by Jamie Begley
“Come play, Uncle Tate!” Logan shouted, hitting the mud with a splat.
“Uh … no. Boy, you have enough idiots to keep you busy without me being suckered into that mess.” Tate crinkled his nose. “I’m going to head inside. Holly, do you have more of those spicy pickles you made over the summer?”
“I have a couple of jars left in the pantry.”
“Leave those pickles alone!” Greer shouted, trying to get out of the mud as Tate retreated to the front of the house.
“He’s gonna eat us out of home before that baby of his is born,” Greer complained, using Dustin’s shoulders to heave himself out of the mud.
“Help me.” Holly raised a hand for her husband, which Greer ignored as he slogged through the mud to get to firm ground.
“Get Dustin to help you. He made this mess. It’s every man and woman for themselves where I’m concerned. Tate’s got a wife to make him those damn pickles. He don’t need to be coming here swiping mine.”
“Greer is a little overprotective of his food,” Dustin explained, crawling over the mud to help Holly out.
“I see that.” Jessie shook her head in exasperation as Greer trudged around the corner. “He’s just as protective of Rosie.”
Dustin helped Holly and Logan out before holding his hand out to her.
“Logan, go get in the shower. Hurry up, because Jessie is going to need it next.”
Her sweat suit felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds. Jessie had to hold the bottoms at her hips to keep them from sliding down. “I can shower at my house.”
“You’ll never make it home dragging those pants. Come on. It won’t take a few minutes, and Holly can lend you some clothes to get home in.”
“I’ll leave them in the main bathroom before I take a shower,” Holly said, tugging a reluctant Logan out of the mud.
“I can walk.”
Holly gave her the same firm, scolding look that she always gave Logan. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll make some coffee, and you can have a cup before you go.”
Jessie knew when she was beaten.
Finally managing to reach dry ground, she turned and saw Dustin still trying to get out.
“You could help.”
Extending her hand, she let Dustin take it before using the leverage she had to shove him backward.
Dustin lay in the mud, staring upward at the darkening sky. “God, I should have known better. She pulled the same trick on me when I was eight.”
Jessie didn’t laugh at his woebegone talk to God. “You have to admit that you deserved it. Come on.” She stretched her hand out again. “I’ll behave this time.”
“Woman, you haven’t behaved a day since you used to steal my bottle,” Dustin complained, sitting up in the mud to wrench his boots off and throw them to the side. “You even used to sucker me out of my baby teeth to put them under your pillow.”
“It wasn’t my fault you were so gullible. They were teaching moments,” Jessie spouted out the same crap she still used from time to time at her daycare.
The thought of her daycare took away the fun she was having.
“I should be going ….”
“You’re not leaving me to face Holly alone. She’ll make me eat my dinner on the porch.” Crawling from the mud, he hefted himself to the side, finally freeing himself. “If you’re in that big of a hurry, you can have your shower before I take mine.”
“Okay, but I’m not staying long. Holt and Asher will be worried about me.”
“No, they won’t. They know I’ll take good care of you,” he contradicted her.
“I think I liked it better when we hated each other.”
Disgusted, Dustin removed his shirt, tossing it into the mud. He was having the same difficulty keeping his jeans on that she was her pants.
“Why?”
“It was a lot cleaner.” Not to mention safe to her still fragile emotions. “You look like you did when I painted you green.”
Duck-walking toward the front porch, she almost tipped over backward at the weight of her sweat suit. Dustin put a hand on her back to push her up the steps. Opening the door, he waved her inside, sending Rosie into a burst of frightened tears in Sutton’s arms.
“I just got her quieted down. Go back outside and wait until Logan gets out of the shower.”
Wincing at the baby’s loud wails, she and Dustin made a hasty exit.
As they stared at each other in chagrin, she felt like when she was younger and had gotten in trouble with her ma.
“This is all your fault.”
Dustin accepted the blame like he had done back then. “Yeah, but it was fun, wasn’t it?”
“Maybe a little,” she admitted as the door was opened a crack.
“Jessie, Sutton said you can come in.” One of Tate’s eyes peered out. “Holly put some clothes in the bathroom for you. It’s the first door on the left.”
Opening the door enough to let her slip through, Jessie saw Sutton holding Rosie with their backs turned.
As quietly as she could, she went to the bathroom, taking the leaden weight of the clothes off.
A trash bag was draped over the shower door. Dumping her dirty clothes into it, she tied the ends closed before getting in the shower.
When she was done, she dried off and put on a cream top that made her feel flat-chested compared to Holly. She then slid a pair of olive pants on that fit her much better if you didn’t consider they came to her ankles.
Finding a brush on the sink, she brushed her tangled hair before carrying her trash bag of clothes into the living room. It was empty, but she could easily see that the whole family was sitting at the large table, except for Dustin.
Holly pulled a chair out invitingly. “Have a seat. I’ll make you a coffee.”
“I’ll just go. I don’t want to disturb your dinner,” Jessie hedged, trying to edge toward the door.
