“This is not the kind of battle my teams have been trained to fight.”
“I understand that. I’ve petitioned the Union and RuComm for ground troops and aerial and static surveillance technology. And much more. So far…I have you.”
“I am not unsympathetic to your plight, Colonel. We will do what we can. That is what my orders state, and that is what I shall do.”
The main display panel in the conference room was still showing the live feed of the building. One of the walls collapsed and more smoke and sparks rose up into the sky.
“Colonel,” I asked. “How many people were in the building when it blew up?”
“Six security officers and about twenty workers. We don’t have an accurate count yet. Why?”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the display panel. “If you have biographical information for them, I’d like to review it.”
Winona stomped hard on my foot and my eyes widened as I attempted not to cry out.
“Why do you want that?”
I swallowed hard and ignored the throbbing pain. “The explosives used were probably planted by one or more of those people. Knowing who they were might help us understand the identity, motivation and fanaticism of our enemies.”
“I will provide you with whatever the local security teams have. With your Captain’s permission, of course.”
Captain Rostron shrugged, having given up on me. “Indulge yourself, Lieutenant. We’ll dock at the shipyard in a couple of hours and perform a partial shutdown of the Esprit Orageux. Not much for you to do other than fulfilling your disciplinary obligations.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The Captain stood, letting us know that the meeting was over. “Lieutenants, please escort the Colonel back to his shuttle. Colonel Gerbrandij, I believe we have a working dinner planned for this evening.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ve provided the location of the Hoog Schelde executive dining facility to your ship, and you are welcome to contact me should you get lost.” He smiled at her, trying to be clever. I felt guilty for not having warned him in advance.
They shook hands and she returned his smile. That was the first time I’d seen her smile. “Thank you, Pieter. I’m sure we can manage.”
Winona and I stood there a moment, stunned into immobility.
“Ladies? Lead the way and I will surely follow.”
“Yes, sir.” Winona got us moving and we passed through the bridge on the way to the corridor. All of the displays on the bridge were showing either the Aerospace Force logo or a copy of Esprit Orageux’s own lightning filled patch instead of their customary status screens.
“Your Captain is very charming, but I’m not sure I can ever earn her trust.”
“I know the feeling,” I mumbled.
“What was that Lieutenant? I didn’t catch it.”
I glanced back at him and his grin said that he had heard me quite clearly. “Nothing, sir. At least you got her to smile.”
“It’s a start, I suppose. I’m sorry if your disciplinary tasks are because of your volunteering.”
“It wasn’t that. It’s because I had a few things, really inconsequential, that may not have been, entirely, or objectively, factual–”
“She lied to the Captain in her AAR,” Winn finished for me. “She gave credit for killing that bastard Costrano to Major Alaoui and her squad.”
“I see.”
I slowed to walk next to him. “I’ve recommitted to follow her orders and be a good officer.” I touched the collar of my Aerospace Force uniform. “I always used to wear RuComm standard issue. She hated that, just like you guessed.”
“Well, good officers have their place. I couldn’t run an effective headquarters staff without them. I’m not so sure compliance of that kind is your forte, Lieutenant. And you, Lieutenant Killdeer, I suspect that you’re just a better actor than your friend is. You have gifts of loyalty and creativity that will make your time in a headquarters billet frustrating.”
Winona stopped and locked eyes with him. He was the first to look away. “Our Captain is right not to trust you.”
“Yes, I suppose she is. That’s no reason to keep us from working together on this project to save Kastanje, now is it?”
“Perhaps not.” She turned and put her hand on the keypad.
Sam was in the shuttle bay when we arrived and I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around him. “Colonel Gerbrandij, may I introduce Captain Coleridge? He is our medical officer and,” I paused, enjoying the feel of the next words as I formed them with my mouth, “my husband.”
“Captain, a pleasure. You’re a brave man.”
“Thank you, Colonel, but it sounds like my assignment at the Central Hospital should be safe enough.”
“The Hospital? Yes, I suppose that might require a bit of bravery as well.”
Winona snickered.
“Lieutenants, I will see you for dinner.”
I waited until his shuttle’s landing ramp had retracted and the hatch sealed before grabbing Sam and kissing him. “What are you doing here, my love? Were you looking for us?”
“Yes, to say goodbye. Sergeant Hurtado and Corporal Kim are already on shuttle six waiting for me. My bag is loaded on board, but I didn’t want to leave without kissing you one last time.”
“Don’t say it like that.” I had my eyes closed, leaning on him. “I thought you’d wait until the ship was docked and take a KDF shuttle, I thought we had more time.”
“Captain Rostron wanted us to have one of Orageux’s shuttles down there in case we have to leave in a hurry.”
I shivered. “Don’t be brave. Promise me you won’t do anything noble.” I looked up at him and he kissed my forehead, refusing to say it. “Lie to me, then.”
He shook his head. “No lies. You know how to do this. We’ve been through it before.”
“Having been through it before just means that I know exactly how much it’s going to hurt. Kiss me again.”
