and to begin with the Gospels. Perhaps I may not be able to study the Pentateuch before next year. My general resolution, to which I humbly implore the help of God, is to methodise my life, to resist sloth. I hope from this time to keep a journal. N.B. On Friday I read the first of Mark, and Clarke’s Sermon on Faith.
On Saturday I read little, but wrote the foregoing account, and the following Prayer.
April 10, near midnight.
ALMIGHTY God, by whose mercy I am now about to commemorate the death of my Redeemer, grant that from this time I may so live, as that his death may be efficacious to my eternal happiness; enable me to conquer all evil customs; deliver me from evil and vexatious thoughts; grant me light to discover my duty, and grace to perform it. As my life advances, let me become more pure, and more holy. Take not from me Thy Holy Spirit, but grant that I may serve Thee with diligence and confidence; and when Thou shalt call me hence, receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
EASTER SUNDAY
April 11, 1773.
I HAD more disturbance in the night than has been customary for some weeks past. I rose before nine in the morning, and prayed and drank tea. I came, I think, to church in the beginning of the prayers. I did not distinctly hear the Psalms, and found that I had been reading the Psalms for Good Friday. I went through the Litany, after a short disturbance, with tolerable attention.
After sermon, I perused my prayer in the pew, then went nearer the altar, and being introduced into another pew, used my Prayer again, and recommended my relations, with Bathurst and Boothby, then my wife again by herself. Then I went nearer the altar, and read the collects chosen for meditation. I prayed for Salusbury, and, I think, the Thrales. I then communicated with calmness, used the collect for Easter Day, and returning to the first pew, prayed my Prayer the third time. I came home; again used my Prayer and the Easter collect. Then went into the study to Boswell, and read the Greek Testament. Then dined, and when Boswell went away, ended the four first chapters of St. Matthew, and the Beatitudes of the fifth.
I then went to Evening Prayers, and was composed. — ..
I gave the pew-keepers each five shillings and three-pence.
April 12, near one in the morning. I used my Prayer, with my ordinary devotions, and hope to lead henceforward a better life.
Mrs. Salusbury was Mrs. Thrale’s mother, and was much esteemed by Johnson.
Friday, June 18, 1773. THIS day, after dinner, died Mrs. Salusbury; she had for some days almost lost the power of speaking. Yesterday, as I touched her hand, and kissed it, she pressed my hand between her two hands, which she probably intended as the parting caress. At night her speech returned a little, and she said, among other things, to her daughter, I have had much time, and I hope I have used it. This morning being called about nine to feel her pulse, I said at parting, God bless you, for Jesus Christ’s sake. She smiled, as pleased. She had her senses perhaps to the dying moment.
July 22, — 73.
THIS day I found this book, with the resolutions; some of which I had forgotten, but remembered my design of reading the Pentateuch and Gospels, though I have not pursued it.
Of the time past since these resolutions were made, I can give no very laudable account. Between Easter and Whitsuntide, having always considered that time as propitious to study, I attempted to learn the Low Dutch language; my application was very slight, and my memory very fallacious, though whether more than in my earlier years, I am not very certain. My progress was interrupted by a fever, which, by the imprudent use of a small print, left an inflammation in my useful eye, which was not removed but by two copious bleedings, and the daily use of catharticks for a long time. The effect yet remains.
My memory has been for a long time very much confused. Names, and persons, and events, slide away strangely from me. But I grow easier.
The other day, looking over old papers, I perceived a resolution to rise early always occurring. I think I was ashamed, or grieved, to find how long and how often I had resolved, what yet, except for about one half year, I have never done. My nights are now such as give me no quiet rest; whether I have not lived resolving till the possibility of performance is past, I know not. God help me, I will yet try.
In the summer and autumn of this year Johnson made his famous tour in the Hebrides. His stay in Scotland was from the 18th of August till the 22nd of November. ‘I believe,’ writes Boswell, ‘ninety-four days were never passed by any man in a more vigorous exertion.’ As he grew older, the recurrence of his birthday was a painful anniversary to Johnson. ‘I might possibly have forgotten it had not Boswell told me of it,’ he remarks here. And at this time, also, he wrote to Mrs. Thrale: ‘The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.’
Talisker, in Skie, September 24, 1773. On last Saturday was my sixty-fourth birthday. I might perhaps have forgotten it, had not Boswell told me of it; and, what pleased me less, told the family at Dunvegan.
The last year is added to those of which little use has been made. I tried in the summer to learn Dutch, and was interrupted by an inflammation in my eye. I set out in August on this journey to Skie. I find my memory uncertain, but hope it is only by a life immethodical and scattered. Of my body, I do not perceive that exercise, or change of air, has yet either increased the strength or activity. My nights are still disturbed by flatulencies.
My hope is, for resolution I dare no longer call it, to divide my time regularly, and to keep such a journal of my time, as may give me comfort in reviewing it. But when I consider my age, and the broken state of my body, I have great reason to fear lest death should lay hold upon me, while I am yet only designing to live. But I have yet hope.
