by Amber Garza
“Yeah, and maybe if he looked as sexy as you I’d want to see him,” I joked.
London giggled. Damn, I loved that sound. “You need to see him. I’ll go with you if you want.”
“You know you’re the coolest girlfriend ever, right?”
“I have heard that before, yes.”
“Okay. I’ll text him in the morning and let you know what we decide.”
“Sounds good.” I heard her yawn. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
After a round of “I love yous,” we hung up. I scooped up London’s manuscript and headed upstairs, the pages fluttering between my fingers. Once I reached my room, I set the papers down, my gaze connecting with the hero’s name. My heart leapt, remembering her saying that I was the inspiration behind him. I only hoped I could live up to it. That I would always be her hero, her savior. That I would always be worthy of her heart.
In the morning I texted Nate like I promised London I would. I’d just taken a shower, and the scent of shampoo drifted into my nostrils as I shot him off a text.
Me: Hey, man. When do u want to meet?
Phone in hand, I bounded down the stairs, my bare feet slapping against the steps. The sound of Grandma and Grandpa talking and the scent of coffee floated from the kitchen.
Nate: Finally got a break from newspaper chick, huh?
Shaking my head, I chuckled.
Me: Just for a little while.
Nate: Cool. Want to meet for coffee?
Rounding the corner toward the kitchen, I exited the screen and texted London.
Me: Nate wants to meet for coffee this morning. U want to come or just get together later?
“Good morning,” Grandma greeted me when I stepped into the bright kitchen. The blinds were open, light streaming in the windows and painting yellow stripes on the beige walls.
“Hey.” I flashed a smile, and then glanced over at Grandpa who was sitting at the table, a mug of coffee in his hand. My phone buzzed, and I looked at it.
London: Go spend time with your friend and come over later.
Me: Ok.
“Can I get you anything?” Grandma asked.
“No, I’m actually gonna meet Nate for coffee.”
“Oh, how nice,” Grandma said.
“Tell him we said hi,” Grandpa interjected.
“I will,” I assured him as I shot off another text to Nate.
Me: I’m open. Just tell me when and where.
The truth was that I was looking forward to seeing Nate. London was right. He was my oldest friend, and I liked seeing him. Still, I was hoping the visit would be brief so I could hurry over to London’s. Nate was cool, but the idea of kissing and holding London was much more appealing. As I waited for Nate’s response, the shrill sound of the phone ringing cut through the silence in the kitchen. Grandma hurried to it, answering in her sweet, welcoming voice. Then she paused, her brows furrowing, causing a knot to form in my stomach. Remembering my text exchange with London eased some of my panic. It couldn’t be about her. She was fine just a few minutes ago.
“Um…sure. I’ll grab him.” She held the phone out, her hand covering the receiver. “Cooper, it’s for you.”
“Who is it?” I moved forward tentatively, suspicious of the wary look on Grandma’s face.
She shook her head. “It’s a television station, but they didn’t say what they wanted.”
Grandpa’s head popped up, the edges of his lips turning upward. “Maybe they want to do a story on you about your baseball career.”
I wanted to buy into his enthusiasm, but it didn’t make sense. I was nobody. Just a third starter at a college. Surely a television station could find more riveting stories. However, curiosity got the better of me, and I took the phone in my hand and pressed it to my ear.
“Hello.”
“Cooper Montgomery?” A woman’s voice came on the line. Her tone was smooth, crisp, business-like. A funny feeling descended in my stomach. I fought against the urge to hang up. “This is Alaina Swanson from The Premier 21 Station.”
I knew of the station. It was mostly world news. I didn’t think they featured sports very often.
“How are you?”
“Good,” I answered slowly, uncertain.
“Did you have a nice Christmas?”
