by Babe Walker
I really had dressed Tina for the dinner. Not physically but I had a look picked out for her by my Barneys girl and sent out here for the event. She was wearing an appropriate Suno dress. My Barneys girl is really good. It’s almost like she’s clairvoyant.
“Sorry, I just had this gut feeling that you might not show up.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Why would you do a lot of the things you do, Babe?” She took a sip of rosé. “I don’t know, I think a small part of me still sees you as the old you, the girl who took every chance she got to make my life painful.”
“First of all, you need to let this death grip you have on the past go. Just let it go. I clearly don’t hate you anymore. It’s been years and years and years and years and years since high school and you are now a marginally successful wine-business owner with a bright future. You don’t suck anymore. Get over it.”
Oh, she was crying. Shocking.
“Don’t cry, please.” I put my hand on her back and let it lie lifelessly. “I literally just walked in. This dinner is supposed to be cute, not sad.”
“I’m not sad. I’m happy.” she said, fully sobbing.
“Okay, no, no. We’re not doing all of this.”
I grabbed her wineglass out of her sweating hand and took a long, glass-emptying sip. Seated across from me, I’d put Rebecca and her sons. I was excited to meet them. I’d forgotten, however, that they were three months old and she would probably leave them at home because they’re literal fucking babies and babies don’t stay up late enough to go to dinner parties. So, across from me were Rebecca and two empty chairs.
“Hi, Babe.” she said, across the table, smiling but looking tired as hell.
“Hi, my angel. How are you? You look pretty but tired as actual fuck.”
“I am, it’s been a long week. Little Benjy had a fever, then Greg got it.” She put her hand on Greg’s hand, who was sitting next to her on the other side. I’d met Greg a few times now. He was simple. Weird hairline, but cute enough for Rebecca. Definitely a good match.
“Oh, that sounds horrible. I would so kill myself if I were a mom, I just know I would. Hi, Greg.” I waved. “Thank you for coming.”
“Heya, Babe. Thank you. What’s up?”
“Oh, you know, just here celebrating the brilliance and potential of female-owned businesses. Really feeling the power tonight and I’m so grateful to have been a part of this whole wine thing. Your family has taught me so m—”
I stopped and looked around the room. Everyone’s eyes were on me. Greg, Rebecca, Tina, Ryan, Mabinty, Tina’s parents, some random person I didn’t recognize, the person next to the random person, and the ghosts of Rebecca’s sons in the two empty chairs, all watching me, and I thought to myself, You know what to do, you know exactly what to do.
I pushed my chair back and stood up. Flattened my black-and-white Jacquemus dress and cleared my throat.
“It’s speech time, people.”
ten
“Hi, everyone,” I started, breaking the silence, “thank you all for coming and for being a part of what’s turned out to be one of the most exciting projects I’ve ever had the privilege to work on.”
Mabinty rolled her eyes because she knew I was lying.
“I arrive to this dinner as someone with a new love for not only wine, but also of my dear new friend, Tina Reynolds.”
We smiled at each other. I knew we’d probably never see each other again but she didn’t and that’s what mattered here: Tina’s feelings.
“You know, I always say that life isn’t like a trendy new designer piece by an unexpected tour-de-force designer out of Madrid or some other forgotten city. No, life is like a vintage piece that’s been handed down generation to generation, maintaining its chicness, yet going in and out of fashion.”
The room was looking at me as if I were speaking Catalan.
“What I’m saying is that you never know when life is going to surprise you by bringing up your past in a whole new way, in a way that’s new and productive and challenging. It’s like finding a dress in the back of your all-vintage Pucci storage unit that you thought was boring because it’s black and you just held on to it because why not, but today you’re standing in front of it, combing its silk skirt softly with your hand, and realizing that it may be the most iconic Pucci piece in your entire collection.”
Still seemed like no one had any idea what I was trying to express to them.
“Okay, I used to think that wine sucked and I also used to think that our little Tina here sucked. After working with and for you fine people, I’ve realized that I still think wine totally sucks.”
This got a big laugh from the crowd.
“It does! Labels take forever, the stores are so finicky, no one does anything when or how they say they will. It’s a nightmare and we all know that. The fact that this is what your family, like, does, blows my mind. Honestly. How have you not all killed yourselves cult-style?”
I went too far. Tina’s dad laughed, tho.
“But, I will say, and the point of all of this, is that I’ve learned that Tina, and really all of you, do not suck. At all. I used to make this girl cry every day, because I thought I was better than her at everything and she was somehow at fault for that and needed to be punished. But it’s not her fault. It’s truly just who she is and I’ve grown to truly love the person that she is. Really, I love your quirks and I love your weirdness. And I love that you’ve known me for as long as you have so you have an understanding of my journey and how much work has gone into the production and curation of my personal story. I just feel like you get me right now and I get you. You’re like a black Pucci dress that once took up space and now is my favorite.”
I picked up my glass of rosé.
“So, here’s to Tina, here’s to friendship, and here’s to the unexpected.”
The table cheers’d and I took my seat, pleased with my performance.