ALMIGHTY God, most merciful Father, look down upon me with pity. Thou hast protected me in childhood and youth; support me, Lord, in my declining years. Preserve me from the dangers of sinful presumption.
Give me, if it be best for me, stability of purposes, and tranquillity of mind. Let the year which I have now begun be spent to thy glory, and to the furtherance of my salvation. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but as death approaches, prepare me to appear joyfully in thy presence, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Year 1774
NEW YEAR’S DAY
‘In the course of his self-examination with retrospect to this year (1773). he seems to have been much dejected; for he says (January 1, 1774), “This year has passed with so little improvement that I doubt whether I have not rather impaired than increased my learning.”
And yet we have seen how he read, and we know how he talked, during that period.’ — Boswell.
In estimating the justice of Johnson’s self-reproaches, we must never lose sight of the ideal he held before himself, and the great, perhaps exaggerated, value he placed on methodical working.
January 1, near 2 in the morning.
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, who hatest nothing that Thou hast made, but wouldest that all should be saved, have mercy upon me. As Thou hast extended my life, increase my strength, direct my purposes, and confirm my resolution, that I may truly serve Thee, and perform the duties which Thou shalt allot me.
Relieve, O gracious Lord, according to thy mercy, the pains and distempers of my body, and appease the tumults of my mind. Let my faith and obedience increase as my life advances; and let the approach of death incite my desire to please Thee, and invigorate my diligence in good works, till at last, when Thou shalt call me to another state, I shall lie down i
n humble hope, supported by thy Holy Spirit, and be received to everlasting happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The beginning, etc.
I hope, To read the Gospels before Easter.
To rise at eight.
To be temperate in food.
THIS year has past with so little improvement, that I doubt whether I have not rather impaired than increased my learning. To this omission, some external causes have contributed. In the winter I was distressed by a cough; in the summer an inflammation fell upon my useful eye, from which it has not yet, I fear, recovered; in the autumn I took a journey to the Hebrides, but my mind was not free from perturbation: yet the chief cause of my deficiency has been a life immethodical and unsettled, which breaks all purposes, confounds and suppresses memory, and perhaps leaves too much leisure to imagination. O Lord, have mercy upon me.
January 9, 1774.
The Year 1775
The meditations beginning with Maunday Thursday and extending to Easter Eve, reveal in simple and pathetic language the tender conscience and devout humility of Johnson. From Good Friday morning to Easter Eve he fasted, and is troubled because at sixty-five he cannot fast for two days with impunity! After evening service on Good Friday he writes, ‘We then took tea, by Boswell’s desire; and I cat one bun, I think, that I might not seem to fast ostentatiously.’ The instinctive shrinking from anything like pharisaism, even in his fasting, is worthy of note.
Maunday Thursday, April 13. OF the use of time, or of my commendation of myself, I thought no more; but lost life in restless nights and broken days, till this week awakened my attention.
This year has passed with very little improvement, perhaps with diminution of knowledge. Much time I have not left; infirmities oppress me. But much remains to be done. I hope to rise at eight, or sooner, in the morning.
Good Friday, April 14, 1775.
BOSWELL came in before I was up. We breakfasted; I only drank tea, without milk or bread. We went to church, saw Dr. Wetherel in the pew, and, by his desire, took him home with us. He did not go very soon, and Boswell staid. Boswell and I went to church, but came very late. We then took tea, by Boswell’s desire; and I eat one bun, I think, that I might not seem to fast ostentatiously. Boswell sat with me till night; we had some serious talk. When he went, I gave Francis some directions for preparation to communicate. Thus has passed, hitherto, this awful day.
10° 30’. P.M.
WHEN I look back upon resolutions of improvement and amendment, which have year after year been made and broken, either by negligence, forgetfulness, vicious idleness, casual interruption, or morbid infirmity; when I find that so much of my life has stolen unprofitably away, and that I can descry by retrospection scarcely a few single days properly and vigorously employed; why do I yet try to resolve again? I try, because reformation is necessary, and despair is criminal. I try, in humble hope of the help of God.
As my life has, from my earliest years, been wasted in a morning bed, my purpose is from Easter-day to rise early, not later than eight.
II 15’ P. M. D. j.
Easter Eve, April 15, 1774.
I ROSE more early than is common, after a night disturbed by flatulencies, though I had taken so little. I prayed, but my mind was unsettled, and I did not fix upon the book. After the bread and tea I trifled, and about three ordered coffee and buns for my dinner. I find more faintness and uneasiness in fasting than I did formerly.
While coffee was preparing, Collier came in, a man whom I had not seen for more than twenty years, but whom I consulted about Macky’s books. We talked of old friends and pas: occurrences, and eat and drank together.
I then read a little in the Testament, and tried Fiddes’s ‘Body of Divinity,’ but did not settle.
I then went to Evening Prayer, and was tolerably composed. At my return I sat a while, then retired, but found reading uneasy.
11 P.M.
These two days in which I fasted, I have not been sleepy, though I rested ill.
EASTER DAY
April 16, 1775.
