by Amber Garza
“Anywhere we can be alone. I’m not ready to share you yet.”
My insides quivered, anticipation filling me from my head to my toes.
The next few days flew by. Cooper and I hardly spent a moment apart. It was like we truly were attached at the hip. We separated only at night when we had to sleep. Even then I’d toss and turn, dreaming of when I’d see Cooper in the morning. When Thursday morning greeted me, I woke up with a sense of satisfaction knowing that I would spend Thanksgiving with Cooper and his family. I was supposed to spend the holiday with him last year, but ended up hospitalized. My stomach clenched at the memory of the dreary day spent eating hospital food and staring at stark white walls. For seventeen years I took my health for granted. I went about my life never thinking about how fortunate I was to be healthy and strong. But that was no longer the case. Now a day didn’t go by when I didn’t rejoice in the fact that I was still here, that I wasn’t sick, that I was healthy enough to enjoy my life. And whenever the thought went through my mind, I thought of Cooper. I thought of the sacrifice he made so I could be here. How he gave me a part of himself.
He wasn’t just the love of my life.
He was my godsend. My savior.
“London?” Dad knocked on my bedroom door while I brushed through my short hair. The edges curled slightly around my ears.
“Yes,” I called out.
“You ready?”
Glancing back at the mirror above my dresser, I assessed my appearance. I took in my short blond hair, my pale face, glossy heart-shaped lips, and wide eyes framed with lightly mascaraed lashes. My gaze moved down to the flowing shirt I wore over a pair of leggings and black boots. It was the dressiest outfit I owned. Skyler made me buy it when we went to the mall last week. Imagining what Cooper would think when he saw me today made me glad that I had listened to Skyler.
“Yeah. I’m coming.” With the palms of my hands, I smoothed down my shirt. Then I plucked the phone and purse off my dresser and headed toward the hallway. Dad was standing by the front door when I reached the family room. He wore a neatly pressed collared shirt that was tucked into a pair of khaki pants held up by a black belt. On his feet he wore a pair of dress shoes, and his hair was slick with gel. “Wow. You clean up nice,” I said, surprised by his appearance. My dad was a mechanic, so he usually wore jeans and t-shirts, his hands covered in black grease. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him dressed up. It must have been when Mom was still alive. The familiar ache of missing her spread through my chest, but I shook it off. This was not the day to dwell on sad memories.
“So do you.” Dad smiled. “You look lovely.”
“Thanks.” I bit my lip, and then followed Dad outside.
Once we were in the car, Dad turned on his oldies radio station and pulled out of the driveway. His fingers tapped against the steering wheel as he drove, keeping time with the music. Cooper often did that as well, and it made me wonder if it was a male thing. Like perhaps deep down they all wanted to be drummers.
“You’re okay with this, right?” I asked. “I mean, I know it’s always just been the two of us on Thanksgiving.” Dad had been cool about my relationship with Cooper from the beginning. And I knew he liked Cooper’s grandparents. Still, I worried about him sometimes. It had always been the two of us, and Dad had never seemed to want it any differently.
“I’m more than okay with this, pumpkin. In fact, I’m looking forward to it.” He kept his gaze focused on the road, his hands wrapped around the steering wheel. The streets were quiet today, the sky grey and full of clouds.
“Good.” I shifted in my seat, tugging down on my shirt.
“It sure beats last Thanksgiving.”
I stilled, my neck craning in his direction. He still wasn’t looking at me, but his expression was open and vulnerable. In it I could see the words he hadn’t said. “Yeah, it does,” I said softly. “In more ways than one.”
The rest of the drive we were quiet, and I knew we were both thinking of how far I’d come. About how much my life had changed in the course of a year.
CHAPTER 10
Cooper
“You’re really killing me with that outfit, London,” I whispered, cornering her in the hallway. Placing my hands on her hips, I gently pressed her up against the wall. The silky fabric of her shirt was cool against my fingertips, and my thumbs skimmed the hipbones that jutted out from her small frame.