Tina whispered a reluctant thanks and I knew she meant it. I’d done a lot for her. Sure, I’d called in help from Mabinty and I’d fucked her label guy and I’d seriously thrown off her margins by delaying production that one time and I’d probably caused her several anxiety attacks, but I’d done what I told her I would do. I saved that rosé.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered back, cutting into my cucumber.
While everyone got back to their conversations, Tina and Rebecca’s mom also thanked me. She seemed like a pretty chill bitch. The fact that she didn’t slap me for the things I’d done to her daughter every time she saw me was very, very chill of her. Tina took the napkin off of her lap, placed it on the table, and tapped her wineglass with her salad fork. I guess now everyone was gonna give a speech?
“I think I’d also like to say a few things, if that’s cool?”
“Yuh gwan and chat it up wut yuh need to, gyal,” Mabinty said. Mabs clearly felt for Tina. She was like extra super nice to her. Mabinty knows what it’s like to be on the end of my wrath, so she must’ve empathized.
Tina opted to stay seated for her speech, which was interesting.
“I just wanted to say first a thanks to Babe Walker. I kind of can’t believe I’m saying that to you, of all people, but I mean it. You’ve shown me that people can change and like you said, life is always going to surprise me. This business was in bad shape, which I totally take responsibility for. Who knew that an engineering degree wouldn’t equip me with the skill set to run a wine business?”
The table laughed.
“But fate had it that I’d run into the last person from my past with whom I’d want to even share an elevator ride with, and that person would be the one who could help me out of the very deep hole I was digging myself. So, I don’t wanna jabber on ’cause I know I’m not the best public speaker.”
“You’re doing a great job, honey,” Tina’s dad chime
d in lovingly. No wonder she was so weird, I thought. Her dad still basically talks to her like she’s twelve years old. I mean, it was sweet but also a little off; Tina’s almost thirty years old.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
Weird.
“But before I wrap this up,” she continued, “I also want to thank my loving parents for being so patient with me and for putting their trust in me in the first place. You guys pretty much forced me to step up to the plate for once in my life, and I am better for it.”
“We love you, Christina,” her mom offered. This was getting so mushy; what the fuck? I would never have given a speech if I knew it was spark an entire evening’s program of speeches by every motherfucker at the table.
“And I can’t thank you enough, Rebecca, for being by my side whenever I needed you. Despite the fact that you have two newborns and despite the fact that you and Greg had that gonorrhea scare.”
I burst into laughter, as did Mabinty.
“WHAT?!” I shouted. Tina looked horrified, so did Rebecca and Greg, obviously. Actually, everyone at the table was horrified. I was living for it. Just when I thought this dinner was a boring, sappy family affair, the winds had changed. God is good.
“I’m sorry, I should not have said that. That was so not my place to talk about in public and I’m sorry, wow,” Tina spat out.
“Hey,” I offered, “no shame in a little gonorrhea scare. Seriously, guys. This is a safe space, it’s NBD.” I was half-kidding and half-laughing.
“Anyways,” Tina continued, “I love you all. Sorry I’m a mess sometimes. Sorry I can be so difficult to work with, and sorry I sometimes air the private details of your sexual lives at dinner parties. I’m happy that the wine company is going better, I don’t know what else to say.” She was so flustered, OMG; it was a train wreck. “Sorry. Thank you. Sorry.”
“It’s fine, Tina. Just stop talking,” pleaded Rebecca.
“Okay. Sorry.”
“I guess I should say a few things too,” Tina’s dad, Geoff, said standing up, taking his glass of rosé with him.
I was about to excuse myself to the bathroom where I’d stay for probably twenty minutes until I felt like this barrage of speeches was most certainly complete, but Geoff started off by addressing me so I couldn’t move. Fucking Geoff.
“Babe,” he said, “you seem like a real wild personality. I’ve just got to say that. I know you and our Christina haven’t had the best time getting along in the past, but it seems like you’ve both grown up to be civilized and mature young women who can put their differences aside for a greater good. I respect you both for that. And in my good fortune, the greater good in this particular case was our family’s dear, dear vineyard and wine company. Babe, your eye has been a blessing to my family because you really turned this brand around.”
“You’re too kind,” I said to Mr. Reynolds. Turned out I liked his speech. It was really a good speech filled with truth and respect.
“Well, I mean it. I can say on behalf of the Reynolds family and the team over at the vineyard that you and Mabinty will always be welcome here. We really owe you guys one.” And with that, he sat down.
“Yuh welcome, Mista Reynolds. Mi thank yuh and yuh family fi havin’ mi out to dis beautiful place.”
“By the way,” Greg started from the other end of the table, “our boys are both obsessed with you.”
“Of course they are. Mabinty is a literal wizardess when it comes to kids. She casts a spell on them,” I said. I loved bearing witness to all of this Mabs love. She deserved it.