“Wow, you guys must be running out of stories if you’re calling random people to ask about their Christmas,” I joked, attempting to ease some of the uneasiness I felt.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’ll just cut to the chase.” She paused. “As you know, we are coming up on the anniversary of the plane crash your parents were involved in.” Her tone had taken on a gentler quality, but it did little to lessen the blow. I held tightly to the countertop, my knuckles whitening. Now I wished I had followed my gut and hung up. “Our station is doing a story on the crash, and we would like to interview you for the piece.”
I was already shaking my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“You wouldn’t have to go on camera. We could interview you over the phone even,” she said hurriedly as if afraid I would hang up, which I was very close to doing. “Even if you don’t, your parents will be mentioned in the piece. Wouldn’t it be better if you could weigh in, have your say?”
“What would I say?” I asked harshly. “I was a kid. I didn’t know anything.”
“We wouldn’t really want your thoughts on the crash. This is more of a human interest story. We’re going to talk about the victims, what their lives were like, who they left behind. There were several other parents on board that day, so we thought we’d catch up with what their kids are doing now. We have several of them on board already.”
I felt sick. “Then interview them. I’m not interested.” Angry, I slammed down the phone. Memories of the day I found out about the crash flooded me – my grandparents crying, holding me in their arms while I tried desperately to grasp the fact that I’d never see my parents again. For days I lie in bed wondering if they suffered. I’d seen movies with plane crashes where the whole thing was engulfed in flames or had sunk into the ocean, disappearing beneath the waves. And I wondered if that was what it was like for them. Were they burned alive? Did they drown?
We finally got the report and learned some of the details. Then I knew they didn’t drown. And Grandma assured me that they had died instantly when the plane crashed. She told me that they didn’t suffer at all. Still I heard them screaming in my dreams, crying out for someone to help them as they died alone and scared, trapped in a plane on fire. Closing my eyes tightly I tried to block it all out. But it was too late. The phone call had brought it back, and I knew that it was only going to get worse now that there was a show airing about it.
I prayed that I’d made the right decision by hanging up.
But more than that, I prayed that they’d leave me alone. That I’d never have to hear about it again.
CHAPTER 13
London
“I can’t believe you have to leave today,” I said, nestling into Cooper’s neck and inhaling the crisp scent of soap that lingered on his skin. My lips brushed over his warm flesh, tasting saltiness. We were in his room packing the remainder of his suitcase. His grandparents were out running a few errands, so the house was silent. When we threw the last of his clothes into the suitcase, the finality of it caused my stomach to clench.
His arms tightened around my waist, and he stamped a kiss on my forehead. “I know. The last two weeks went by way too fast.”
Irrational anger bubbled inside of me. The rest of the students at his school still had more vacation time left, but Cooper had to return for baseball practice. It didn’t seem fair. However, I would never voice this opinion aloud. Baseball was the reason Cooper was in college. It was his passion, his gift, his commitment, his future. It was important to him. Therefore it was important to me. Besides, he didn’t need me acting all needy. I knew it was just as hard for him to leave as it was for me to be left.
“Yeah, but they were wonderful,” I
told him.
“Well, of course they were. You spent them with me.” Cooper winked.
I giggled, reaching up my hand to touch his face. This morning he’d shaved off the stubble he’d allowed to grow over the break. Now his skin was smooth and soft on my fingertips. The pads of my fingers grazed his chin and slid over his cheek, my hand molding to the contours of his face perfectly. God, I would miss touching him like this. By tomorrow I’d only see him through a screen again. Cooper smiled, snatching up my hand and running his lips across my knuckles. A chill skittered down my spine as his eyes met mine, darkening with desire. With his free hand, he fingered a strand of my hair, sweeping it back from my face. His fingers skimmed my cheek, my lips, and lightly drifted down my neck and across my collarbone. I sucked in a breath, remaining still.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Cooper said, his gaze following every place he had touched. Dropping my hand, he moved toward me. His eyes were now fixated on my lips, and my heart picked up speed. Lifting his hands, he framed my face, his fingers slipping beneath my short hair. I was grateful it was long enough for him to bury his fingers in it now. As his hands worked into my scalp it was like a sensual massage. Gently he guided my face upward until our lips barely grazed. A small sigh escaped from the back of my throat, and Cooper’s eyebrows raised in response. He brushed our lips together again, this time applying a little more pressure. It caused me to ache for more, and I arched my back attempting to get my face closer. But he held me at bay.
