by Elsie Davis
“Okay by me. I’ve always liked surprises.” Something else he appreciated about her. Some women wanted all the details, but she wasn’t one of them. An outing in the city cried for spontaneous, and he was more than willing to run with it.
“I just need to feed the dog. Wade is coming later this morning to take him out. Come on, Rufus, time for breakfast.” Garrett filled the bowl while the dog sat and watched his every move. “You be a good dog while we’re gone and stay off my couch.” He grabbed a few pillows from the closet and laid them out in a row across the cushions, hoping they would deter the dog. He pointed at his bed. “That’s your bed, use it.”
“I think that’s a lost cause, but it’s fun to watch you try.” April laughed.
“Maybe I should just give up and put the couch in my office, and then pick up some gaudy, cheap sofa he won’t even look at twice.”
“And neither will anyone else.” She shook her head as if he’d lost his mind.
Maybe he had. “Shall we?”
He opened the door and let her pass, his hand landing on the small of her back. He led her to the elevator and guided her inside when it stopped at his floor. He liked the closeness. The elevator started down, seconds later jerking to a stop and knocking April off balance into him. His arms came around her protectively, and her hand landed on his chest. They were face-to-face. Neither one moved.
The urge to kiss her hit him like a baseball bat. Not a great idea. “This happens sometimes. Some glitch in the system they haven’t worked out yet, but it should be fine. Trust me.”
“And if it’s not?” she asked, her eyes never leaving his face. Her pink, glossy lips were tempting, but still, he resisted. There was no going back if he gave in.
“It’s never stayed stuck. I’ve been after them to fix it, but they seem to think it’s caused by an overload of the system when too many of the elevators are being operated at once, and they aren’t sure which elevator is causing the short yet.” His mouth provided the right answer, but only half of his brain was doing the thinking, the rest was focused on her lips. He lowered his mouth, inch by inch, unable to stop the inevitable.
The elevator lurched again, breaking the moment as the doors opened and two more residents joined them. “See. All better.”
April stepped back out of his arms, and Garrett found himself missing the closeness.
Once outside, he hailed a taxi to take them to the harbor. They slid in the backseat of the car, their legs and bodies touching increasing his awareness of her. Her lilac fragrance surrounded him, drawing him closer. The desire to connect with her was stronger than ever.
“Corner of 22nd and Jackson please,” Garrett instructed the driver, trying to force his brain back into the friendship corner.
The fifteen-minute taxi ride seemed to take forever with the satiny skin of her legs uncovered and mere inches from his. He took her hand and led her down the sidewalk to the marina.
They stopped at one of the docks where a boat was anchored.
April glanced up at him, her eyes lit as though it was Christmas morning and she’d received a special gift. “A harbor cruise. What a wonderful surprise.”
“Yes. I wanted to do a sunset one, but then we’d get back too late for the kids, so this was the next best.” He still hadn’t let go of her hand, and the warmth was nice.
“It’s perfect. Not to mention, sunset cruises are date like, and we’re trying to avoid that impression. Right?” Message received. Garrett stepped up to the counter and paid for the tickets. They climbed aboard to wait for the others and for the cruise to start.
“You can you can see the Statue of Liberty from here.” He pointed in the direction of the famous lady. “They’ll take us right by there. I’ve always loved this view of the city.”
“It’s exciting, not to mention different from anything I’ve seen. Even a bit overwhelming.” April’s excitement was a breath of fresh air.
They found a couple of seats near the front, and Garrett laid down his jacket to reserve them. With the sun, they wouldn’t need the warmth, but one never knew this time of year what to expect in the way of a brisk breeze on the harbor, and so he’d made sure to bring something for her.
They headed to the railing and leaned against it, just as the deep bellow of the horn blew, signaling their departure.
“This is gorgeous. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, you can ask me anything. We are living together, after all,” he teased.
“Hilarious, wise guy. But in that case, I’m just curious why you’re not married? Why did you choose business with such a single-minded passion? Your friend Jim does both.”
He hadn’t seen that coming. And it wasn’t his favorite subject. “Why do you ask?”
“Because of the kids. I know this all came as a shock to you, this sudden change in your life. Sometimes I sense you resent it, as though you’re struggling to relate. Have you never wanted children in your life? To have a family?” The intensity of her gaze made him uncomfortable, but mostly because she wouldn’t like his answer.
“To be honest, no. I’m not married because I don’t choose to be. As to a family, I never intended to have kids.” The truth was best, and maybe even more important, considering he was having a hard time keeping away from her. April would steer clear of him now, making it easier to avoid the damage a short-term relationship with her would cause all the way around.
“Why? The average person in America grows up, gets married, and has kids. What makes you different? I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m just curious.” April turned her gaze out across the harbor, her hair flying in the breeze.
“It’s a long story, and I’m sure you don’t want to be bored.” It was a story he didn’t share with anyone. By choice.
“We’ve got time. We’re cruising the harbor, taking in the sights. It’s just you and me. I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t help but worry about the kids.”
