“Pregnant.” I looked at myself again in the mirror, pushing my hair around a bit before giving up. “I’m not used to that idea yet.” It made me giggle. “I’m pregnant.”
The chilaquiles were close to perfect and I ate mine with a fried egg over the top, yellow gooey yolk running all over the plate. I thanked Winn and Kal for tucking me in and apologized for being rude to her when she had helped me get undressed for bed. She wouldn’t tell me what I’d said, but it must have been bad because it made Kal blush thinking about it.
I spent the rest of the morning writing a bunch of lies for the Captain, Storm helping me so we could keep our stories straight. After that, I tried to avoid our medical officer by staying in the engine rooms where I knew he couldn’t enter. By late morning, I was ready to sneak off to the Sim Lab to work for an hour before lunch. The Doctor was leaning against the wall next to the door waiting for me.
“Lieutenant, I thought you might turn up here, since Storm seemed unwilling to help me track you down.”
“Yes, sir. It’s been a busy morning. I should have tried to contact you.”
He grinned, and his eyes were kind and crinkled with amusement. It made me wonder if it was really lying if everyone could tell you were lying. I walked with him to the medical bay.
“This will only take a few minutes and won’t hurt a bit.”
“Yes, sir. Or should I call you Doctor?”
“Call me Noam. ‘Sir’ makes me feel old and I’m no more a medical doctor than your husband is. Organic chemistry was my specialty before RuComm reassigned me to this gig.”
“I pray you can return to it soon.”
“Thank you. Get up on the bed and we’ll run a full scan.”
I laid back and all the sound in the room became muffled.
“Huh. Your fertility block is still in place, and you are definitely pregnant.” He zoomed in on the display of my insides and I squinted my eyes, not sure I wanted to see what he was looking at. “There is no physical connection that would allow your eggs and Sam’s sperm to come together, yet there’s your baby, about the size of a poppy seed.”
He turned the system off and my hearing cleared back to normal. “Mala Dusa, the only way to accomplish this would be by very fine surgery, but there’s no evidence of that either. Is there something that you’d like to tell me?”
“No, sir. Noam, I mean. There really isn’t.”
“Did you know that I’ve met Sam? He was in the field survival class with me. You get to know a man that way, when you’re out in the woods learning how to eat ants. I don’t know you very well yet, but I’ve been watching you.”
My eyes grew a little larger.
He chuckled. “I’m sorry, it’s the biologist in me. I can’t help but watch people, and every meal with you and Winona is an entertainment. My point is that you and Sam being together isn’t obvious at first, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense, the more it seems almost perfect.”
“Sam is perfect for me.”
“Tell me how this was done.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Mala Dusa,” Storm interrupted. “You should tell him.”
After that, there was no stopping. I laid back on the medical bed and put my hands over my eyes. “Promise me that you’ll listen all the way to the end, and that you won’t lock me up afterward.” I lifted one hand away from my face and turned my head to look at him.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not crazy, or at least not dangerously crazy.”
“OK.” I took a deep breath. “Have you ever heard of the Tarakana?”
“That was stupid.” Winona was leaned back on her elbows, her feet next to mine in the hydroponics tank. She wasn’t supposed to be there, but the Esprit Orageux didn’t have a swimming pool and Winn missed the water. “Don’t you remember what happened to your parents’ careers when they started trying to tell people that the Tarakana were real?”
“Yeah. They lost all credibility and they were stuck on Dulcinea for ten years. I should be so lucky.”
She kicked her foot, splashing me and scattering the fish. “Have you figured out how to keep them off the ship?”
“You’re looking at it. I wanted to spray the whole Redoubt with water to kill them, but Storm tells me that there’s no way to do that, not with what we have on board, and certainly not something that could be ready in three days. The best I’ve come up with so far is to have a continuous curtain of water on our landing ramp. Humans can pass through it, but not Tarakana, especially not ones that are trying to stay camouflaged. I hope.”
“How are you going to explain a curtain of water to the Captain?”
I grinned. “Decontamination spray to neutralize any hostile nerve or chemical agents.”
“She might buy that.” She kicked her feet again, getting my pants wet. “It’s Saturday. That used to mean something, but I don’t remember what any more. I want to go swimming.”
“In this? It’s full of fish and plants and icky stuff. You don’t want to go in there.”
“I suppose not.” She stood, and I got up with her. “But maybe you should.”
She pushed me hard and I was just able to grab her arm before I tumbled in. She screamed when her head came back up to the surface, happier than I’d seen her in weeks, plant roots stuck in her hair, and a malicious grin on her face.
“Mala Dusa, Lieutenant Killdeer, do I need to remind you that the hydroponics tank is not designed for recreation?”
“I was pushed!”
“She pulled me in!”
“Not my fault,” we protested together.
We played for half an hour before trying to sneak down the passageway to the showers to clean up, hoping that everyone else was still training.
“You smell like a swamp, Duse.”
“So do you. I don’t think Kal’s going to appreciate your new look.”
“We’re almost to the showers and no one’s seen us. He’ll never know.”