A startled giggle escaped through her lips, and her gaze darted down the hallway. I could hear Dexter and Grandpa talking in the family room, the sound of water running and dishes clinking in the kitchen. We’d just finished dinner, so the men were chatting over after-dinner drinks, and Grandma was doing dishes. Therefore, I’d taken this opportunity to get London alone. Ever since she’d shown up wearing that sexy outfit, I’d been dying to lure her away from prying eyes.
“You like it?” She asked, uncertainty in her voice. Her thick lashes lowered, her glossy lips shimmering under the dim lighting.
“‘Like’ is an understatement.” Curving my hands around her hips, I held her in place. Then I leaned down, stealing a kiss on her lips. Just a quick one. A soft peck. I knew we couldn’t make out in the middle of the hallway. Anyone could come walking in on us. However, now I wished I would’ve resisted the urge. Giving London a tiny kiss was like trying to eat one chip out of the bag. It was impossible. “I freaking love it.” Throwing caution to the wind, my lips found hers once again. She responded eagerly, despite her dad being in the next room. Our mouths moved in sync as if this was a dance routine and we were moving to the beat of the music. Lifting her arms, she placed both hands on my chest. Her fingers grazed my chest muscles, causing my pulse to race. I tightened my hold on her waist. Footsteps and shuffling from the adjoining room caused us both to stiffen. My grandparents and Dexter were cool with our relationship, but they were old fashioned. I was fairly certain none of them wanted to witness us kissing. Besides, when we first started dating I had promised Dexter I’d always be a gentleman toward London. And I planned to keep that promise. I didn’t think he’d be very happy if he walked in on me mauling her in the hallway after Thanksgiving dinner. With that in mind, I pulled away, reluctance filling me. Lip gloss was smeared across London’s mouth and chin, and she hurriedly wiped it off. I released my hold on her waist as she pushed off the wall. When she licked her lips, I let out an audible groan. “Seriously, are you trying to kill me? Is that you’re goal?”
She chuckled. “No, trust me, that’s not my goal.” Her hand lightly touched my arm. “I would never try to kill you. I want you here with me forever.” Her eyes widened as if she just registered what she said. A look of regret passed over her features. “I didn’t mean…well, you know. I mean, not forever. Just, you know, for now. I-I- just meant that I don’t want you to die.”
God, she was cute when she got flustered. “It’s fine.” I snatched up her hand, knotting our fingers together. “I’m glad you want me with you forever.” I was sure her statement would freak out most guys, but honestly, it didn’t bother me. The truth was that a part of me felt like London and I would be together forever. We may have been young, but I couldn’t imagine ever feeling like this for anyone else. “I did promise to love you always, didn’t I?”
She looked stricken, and I wondered what I’d done wrong. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not what I meant. It just sort of slipped out. I didn’t really mean that I want to be with you forever.”
Her words were like a sucker punch, and they stopped me cold. I released her hand, and it fell by her side. “You don’t?”
“Well, I don’t know. I mean, we’re young, and we have no idea what the future holds. I don’t think we should make forever-type promises right now.”
“There you guys are,” Dexter’s voice interrupted us. My head bobbed up, my eyes catching his. As if sensing that he walked in on something serious, his expression sobered. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” London smi
led.
I stared at her, feeling like I’d been slapped.
“Great.” Dexter rubbed his palms together. “We’re going to have dessert soon.”
I took a deep breath. “London and I are going for a little walk.”
“We are?” She cocked her head to the side.
I narrowed my eyes, grabbing one of her hands. “Yes, we are.”
“O-kay.” She drug out the word like she was confused.
Dexter furrowed his brows, but nodded. I could tell he knew something was up, but he stood out of the way allowing us to pass. Before reaching the front door, I stopped at the hall closet. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, and I was anxious to finish this conversation. But I wasn’t a dick. It was cold outside, and there was no way I’d allow London to freeze her ass off out there. Dipping my hand inside the closet, I pulled out two jackets. I handed one to London and put on the other one. After we had them on, I wrapped my hand around hers and yanked her out the front door.
“What the hell is going on with you?” She asked the minute we stepped outside.