Now he understood why she was asking. For a minute, he’d wondered if she was trying to find out more about him and his thoughts on marriage and relationships for a more personal reason—like she was interested. Not that he wanted her to be interested, but it would’ve been flattering.
“You don’t think I can do this, do you?” Garrett came right out and spoke the words, putting a name to the real problem.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. Do you think you can?”
He let out a deep sigh. “At first, I didn’t think so. But then something happened, and I’m starting to change my mind.”
“Do you want to tell me? What happened that made you start to believe?”
Garrett couldn’t tell her the whole truth, because she was part of it. She was helping him change and see things differently. And he was starting to believe in himself, that he could do this. The parenting thing. It was scary, but it was a challenge he felt he was up to. “I was going to tell you this last night, but with everything going on, there wasn’t a chance, and I didn’t want to tell you in front of the kids. I’m not sure how the older two will take it.”
April turned and glanced at him, the intensity of her gaze warming him like the sun. “Now I’m really curious.”
“When I was putting Sandy down for her nap yesterday, I read her a bedtime story. Goldilocks and the Three Bears.” The scene had replayed in his head over and over, and each time, his heart melted more. “She was half asleep, but then she opened her eyes, called me daddy, and reached up to give me one of those I-love-you hugs. The really-tight kind. And then she fell asleep.” It was a moment he would cherish forever.
April reached out and covered his hand with hers. “That’s amazing. She hasn’t spoken since her parents died. I could see she was growing attached to you, but this is incredible. She trusts you. It won’t be long, and she’ll be talking again. Thank you for sharing such a rare and special moment.”
Garrett tried to find the words to express what he was feeling. “I think it’s the first time I r
ealized I’m a dad. You know, felt it.”
“And how do you feel about that? Having three kids? Four, if you count the dog, and as huge as he is, he counts.” April grinned.
“It makes me nervous.” Last night, the call from Angelica put everything into perspective. She wouldn’t be back for another couple of months, the deployment mission she was on considered critical. Any help he thought he’d get from her, was gone, and her unsolicited advice hit hard.
She was right though. Changes in his life were inevitable, and they started with selling the penthouse. It wasn’t a place where the kids and the dog could run and play and well, be kids. These kids were used to the country and being outdoors, but Sutton Hill was in a business district and not the kind of place you played outside.
And then he started to wonder when it would all blow up in his face like it had with his parents. Except when it happened, he wouldn’t be able to divorce the kids and walk away from them the way his father had done. He was stuck.
“Are you worried about making mistakes? Or of not knowing what to do?” April laid her hand on his arm as if to encourage him to continue the soul-searching journey he’d started.
“No. Of them ruining my life. I know that sounds awful, and I’ve never told this to anyone before, but I watched it happen with my parents. It’s the kids who lose, and I don’t want to do that to them.” Why was he telling her this? He didn’t want her to delve into some psychoanalysis mumbo jumbo. He’d thought about it enough over the course of his life, always coming up with the same answer. Marriage and kids were trouble.
“Tell me what you remember,” she urged, the tone of her voice direct and unrelenting.
She wouldn’t rest until she heard the whole story.
“My parents argued all the time, and it always seemed to be about my sister and me. The arguments were awful, and I used to try to protect my sister by getting her out of the house so she wouldn’t hear the angry words hurled back and forth. The last fight they had was my fault. I’d asked for a dog. My mother said yes, my dad disagreed. The two could never agree. It was the last thing they argued about, and it ended with him deciding it was time to divorce. My dad left, and that was the end of our family life. Pathetic right?” It was ironic that he’d wanted a dog when he was kid, and now he’d been saddled with one.
“But your mom and dad aren’t you. There are plenty of parents who don’t fight. A relationship is about love. Two people won’t always see eye to eye. A marriage is more than that. It sounds to me as though your parents weren’t in love. It’s a shame they argued in front of you and made you feel responsible.” The warmth of her hand intensified as she tightened her grip.
“I used to think kids ruined everything. But then these kids come along, and Sandy has me wrapped around her little finger. I can’t imagine ever being getting furious with her or anything she’s done. She’s just a child. It’s all so confusing.”
“I think you’re on the right track now. You had a lifetime to hold on to a belief that molded you, and even though it’s a misbelief, it’s part of who you are. Give yourself time to accept that what you believed all these years, isn’t the truth.”
“But I don’t know how to be a parent.” He still remembered the first miserable night when he’d failed at everything. Followed by a miserable day that ended up in the emergency room.
“Someone once told me the trick is to let your heart guide you.”
That was easy for her to say. She had a heart. He’d considered putting the older kids in boarding school and finding daycare for Sandy all because he didn’t want to deal with them. Talk about selfish and heartless—that was more like his father than he wanted to admit and just as heartless.
But April’s words gave him something else to consider. The question was, could he change?
“Look, there’s a dolphin.” April grabbed his shirt with one hand and pointed with the other. She grabbed her phone and started taking pictures.
Garrett was relieved for the opportunity to change the subject. A little too much soul searching for him, and he’d wanted this to be a fun day. “We have tons of them here. There are several cruises that come out each day just for tourists and locals to see them. There’s something about the sleek creatures that call to people, bringing joy with each sighting.”