I could sense that everyone’s speech fever had passed and we could now proceed with a normal dinner situation. No more standing up, no more crying, no more gonorrhea. Our dinners were being brought out and I started to check my emails because I was expecting something from my shaman, Steve. He was trying to locate a crystal from Chile for me and it was taking so much longer than it normally does. While looking for Steve’s email, however, I did open one from Roman. It was video clip from The Anna Nicole Smith Show that we loved in which Anna gets really mad because she’s accused of cheating during an eating contest. I was cracking up at the table when I heard the door to our room open and Jack walked in.
“What the fuck? You’re still here?”
“You betcha,” he said, leaning against the door frame. People were confused because no one knew him but they recognized him as the son of the family that owned the hotel down the road from their vineyard. He was drunk again so I knew that I just had to get him out of this room as fast as possible. I wasn’t about to have the night ruined by this drunk asshole.
“Sorry, everyone. Let me go deal with this really quick.”
Jack and I walked outside and sat on the huge wooden bench just outside the restaurant. He tried to put his hand on my leg and I thought about moving it but then I realized he was still kind of hot to me and his hands were big and gorge so I just let it happen. I wasn’t gonna fuck Jack ever again after the behavior he displayed the last time we were together, but I was down for his perfect hand to be on my perfect thigh.
“Why did you come back? And how did you find me?” I asked.
“I never left. Yeah, no, I got about ten miles away and turned back around. I didn’t need to go back to LA, so I just didn’t. Fuck LA.”
“Oh, no. Do not agree. I love LA. Especially right now, I miss it so much. I wish I was back there right now.”
“Why? Dude, it’s just a bunch of fuckin’ posers and mean girls in LA.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?” I leaned toward him and put my face up to his.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Sure. And how did you find me? Why did you find me?”
“I didn’t just forget about you, Babe.”
“That’s weird because I totally forgot about you. I literally forgot you existed until you just walked in. Like you have not entered my brain once since I blew you off that night.”
“You suck.”
“Jack, you look depressed. I think you’re depressed.”
“I think you’re right. But I came back to tell you something. So, I gotta get it off my chest.” I looked at him like I already knew what he was gonna say because I kinda did. Long story short . . .
Jack told me he loved me.
I told him there was no way he loved me.
He told me there was no way I could know what he was feeling.
I told him I needed to go back inside. He told me that I should give him another shot.
I told him no, but I offered him a quick fuck.
He said okay.
We fucked somewhere outside and shameful and that exact detail doesn’t need to be included in this log.
I got Jack an Uber back to his parents’ hotel.
He got in the Uber.
He left.
I smoked a Marlboro Light.
Jack texted me a dick pic from the Uber.
I smoked another Marlboro Light.
I deleted his number.
And that’s a wrap on Jack.
Thanks very much.
The dinner was finishing up when I got back to the room; people were having dessert and wine and chatting. The general volume and level of energy were both higher than when I left. Greg was definitely drunk, Mabinty was definitely high, and I definitely needed to do something to take the edge off. The pity sex and cigarettes had made me a little uneasy so I ordered a huge bottle of sparkling water upon my return to my seat next to Tina.
“Babe, I’m drunk, maybe,” she said with a huge grin. She actually looked pretty. A little flushed and pretty. I’m not even kidding. I know, it’s weird to say but she did look pretty. Gotta give it to her.
“That’s good, Tina Melt. That’s the point of wine.”
“Am I being crazy? Did I say too much before? You hate me.”
>
“Ew, Tina. Pleeeeeeeeease stop saying that I hate you; it’s so old and so tired.”
“Okay, also I really love him.”
“Who?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t talking about Ryan.
“Ryan”
Oh, she was, like, really drunk.
“No you don’t love Ryan. Trust me.”
“No, trust me,” Tina slurred, “he’s so good for me. He’s the perfect guy for me and his dick is the perfect size. Trust me, Babe. I actually am way less innocent than you think.”
“Okay, hold up, backspace, delete, rewind one second. Firstly, tell me about the dick.” I may have thought Ryan was boring and weird looking and ultimately a wet blanket, but I’ll take time out of my day to hear about anyone’s dick from someone close to the source. It’s never not fun.
“It’s small, Babe. And that’s what I want.”
“Okay . . . are you sure? How small?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t measure it, but probably five inches? Four, maybe?”
“I knew it. I knew there was a reason he was so short with everyone.”
We both started to laugh. Midchuckle I caught a glimpse of one of our new bottles at the end of the table, empty. It really was a beautiful thing. I’d come up here for one thing and now I was leaving with such a different experience behind me. What I thought would be quick jaunt of sex and booze turned out to be so much more. I even made a temporary new friend in Tina. Which was really, really cute while it lasted. I was actually proud of myself for the first time in a while. The bottle just sat there looking so iconic and so bitchy. I found something I was good at. Like, actually good at.
Maybe I’ll start my own wine label, I thought to myself. Maybe this is my calling?
No, that’s dumb.
I don’t know. Maybe?
No.
But maybe.
acknowledgments
This chapter of my life wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for these beautiful/brilliant/random people: Christina Reynolds, Rebecca Reynolds, Mabinty Jones, Me, my loving and steadfast dad, Lizbeth (I guess!), Knox, my idiot friends, my brilliant editor Kate Dresser, and my hot agent Byrd Leavell.