twenty-seven
Tameka
Two long, sleek black town cars pulled up in front of Grandpa Drew’s house. The cars seemed to make it all real. The boys were dressed in their gray, brown and black suits. Alyssa wore a black dress with black panty hose and her sexy Nine West shoes. Roni wore a two-piece gray pantsuit and a pair of gray pumps. I had chosen my red dress because it was the only thing I’d packed that offered the room that I needed to hide my stomach. Although my stomach hadn’t started growing yet, I was still paranoid. The last thing I needed was for someone to notice that I’d picked up a few pounds or had a little pouch in my midsection. I chose my black tights because they offered that extra support that I needed in the stomach area.
I held on to Mommy’s hand as we sat on the sofa in the living room. My heart was beating faster than a freight train.
“The cars are here,” Uncle Rich announced.
Aunt Helen rushed outside to meet the drivers, probably to give them last-minute instructions about how she wanted things to go. She loved giving orders, especially during this time. I looked at Aunt Helen differently now. She had never been my favorite person, but now I had absolutely no respect for her. She had allowed Roni to be violated in the worst way and hadn’t done a thing about it. I was angry with her.
As we all slipped our winter coats on, Daddy grabbed my hand. He gave me a warm smile, and I gave him one back.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Not really, but I don’t have a choice,” I said.
At the church, soft music played in the background as we sat in front of Grandpa Drew’s casket. He looked as if he were sleeping, lying there in his gray pin-striped suit and wearing the same burgundy tie that he’d worn to Aunt Helen’s wedding. His brown, ashy-looking hands were folded on top of his chest. His gray hair and mustache were trimmed perfectly, and somehow a little smile twinkled in the corner of his mouth. Grandpa Drew had been a Christian, so I knew that he had already gone to Heaven. The body that lay motionless in front of us was not really him—not anymore; it was just a shell that he’d used while he was here on earth. I knew that he was there, though. In the church somewhere, he was looking down on us and smiling. Probably nudging one of his newfound buddies in Heaven, telling him one of his corny jokes.
I imagined he was probably disappointed with me. Probably frowning at the fact that I’d made such a stupid mistake and messed up my life.
“I thought you were the smart one in the bunch, ladybug,” he’d say if he could.
“Everybody makes mistakes, Grandpa Drew,” I would say in my defense.
“It’s okay, though.” Grandpa Drew had never held a grudge. He’d disciplined with love, but made sure that every one of us knew that he cared. “I still love you,” Grandpa Drew would tell me. He would hold me tight, and I would know that everything would be all right.
Uncle Rich was the vocalist in our family, and at the front of the church, he sang a solo. He barely made it through before tears filled his light brown eyes, and before long the entire congregation was crying. The pastor of the church gave our family words of comfort. Aunt Helen, Aunt Beverly, Daddy and a few of Grandpa Drew’s friends gave short little speeches in remembrance of my grandfather.
At the end of the service, we each had one last opportunity to look at Grandpa Drew before they closed the casket. Everyone went forward one by one in order to bid farewell to a good man. Grant held on to Aunt Helen when her legs became frail. She was crying and screaming out of control, and I wondered what all the screaming was about. It was Roni who should’ve been screaming the loudest. She would be the one suffering the most after we all went back home.
“I’ll see you in my dreams,” I whispered to Grandpa Drew while the choir sang another selection.
I could’ve sworn I heard him say, “I’ll be there, ladybug.”
I wondered if he would be there when I told my parents that I was pregnant. I hoped so, because I would need all the moral support I could get.
Grandpa Drew’s house was filled with lots of people. Some of them were members of our family, while others were members of his church. A few of them were neighbors and friends, who brought fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, sweet-potato pies and other desserts. There was so much food, and it seemed to just keep coming.