“They are friendly and cute, what’s not to love?” April leaned over the railing to get a better glimpse of the sleek dolphins as they played in the water.
The boat cruised through the harbor, the captain pointing out various landmarks as they passed. The Statue of Liberty loomed just ahead. “We’ll cruise right past the old lady so you can get some good pictures if you want.”
“It’s an amazing symbol of freedom and new life. Like you now, with your new life. Now all you need to do is find the freedom in it.”
“Easier said than done.” He’d never known anyone with such an upbeat approach to life. She was always looking for the best in people, a trait he enjoyed. And one he’d miss after she left.
Garrett regretted the cruise was over as they pulled alongside the dock. “You love the outdoors, don’t you?”
“What gave it away?” She glanced up at him and nodded. “The outdoors is my freedom. I’ve got my share of past issues, and I don’t enjoy constraints. It’s one of the things I love about Hallbrook. Everybody’s friendly, but not in your face. In the city, it would be hard to find the freedom I need, although out here on the boat is a close second. There’s space here, even in the middle of the concrete jungle.”
Garrett chuckled. Unable to resist the temptation, he pulled her in his arms and leaned her back against his chest so she could watch as the cruise boat maneuvered its way back to the docks. “What kind of life do you want?”
“I want to be loved for me and not what I can do for others.” Her words surprised him, and he sensed there was a story here—the key to April St. James. The question was, did he want to unlock her past? To bring himself closer toward knowing her, something that was usually a precursor to a relationship, something he wasn’t ready for.
“You made me talk, now it’s your turn.” Garrett couldn’t resist asking. He wanted to know her story. Wanted to understand the intensity of her statement. Who wouldn’t love her for her? She was a loveable person, and if he were looking for a relationship, she’d be the kind of woman he’d want. Real. Honest. Trusting. Dedicated. Faithful. Sweet. The list was long.
She let out a deep breath and glanced up at him, then turned back to look out over the water. “Fine. Here’s the ugly story of my life. It’s called foster care. There are a lot of wonderful foster homes out there. I’ve seen them since I’ve been working with County Social Services. But for every ten good ones, there’s one that slips through the cracks and should have their rights revoked. Somehow, those were the ones I seemed to end up in.” Her voice was soft and low as she spoke, the breeze making it hard to hear, and he leaned forward to capture every word.
“You grew up in a foster home?”
“Homes. Plural. I’d stay at each one until I outgrew my usefulness, or the county figured out what was going on and shut them down.” April shrugged, trying to act as though it meant nothing, but he sensed the truth. The system had let her down. Badly.
“What was going on?” Garrett was almost afraid to ask, but he wanted to know.
“Babysitting. Cooking. Cleaning. Yard work. Basically, I was free labor while they sat back and collected money for putting a roof over my head.”
He’d heard the tales of bad foster homes but couldn’t imagine April living in them. Her childhood must have been awful. At least he’d had his mother after the divorce, and she’d loved him and his sister without question. “I’m sorry. What happened to your parents?”
“I never knew my dad, and my mother died. Breast cancer. I was eight at the time. I went from a loving home to no home, no family, no relatives. No nothing. And no one who cared what happened to me.”
“You’ve come a long way.�
�� It was the truth. There was no evidence of the past she described echoing in the personality of the woman she was today.
“Well, it was either feel sorry for myself, or get it together and make a life. I moved to Hallbrook, and for the first time ever, I began to feel like a somebody. The people there genuinely seem to care about me. I love being a part of something bigger, a community.”
“Thanks for telling me.” Knowing her background, he felt her pain and wished he could make it all vanish. He rested his chin on her head. “You’re an amazing woman, April. Anyone who knows you is lucky to have your sunshine in their life.”
She turned to look up at him, her soft lips curved in a gentle smile. “Thank you. What a sweetly poetic thing to say.”
The crew finished docking the boat, and Garrett gathered their belongings. They made their way off the boat along with the other passengers who were eagerly waiting to move on to the next touristy thing.
“So, what’s next?” April asked, closing the subject.
“See for yourself.” He pointed at a luncheon table set up at the end of the dock, complete with white wine and flowers. “I arranged it with the owner and had them do a catered picnic for us.”
“Watch out, I’m beginning to think you’re a romantic. Are you sure this isn’t a date?” She flushed with pleasure, the dimples on her cheeks deep with the grin she shot him.
“If it was, I’d have already done this.” He leaned over and kissed her, letting his mouth linger seconds longer than a friend-to-friend kiss.
When he pulled back, her fingers touched her lips, her gaze full of wonder.
“Ummm, you know this is crazy, right? It can’t be a date. I’m leaving, and it will confuse everything.”
“Tell me about it.” He shook his head and shrugged. I’ve wanted to do that for days. Raising his glass of wine to hers, he toasted. “To our mixed-up non-date. I hope you’re enjoying the city.”
“I am, thanks to you.” April sipped from her glass, her gaze enchanting.