by Jamie Begley
“Night, Jessie, Bud,” Greer said, nodding to them politely.
Dustin got up from the porch, dusting his jeans off, as Jessie walked off huffily.
“Damn, she’s all fired up at you, ain’t she?”
Dustin gave him a withering look. “She’ll get over it.”
“Not without a wedding ring, she ain’t.”
“She’ll get over it,” Dustin repeated. “I ain’t getting married.”
“Why not? Marriage ain’t all that bad.”
“It’s not for me.”
“Why not?”
Dustin said the first thing that came to his mind, an explanation that Greer would understand. “She can’t cook.”
“Ah …” Greer gave him a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. Then he craned his neck to the side, looking through the doorway and into the house before turning back to whisper conspiratorially to him. “Bro, sometimes a man just can’t have it all.”
20
Jessie walked back and forth from her window to her bed, telling herself over and over again that Dustin better not be there. Then she saw that he wasn’t, and went to sit on the edge of her bed, disheartened.
Running her hands through her sleep-tumbled hair, she hung her head down tiredly, her blurry eyes tracing the plaid gray and black pattern on her pajama bottoms.
She desperately wanted to go back to sleep but knew the nightmare would be waiting. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep for three nights … ever since she warned Dustin to stay away.
Hearing a knock on her bedroom door, she lifted her head. “Come in.”
Holt leaned around the partially cracked open door. “Just checking on you. I heard you moving around.”
“I’m fine. Just restless, I guess.”
“You need me to get you something?”
“No, I’m going to try to go back to sleep.” Slipping back under the blanket, she plumped her pillow.
“If you’re sure, I guess I’ll head to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jessie turned her light off when she heard the click of her bedroom door closing.
Her turbulent thoughts finally settled enough that she managed to fall into a light doze, only to jolt awake in fright at a creak that she would have sworn came from under her bed.
Almost knocking her lamp over when she turned it on, she jumped out of bed to run to her chair, hopping onto it and staring fixatedly at her bed, expecting a mouse to charge out from under it.
Biting back a sob, she smothered it with her fist, biting down on her skin to keep from making a sound that would wake Holt.
Rationally, she knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn’t drown out the voice in the back of mind that screamed, What if there’s a rat colony living under my bed?
Quietly, she haltingly got off her chair, running to get her phone off the nightstand, then ran back to the safety of the chair. She quickly scrolled through her numbers, then poised her finger over Dustin’s. Giving a mute sob, she dropped her phone to her lap, unable to bring herself to press the number.
She should have turned on the television instead of grabbing the phone, Jessie railed at herself.
Building her courage, she lowered one foot to the floor when she swore she heard rustling across the ceiling above her.
Squishing herself into a ball, she pressed Dustin’s number, then disconnected at the first ring, hating herself.
“Get yourself under control, girl. You don’t need Dustin,” she was telling herself for the fourth time when she heard a ping at her window.
Using her body, she shimmied the chair toward the window. Raising it, she looked out, expecting to see Dustin’s gloating face.
The bastard didn’t disappoint.
“You called?” he asked mockingly.
“I accidentally butt-dialed you.”
“Really? I guess I’ll be going then—”
“Wait! What’s your hurry?” Her sarcasm had only lasted long enough for him to head out of the reach of the light shining from the inside.
“It’s one o’clock in the morning, thought I’d go back to bed. I have to work tomorrow.”
“You weren’t at home in bed. You got here too quick.”
“I didn’t say I was going home, said I was going back to bed. My sleeping bag is over there in the trees, off to the side.”
“Why are you sleeping outside?”
“Because you told me that you would shoot me if I threw a rock at your window.”
“Oh ….”
“Yes, oh …,” he mocked, taking a step farther into the shadows. “Reckon, I’ll be going—”
“Wait!” Raking her teeth over her bottom lip, she thought over her options. She could let him go and spend the rest of the night jumping at every sound, or she could ask him inside.
It only took a second to decide.
Running a finger over the windowsill, she looked up at him through her lashes. “You want to come in and watch some TV?”
“Nope.”
Her heart dropped.
“I want to come in and get some sleep.”
“Okay.”
Getting off the chair, she pushed it away from the window.
When Dustin didn’t climb inside, she went back to the window. “What’s taking so long?”
“You sure you’re not waiting to shoot me?”
Jessie rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to shoot you, I promise.”
When he still didn’t make a move, she sat on the windowsill, sensing he wanted more from her to ease his pride. It would be easier to lower the window than lower her pride, but she knew from experience she wasn’t happy without him being a part of her life. If she wanted to be happy, like she truly was when Dustin was a friend, she was going to have to drop the shield that she’d been hiding behind since he had thrown the bracelet at her feet.
“When you kissed me the other day, it was my first kiss. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and if I hadn’t been raped, I would have died a virgin before giving it up to another man who wasn’t you.
“I was sitting alone in my bedroom, going through magazines and looking at wedding dresses when you went to your school prom. I look back, and I know it was crazy, but I was sure that sooner or later, you would feel about me the way I feel about you.