“Someone’s impatient.” He clucked his tongue.
“Someone’s being a tease,” I bantered back.
“No teasing. I promise.” His lower lip swept over mine. “But I am taking this slow. It’s my last morning here, and I want to make it count. I want to give you a kiss you won’t be able to forget. A kiss that will haunt your dreams while I’m gone.”
“A mind-blowing one?” I joked.
“They’re all mind-blowing.” His lips touched mine briefly, and my knees softened. Reaching out, I looped my fingers through the belt loop of his jeans in an effort to steady myself. His hands were still around my face, and the way he caressed my head with his fingers was driving me wild. “We’ll have to come up with a new word for this one.” I wanted nothing more than to draw his face forward and kiss him desperately. But the anticipation was exciting, so I held back. Besides, his promise got me curious. He was right. Our kisses were always mind-blowing, so I was dying to see how he’d top them. There were those lips again. Moving softly over mine and then pulling back. My lips tingled, wanting more. His thumbs traced my lips, parting them slightly. Then he angled his face, his bottom lip touching mine. Exerting pressure, he firmly planted his mouth until every part of our lips were attached. His tongue slid along my lips, moistening them. Since my lips were already open a little, his tongue slipped inside easily. Our tongues meshed as his mouth moved deftly over mine. His hands left my hair, trailing down my neck and shoulders. Cooper’s palms folded around my shoulders, and he walked forward taking me with him. The back of my knees hit the edge of his bed, and I released my hold on his belt loops. Then he tenderly lowered me onto the bed, my back hitting the spongy mattress. Our lips separated momentarily as I lie down. Cooper’s legs straddled me, his hands cupping my face again as he brought his lips down to meet mine. I lifted my arms gripping the fabric of his shirt and drawing him closer to me. His chest fell, blanketing mine. He lowered his arms, sliding them down my waist. My shirt rode up, causing his fingers to swipe the bare flesh of my stomach. I shivered, longing filling me.
His gaze crashed into mine, our eyes locking. I froze, dropping my arms. His hands stilled. Our chests heaved with each breath. Without breaking eye contact, I tucked my hands under his shirt and slid my palms up his chest. He caught my lips in his once more, kissing me hard. Then his lips lowered, peppering caresses down my chin and neck.
“I love you, Cooper,” I panted.
“I love you too, London.” Nuzzling my neck he kissed me again, his lips tickling the sensitive flesh under my chin. “God, I love you.” His splayed hands moved slowly across my stomach. Tentatively he moved them up toward my chest.
“I trust you,” I said.
He lifted his head, and the look of gratitude in his eyes was overwhelming. “You sure?”
I nodded. I did trust him. And I wanted him. I wanted every part of him. I wanted to be as close to him as two people could be. For the first time in my life, intimacy didn’t scare me at all. He lifted my shirt, his hands skating against my skin, over my stomach and chest. I bit my lip, savoring every touch. His gaze took in my bare flesh, and he sighed. “God, you’re so beautiful.”
Reaching up, I touched his face, warmth filling me. As he lowered his head back down to mine, the rumble of tires sounded outside the window coupled with the garage door opening. I stiffened. His grandparents were home.
“Shit.” Cooper breathed out, his forehead falling to mine.
My stomach dropped. Man, did I have shitty timing or what? Cooper had been so patient with me, and when I finally decided I wanted him it was too late. He was leaving in a couple of hours, and this was the only time we had alone.
“I’m sorry,” I said as he lowered my shirt back down. Already I missed his touch.
“Hey.” He tucked his thumb under my chin. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You showed me that you trusted me completely. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He stole a quick kiss on my lips and then sat up. “This will happen when it’s supposed to. And when it does, it’s going to be…” His gaze shifted as if he was searching for the right word.
