by S. M. West
“He hasn’t left. We both know it. His main purpose was me.” Max looks at me like a little boy, lost and alone, and my heart hurts. “I reached out to Zero and it’s only a matter of time before he replies.”
I desperately want to close the space between us and touch him. Take away all his anger and concern. His wrath isn’t enough to keep me away and I near him, my fingers barely grazing his stubbled jaw.
He twitches at my touch but stands still. He feels far away, closed off to me, not happy with my news. I get it. I would feel the same way if the roles were reversed. I’d be scared and absolutely against anything that put him in danger. It’s how I felt when he met with his mother. But he did it and I supported him. I only hope he can do the same for me.
Finally, glittering sea green eyes fix on me and my insides clench and sing, happy he hasn’t completely written me off.
“We’re gonna get Ash.” My expression is determined. “It’ll be a bait and switch. He’ll think he’s meeting me, but Van and the FBI will be there.”
“I don’t like this.” His arms slide around my body, crushing me to him as he buries his nose into my hair and whispers, “I can’t lose you.” There’s a strange hitch to his voice as he pulls me in to his arms.
“You won’t. I promise.” A barbed sensation tightens in my chest.
Tommie
Within forty-eight hours, Zero contacts me. Ash has agreed to meet with me. Of course he has.
Trepidation and anticipation weigh me down, swamping my limbs. There is no turning back now. I don’t know when the meet is, it’s their terms.
So I make sure the drop phone, the one I’m using to talk with Zero, is on me at all times. I don’t have to wait long for him to send me the details.
Only a day later, I get a call with an address in Brooklyn. The meet is within the hour. Thankfully, we are prepared and have been for the past three days.
In addition to the phone I use with Zero, which no doubt is being monitored, I have another burner to communicate with Van and the team.
We went over how today would go down at least a dozen times, and that doesn’t include how many times we walked through the plan during the days before the meet was set. I’ll go in alone, keep Ash occupied, and then reinforcements will swoop in and arrest his sorry ass.
Max’s abhorrence for all of this has been evident in every look, word, or movement he has made in the past three days. But he no longer voices his opposition, understanding I need to do this and maybe secretly knowing it’s our last option.
Lightning crackles across the heavy grey sky and the clouds teem and roil. A thunderstorm is coming fast and furious, and somehow, it’s fitting for what’s about to happen.
I’m alone in the car driving to meet Ash, and there are no signs of the FBI or police even though they are there, or on their way. Our HC team is also close by. Van went ahead the second I got the text and Max insisted on going with him even though he has no training.
It was my concession to Max, despite my concern, and I begged Van to agree to it, as well as promise to watch over Max. They are hiding in plain sight, close to the rendezvous.
Ash chose an abandoned warehouse and given he likely knows this meet is a trap, the location could be rigged with any number of things. It took him two days to respond to my request, so we have to assume he set up the location, giving him the best advantage.
I can’t think about that now. All I can do is be alert, remember all of my training and hope for the fucking best.
Cratered asphalt runs the entire length of the dilapidated structure, and save for a black sedan with tinted windows parked at one end, the area is empty. I wonder if Ash is still in the car or inside?
I won’t get in the car. No matter what. That was one of Van’s orders and he’s right. If I get in the car, I’m a goner. Even if I’m the one wired for audio and video. As for inside, I suppose if I have to go inside the warehouse, I will. Outside is best.
As I step from the car, a deafening crack rips through the gloomy afternoon sky. I shudder, slanting my head heavenward, expecting devastation. A fracture far and wide, breaking the sky in two. But there’s no sign of damage; the atmosphere is still intact, fully charged as clouds gather and the wind howls.
I feel his eyes on me before I see him.
Movement many feet away causes me to hold my breath as the large rusted doors swing outward. My hand grips the side of my head, holding in place the hair whipping around my face. A man steps out. Ash.
He pauses, clothed in another one of his dark suits, hair slicked back though lifting at the ends with the force of the wind. As usual he looks unfazed.
Fat raindrops fall, splashing onto my eyelashes, and I blink away the wetness as more rain comes. I step toward him, partly wanting to go inside because of the storm but knowing outside is smarter.
The closer I get the wetter I become. Clothes now cling to my body and I worry about the equipment and wires. Will he see them through the now-soaking fabric? What if moisture damages the audio? Fuck, it’s too late to worry about this now.
Ash doesn’t move a muscle, as if oblivious to his surroundings or the weather. His jacket and pants now stick to his tall muscular frame, but his predatory gaze never strays from me.
I stop several feet away from him. This is close enough. I’m not going inside unless I absolutely have to but then it occurs to me. How can backup arrive if we’re outside? There’ll be no surprise. He will see them coming. Maybe that’s the point and why he’s out here in the pouring rain.