“Year after year, I kept waiting, watching you share all the things I planned on us doing together. Then, having to hear the firsthand stories about the things did and places you went with your women, each time I kept thinking: Why couldn’t it have been me?”
Jessie stared out into the starry night, pretending he wasn’t listening to every word coming out of her mouth. “I was saving all my firsts for you, Dustin. If I couldn’t have you, I didn’t want another man. I always, always knew I loved you. Even when you threw our friendship away, I still loved you.”
Rhetorically, she asked the question she already knew the answer to, “You know what firsts you saved for me? Not a single one. I even know you and Sam eloped.” Memories filled with the despair and heartache she had suffered through while staring out at the same starry sky years ago hadn’t eased with the passage of time.
“When children are enrolled in my daycare, I ask for birth certificates. Holly gave me Logan’s. It listed you as the father, and Sam… she signed it Samantha Porter.”
“No one knows. She filed for an annulment practically before the ink was dry.”
“She loved you enough to give Logan your last name, but she didn’t love you enough to fight her father for you. I would have died before I signed that annulment paper, but again, I’m not Sam.”
“No, you’re not Sam.”
Jessie didn’t know if that was a compliment or a diss, and she really didn’t care.
“I’m not going to be your booty call. I can understand you not wanting to get married, but if the time comes and I want to get married and it’s still off the table, I’ll move on. I’m done waiting for you to realize that I’m the woman for you. Either I am or I’m not
, but I’m done pining after you.”
Sighing, Jessie got off the windowsill. “I promised myself I’d rather spend a thousand sleepless nights alone than let you back in my bedroom again. If I can lower my pride enough to let you in, the least you could do is be a gentleman and get your ass in here.”
Stepping away from the window, she twisted her hands together, waiting to see what he would do.
The white curtain billowed out as Dustin climbed inside.
Tossing his hat on the chair, he held out his arms.
She didn’t have to think twice before she rushed into them. She gave another sigh as he closed his arms around her.
“I’m so tired,” she admitted, pressing her forehead against his chest.
At her admission, she felt herself being lifted. Her head fell limply to his shoulder.
Instead of carrying her to the bed, he carried her to the chair, sitting down with her on his lap.
“I thought we were going to bed?” she mumbled.
“I need a few minutes before I can get in bed with you.” He sighed. “Peanut, you don’t know how much I wish I were the kind of man who is strong enough to stay away from you, but I have Porter blood, and God help me, but all Porter men have one quality in common—we’re all selfish.”
Jessie giggled. “I think that Greer got an extra helping of that characteristic.”
“I got an extra helping of that myself,” he said half-jokingly before turning serious again. “If I hadn’t, maybe I would have more willpower to stay away from you. But I don’t, so I’ll take what you want to give me and even let you take a shot at me occasionally when I piss you off. But the next time you lose your temper with me in front of Bud, I’m going to paddle your behind.”
Jessie raised her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “You seem to have a hell of a willpower to stay away from me. I was the one who called you to make up.”
“May I remind you that you shot at me, in front of Bud, and you knew he was in the bushes with Bubba when we were talking about Greer and my dreams. “And exactly when did you call me to make up? I thought you said you butt-dialed me.”
Jessie waved away his concerns. “The radio was on when Logan was talking about your family’s gifts. That’s why I told you to turn it up when I saw them in the bushes—so they couldn’t hear. I told you I’d protect your family’s secrets, and I will.”
“The radio wasn’t that loud that they couldn’t hear.”
She obstinately dismissed his concerns. “I’m telling you that you have nothing to worry about.”
“Jess … if it got out about Logan, it could ruin his life.”
Sighing deeply, she realized she was going to have to reveal one of her family’s secrets.
“Bubba and Bud are half-deaf.”
She nodded at his surprised expression.
“They have to be close to you to hear. They’re supposed to wear hearing aids, but they don’t. Bubba is completely deaf in his right ear, and Bud is completely deaf in his left when they don’t wear the aids.”
“Damn, I’m sorry to hear … I mean … damn. Why don’t they wear them? If they can’t afford them, I can come up with some money.”
“It’s not that they can’t afford them. They have them; they just won’t wear them. That’s why we don’t mention it around others that aren’t kin. Bubba and Bud aren’t exactly the friendly sort, and the family is afraid someone will be able to sneak up behind them.”
“Then they should wear their hearing aids. Why won’t they? Lord knows they wear their hair long enough that no one would know.”
“They couldn’t care less about their looks.”
“No shit.”
“Are you saying my cousins aren’t good-looking?” Affronted by Dustin’s disparagement of Bubba’s and Bud’s looks, she tried to get off his lap.
He slipped an arm around her waist, holding her still. “No one can tell what they look like with all that hair. So, why don’t they wear their hearing aids?”
She had no intention of telling him after he disparaged her cousins’ good looks. “I’m ready to go to bed—”
“Not yet.” He gave her a considering look. “Bubba and Bud are a few years younger than you, aren’t they?”
