by Amber Garza
“Hey, baby,” I said.
“Hey, Coop.”
My heart soared at the use of my nickname. No one here called me that, and hearing it from her lips ushered me back home.
“I miss you.” The words slid from my mouth almost involuntarily. Seeing her always did this to me. It reminded me of how much I longed for her; how much I wanted to sweep her into my arms, kiss her lips, stroke her face. It was almost unbearable to see her on the screen and know I couldn’t touch her; to know that she was so far away.
“I miss you too,” she responded, her lyrical voice floating through the speakers. “Did you have fun today with the guys?”
I nodded. “It was okay. I just went to lunch with my roommate Justin and a couple of his friends.”
“Guy friends?”
“Huh?” My brows furrowed in confusion.
“You said you went to lunch with Justin and his friends. Guys or girls?”
“Is that jealousy I detect in your voice?” I teased, but when her cheeks flushed I wished I hadn’t. “Guys, of course.”
The relief in her expression was evident, and I was glad that I had decided to stay home tonight. London was obviously having a hard time with me being at college, and I didn’t want to give her any more reasons to worry.
“It’s good that you’re making friends,” she said.
Shrugging, my lips curved at the edges. “I don’t know if I’d call Justin a friend. He’s mostly just my roommate. I have a feeling I’ll get along a lot better with the guys from the team.” I paused, studying her face through the screen. “London, you know you can trust me, right?”
Biting her lip, her head gently bobbed up and down.
“We may be apart physically, but in my heart I’m right beside you. My feelings for you are just as strong today as they were before I left. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”
“Okay,” she spoke softly. “I’m sorry, Coop. I do trust you. I don’t know why I was acting so weird and suspicious.”
“It’s okay. I get it. This whole long distance thing is new to us. But we figured out how to be together when the odds were against us, and we figured out how to survive your illness. We’ll figure this out too.”
Her smile broadened, and a sense of satisfaction swelled inside of me. “So are you excited about practices this week?”
“Yeah, I am. What about you? How are you feeling about starting school tomorrow?”
She wrinkled her nose as if she’d just caught a whiff of something stinky. “Why did you have to remind me?”
I chuckled. “It’s not like you can stay in denial forever. Tomorrow morning’s coming quick.”
“Thanks. That’s super helpful.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” Out of habit, my arm shot out and my fingers brushed the screen, trailing over her face. God, what I wouldn’t give to feel her flesh against my skin. “But you’ll be fine.”
Her eyelids fluttered as if she could feel my fingertips. “I wish you were going with me.”
“I do too. You have no idea how much.”
She giggled. “You do not. You’re finally out of high school. You’re living your dream. The last thing you’d want to do was come back here.”
Her words cut to my heart. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’d give anything to go back home and be with you, London.”
She froze. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“But this is your dream. It’s what you want more than anything. You’ve worked your entire life to be there.”
“That was before we met. Now there’s nothing in this world that I want more than you.”
“You better stop talking like that or I’m going to beg you to come back.” She grinned.
“I’d come back in a heartbeat if you asked me to.” It scared me how serious I was. As much as I wanted to be here, I meant what I said. London meant more, and I’d get on a plane and head home without ever looking back if she needed me. “You’re feeling okay, right?”
The smile vanished from her face. “Coop, I’m not sick. My last appointment went well. I feel fine. You don’t need to worry. God, is that why you were saying all that? Because you thought I was sick again?”
“No. I would come back for you whether you were sick or not. But, I’m not gonna lie, if you were sick again, I’d be back in an instant.”
“Well, you don’t need to hurry back. I’m not sick.” She sighed. “And I’m not going to ask you to come home. I’ve seen you play ball. You belong on that field.”
“I know, and the fact that you get that is just one more reason I love you so much.” I ran a hand over my head. “Encouraging me to stay only makes me want to be with you even more, you know?”
She blew out a breath, a slight giggle on the tail end of it. “God, I can’t win with you.”
“Yes, you can. You win every time with me, baby.”
CHAPTER 3
London
Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I adjusted the wig on my head for the thousandth time. Then I blew out a frustrated breath. God, it looked so fake. It was totally obvious that it wasn’t my real hair. There was no way I could walk around school like this. The teasing would be endless. Then again, the alternative would be worse. Then I’d be walking around with hair like a boy’s. Grunting, I flung myself down on the closed toilet seat and put my head in my hands. I’d never liked high school. I was never accepted, and I didn’t really fit in anywhere. School was the place where my uniqueness seemed to stand out the most; where I felt awkward and different. For years I’d roamed the campus feeling like no one understood me. And now things were even worse. Now I wasn’t just the girl with her nose in a book who preferred fictional characters to real people. Now I was the girl with cancer. The girl with hardly any hair and an emaciated body. Damn it, I could practically already hear the teasing now. I could only imagine the types of insults that would be hurled at me today.
Maybe going back to school was a bad idea. Perhaps I could stay home and get my GED. Would that be so bad? My phone vibrated from where it lay on the counter. I lunged for it, snatching it up. As I did, my wig slipped down, strands of hair tickling my forehead and falling into my eyes. Annoyed, I slipped it off and flung it down on the counter before answering my phone.