Roni, Alyssa and I quickly changed out of our dress clothes and into more comfortable ones. We sat in our pink bedroom and talked about everyone. We laughed at how the choir had sung every song off-key, and how Roni had dozed when the pastor started giving his words of comfort. We all agreed that Uncle Rich’s solo had been the best part of the service.
“I swear to God, that big lady in the choir had the hots for Grandpa Drew,” Roni said.
“The one in the floral dress?” Alyssa said.
“Yes.” Roni laughed. “She was crying like she’d lost a husband, and I thought she was gonna climb into the casket with him.”
“I saw her,” I said, remembering the woman with white hair and big breasts.
“She’s been over here before,” Roni said. “She was always bringing cookies and pies for Grandpa Drew. They even sat on the porch a few times, rocking and talking until the wee hours of the night.”
“Yep, something was definitely going on between those two.” I laughed. “Nobody was crying harder.”
“Except for barracuda lady. I thought she was gonna blow a gasket,” Roni said. “She should win an Academy Award. She and her sleazy husband.”
“What are we going to do about him, by the way?” I asked. “We can’t leave you here like that.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” Roni said. “Besides, you got your own issues.”
“When are you going to tell your parents, Tameka?” Alyssa asked.
I shrugged. I didn’t have any answers.
“You’d better make some decisions fast,” Roni said. “Especially if you decide to get an abortion. You have to do it before you get too far along. Otherwise, you’re putting yourself in danger.”
“I’ll deal with it as soon as I get home,” I told them. “Now, as for you, Roni, I think you should tell my mom your secret. Maybe she can help. Maybe she could arrange for you to come and live with us for a while.”
“Won’t ever happen. Barracuda lady’s not going for that,” Roni said.
“What won’t ever happen?” My mom walked into the room, carrying her pumps in her hand. “My feet hurt.”
“Hi, Aunt Mel.” Alyssa smiled.
“Hello, girls.” Mommy looked at each of us, one after the other, suspicion in her eyes. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing,” Roni quickly answered.
“Tell her,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Tell me what?” Mommy asked.
“Nothing. Your daughter’s losing it,” Roni said, playing it off.
I jumped right in there. “Roni wants to come and stay with us for a while.”
“She does?” Mommy asked. “What about school?”
“She can go to school in Atlanta,” I said. “We can enroll her in school. We can fix up the guest bedroom for her and everything.”
“Why would she want to come to Atlanta, Tameka? Her mother is here in Charlotte,” Mommy said.
I kept answering for Roni. “Because she hates her stepfather. He’s a punk.”
“Watch your language, girl,” Mommy said. “I know you don’t really care for Grant, Roni, but he is your mother’s husband. He’s the man that she chose to spend the rest of her life with, whether you like it or not.”
“I know, Aunt Mel, but…” Roni’s voice was beginning to crack.
“He did something bad to her, Aunt Mel,” Alyssa interrupted. “Something that he should go to jail for.”
My mother immediately shut the door and locked it. There was deep concern in her eyes.
“What is going on, Roni? You tell me right now what he did to you!” Mommy demanded.
Roni was silent. Tears began to creep down the sides of her fa
ce.
“He raped her,” Alyssa whispered.
“More than once, too,” I added.
“Is this true, Roni?” Mommy grabbed Roni’s hands in hers, held them tight.
Roni shook her head yes.
“Oh my God, baby. I’m so sorry.” Mommy grabbed Roni and held her. She rocked her and wouldn’t let go. “That’s why you hate him so much.”
“You can’t tell Uncle Paul or Uncle Rich,” Roni pleaded. “They wouldn’t understand.”
“Does your mother know?” Mommy asked.
The looks on our faces told her that the answer was yes. My mother was furious; I could see it in her eyes.
“Please don’t say anything, Aunt Mel. It will only make it worse,” Roni pleaded.
“I will handle this,” Mommy promised. “One way or another, I will handle this. Pack yourself a bag. You’re going back to Atlanta with us.”
“She won’t let me go,” Roni said.