“Mind-blowing?” Sitting up, I straightened my shirt and smoothed down my hair.
“No. That phrase doesn’t do it justice.” He tapped his index finger against his chin.
I slid off the bed and stood up, not wanting his grandparents to find me on his bed. The sound of the door opening and closing downstairs reached my ears. I tried to think of a phrase larger than mind-blowing. “Earth-shattering?”
“Ooh, I like that.” He snatched up both of my hands, knotting our fingers together. “Earth-shattering.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I thought that kiss was pretty earth-shattering.”
“Oh, baby, you have no idea.”
Nothing could have prepared me for how difficult it was to say goodbye to Cooper this time. When I drove away from the airport, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I knew it would be months before I saw him again. And when I did it wouldn’t be the same. His grandparents had offered to take me with them when they went to a few of his games this spring. I was looking forward to it, and I was grateful for the offer. However, it wouldn’t be the same as the last couple of weeks had been. We wouldn’t have any time alone. The next time we’d have that would be in the summer. And that felt like a lifetime from now.
Plus, I knew Cooper’s heart was heavy. The phone call from the television station had really rattled him. He put on a brave front, but I could see past it. The show had brought all of his memories back. It had stirred up old emotions, questions, and confusion he thought he’d left behind. His grandparents thought that perhaps if he got involved with the show it would help him to gain some closure, but he wouldn’t even entertain the idea. He said he’d already made up his mind, and nothing would change it. In all honesty, I sort of agreed with them. I knew what it was like to lose a parent at a young age. I knew how it stayed with you, cropping up at inopportune times. How the memory could break you. How you couldn’t run from it no matter how hard you tried or how much distance you put between it.
But I couldn’t tell him how I felt. What Cooper needed from me was understanding and support. So that’s what I’d give him.
But it made it that much harder to say goodbye. I knew he was struggling, and I wanted to be with him. To help him through it the same way he’d helped me through my illness. And the same way he’d helped me get over some of the fear that had plagued me since my mother’s
death. As I turned onto my street, my mind traveled back to this morning in Cooper’s room; to the way it felt when he kissed me and touched me. He made me feel safe and loved in a way I never thought possible. And there were times when I felt like it was too good to be true. Like it was all a dream, an elaborate fantasy. I worried that one day I’d wake up and it would all be gone. That I’d find out this was all fiction, a story made up in my imagination or one I’d read in one of my books. I mean, it would make a great story, right? The popular guy falling for the unpopular girl? It was like the perfect romance. But then I’d remind myself that this was real life. Cooper and I were human beings, flesh and blood, not make believe. We weren’t conjured up in some author’s imagination, and we weren’t some fantasy that I’d been believing for the past two years. Trust me, if this was my fantasy it never would have involved the cancer.
No, I didn’t need to worry that this was fake. It was real. And so was Cooper’s love for me. But in some ways that made me even more nervous. If it was a romance book it would end in a happily ever after. Cooper and I would get married and ride into the sunset, and everything would tie up neatly in a pretty package. But real life was messier than that. I’d learned that the hard way.
And that was the part that scared me.
When I watched Cooper walk away from me today I couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for us. I knew Cooper meant what he said to me on Thanksgiving. I knew that he wanted to marry me one day. But that day was so far away. I still had to finish high school, and we both had to finish college. And who knew what Cooper’s career in baseball would be like. Not to mention the fact that my health was always hanging in the balance. In my best moments I fully believed that the cancer would never return. However, in my darkest times I was sure it was just hiding in the wings, waiting for its moment to strike again.
There was so much uncertainty. And when Cooper was here everything seemed like it would be all right. When his arms were around me, when he held me close, I could shut my eyes and tune out all the doubts, all the concerns. But when he left, all the thoughts came back with a vengeance. They whispered in my ear, they tugged on my arms, they yanked me into the darkness.