“Me? You basically just told me that I’m a passing thing for you, and you’re asking what’s wrong with me?” My shock had now turned into pure anger.
Her face softened, her eyes crinkling around the edges. A breeze washed over us and she shivered, cinching the jacket tighter. “That’s not what I said.”
“It sure as hell sounded like that to me.” My words were harsh, and she stepped back from me, her chest heaving as she breathed. It made me feel bad for fighting with her today. After everything she’d been through, she should be enjoying Thanksgiving. She didn’t get to celebrate at all last year. But I couldn’t let this go. I had to know what she meant. “If you don’t think we have a future together, then what the hell is the point of all this? Do you know how many girls I’ve turned down to stay with you? And for what? So you can pass the time with me for as long as you feel like it.” As soon as the words were out, I knew it was the wrong thing to say.
Her body went rigid. “I had no idea you were making such a huge sacrifice.” Her words were slow, deliberate, and hollow.
I felt like shit. Why had I said that? But I knew why. I was angry. I was upset. I was hurt. But it was no excuse to hurt her back. Stepping forward, I reached for her, but she pulled away.
“Don’t.” Folding her arms, she tucked them into her body.
“London, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head, her eyes cold and steely. “I’m glad you finally told me how you felt.”
“It came out wrong.” I hung my head, certain I was the biggest asshole in the universe.
“No, it’s fine. And I don’t want to keep you from doing what you want anymore, so go ahead and date all these girls you’ve been forced to turn down for me.” Her lips trembled slightly as she spun away.
Desperation bloomed in my chest, opening up slowly like the bud of a flower. The petals quivered against my ribcage, making it difficult to breathe. I lunged toward her, circling my hand around her wrist. “I haven’t been forced to turn anyone down. I’ve wanted to.”
She stiffened, but didn’t turn around.
“I don’t want anyone but you, London. You know that.” Tentatively, I moved closer to her. Slowly, I slid my arms around her waist and tugged her to me until her back was flush against my chest. I took it as a good sign when she didn’t pull away. “I was just mad, and I didn’t think before I spoke.”
“Sometimes the things we blurt out without thinking are the most honest.”
I rested my head on her shoulder, my chin rubbing against the rough fabric of the jacket. The scent of her cherry lip gloss mixed with her apple shampoo wafted under my nose. The familiarity of it caused some of my anger to dissipate. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I felt her body react to my words, and I knew she was going to take off again, so I held her tighter. “It’s true that I’ve turned down a lot of girls to be with you. But I wasn’t complaining. I was stating fact. Baby, you’re the only girl I want. The only girl I’ll ever want. I’m sure of that. I’ve been sure of it for awhile. That’s why I got so angry. It kills me to know that you’re not certain you’ll always want me.”
London sighed, leaning her head back. By doing so she left her neck exposed, and despite everything, I wanted to kiss it. But I kept my composure. “I am certain that I’ll always want to be with you,” she whispered so softly I had to strain to hear it.
Releasing her, I moved to stand in front of her. Then I framed her face with my hands. “Then why did you say that you didn’t?”
She bit her lip. “Because you said that you promised to always love me.”
She said it like it was a bad thing, and it baffled me. “Okay, you’re gonna have to help me out here. What’s wrong with that?”
“You’re the most loyal guy I know, and you always keep your promises. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me. I know I was sick when we got together, but I’m healthy now. I can survive on my own, so if you want to move on at any point, you can. You’re free to do that. I won’t hold you to the promises you’ve made.”
My stomach lurched. “Baby, is that what you think? That I was with you because you were sick? And that I’m staying with you out of some sense of obligation?”
Moisture gathered in her eyes. “I know you worry about me. Dad told me about the phone calls you’ve made to him. And I can hear the concern in your voice every time I don’t feel well or I have a doctor’s appointment. I mean, you totally freaked a couple of weeks ago when you found out that I’d been to the doctor and hadn’t told you.”
“Of course I worry. I love you.”
