by Jamie Begley
“Greer, I’ll Taser your ass and handcuff you to one of the chairs.” Knox shoved him away from the deputies, but Greer wouldn’t stop reaching for the doorknob.
“Greer, stop!” Holly cried out.
That didn’t stop him. Greer was becoming frantic, trying to fight off the deputies and Knox. It became even more chaotic when Tate started trying to peel the deputies off them. Knox let the deputies deal with Tate, who was going as crazy as Greer. Rachel tried to help Tate, but Cash stopped her.
Jessie could only watch in dismay as the Porters fought to get Greer through that door.
“Let me through that door, Knox!” Greer bellowed in despair.
Knox was indomitable in comparison to Greer. His size and expression showed that Greer wasn’t going to get past him.
When the same thought must have occurred to Greer, he started pounding on Knox’s chest.
Jessie started crying harder at Dustin’s brother’s grief.
Knox reached out, surrounding Greer with his arms. At first, Jessie thought Knox was trying to squeeze the air out of him to make him go unconscious, but when Greer kept struggling, she realized that Knox was hugging him, and that Knox was talking to him.
Jessie took a step closer so she could hear what Knox was telling him.
“I can’t let you in there, brother. The doctor said you’d die. Brother, I can’t let you sacrifice yourself for Dustin. Brother, be cool.”
Jessie watched Greer’s shoulders start to shake, registering that he was crying. She looked up and saw tears coming out of the burly sheriff’s eyes.
Jessie walked closer, putting her hand on Greer’s back. She tried to find the words that Dustin would tell them if he could. Dustin wasn’t a man who could express his feelings easily, but she knew he loved his family above all else. That was why he didn’t tell her that he was dying. He wasn’t going to take the chance that she would let it slip out or talk him into telling them. Dustin was determined to protect them to his dying breath.
With that thought, she knew what she had to tell them.
“Greer, Dustin doesn’t want you doing this. He isn’t doing this to hurt you or Rachel.” Jessie was relieved to see that Sutton was finally able to get Tate to stop fighting and everyone was listening to her. All the love she felt for Dustin poured out of her.
“He’s doing it to protect you. He doesn’t want to live if it will cost your and Rachel’s happiness.”
Jessie had always known she had loved Dustin. Every word she spoke bared the depths of that love with them, knowing they felt the same love for their brother.
“I grew up with you all until our fathers turned us against each other. Tate, you’ve always been the one to fight off anyone who would hurt your family. Greer, you did the same fighting off for anyone who came close to hurt anyone you cared about. Rachel, you were right there with your brothers, making your place beside them.
“Your family was always different. I realized that from an early age. The way you treated each other, the way you’re always there for each other, the way you love each other. Even as much as you love Cash, Sutton, and Holly. We’ll never achieve the depths of love you share for each other, because it was engrained in you.
“Your gifts, as special as they are, aren’t your true gifts. The way you feel about each other is. Don’t get me wrong; we know we’re loved because the Porters don’t give a part of their heart away lightly. They make you pay dues by suckering you into loving the rest of the family.
“Dustin’s been fighting this tumor since this summer, yet he didn’t tell any of you because he was determined to protect each of you. I don’t know another man who could face death without telling a single person. He kept the secret from all of you and me. He wasn’t going to let you lose another child, Rachel, to save him. And Greer ….”
Jessie blinked back her tears, determined to make them understand how much he loved them and was willing to sacrifice for them. “Greer … Dustin’s always looked up to you. I still remember him swaggering after you to catch the school bus. From a small boy, he’s watched your healing ability and the cost you have to physically pay for it … He’s only following your example by doing what both you and Tate taught him. It’s the same lesson that he’s passed down to Logan, and all of you are going to pass down to yours.
“Dustin was willing to face death on his own, but God took it out of his hands and has given us the precious time to spend with him, so that the last week he spends on earth can be spent with us. We can be there with him so he doesn’t have to be alone. When death comes, we will all be there with him. We cannot show less courage together than Dustin showed when he was willing to do it alone.”
When Knox released Greer, Jessie shook when Greer turned around, his expression so grief-stricken she didn’t know what to expect. Bracing herself for Greer’s cutting remarks, she straightened her shoulders, determined to show him she could handle whatever he dished out. She understood the grief he was feeling at having to lose Dustin. She loved him, too.
“When you get in that knucklehead’s room ….” Greer gruffly started over. “When you get in my brother’s room, tell him …” Greer met her eyes, showing the million and one things that remained unspoken between Greer and Dustin, but Jessie could see the words as clearly as if they were written on a page. “Tell him I love him, and that I swear on Ma’s headstone that I won’t touch him. Can you tell him that for me?”
“I’ll tell him. Word for word,” she said softly.
“Miss Hayes, you can see Dustin now.”
Jessie nodded at the nurse, then started to go around Greer. Pausing, she reached out and hugged him. His arms went around her, hugging her back.
When they released each other, she went to the door that the nurse was holding open, but Greer stopped her before she could go through.