“Yes, he will. I’m going to–”
“Mala Dusa? Do you have a moment? I have a couple of questions.”
Noam’s voice had come from behind us and we both froze in place, turning to look at each other. I turned the rest of the way around, squared my shoulders, and tried to pretend that being covered in muck and dripping water on the deck was part of my plan for the day.
“Sure, Noam. What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you could clarify…” He trailed off when he was close enough to see us. And smell us. “What happened?”
“Well, there was a problem with one of the valves in the hydroponics tank and Winona offered to help me. Then–”
“I pushed her in and we played in the water for a while,” Winn answered for me. “There wasn’t anything wrong with the valves.”
I tried to look hurt.
“He wasn’t going to believe that story anyway, Duse. I don’t know why you even try.”
I looked back at Noam and grinned. “It was fun.”
“I can see that. Lieutenant Killdeer, Mala Dusa told me some things yesterday. I’m not sure if I believe all of it.”
“You should. Look at her. When she lies, you can see it on her face, or you could if it wasn’t covered in filth. She inherited her honesty from her father; a family trait.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk about. I can’t do as deep of research as I’d like without access to the Union net, but just from what I can access, her family on both sides is remarkable.”
“Aren’t they?” Winona brightened, happy to talk about me as if I wasn’t there. “Things happen when you’re around them. It’s exciting.”
“A lot of people die. You can see the line, though, the line that’s being preserved and protected generation after generation, the line that leads to her.” He sighed, looking a little con
fused. “She is the product of centuries of selected breeding. I’m not sure I believe it.” He pulled something out of my hair, and flicked it to the deck. “I’m worried about what this all means for Sam.”
“I was too.” I told him. “That’s part of why we forced ourselves not to get married or have sex for so long. I knew he’d knock me up on the first try, and that would be the end of him. But now everything’s going according to plan.” I felt a distant hum in my head growing stronger. “Being here, the battle coming up, the destruction of the bad Tarakana colony, everything is right on schedule.” I smiled at Noam, suddenly so happy that he was there with me. “It’s a perfect plan. And then, while we’re still docked with the Redoubt, you and Sam will trade places so he and I can be together.” I could almost feel Sam’s arms wrapping around my waist while I hummed to myself.
“Lieutenant Killdeer, what just happened?”
“We call it the ‘Tarakana haze’. She made a deal with Merrimac to keep Sam alive and it’s rattling around in her brain still. It overwhelms her sometimes, but I guess we’re on track.” She shrugged.
“We are,” I assured her, my head starting to clear. “I only see the details one step at a time, so it’s a good thing Merrimac is my friend.” I grinned at her and got exactly the roll of her eyes that I wanted. “I need a shower, Winn. We both stink. Noam, I’ll come see you after we get cleaned up, if you still need to talk to me.”
“Thanks. After dinner would be fine.” He looked me up and down. “I’m still trying to understand what exactly this Merrimac is up to with you.”
Winn leaned closer to him. “If you figure that one out, come let me know.”
CHAPTER 9
ATTACK
Noam decided to work with me for the next couple of days, at least during the times when he could sneak away from his other duties. He got excited when I mentioned that Tarakana blood was blue, so probably hemocyanin based, and went off to work in the medical bay trying to come up with compounds that might be toxic to them, but not us. It wasn’t going to do any good. I’d already resigned myself to the fact that I was powerless to stop the coming slaughter.
I was in the Sim Lab Monday night watching the playback over and over again, trying to memorize all of the faces of the people who were going to die the next morning. Winn and Noam had convinced Captain Rostron to approve the installation of a system of electrostatic sprayers on our bottom airlock to dissuade any Tarakana from trying to board, telling her lies about chemical weapons. Storm had passed the message to her sisters, so they should be safe too. She still refused to tell Sam that I was pregnant, though, since that message was not “mission critical”.
I sighed, exhausted from too many nights with only three or four hours of sleep, missing my Samuel so much that I could no longer hide my misery from him. I could feel him echoing in my head all the time.
In front of me in the sim tank was a paused image of Artem Costrano, his left hand caressing the fur of one of the Ovcharkas that followed him everywhere. “You’re going to be dead by this time tomorrow,” I told the image. “You and all your buddies and the evil man standing there with you. It’s you that’s killing everyone there, not us.” I said it out loud, trying to convince myself that it was true, and trying to convince Storm too.
Noam joined me a few minutes later, even though it was already 21:30. He smiled gently. “It’s too late, you know. It’s been too late almost since the moment you first got here, but for what it’s worth, I think I have a way to kill them that won’t harm the humans too badly. A modified solution of boric acid. We’d need to do extensive testing, of course, and then…”
I looked at him, finding it hard to focus. “We’re less than ten hours out.”
He shrugged, smiling sadly. “I know. I had to try. If I didn’t try, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.”
I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.
“What was that for?”
“Because you’re a good man. And you believed me.”
“Thanks. This time tomorrow I’ll just be a fading memory for you.”