“Most couples don’t stay together after high school, and sometimes I wonder if the only reason we’re lasting is because you feel like you have to stay with me. Like you’re worried if you leave me I’ll have a relapse or something.”
I ran my thumb over her cheek. “Trust me, that’s not the reason. I know how strong you are. I know you can survive without me. Hell, if we broke up, I’m pretty sure I would be the one who wouldn’t survive. Baby, we’re still together because there is no one else in the world I’d rather be with. We’re still together because you own my heart. It has nothing to do with your illness or the promises I’ve made. It has to do with you and who you are. Honestly, I never even would have made those promises unless my feelings for you were strong enough to back them up. You are the love of my life. And if I haven’t made that clear to you yet, then I’m sorry. I’ll do a better job of showing you just how much you mean to me.” I paused, my gaze lowering to her lips. “Starting right now.” My hands curved around her face, my fingers slipping into her short hair. Angling my face, my lips brushed hers lightly. She puckered up, and I almost sighed with relief, grateful that her icy exterior was thawing. Grateful that she wanted me. I had no desire to move swiftly. I wanted to savor every second, so I feathered my lips over hers once again. Lip gloss painted my lips, sticky and sweet. We were standing on the front porch, so I knew Dexter or my grandparents could look out the window and see us. Still I couldn’t help myself. I had to show London how I felt. I had to erase any doubts she had. There were no hats in the way this time, so I drew her face as close to mine as possible and pressed my lips to hers. She opened her mouth slightly as if inviting me entry. Heart hammering, I slipped my tongue inside, running it over her tongue and swirling it into her mouth. Her hands slid up my chest and curled around my shoulders before looping my neck. I shivered as her fingernails raked over my skin. In the kiss I conveyed my need for her, my desire for her, my attraction to her and only her. I kissed her hungrily, greedily. And when we parted, I ran my fingertips over her face, touching the smooth, supple skin as if trying to memorize every beautiful feature. “London, you are right about one thing. We may be too young to make forever-type promises. Hell, if you were out of high school and I was finished with college, I’d marry you tomorrow. But I know that isn’t possible for us right
now. I know most people don’t marry their high school sweetheart. But I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.” Moving in close, I swept my nose over hers. “I’m not asking you to marry me, London. Not today anyway. I just want to know that you can visualize that one day happening. I need to know that you think it’s a possibility. When I fantasize about my future, you’re always in it. I guess I just assumed it was the same for you.”
“It is the same for me,” London said breathlessly. “I do want to be with you forever, Coop. I really do. I just get scared sometimes, you know?”
“I know.” I looked into her eyes, those gorgeous eyes that I wanted to get lost in for the rest of my life. “But you don’t need to. You’re everything to me, London.”
She smiled. “I love you, Coop.”
“I love you too, London.” I smiled back. “Always.”
CHAPTER 11
London
It was hard when Cooper went back to school after Thanksgiving break, but at least I knew Christmas was right around the corner. Plus, the weeks leading up to the holiday were chock full. We released a holiday edition of the paper, and we had finals at school. Between studying, writing and editing, I hardly had time to think about how much I missed Cooper. But I was grateful for the busyness because the time flew, and before I knew it Cooper was back.
“How is it possible that you are even more beautiful than a few weeks ago?” Cooper threaded his fingers through mine, linking us together. Our arms swung between us as we walked through the tree lot, the scent of pine needles encircling us.
Unsure of what to say to that, I just smiled and squeezed Cooper’s hand tighter. Dad walked up ahead, his gaze scouring the rows of dark green trees. Cooper had wanted to be with us when we got our tree this year, so we had waited for him. Besides, Dad said it would be easier to set up the tree with a guy’s help. At first I had scoffed at that, a little offended. But then I remembered all the years we had a crooked tree because I had held the tree at an angle while Dad screwed it into the stand. I was sure Cooper would be more competent than I was. However, I wasn’t stupid. I knew Dad’s decision had less to do with having a crooked tree, and more to do with the fact that he didn’t want me to over-exert myself. I may have been healthy now, but it would be awhile before Dad stopped treating me like I was as fragile as a thin piece of glass.