“Hey,” Cooper’s voice met my ears, warm and rich. I melted at the sound of it. “How’s my girl?”
“Not great,” I answered honestly.
“What’s going on?”
Standing up, I caught my reflection in the mirror again. My face was drawn and pale, and the short strands of my hair stuck up all over my head. My stomach clenched, and anxiety gripped me tightly. “I don’t think I can do it, Coop.”
“Do what?”
“Go to school and face everyone.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I can’t wear this goddamn wig. It looks ridiculous, but if I don’t wear it I look even more ridiculous.”
“Okay, first off,” he said firmly, “don’t ever talk about my girlfriend like that again.”
A slight giggle tumbled from my lips. At first I thought he was actually angry with me about something.
“Second, if anyone messes with you I’ll fly back and kick their ass.”
I sobered up, knowing he was serious. And I was ashamed to admit how much I would enjoy seeing Cooper stick up for me that way.
“And third, you never look ridiculous.”
I snorted. “You wouldn’t say that if you could see me right now.”
“I’d give anything to see you right now, London. And trust me, the word ridiculous would never come out of my mouth. Gorgeous, yes. Sexy, hell yes. Hot, oh yeah. But ridiculous, never.”
This time when my gaze met my reflection I was surprised to see a slight flush to my cheeks, and my lips curving upward. Even my eyes seemed to hold a spark they hadn’t earlier. It was amazing the effect Cooper had on me. If only he wasn’t a year ahead of me in school. What I wouldn’t give to have his hand in m
ine when I entered the school today. That would surely keep the haters at bay. People liked Cooper. They cared what he thought. He was popular and charismatic, a guy everyone wanted to be liked by. He shielded me from a lot when he was around. Without him I felt naked, exposed, and vulnerable. I didn’t like it one bit.
“London?”
His voice caught my attention. For one second it was like he was in the room. “Yeah?”
“You can do this. You’re stronger than you think you are. You always have been.”
I breathed deeply. “You really think so?”
“I know so. It’s what first attracted me to you.”
It still seemed unfathomable that I ended up with Cooper Montgomery. A year ago I never would’ve believed it was possible. I never would’ve dreamed that a guy like him could fall for someone like me. Now I could hardly imagine my life before he was in it. He’d fit into my life seamlessly, as if he had always been there. “Really? I thought it was my sexy outfit.” I chuckled. “Or maybe it was my klutziness.”
“Now that I think about it, your klutziness really is the reason we’re together.”
I froze, pondering his words. “No, it’s not.” I remembered falling all over his grandma at the first baseball game I attended. Of course I didn’t know it was his grandma at the time, but still it was embarrassing.
“Think about it. Our relationship sort of started the day you fell off your bike.”
“True,” I agreed, a little uneasy at the odd turn our conversation had taken. “Are you saying that if that day had never happened we wouldn’t have gotten together?” I liked to think that Cooper and I were meant to be. That even if I hadn’t fallen off my bike eventually we would’ve ended up together. That fate would’ve made sure of it.
“Oh, hell no. Trust me, I would’ve found my way to you, London.”
I bit my lip, grateful for his response.
“Your klutziness just moved things along more quickly.” He paused, and I listened to his breath through the line. “That day I was so impressed with your strength and bravery. I was drawn to you in a way I’d never been drawn to any girl before. And after that I could never get you out of my damn head.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I teased.
“At the time I thought it was. And I was scared.”
I remembered. I had been scared too.
“But I’m glad that I didn’t let fear hold me back. I’m glad I took a risk. It was worth it.”
“We’re not talking about you and I anymore, are we?”
“You’re gonna be fine today, London. I have faith in you.”
If only I could’ve been as confident about it as he was.
Cooper’s words replayed over and over in my head as Skyler pulled her car into the school parking lot. I have faith in you. I have faith in you. I clung to those words like a lifeline. And I guess that’s what they were. They were the only thing keeping me upright, the only thing keeping me from sinking. Reaching up, I adjusted the Tigers hat on my head. In the end I had decided against the wig. I knew many of my teachers probably wouldn’t let me wear the hat during class, and that would mean I’d have to take it off, exposing my short hair. Still, I felt more natural that way than wearing that horrible wig. Besides, Cooper’s hats gave me courage. It was like when I wore them he was with me. And if I couldn’t have him by side with fingers threaded through mine, wearing his hat was the next best thing.
I flinched when my phone vibrated from my pocket. Once I yanked it out, I glanced down at it.
Cooper: R u at school yet?
Skyler parked and cut the engine. Students filled the lot, all walking in different directions. Brightly colored backpacks blurred past, a kaleidoscope of colors.
Me: Yes.
Cooper: R u wearing one of my hats?
Me: Yes.
Cooper: Which one?
“Are you coming or you going to stay in the car texting your boyfriend all day?” Skyler asked, mock irritation in her voice. But she wore a kind smile, so I knew she was only teasing.
“Don’t tempt me,” I told her.
Her hand landed on my shoulder. “It’s going to be fine.”
“You sound like Cooper.”
Her gaze landed on my phone. “Well, then I guess you should listen to us.”