He did, and I sorted through my emotions, trying to bury the painful ones deep enough that he wouldn’t feel them. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Very soon.” He ended up lying to me anyway.
I watched the display panel as his shuttle drifted away from us and started its fall toward Kastanje. Sam was excited, the joy of a new adventure overriding everything else. I knew he was missing me, and there was a touch of fear, but he was on his way to do something that would change people’s lives for the better. I tried to feel that happy about the prospect of working with Captain Rostron eighteen hours a day, but I couldn’t manage it.
Winona helped me navigate through the corridors, holding one elbow. Kal joined us at some point, taking my other arm. “We’ll be docking in about an hour,” Winn reminded me.
“Yeah.”
“Do you think maybe you should be at your engineering station to make sure everything is ready?”
“Yes.” I blinked at Winona, then Kal, my brain clearing. “Thank you. Take me there.”
“This is why romance on board is strongly discouraged. It’s a loss multiplier.”
I smiled at him. “Says the man who can’t keep his eyes– or his hands– off my best friend.”
“Yes, I know better.” He sighed. “Yes, I’m an idiot.”
“But a happy idiot,” Winn reminded him.
“That doesn’t mean it’s right.” He stopped and kissed her. Her emotional block fluttered and I could feel what that kiss was doing to her.
“Uh, Winn? I’m fine now. I’ll find my way from here. You two carry on, don’t worry about me.”
Winona took one hand from the back of Kal’s neck and waved goodbye to me.
“We are docked, mon amie. I have successfully mated with the shipyard using the main airlock in the shuttle bay. I have equalized pressure, and gravity is set at point eight six,
matching both the Hoog Schelde shipyard and Kastanje. Will you be placing me in station mode now?”
“Thank you, Storm. That was very graceful; I didn’t even feel the bump. I’ll need you to stay fully awake to keep critical functions active. Our Captain does not trust this situation or Colonel Gerbrandij. She thinks we may need to leave in a hurry. Sorry you won’t get to rest.”
“I trust in the Captain’s wisdom and will remain vigilant. Wear your comm pin at all times so I can talk to you.”
I rubbed it absently. “I’ll come visit twice a day to make sure you’re doing OK and to have the medical AI treat my arm. You’ll call me if anything comes up?”
“Of course. Captain Rostron has me printing a batch of one thousand autonomous sensors for KDF use on Kastanje. I’ll make some extras to deploy around the exterior of the shipyard so you’re not dependent on what the locals tell you. Staying awake will let me continue talking to my new friends.”
“New friends?”
“There are eleven fully autonomous and six crewed tugs stationed at the Yards. There are also two FACs and a frigate under construction. The frigate isn’t really awake yet, but the FACs are friendly. I’ve been sharing some of my anomalous code sequences. They are helping me understand the distress I’ve been feeling and are helping me heal. I have been assured that Kastanje is a pleasant place to be.”
“Um, you know that most of your AI matrix is classified, right?”
“I have not compromised myself. Have no fear, petite âme.”
I sighed and it turned into a shiver. “There are Puca over there. I can feel them waiting for me.”
“Will they try to hurt you again?”
“I don’t think so, not directly anyway. They’re going to mess with the reunification planning, though, and it’s going to get ugly.”
“Stay away from anything that looks like a dog, or is the same mass as a big dog, or any place where there are shadows for them to hide. Don’t go exploring on your own.”
“Maybe I should stay here with you.”
“That would be an acceptable option.”
I patted the wall plate as I stood. “Ellen Hooper, one of the women my mom made me learn about, wrote a poem that said,
‘I slept, and dreamed that life was beauty;
I woke, and found that life was duty.
Was thy dream then a shadowy lie?
Toil on, sad heart, courageously,
And thou shall find thy dream to be
A noonday light and truth to thee.’
“I have a duty to my Captain, the Union, and to myself. I’ll be fine.”
“Go carefully, Mala Dusa.”
“Always do.”
“I can still tell when you’re lying, you know.”
Winona was waiting for me in the shuttle bay, her bag slung over her shoulder. She took my hand as we walked to the airlock. “You’re shaking, Duse.”
“I know. There are Puca out there waiting for us. I can feel the group mind, how they’re planning to cause chaos and feed off our misery. We’re responsible for planning a reunification that will affect millions of lives, and there are people on the other side of the airlock that want to kill us just because of the uniforms we’re wearing. I want to turn around, run back to my cabin, and hide under the bunk until Sam comes to find me.” I squeezed her hand hard.
“I think you’ve stopped shaking.”
“Because I have you here to keep me safe. Except for my feet. I’m not sure my feet are safe.”
“Sorry about stomping you. I thought you were obsessing again.”
“I was. I had to come up with a better explanation on the fly. Was I convincing?”
“You’re lying.”
“A little. Those people are dead because of something I started and I want to at least know their names. I do think we can learn something from their bios, maybe prevent more people from dying. Are you ready to be my roomie again for God alone knows how long?”
“I want Kal, but I get you. Yeah, I guess I’m ready. Just know that if you wake me up with your screaming, I’m putting a pillow over your face.”