ALMIGHTY God, heavenly Father, whose mercy is over all thy works, look with pity on my miseries and sins. Suffer me to commemorate, in thy presence, my redemption by thy Son Jesus Christ. Enable me so to repent of my misspent time, that I may pass the residue of my life in thy fear, and to thy glory. Relieve, O Lord, as seemeth best unto Thee, the infirmities of my body, and the perturbation of my mind. Fill my thoughts with awful love of thy goodness, with just fear of thine anger, and with humble confidence in thy mercy. Let me study thy laws, and labour in the duties which Thou shalt set before me. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but incite in me such good desires, as may produce diligent endeavours after thy glory, and my own salvation; and when, after hopes and fears, and joys and sorrows, Thou shalt call me hence, receive me to eternal happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Collier is dead. April 7, 1776.
Transcribed from a former book, with a slight emendation or two. With that book I parted, perhaps unnecessarily, by a catch.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
For about two months in this year Johnson was with the Thrales in France.
September 18, 1775.
O GOD, by whom all things were created and are sustained, who givest and takest away, in whose hands are life and death, accept my imperfect thanks for the length of days which Thou hast vouchsafed to grant me; impress upon my mind such repentance of the time misspent in sinfulness and negligence, that I may obtain forgiveness of all my offences; and so calm my mind, and strengthen my resolutions, that I may live the remaining part of my life in thy fear, and with thy favour. Take not thy Holy Spirit from me; but let me so love thy laws, and so obey them, that I may finally be received to eternal happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Composed at Calais, in a sleepless night, and used before the morn at Nôtre Dame. Written at St. Omers.
The Year 1776
January 1.
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, who hast permitted me to see the beginning of another year, grant that the time which Thou shalt yet afford me, may be spent to thy glory, and the salvation of my own soul. Strengthen all good resolutions, and take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but have mercy upon me, and shed thy blessing both on my soul and body, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
EASTER DAY
The mention of Mr. Thrale coming: to Johnson on Good Friday * for comfort’ is explained by the fact that Mr and Mrs. Thrale had recently been bereaved of their only son.
April 7.
THE time is again at which, since the death of my poor dear Tetty, on whom God have mercy, I have annually commemorated the mystery of Redemption, and annually purposed to amend my life. My reigning sin, to which perhaps many others are appendant, is waste of time, and general sluggishness, to which I was always inclined, and in part of my life, have been almost compelled by morbid melancholy and disturbance of mind. Melancholy has had in me its paroxysms and remissions, but I have not improved the intervals, nor sufficiently resisted my natural inclination or sickly habits. I will resolve, henceforth, to rise at eight in the morning, so far as resolution is proper, and will pray that God will strengthen me. I have begun this morning.
Though for the past week I have had an anxious design of communicating to-day, I performed no particular act of devotion, till on Friday I went to church. My design was to pass part of the day in exercises of piety, but Mr. Boswell interrupted me; of him, however, I could have rid myself, but poor Thrale, orbus et exspes, came for comfort, and sat till seven, when we all went to church.
In the morning I had at church some radiations of comfort.
I fasted, though less rigorously than at other times. I, by negligence, poured milk into the tea, and, in the afternoon, drank one dish of coffee with Thrale; yet at night, after a fit of drowsiness, I felt myself very much disordered by emptiness, and called for tea, with peevish and impatient eagerness. My distress was very great.
&n
bsp; Yesterday, I do not recollect that to go to church came into my thoughts; but I sat in my chamber, preparing for preparation; interrupted, I know not how. I was near two hours at dinner.
I go now with hope.
To rise in the morning at eight.
To use my remaining time with diligence.
To study more accurately the Christian Religion.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast preserved me, by thy tender forbearance, once more to commemorate thy love in the redemption of the world; grant that I may so live the residue of my days, as to obtain thy mercy when Thou shalt call me from the present state. Illuminate my thoughts with knowledge, and inflame my heart with holy desires. Grant me to resolve well, and keep my resolutions; take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but in life and in death have mercy on me, for Jesus Christ’s sake.
Amen.
Acts of Forgiveness.
P.M. — In the pew I read my Prayer, and commended my friends, and those that died this year. At the altar I was generally attentive; some thoughts of vanity came into my mind while others were communicating; but I found, when I considered them, that they did not tend to irreverence of God. At the altar I renewed my resolutions. When I received, some tender images struck me. I was so mollified by the concluding address to our Saviour, that I could not utter it. The communicants were mostly women. At intervals I read collects, and recollected, as I could, my Prayer. Since my return, I have said it. 2 P.M.
May 21, 1776.
THESE resolutions I have not practised nor recollected. O God, grant me to begin now, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
July 25, 1776.
O GOD, who hast ordained that whatever is to be desired, should be sought by labour, and who, by thy blessing, bringest honest labour to good effect; look with mercy upon my studies and endeavours. Grant me, O Lord, to design only what is lawful and right; and afford me calmness of mind, and steadiness of purpose, that I may so do thy will in this short life, as to obtain happiness in the world to come, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Complete Works of Samuel Johnson Page 366