I nodded, shooting a text off to Cooper before reaching for the doorknob on the passenger side door.
Me: Your favorite one.
After opening the door I stepped outside and reached inside for my backpack. In my hand the phone vibrated again. After strapping on my backpack, I looked at it. Crisp morning air circled me.
Cooper: Ah, you’re killing me. I love seeing u in that hat. Send me a pic.
I smiled, my insides warming.
Me: I will later. I have to get to class now.
Skyler slammed the driver’s side door shut and walked over to me. I tucked my phone back into my pocket and gave her a wry smile.
“I guess this is it.”
“Yep.” Her arm came around my shoulder. “There’s no backing out now.”
My stomach knotted, and I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, dragging it through my teeth.
“Hey, you know if anyone messes with you I’ll make them pay, right?”
I chuckled. “Between you and Cooper, it sounds like the students at this school better prepare for a major beat down.”
Skyler giggled. “Well, if that’s the case, my money’s on Cooper.”
My gaze took in Skyler’s skinny frame. “Yeah, mine too.”
“Hey.” She nudged me in the side with her elbow. Since she was so bony it actually stung a little as it cut into my waist.
“You said it first.”
“But you weren’t supposed to agree.” She winked. “Besides, you should put your money on me. I’m the one here.”
Her words pierced my heart. When we were joking around, I almost forgot that Cooper was gone. For one moment I wasn’t missing him or pining after him. Skyler must have noticed the change in my expression because she squeezed my shoulder.
“Sorry,” she muttered.
I nodded, blowing out a breath. A group of blond girls wearing various shades of pink exited a vehicle across the lot. Their giggles reached my ears. Another car pulled into the lot, rap music pouring from the speakers. I recognized the guys inside. They were the popular football players. The blond girls in pink waved at them, all squealing and talking in high-pitched voices. My chest tightened. God, this was going to be a long day.
Skyler walked in step beside me as we crossed the parking lot. When we entered the hallway, the scent of tennis shoes and hairspray smacked me in the face, and I wrinkled my nose. I sure hadn’t missed that smell. Loud chatter bounced off the walls and swelled around me. Students leaned against lockers or congregated in circles talking and laughing, probably all catching up on their fun summer activities. It was a stark reminder of my situation. Of the fact that I’d spent the last year fighting for my life. That I had spent hours at the hospital undergoing treatment and surgery. And that my summer was spent in recovery. Sure, I’d had good times too. Cooper hardly left my side, and he made it memorable. But I was fairly certain that most of the kids at this school couldn’t even fathom everything I’d been through. The realization should have made me feel sad, but it didn’t. It made me feel brave. It made me feel strong. All of the sudden the things I’d been worried about for years seemed to vanish. My fear of these students became petty and insignificant. There was nothing they could do to me that was worse than what I’d been through. And I’d survived. Not only just survived. I’d come through victorious. And now I was ready to face anything.
With my head held high, I stepped forward. Even when students turned to stare at me, gawking and whispering, I didn’t waver.
Let them look.
Bring it.
I wasn’t scared.
Cooper’s hat rubbed against my forehead as I walked, and it felt like a security blanket. I h
ad picked up my schedule, locker assignment and books last week, so I knew where to go. Taking confident strides, I made a beeline for my locker.
“Want me to stay with you?” Skyler whispered, keeping in step with me.
Since we’d come to the school together last week, I knew her locker was across the hall and her first class was clear on the other side of campus.
I took a deep breath. Whispers circled, and even without lifting my head I could feel eyes boring into me. “No, I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
“You sure?” Her eyes held a skeptical look as they shifted around the hallway. Narrowing them, she glared at someone. I didn’t have the courage to see who it was.
“Yep.” I forced a brave smile. “I’ll see you at lunch.”
“Okay.” She hesitated only a moment before stepping away from me. As Skyler took off down the hallway, I touched the cell phone tucked into my pocket. What I wanted more than anything was to slip into the nearest bathroom and call Cooper. Maybe I could hide away in there all day. But I knew that was irrational. Besides, I could do this. I was strong. Wasn’t that what Cooper had told me this morning? I desperately needed to believe he was right. As I put in my locker combination, a blond girl sidled up beside me, opening up the locker next to mine. For one moment I thought it was Calista. She had the same sweet perfume scent, the same obnoxious giggle as she conversed with her friends, the same pink jacket. But I knew that couldn’t be right. Last I’d heard, Calista had left to go to college. I wasn’t sure where she went, but had heard it was somewhere near the beach. That didn’t surprise me at all. As I shoved my books into my locker, I thought back to last year when Cooper defended me to Calista and her friends when they were harassing me. It brought an involuntary smile to my lips. After securing my books inside the locker, I slammed it shut. My head bobbed up, my gaze colliding with the Calista look-alike.
“What are you smiling at?” She asked in a nasally voice.
And that’s when I recognized her. Now it made sense why I would have confused her with Calista. Madison Smith was the Calista of my grade. And now that we were seniors, I was sure she’d slip into Calista’s role seamlessly. Without bothering to respond to her, I flung my backpack over my shoulder fully intending to spin around and stalk off.