by Lee Shepherd
‘Was everything a lie, Charles — or should I say, Jonathon? Did you ever love me and the girls, or was it just all a cover up?’
Tears ran down his face as he replied. ‘I have loved you from the very first day I saw you back in that corridor at Lancaster. And I shall love you, Molly and Fiona until the day I die, Rebecca. I know you will never understand what I have done, and I don’t expect you or the girls to, but please know, and let them know, that I will always love you three, and I will miss you every day until the Good Lord hands me my judgement.’
Rebecca held back her tears just long enough to get out of sight of Charles, then broke down as she realised he had meant every word he had just spoke. Part of her still loved Charles, despite what he had done, but part of her knew that she had never really known him — she never knew about all the hurt and suffering he had been through. She pitied him and, even though she could never get their old life back, she promised herself that she would remember him in her prayers every night. She found herself hoping that one day he would finally find peace and comfort from his demons, and find it in his heart to forgive all the people who had ever wronged him. With that, she left the hospital grounds and never looked back.
Charles was heartbroken and devastated as he was escorted back to his cell, and once again broke down in despair and prayed to the Lord for help and guidance. But, whereas before he’d believed God had somehow guided him in what he was doing, now he felt nothing. He was abandoned by not only his family, but by the one person he thought he could rely on in times of crisis and despair, ever since he first picked up the Bible as a child. He didn’t know which way to turn, and could not see a way out of his torture.
Once he had managed to gain some form of composure he finally decided he knew what he had to do…he would be committing a mortal sin by doing so, but his God had already decided to cast him aside! He decided he was going to take his own life.
He tore his sheet from his bed into thin strips of material, stood on his stool and tied one of the ends to the light fitting that was positioned above him in the centre of the room. Once he had secured it into position he thought about writing a long letter to his wife and children to try and justify his previous actions, but decided against it; he knew it wouldn’t matter what he was to say, as he had caused them too much suffering to forgive. Instead he took a thick grey crayon he had been deemed safe to use, and started to write on the bright white cell wall.
CAN A WOMAN FORGET HER SUCKING CHILD, THAT SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE COMPASSION ON THE SON OF HER WOMB? YEA, THEY MAY FORGET, YET I WILL NOT FORGET THEE.
Charles took one last look at the words he had written, then stood on his stool, slipped the noose he had prepared on the other end of the sheet around his neck, then uttered the words, ‘God, please forgive me.’
He kicked the stool from under him and felt the strain of the noose as it tightened around his neck. Charles didn’t even bother to fight it; his mind was firmly made up. A solitary tear ran down his cheek as he thought of happier times with Rebecca and the children. He hoped they would one day meet again in the afterlife. The last flicker of life exited his body and his existence was extinguished.
***
In one very last cruel twist of fate, a letter arrived the following day, addressed to Charles.
Charles, by this time, had been discovered dead in his cell. The governor decided to open the letter and see if there was a return address. He found the sender’s details at the top right of the page; a Mrs Shelley Winter from Silloth in Cumbria. The governor couldn’t help but read the contents through morbid curiosity.
Dear Charles,
You will not know who I am, but I know you. I’ve been meaning to contact you for so many years I’ve lost count; I just never found the right words to say. The simple truth is: I am your birth mother.
I’m so, so sorry to hear of the horrific upbringing you received as a child. I read all about it in the papers after your arrest. I could’ve prevented all of this from happening. I regret giving you up every day of my life — I was forced to by my parents, but I should’ve somehow forced them to see sense. I’ve searched for you for years with no luck — who knew that, all that time, we had been living on each other’s doorstep? I even kept my maiden name to make it easier for you to find me, even though I’ve been married for many years now.
Yes, I married your father! We grew up and decided that the time was right for us to be reunited. You even have a little brother and sister now! I hope you can one day meet them, no matter the circumstances. I never spoke to my parents after leaving home and starting my own life. I cannot forgive them for making me abandon you.
However, I do beg your forgiveness for what I let them do to me, to us. Please write back. Please forgive me.
With all my love, always,
Your mother
xxx
Author Profile
In this potentially controversial new psychological thriller Abandoned we are introduced to first time novelist Lee shepherd.
After spending years writing in his spare time, producing anything from poetry to children’s stories for his own two children, he decided that the time was finally right to attempt to fulfil his life-long ambition of creating a full length novel.
Lee lives in Carlisle in the heart of Cumbria, having moved north from Lancashire in his mid-teens; he has a first-hand knowledge of all the areas mentioned in Abandoned, and now calls this idyllic setting home.
Although Lee one day dreams of becoming a full time author and screen play writer, he currently spends the majority of his working week caring for and mentoring teenagers in care as a Child Support Worker throughout Scotland.
His hobbies include snooker, boxing, fishing and working out in his local gym whenever the rare opportunity of down time presents itself, in between being a father and a husband to his wife, Kelly.
Publisher Information
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