“Sit. Dustin’s in the shower, and everyone’s worked up a big appetite, so they won’t be leaving the table anytime soon to take you home.” Holly hustled toward the kitchen, pouring her coffee.
Setting the bag by the door, she moved to the chair.
Thanking Holly, Jessie poured some milk from the plastic jug, nervously watching the others load up their plates.
She was blowing on her coffee when Holly placed a plate down in front of her.
“Help yourself. You have to be as hungry as everyone else,” Holly said, slipping into the chair next to hers.
“I’m not that hungry,” Jessie started to refuse.
“Suit yourself,” Greer stated, giving Tate an evil eye. “I ain’t keen on sharing those dumplings.”
“I may take a spoonful.” Jessie reached for the serving spoon in the large bowl, giving herself a generous portion under Greer’s hawk-like stare.
“I thought you weren’t hungry?”
“I changed my mind. Are those fresh green beans?” she asked Holly.
Holly moved the bowl closer to her. “Enjoy. It’s the last that I canned this summer.”
Jessie gave herself two generous helpings of the beans, seeing that Greer had moved the cornbread protectively nearer to him, like a bone he was afraid was about to get stolen.
“May I have some cornbread, Holly?”
“Of course. Greer, pass Jessie the cornbread.”
She could tell he was debating handing her a piece off the platter, but good manners overrode his greed.
Jessie took two just to piss him off.
She thought for a minute he was going to stroke out, especially since Tate and Sutton both used the opportunity to swipe another piece for themselves.
“Eat as much as you want, Jessie. I have another skillet in the oven.” Holly smiled graciously to make up for her husband’s petulance.
“Don’t let Greer bother you,” Tate spoke up, using a fork to spear two tomatoes that were sliced into sections. “If you think this is bad, you should see how he acts when Holly makes biscuits and gravy.”
“S
he ain’t staying for breakfast.” Greer sorrowfully watched Logan dump the last of the green beans onto his plate.
“Greer save me any food?” Dustin asked, coming into the room with droplets of water still clinging to the ends his hair.
“No,” Greer answered, giving Dustin a beady-eyed stare as he sat down on the other side of Tate.
“The food is delicious, Holly,” Jessie complimented as she took another bite of the cornbread.
Holly flushed. “The only thing I can take credit for are the green beans. Sutton made dinner while she was babysitting Rosie.”
Jessie looked at the happy baby who had pride of place in the highchair by Greer’s side.
“I see her tooth has finally broken through.”
“She’s working on another one. Hopefully, it won’t take as long as this one.” Holly affectionally glanced at her daughter. “Greer and I took turns sleeping at night to get through the last one. Even Dustin volunteered to pitch in a few times.”
“More than a few. Greer just woke me up when you went to sleep,” Dustin said, telling on his brother.
“He’s lying.” Greer gave Dustin a withering look.
“Dad doesn’t lie,” Logan spoke up for his father. “He always tells the truth.”
Jessie felt sorry for Dustin as he stared down at his plate. The room had gone silent except for the sounds that Rosie was making as she demolished the finger foods Greer had placed on the highchair’s tray.
“Yes, he does,” Jessie agreed, breaking the silence. “But he does occasionally stretch the truth when he’s trying to protect someone.”
“Like how?”
“Like when you told Darcy her picture was pretty when everyone in her group said that she used too much blue.”
“I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
“No, you didn’t. Sometimes Dustin does that when he cares about someone, too.”
“Dad, do you like my pictures?”
“Every single one of them.” Dustin made a funny face at him from across the table.
The whole table broke out in laughter.
“I lie all the time. Nothing wrong with that.” Greer ignored Holly’s aghast expression at him putting his two cents in. “Of course, I don’t mind telling the truth when I have to.
“Tate, you ain’t taking that last jar of pickles home with you. They’re mine.”
Jessie was smiling as she walked home beside Dustin in the cool air. Holly had lent her a blue jean jacket to keep her warm.
“I thought Asher was the biggest jackass in town. Greer easily has him beat.”
“He’s the biggest in seven states and proud of it.” Dustin chuckled as he helped her down from the fence.
Picking up the bag with her dirty clothes, she casually swung it as they resumed walking.
“Drake told me today that you’re thinking of selling the daycare.”
Jessie’s good humor vanished. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“It is. My niece goes there, and when Sutton has her baby, she was planning on using the daycare when she goes back to work part-time.”
“Bliss will run it just as well as me. She’s doing it now. The kids love her just as much as me.”
“Greer is going to make Holly quit, or he will tell Knox to find another deputy. He doesn’t trust anyone with Rosie but you.”
“That’s crazy. I’ve worked with Bliss for years. She’s wonderful with the children. If I had children, I would trust her with them,” she argued heatedly.
“It doesn’t matter how wonderful she is. Bliss isn’t you. She doesn’t cut the sandwiches the same way you do. She doesn’t buy the same room deodorizer as you do. She ignores Greer’s texts. And most importantly, she isn’t you.”
Jessie rubbed her forehead, still feeling the roughness on her skin. “I’m selling it. I can’t run it the same way I used to.”
“Why not?”