“Oh, she’ll let you go, or there will be hell to pay,” Mommy warned. “You pack a bag, and I’ll handle the rest.”
“Thank you, Aunt Mel.” Roni wrapped her arms around my mother’s neck. “Thank you for protecting me now that Grandpa Drew is gone.”
With a confused look on her face, Mommy stood and approached the door.
“Got any more secrets you want to share with me?” she asked.
My eyes bounced from Roni to Alyssa, and their eyes landed on me.
“Got any more secrets, Tameka?” Roni asked.
“Nope. That’s it,” I lied.
“Good. That’s enough for one night.” Mommy sighed. “People are finally starting to leave, and it’ll be quiet around here soon. Tameka, start getting your things together. Your dad wants to pull out of here early in the morning.”
“Okay, Mommy,” I said. “I’ll be ready.”
She didn’t say another word. She just left the room, shutting the door behind her. At least Roni’s secret was out there, in the air, with a solution just around the corner. If anyone could handle things, it was my mother. She knew just how to make things right.
“You feel better?” I asked Roni.
“Much,” Roni said. “Aunt Mel’s cool.”
“I told you,” I said. “Everything will be just fine.”
“What about you?” Roni asked. “How are you going to handle your little problem?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I confessed.
It was true. I wasn’t sure yet. All I knew was that I couldn’t leave Roni in North Carolina to deal with her mother’s husband all by herself. She wasn’t strong enough to do it. I would deal with my problem once I got home. One way…or another.
twenty-eight
Indigo
The mediator in juvenile court thought that Jade and I could benefit from a few hours of community service. She thought it was a good idea that we spend forty hours at a homeless shelter for women and children. Why? I didn’t know, but our parents thought it was a wonderful idea, too. The next four Saturdays and Sundays of our lives would be dedicated to working in a food kitchen, reading books to little homeless children and performing odd jobs as needed.
Plastic yellow gloves on my hands and a bandanna on my head, I swung the handle of the mop across the wooden floor in one swoop. The bathroom smelled like pee as I mopped the floor around the toilets. Jade, wearing similar plastic gloves, poured Pine-Sol onto the countertops and wiped them down with an old rag. After mopping and cleaning the bathrooms, we washed our hands and headed downstairs to the kitchen to serve lunch.
I tied an apron around my waist and stood behind the mashed potatoes. A plastic serving spoon in hand, I plopped mashed potatoes onto the plate of each person who passed through the line. Their faces looked so sad, especially those of the children. There were even a few teenagers who lived there with their mother, a family with no place else to go. I couldn’t even imagine living in a place like that, and I felt sorry for them.
“Thank you,” said a little girl with big brown eyes as I gave her a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “I like your hair, and you’re very pretty.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. She was sweet.
This might not be so bad, after all, I thought. A few weeks of this wouldn’t kill me. I helped clean up the kitchen, folded my apron and placed it on the countertop. Stood downstairs and waited for my daddy to pick me up. Jade did exactly the same thing, and we stood there in silence. We still weren’t on speaking terms. I just wanted to get my forty hours done and get off punishment. That was my only goal. I missed Marcus like crazy, and I needed my cell phone like the children in Africa needed food.
“Thank you, ladies,” said Maria, one of the counselors at the shelter. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe you can read to the children in the morning. I think they would really like that.”
“You’re welcome.” Jade and I said it at the same time.
As soon as I got home, I rushed upstairs to my room, threw a Skittle at Marcus’s window. I needed to see his face. When he didn’t respond, I threw another one. A few minutes later, he raised his blinds.
“What took you so long?” I asked.
“I was in the shower.” He smiled. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he brushed his waves. “So, how was it?”
“It was stupid!” I said. “Some of those people are so pitiful. I would never end up in a place like that.”
“Never say never, Indi. You don’t know where life will take you. You can’t judge people like that,” he said.
“It’s a shelter for women and children. Some of the women are battered. Wouldn’t you know that your husband was an abuser before you even hooked up with him?”