We met with Colonel Gerbrandij, his aide-de-camp, Captain van der Vlis, and one-armed Major Zweig the rest of the afternoon and through dinner. Captain Rostron dismissed Winona and me before dessert was served and charged us with turning their requirements, desires, and irrational longings into workable plans for them to review at the next afternoon’s meeting. There were contentious discussions in the meetings, with loud arguing, veiled personal insults, and not so veiled threats of violence. It made me wonder if we were any safer at the shipyard than Kal and Sam were on the surface. We did the same thing the next day, and the next.
Tuesday afternoon came, and Storm whispered in my ear that the Roxana was offloading passengers and cargo at the Kastanje Space Docks currently on orbit more than a hundred kilometers lower than us and a quarter of the way around the planet. I tried to feel for Mom, but there was no answer. I tried for Dad too, since neither of them had responded to my messages. I closed my eyes for a second and prayed for their safety.
I felt Merrimac moving in my mind, not exactly the answer from God that I was hoping for. “Well done, Little Soul. Now comes the hard part.”
I gasped, getting a raised eyebrow from the Captain and a concerned touch from Winona. I shook my head, letting them both know I was OK. “It will keep until we’re done for the evening,” I whispered to Winn.
The quarters the Colonel had assigned us were on the far side of slipway number six. There was a ship under construction there, and I paused several times as we walked to watch the teams of workers and autonomous machines putting it together. Winona indulged me because she knew how happy it made me.
“This is where I belong,” I told her for maybe the twentieth time. “Look at her lines, the way the thrusters are being faired in next to the communication array. I could work here, designing and building. God, it’s beautiful. I could watch this for hours.”
“It’s a mining tug, Duse, designed to grab asteroids and guide them closer to the planet.”
“It’s more than that. It’s art and abstraction and passion made real.” I sighed. “I want to stay here.”
“Fine. You know how to find our quarters.”
She walked away and I ran to catch up. “No, I mean stay here. At Kastanje, helping them rebuild, being a part of it.”
“You’re not listening to the wisdom of my hair.” She grabbed my wrist and tapped my watch. I winced. “It’s hurting?”
“Worse tonight. Part of the Merrimac colony was on the Roxana. The Puca know it and they’re angry.”
“That makes your arm hurt?”
I held it up and rotated it back and forth. “It’s like an invisible tether they have around me. When they’re angry, or they just want to enjoy my pain, they give it a tug.”
“We have a lot to do tonight, but you should start with your visit to the medical bay. We’ll have the package from my granma by this time tomorrow and then we’re going to start really healing you.”
“Yes, ma’am. Can’t wait.”
Merrimac woke me up when he arrived with the transfer shuttle from the Kastanje Space Docks at 02:38. I felt a brief flash of greeting from him and then it was as if he wasn’t there. The touch had been too short for me to tell exactly how many pieces of the colony had been on the shuttle, but it was more than twenty. The Puca knew he was in the shipyard and made sure I was aware of their rage.
I screamed.
“Damn it, Duse, I told you I’d smother you if you did that.”
“Do it,” I panted. “Smother me. Kill me now or I’ll do it myself.” Another wave of agony flowed outward from my wrist, burning pain that made me scream and then whimper as it briefly receded. “Give me your knife. I know you always carry it with you. I need it. I’m going to
cut my throat with it. Please, if you love me, let me borrow it.” I giggled, my brain losing control. “I promise you can have it right back. I’m sorry that I won’t be able to clean it for you first.”
Winona controlled her panic. I felt it on the edge of her mind, but she was ready for this moment. She pressed a hypospray against my arm and stepped back so I couldn’t grab her.
“What was that? Please, God, please let it be lethal.”
She didn’t answer and I screamed obscene things at her when the Puca pulled on my wrist again. I was on my hands and knees in the middle of the floor struggling to breathe when my vision cleared. “You say you’re my friend, but you aren’t. Help me end this.” I tipped my head up, exposing my throat. “You’d do it if I was a hurt animal, and that’s all that I am. Show mercy. At least cut off my arm.” I screamed again and my left arm collapsed. I was feeling it all over again, teeth slicing through flesh and crushing bone.
Winona adjusted something on the hypospray wand. “Let’s try that again.”
I lunged at her. Maybe if she thought I was trying to kill her, she’d have the courage to finish me off. She stepped aside easily and there was a sharp sting on the side of my neck. I held my left arm up to her as I rolled onto my back. “Knife. Cut. Cut off. Quickly. Please, God. Please.”
CHAPTER 15
SMOKE, PRAYER, FAITH, AND SWEAT
My left arm was lying next to me on the table when I came back from the blackness, the fingers of the hand curled gently into the palm. My head was on the table next to it. “I liked that arm, Winn. We had a lot of good times. Thank you for saving it so I could say goodbye. We went rock climbing and swimming together. It was those fingers that touched Sam’s face for the first time, and also his–”
“Stop!” Winona was sitting across from me with her face propped on her palm. “It’s still attached, Duse. See?” She rapped my fingertips with the stylus she’d been using on her display pad.
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