She hastily shied her eyes away from his, trying to get off his lap again. He tightened his arm around her until she had to sink back farther against him.
“What’d you do?”
Her eyes widened in innocence. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Jess …,” he said in a warning tone. “I can ask them the next time I see them, which is going to be in about five seconds if you don’t tell me the truth.”
She plaintively conceded. “Okay! But you’re going to blame me, and it wasn’t my fault!”
“Tell me.”
“Do you remember the movie Signs?”
“Oh Lord, you didn’t.”
“I merely suggested we should go out into the woods and see if they heard any strange noises on their hearing aids.”
Dustin’s head fell back to the padded back of the chair. Then he raised it angrily. “You told them about the little green men, didn’t you?”
Jessie brought her forearms to his chest, so their faces were on the same level. “Bubba and Bud talked to them.”
Dustin gave a shout of laughter that had her smothering it with her hand, so he wouldn’t wake her brothers.
He pulled her hand down. “What did they say? Take me to your leader?”
Jessie hit his shoulder when the fool wouldn’t quit laughing. Straightening, she then leaned back on the armrest, crossing her arms angrily. “No, that’s not what they said.”
“Okay, what did they say?”
“Well, we don’t know exactly, but they did try to communicate. Then Bubba and Bud took off running, and now they won’t wear them outside the house in case the green men try to make contact with them again.”
“Jessie, you know the green men don’t exist, don’t you?”
“I refuse to discuss this subject with you any longer. You’re a nonbeliever.”
“That’s the damn truth.”
He slipped his hand under her hair, tugging her head back to his shoulder. “Jess, you’re one of a kind.”
Her heart stuttered in trepidation of what she was going to do next.
Placing her hand on his cheek to turn his face, she kissed him. However, it wasn’t the kiss she always dreamed about giving him.
Dustin remained still as a soft breath escaped at the awkwardness she was feeling from stealing a kiss. She molded her lips against his as he tilted her head backward with the hand that was at the back of her neck. But Dustin didn’t try to take over the kiss, leaving her to delicately use the tip of her tongue to explore the rounded fullness of his bottom lip.
“Do you know how many times I dreamed of kissing you?” she whispered against his lips.
“Dream away,” he whispered back.
She pliantly relaxed against him, sinking into him, smelling the faint odor of pinecones and the earthy smell of dried leaves. Still, he didn’t kiss her back, yielding to her without trying to take control.
Breaking the kiss, she stared at him, moving her hand to his hair to smooth the inky strands down.
“Did it live up to your expectations?”
“No. You didn’t kiss me back.”
“You want me to kiss you back?”
“Yes,” she breathed out at the lambert warmth in his eyes.
“What if I still can’t live up to your expectations or hurt you. Are you still tender?”
“Then we’ll have to try again until you get it right, and if even a tinge of pain I’ll stop you,” she answered impishly, raising two fingers on top of each other showing a silver of light through them.
Her playfulness vanished when he covered her mouth with his.
She didn’t feel as if he was demanding a response from her. No, Dustin didn’t demand anything. He took control of her mouth, parting her l
ips with a thrust of his tongue and slipping inside as if he had the right to take anything and everything he wanted.
Dustin had been right. He wasn’t Mr. Nice Guy. He was Mr. Hot and Sexy.
He provocatively sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, running his tongue sensually along the tender skin of the inside. Releasing her lip, he then flicked his tongue against the roof of her mouth, discovering another crevice before coming back.
Lord have mercy, if Dustin made love the way she was being kissed, she was in for a different experience than the one she dreamt about. He wasn’t sweet and gentle. He was passionate and sensual. His kiss taught her the difference between a girl’s dreams and a woman’s desires.
When Jessie realized she was squirming on Dustin’s lap, she broke the kiss, trying to throw herself off him. But he held her, refusing to let go.
“You want to stop?”
“Yes,” she said, struggling to get away.
“Then that’s all you have to say.” He slid his hands away, leaving her free to jump off his lap. “Are you ready to go to bed?”
All the tiredness she had been feeling before he arrived was gone. Now, sleep was the furthest thing from her mind. “I want to watch TV.”
“Go ahead, but I’m going to bed.” Leaning forward, he took his boots off, leaving his jeans and T-shirt on. Then he raised the blanket, motioning for her to get in bed.
Sliding under the covers, she expected him to slide under next to her. He didn’t.
Laying the blanket down, Dustin then lay on top of it.
“Mind handing me a pillow?”
Jessie gave him one, watching as he lay flat on his back, putting the pillow over his eyes and an arm going on top.
“Good night, Peanut.”
“Do you mind turning the light off?”
Dustin rose up, turned the light off, and then put the pillow back over his eyes.
Instead of turning on the TV, she snuggled against him.
“I thought you were going to watch TV?”
“I changed my mind. Good night, Dustin.”
The palpable desire that had risen between them when they kissed had dulled to a sense of security that she was more comfortable with, allowing her to fight off the fear that had risen as their kiss started to spring out of control. That Dustin pulled back immediately fostered the well-being she always felt around him.