“Sam.” I blushed. “I’m sorry, I will miss you. It’s just…”
“I know.” He stood. “I need to pack, and I’m going to try to get some sleep. Tomorrow will probably be a busy day for me. You should try to sleep too.”
“Yeah. I need to check engines and weapons one more time and then I’ll sleep a few hours.”
He nodded, knowing I was lying.
I was in the port auxiliary engine room at midnight when my display pad went blank. “Storm, what are you doing?”
“You checked all of these settings sixty-four minutes ago. Nothing has changed. You need to go to bed now or you’ll be worthless to me during the raid.”
I rolled up my pad and slid it into my pocket, knowing she was right. “You’re going to be OK?”
“I am. We failed to find a way to save everyone, but we tried, and I have hope now that we shall be successful next time. I am happy to have you as my engineer.”
“Thanks. I’m proud of my ship.”
I went back to my cabin, brushed my teeth, and stripped out of my coveralls and everything else. The sheets felt cool and welcoming against my skin, and I went to sleep faster than I would have thought possible, lulled by the sound of the engines at idle and the touch of Sam’s mind against mine.
I was in the mess hall at 04:00, drinking coffee and nibbling on a hard roll, my stomach in too much of a knot for anything else. I had my display pad in front of me, watching engine performance instead of the graphics displayed on the mess hall’s main panel that showed our complex ballet through the asteroids. Winn had accepted Storm’s approach over her system of artificial gravity generators since it gave us a couple of percentage points better odds.
I was trying not to look at the Marine assault teams. They were eating, laughing, talking too loudly, and making crude jokes about what they were about to do. They weren’t in full battle rattle yet, just dark mottled uniforms with lots of pockets bulging with gear. Colin was enjoying every bit of it, ready for an adventure. I scratched him on the side of the neck when I left and slipped him the last of my roll. I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around him. And Kal. And all the rest of them.
Kal followed me out into the passageway. “Are you OK? You’re looking kind of pale this morning.”
“I’m OK. Just worried about all of you.” I tried my best confident smile. “I’m kind of terrified, actually.”
“It’s a good team. We aren’t heroes or warriors. We’re Marines with a job to do, and what you hear from them in there before a fight is a lot of trash. It’s different once we go in. We all want to be back here tonight telling lies about what happened.”
I nodded, not convinced.
“Winn asked me to tell you to be brave.”
Winona was with the Captain on the bridge, and I could just imagine her there, hair tied back, the professional tactician hard at work. “I love my Winona.”
“Yeah, me too. We’ll see you in a few hours when we’re thrusting away from this place.”
“My engines will be ready.” So ready. I wanted today to be over and to never again think about Kastanje. Even the thought of being back together with Sam and having him in my bed wasn’t enough to temper my sense of horror at what was about to happen.
I settled into my engineering station outside the starboard engine room and watched our final approach, seeing us maneuvering repeatedly near maximum g loading, finally hitting the red line of thirty-two just before anchoring onto the surface of Costrano’s Redoubt. There was a thump that I felt more than heard when we blasted a hole through the rock beneath us, and I wondered if anyone had been in the drift that we had just exposed to empty space. They would have been the first to die, or maybe the Esprit Errant or Esprit Vengeur had already claimed the first kill.
Confir
mation flashed on my screen; the Orageux had locked down, a temporary collar sealing us to the hole we’d made in the surface. Air pressure equalized and our small fleet of sixty drones was already deploying into the Redoubt. They would head directly for the hangars where the twenty-three Fast Attack Craft were stored, killing as they went, searching with optical, thermal and radar sensors. Maybe they’d kill a few Tarakana along the way. I tried to hold onto that thought, but all I could see in my mind were people being hunted and dying in their apartments or slumped against stone walls. Each drone carried five hundred rounds of ammunition and they wasted none of it. There was no mercy in them, no honoring of surrender or age or innocence. They did as the simple logic of the algorithms told them to. A child with her hands in the air was an easier target than the man shooting back from around a corner, but both would die. Ending their lives was a casual thing, done without emotion.
But I felt it; I felt every one of them. We weren’t sure exactly how many people there were in the fortress, somewhere around three hundred, the Captain had said. I watched the confirmed body count increasing, a consolidated figure from the drones from all three ships. It reached two hundred seventy-six before the first of our teams went in, led by the canine unit. Kal and Colin were in there now, seeing what the drones had left behind, searching for survivors to kill. They would make the way safe for the teams gathering intel and those that would steal the FACs.
The body count stopped incrementing at two hundred eighty-five and I prayed for that part of the mission to be over. I tapped each of the engines again, making sure they were holding spec, then the weapons, making sure we were ready to finish the destruction of the asteroid that had been Costrano’s Redoubt.
“Mala Dusa, the Captain would–”
Storm’s voice cut off and an image of Captain Rostron filled my main display. Winona was sitting behind her and Winn gave me a slight smile that didn’t touch her eyes. The main bridge display behind them was showing a live feed from somewhere in the Redoubt and Winona looked like she was about to vomit.
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