“Jessie, I forgot to add something else for you to tell him. Tell him that if he dies without letting me see him, I plan to die an old man. But when I do eventually bite the dust, I’m going to kick his ass every day for eternity and twice on Sundays. And make damn sure you repeat that word for word, because it’s going to be the God’s honest truth.”
34
Jessie stared down at Dustin’s limp hand in hers. It was the second time she had been allowed inside his room to see him, and both times he had been sleeping.
His family was still in the waiting room, taking turns to switch with each other. Each time the person that was in Dustin’s room returned to the waiting room, hope shone in their eyes that Dustin had been awake and able to talk to them. Bit by bit, that hope was slowly dying within their eyes, though, bleakness and despair enveloping them, sinking them into a bottomless well. They would look for the person coming from Dustin’s room to throw them a rope to cling to.
“Jessie, your visiting time is over.”
Jessie lifted Dustin’s hand to her mouth, brushing her lips over his knuckles.
“I’ll be back when it’s my turn. I love you, funny face.” She nearly broke down in tears. “If you don’t wake up soon, I’m going to play that song until you do. If you need to sleep a little bit longer, that’s okay. We’ll be here waiting for you. We’ll all be here waiting.”
Leaving the room, she dreaded going back into the waiting area.
As she pushed the door open, expectant faces looked toward her.
“I’m sorry. He’s still not awake.”
They wearily sank back in their chairs.
When Sutton rose to go to Dustin’s room, Jessie realized Tate was no longer there.
“Where did Tate go?” she asked Sutton as she passed her.
“He went to Dustin’s office. He should be back any minute.”
Jessie nodded, taking a seat next to Holly. The woman was exhausted, her head lying on Greer’s shoulder. Rachel and Cash sat in two other chairs that were alongside the one she had taken.
Jessie stared at the clock above the coffeepot. “It’s almost morning.”
“Ta
te is going to go by the diner and bring some food before coming back,” Holly told her, raising her head from Greer’s shoulder.
“No, he’s not,” Knox contradicted her. Standing to stretch, he went to the coffeepot to pour himself a cup. “Lucky texted him, saying he and Willa wanted to bring breakfast.”
“Oh … I forgot.” Holly ran a shaking hand across her temple.
“Woman, you need to lay that fancy recliner out and get some sleep. Knox, get her a blanket.”
Knox raised a brow at Greer. “Do you think I’m stupid enough to fall for that?”
Greer looked like he was debating telling the truth.
Knox gave him a glare as he returned to the chair next to the door.
“I’ll go get one,” Jessie offered. Going through the door that led into ICU, she asked one of the nurses sitting behind the desk if she could have a couple of pillows and blankets. Rachel looked just as tired as Holly.
When the helpful nurse gave them to her, she returned to the waiting room, seeing that Tate was back. He was holding a metal box and talking when she walked inside, but he broke off when he saw her.
When she saw the sheen of tears on his cheeks, her heart started pounding.
“Did something happen? Did Dr. Price come in?”
Tate shook his head. “No.” He raised the metal box so everyone in the room could see. “I found this in his bottom drawer.”
“Did you open it?” Rachel asked.
“Yes.” Tate opened the box. Crushing sorrow filled Dustin’s oldest brother’s features. “It’s where he kept his medicine.” Tate reached inside the box, moving the medications to the side to take out a stack of letters. “He wrote each of us a letter.”
Giving the box to Greer, Tate started handing out the closed letters. He gave Rachel and Cash’s theirs first. Then gave Greer and Holly theirs.
Tate lifted his eyes to hers. “The last ones are for me, Sutton, and Logan.”
Jessie felt as if an ax had cleaved her soul from her body with one stroke.
“He didn’t have a letter in there for me?” she asked huskily.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sure he was—”
“It doesn’t matter. I know he loves me,” she told herself and his family. “I need to go home to shower and change. It’ll be another two hours before I can go back in again. If he wakes up, will you call me, Tate?”
“Of course.”
Jessie gave him a slight smile before abruptly leaving.
She left the waiting room without a thought about how she would get home. She had left her cell phone at the daycare when she left to find Dustin.
Traversing the corridors, she saw a sign that had an arrow pointing toward the entrance of the hospital. It was where she and Holt had come in yesterday.
Planning on asking the receptionist if she could use the phone, Jessie lagged her footsteps, following the sign down the hallway. She turned the corner to find the hospital waiting room full to capacity and spilling out into the parking lot.
When Holt and Asher saw her, they stood up and went to her. Her composure broke when they were close enough to throw herself into Holt’s arms.
“I need to go home and change,” she sobbed onto his shoulder.
“Asher, get the truck.” Holt’s comforting arms supported her as they left the lobby.
Through her tears, she saw how many people cared about the Porters.
Holt held her firmly as they went through the doors. Jessie brushed her tears away when she saw there were as many motorcycles as cars.
When Asher pulled the truck up beside the door, Holt opened it, both getting inside. On the way home, she told them about Dustin’s condition.
Getting out when they got home, they went inside in silence.
Excusing herself to take a shower, she went to her room to get a change of clothes before going to the bathroom. She showered and got out to pull on a cream, long-sleeved sweatshirt and jeans. Brushing her wet hair into a tight ponytail, she went into the living room to tug on a pair of brown suede boots.