“Dustin, I don’t want to talk about it!”
“Why?”
His probing had her walking faster to get away from him, relieved when she came to the gravel driveway of her house.
“Thanks for walking me home. Good night.”
She almost reached the porch when she heard his footsteps behind her. Turning angrily, she saw him staring at her solemnly.
“Why, Jessie?”
She swung the trash bag at him, hitting him on the shoulder. “How can I greet the children when the parents bring them in the door? Not all the mothers bring them in. Sometimes the fathers do! What if the man who beat and raped me is one of them?” Yelling, she whacked him with the bag again. “What if, because I was being friendly to him, it made him decide to rape me?”
The longer he stood still, letting her hit him, the more her fury rose.
“I can’t even bring myself to go to church anymore. How can I worship with someone who killed another person and tried to do that to me? He took everything from me!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.
He had badgered her into talking, and now the anger spilled out in a tidal wave of passionate outrage she hadn’t been able to admit to Holt, Asher, or even herself.
Dustin caught the trash bag when she swung it yet again, holding her hand still. “I’ve heard some women say that when they were raped, the men didn’t rape only the body, but their soul. Jessie, you fought like a bobcat for your life. Don’t do anything less for your soul. I don’t believe it. The bastard couldn’t have touched your soul. It’s too pure and strong for that.”
“I’m not strong enough to get through this!”
“Yes, you are. I know you are. Your pa didn’t raise a woman who wasn’t as strong as her brothers. You were raised the same way as Rachel, born on the same fucking mountain. One thing I know for damn sure is that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You just need some time to get your head together like Rachel had to after she miscarried.”
Jessie’s anger evaporated at what he had told her. “I didn’t know she suffered a miscarriage.”
“Only family knew. It broke her and Cash’s hearts. Not only theirs but the whole family’s. Rachel still feels responsible for it, and she’ll never get over it, but that’s not keeping her from trying again. She’s expecting now, and she’s as happy as I’ve ever seen her. That’s what the mountains do for you. You’re bred to make the most of what you have and be strong enough to keep struggling to have more.”
“I can’t. I fought for my life on that mountain, and I wouldn’t have survived without you. I don’t have any fight left.”
Dustin used his free hand to cup her cheek. “Then let me help you find it again.”
Sadly, she took a step back from his touch.
He dropped both his hands to his sides as he earnestly watched her reaction.
“I would have walked on a bed of coals for you … You know that, don’t you?”
His face a tortured mask, Dustin broke eye contact with her. “Yes.”
“Do you know that, right now, I wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire?”
She caught his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.
“You fucked every whore in town. Hell, when you got drunk, you’d offer them a new car or apartment. Me? You wouldn’t give the time of day to unless you wanted to pick Logan up late.” She gave a sarcastic laugh, unaware that the pain she had gone through could be heard in her voice.
“You wouldn’t even give me a discount when I asked you to do my freaking business taxes. I wouldn’t have been a virgin for that son of bitch to steal if you had just texted me one time for one of the booty calls that you send to at least three women in town a couple of times a week. If your head hadn’t been stuck up your ass, we would’ve been married, and I wouldn’t have been living in that apartment building that night. I would have had my own damn house.”
Jessie lowered her voice, and not because she was done yelling at him, but her throat wa
s hurting at the intensity she was using. “I don’t need you to tell me how strong I am. I know how strong I am, you jackass. I’m strong enough to put you behind me. So, you can stop coming over. If Logan wants to come over, let Holly bring him.
“You might be a hero for saving my life, but as a person, you fucking suck. Greer might be the biggest jackass in seven states, but you’re the only one who broke my heart.”
Bitterness welled up so much she couldn’t look at him any longer. Turning back around toward her house, she wanted to whomp Dustin with the trash bag again, because he hadn’t told her that her brothers had come out onto the porch and were listening.
Slowing her angry strides, she sedately walked onto the porch, brushing past them to slam the door behind her. Going to the hallway, she opened the sliding door that exposed the washing machine. Untying the bag, she was dumping the dirty clothes into the washing machine when she heard Holt and Asher come into the house.
Not paying attention to them, she started the machine. “Holt, I’m going to bed. Can you put my clothes in the dryer when it’s done?” she asked calmly.
“Sure.”
At his quick reply, she went to her bedroom. Changing into a nightgown, she burrowed under her covers before she turned off the light.
Pressing her face into her pillow, she gave in to the tears that she had held back in front of Dustin.
She was still castigating herself when she heard a ping at her window. She had to listen to three more pings before she could believe the stupid male was wanting her attention.
Turning the light on as she simultaneously jerked the blankets off, she swung her legs off the bed and stomped to the window to raise it.
“What?” she yelled at Dustin’s shadow.
“You want to go camping on Friday night?”
“You going to bring Logan?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m in.” Quietly shutting the window, she went back to bed and turned the light off. Two minutes later, she was sound asleep.
16
“Don’t forget the marshmallows,” Logan reminded him for the fortieth time.
Dustin opened the jumbo canvas bag, showing Logan the two large bags of marshmallows.