“Not necessarily,” Marcus said. “Think about it, Indi. Remember when you hooked up with Quincy Rawlins? Did you know that he was a cheater?”
“No!” I said. What kind of question was that? “If I had known that, I wouldn’t have hooked up with him in the first place.”
“Exactly,” Marcus said. “He made you believe that he was cool just so he could get into your pants. And even after I told you that he was no good, you still wanted to be with him.”
“It’s not the same,” I said. “He never abused me. That’s different.”
“It’s somewhat the same,” he argued.
“But after I saw him at the movies with Patrice, I dropped him. I didn’t keep going back to him, like a retard,” I said. “These women keep going back, even after their husbands nearly kill them.”
“So what? People do crazy stuff for love,” Marcus said. “You can’t judge people, Indi.”
“I’m not judging anybody. I’m just saying, I wouldn’t end up like them.” I stood firm.
Marcus decided to change the subject. Sometimes we had to agree to disagree. “What’re you about to do?”
“Clean up the kitchen and then start on my science project,” I told him. “What about you?”
“Me and Terrence are going to the mall later.”
I was jealous of Marcus’s freedom. I couldn’t wait until I was free, too. This being grounded thing was starting to get old—fast. However, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I had to stay on task and make sure I walked a straight walk. It wasn’t all bad. Recently I’d turned in more homework assignments than I had all year, and I’d learned that Daddy actually knew more about algebra than I’d thought he did. He wasn’t a bad tutor, after all. I missed my cell phone and my social life, though, and my handsome boyfriend, who was busy having a life without me.
“Cool. Have fun,” I said sadly.
“Keep your head up, beautiful,” Marcus said. “It won’t be long.”
“It seems like forever since we hung out,” I whined.
“Be patient. I’ll be right here waiting when you get out of jail.” He smiled.
“You better,” I insisted.
“I’ll even bring you something back from the mall,” he said. “What do you want?”
“Can you just bring me a Big Mac from McDona
ld’s?”
“I’ll see what I can do, Madam Inmate,” he teased. “Now get that science project started, and I’ll see you later.”
“The usual place?” I asked.
“Same place, same time,” Marcus said, referring to our creek in the backyard, “and don’t be late, Indi. I’m not playing.”
“I’ll be on time,” I insisted, and before he could reply, I shut the window and stuck out my tongue.
I would be counting down the minutes until I saw him again.
Sunday after church, it was back to the grind again. The children at the homeless shelter gathered around me in a circle on the floor. Dr. Seuss’s book The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins in my hand, I read to them, and they giggled when I got to the funny parts. I rushed through the ending and shut the book, letting Jade take over with her book. She read them a different Dr. Seuss book, The Cat in the Hat, and they giggled like it was the first time they’d ever heard it. At the end of the story, they clapped, and it felt good. Who would’ve thought that a simple Dr. Seuss story would bring laughter to a bunch of little kids? I didn’t think it was that serious, but obviously, it was to them.
Jade and I washed our hands and headed for the huge kitchen. We placed aprons around our waists and prepared to serve fried chicken, rice and green beans to the residents.
“I’m so glad that you girls are here,” said a woman as she approached us. She looked as if she might’ve been pretty at one time in her life. But her eyes looked worn, and she just looked tired. Her hands were burned, and I wondered if her abusive husband had had anything to do with it. “My daughter used to be just like you. A normal teenager.”
Jade and I gave each other a puzzled look. A young girl who looked like she was about fifteen or sixteen approached the woman. The woman wrapped her arm around the girl’s frail body. Her eyes were so sad.
“I’m Rita,” the woman said. “And this is my daughter, Jamina. We’ve been here for about three weeks now. This is our fourth shelter in two months. Looking at you two gives me such hope for Jamina. I can’t wait until she’s back to being a normal teenager again. She hasn’t been in a long time.”
Deal With It Page 16