“Can I make you something to eat?” Asher asked, smearing peanut butter on a slice of bread.
“I’m not hungry.” The thought of food repulsed her. “I’m ready to go back,” she said, looking at her brothers.
Holt stood up from the couch. “Give us ten minutes to shower, and we’ll be ready.”
“I’m going to go for a walk. I need to stretch my legs. Don’t be long.”
Jessie grabbed her jacket before going outside. The cold air hitting her in the face drove the cobwebs from her tired brain.
Walking aimlessly, she found herself battling back hurt feelings that Dustin hadn’t left her a letter. Didn’t he love her enough to take the time, or did he think she wouldn’t need one? She tortured herself, coming up with reasons after reasons of why he hadn’t.
Finally looking up, she saw that she gravitated toward the tree that she and Dustin had met at when they were younger. The memories had her crying in despair.
Blinking through tears, she saw where Tate had carved his and Sutton’s names, and where Tate had his and Holly’s. Frowning, she wiped her tears away. Someone else had made more marks on the tree.
Jessie fell to her knees when she saw that Dustin had carved his and her initials. Dropping to her bottom, she laid her head on her knees, crying as she stared up at the huge tree.
A bittersweet smile came to her lips when she remembered the hole where she used to hide things that she wanted to show Dustin. She had used the hidey hole to hide the bead bracelet on his birthday. It was the last time she had used it.
Without knowing why, she reached inside, expecting to be bitten for waking any small animals in their resting place. Then she became confused when her nails scratched something plastic. Going to her knees, she grabbed it, tugging it toward her.
A clump of dried leaves came out first, then the plastic bag. It was a freezer bag that had been zipped closed with a cigar box inside.
Sliding the freezer bag open, she took out the box. With a racing heart, Jessie flipped it open to see what was inside.
Curious, she looked at the slips of papers. They were in various sizes. Some looked newer, while others looked older, yellowing in age.
One by one, she opened the notes. Each one shattered another piece of her heart.
When she had read them all, she put them in order, then read through them again, rereading the oldest one first.
- I’m sorry. Your pa hates me. He’s never going to let me marry you.
- Are you going to stay mad at me forever?
- You can have my hat if you forgive me.
- How can I marry you when I grow up if you don’t talk to me?
P.S. I promise I will be a good pa.
Jessie gave a hiccupping sob at rereading that one.
- We’re having a boy/girl school dance. Will you go with me?
His childish scrawl changed into neater penmanship.
- You want to go fishing or to a movie?
- Will you be my girlfriend?
- I kissed a girl last night. I don’t want to kiss other girls. I want to kiss you.
She had to wipe her eyes while rereading the next one.
- I’m trying to wait for you to forgive me.
P.S. I still want to marry you.
- Will you go to prom with me?
- Samantha asked me out on a date. If you don’t want me to, I won’t go.
- I screwed up, Jessie. I’m sorry. I tried to wait. Samantha is pregnant. I’m going to ask her to marry me.
P.S. I won’t if you don’t want me to. I love you.
- We got our marriage annulled. She lost the baby. If you don’t hate me too bad, will you marry me?
- I have a son. His name is Logan. He’s going to love you as much as I do. Marry me? I want us to be a family.
- Why did you bid on me at the auction? Everyone thinks you did it because you were trying to teach your brothers a lesson. I don’t care why. If
you want to go out, text me. Are you ever going to marry me?
She forced herself to read his last letter through blurred eyes.
- I found out today I’m dying. I have a brain tumor. I’m not going to tell my family, so if you read this, don’t tell them. I’m going to write them letters. I want them to know how much I love them.
Jessie, all I ever wanted was to marry you and have a family together, and now it’s too late. I wish I had done things differently. I wish Holt and Asher didn’t hate me. I wish you didn’t hate me because I threw our friendship in the dirt. I regret a lot of things, but I will never regret for one second that I loved you.
Jessie tenderly folded the notes closed, then put them back in the box. She protectively slid it back into the plastic bag, then slid it back into the hole. Rising, she hurried back to her house, where Tate and Asher were both on the porch, looking worried.
“We’re going by the daycare to get your phone before taking you back to the hospital,” Asher said harshly. “We were worried sick.”
Jessie threw herself laughingly at him, nearly knocking them both backward.
“Did you find where we planted our crop when you were walking around?”
“The only thing I’m high on right now is love. Dustin asked me to marry him. And I’m going to accept his proposal when I get back to the hospital.”
The brothers shared happy smiles.
“He’s regained consciousness?”
“No.”
Holt stared at her uneasily, like she had a screw loose. “And he just proposed?”
“Yes,” Jessie said, laughing at the way they were looking at her.
Asher gave her the same look Holt was giving her. “Yep, she’s high.”
35
The inky darkness was one that Dustin was familiar with. It was the same void he was sent to every time he experienced one of his dreams. The same darkness, the same feeling as if he were sliding through layers and layers of dark veils, as if there were something on the other side of the veil that he wasn’t supposed to see.