“Thomasina.” He raises his voice above the whining wind. “Not long after you came to live with me, I realized you’d be the end of me.”
He’s told me this before and I wonder why he bothers if I’m such a threat? I force my feet to stay put even as my body wants to seek shelter or move closer to hear him better.
“I never intended to keep you.” He wipes at the water gathering on his face.
He still doesn’t move.
“What are you talking about?” My brusque tone signals my growing agitation.
I don’t like how calm and in control he is. It’s as if all of this is how he planned it. A brewing storm, lightning, thunder, rain. All of it. He’s the one in control and I’m playing into his hand.
Am I?
“All those years ago… what did I want with a girl? I thought we’d have some fun and then I’d kill you just like your parents.” One long stride and he’s closer. Suddenly this large open space seems too small, too tight. “But you proved to be just what I needed. So smart and strong. Even at your age, you astonished me. You are really quite remarkable.”
He’s reverent as his dark, dark eyes drill into me and I fight the familiar feeling of filth. His touch, his gaze, his words used to fill me with shame.
“Why are we talking about this? I didn’t come here to rehash the past. Or romanticize it like you have. I want your word that you’ll leave me alone. I’m not yours. Never was, and I want you to forget you ever met me.”
The wind picks up and so does the rain. I’m almost shouting to be heard over Mother Nature. A wicked grin carves its way across his sinister features.
“I’ll be gone soon enough. The question is whether you’re coming with me. We both know my preference.”
I shake at how cold I am and fold my arms over my chest. No words easily spring to mind. The wet wire and tape scratch against my flesh.
“Even these years apart, it was so tempting to take you back, but I meant what I said—I enjoyed watching you live your ordinary life. It wasn’t what I wanted for you, but it made you happy. Sort of.”
His words strangle my insides. In his sick way, he thinks he cares for me. It angers me. “Stop playing games.”
“You’re the one playing games. You think you can be happy in that life? We are a lot alike. That life won’t fulfill you. And your doctor friend won’t make you happy.”
Somehow during his bullshit speech, he has inched closer to me. I coul
d reach out and touch him and my muscles tense.
“Stay where you are.” Van’s authoritative voice cuts through the wind and rain as if he’s right beside us and confidence blooms within me.
I never saw any movement or indication he was here. Ash doesn’t even bother to look in his direction, but I steal a peek. Beside him is Max, on the edge, figuratively. His expression is both hard and troubled, his mouth set in a thin line and a vein throbbing in his neck.
“Ah, your hero is here. What a surprise.” He spares them a glance and a snarl takes shape, directed at Max, before coming back to me. “Is this what you really want? I can make this go away.”
“What go away? You?”
He winces at my jab, placing his palm upon his chest. “You always know how to hurt me.” A hand reaches for me but I’m quick, getting out of his grasp before it’s too late. “You are the only one.”
Like the crack of a whip or the flash of lightning, it happens so fast. I’m too dazed to see where he pulls the weapon from as dull metal glistens in the rain. Raising his arm, Ash points the barrel of the gun at my forehead, only inches away.
I’m still, statue-like, losing myself in the depths of his kettle black eyes. A sharp pop explodes into the air and Ash’s head tips back as blood sprays, a red mist coating my face.
Warm and sticky.
My nostrils fill with the coppery scent and my stomach roils. Ash’s blood.
His arm, the one holding the gun, veers upward when the bullet hits his skull, causing his finger to press the trigger. Another, louder, closer pop goes off. So close. My head feels like it’s ripping apart, much like the thunder did to the sky.
My knees buckle and my hands cover my now-ringing ears. An arm snags my waist and I fight until his scent hits me. Max. He pulls me to him, one hand holding my head to his chest.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
I feel more than hear his heartbeat. It thunders in my ears and it’s soothing, as is the scent and feel of him. From the corner of my eye, I watch Ry shouting something at Max as he slips a gun back into his waistband. His lips are moving, but I can’t make out a word.
Sirens blare, or at least I think that’s what the sound is, as Tripp and Van followed by several men and women covered in combat gear descend upon us.
Tripp kneels beside the body, pressing his fingers to the neck to check for a pulse.
Ash is dead.
The man who tortured, defiled and hunted me is gone.
I’m empty.
Numb and cold.
I shiver and Max squeezes me tighter to him and leads me toward the flashing lights. An ambulance is parked several feet away from the commotion. Once inside the vehicle, he crouches in front of me, gingerly patting down my arms and legs.
“You okay?” is what I think he says.
I think I say I’m fine. I’m wet and cold but I don’t feel like I was shot or injured in any way. It’s still hard to hear anything with the ringing, let alone my own voice, to be sure of my response. And as for feeling. There is none.
While the attendant checks my vitals and cleans my face, I wonder how he had planned to escape after killing me? Ry and Max would never have let him get away.
An obscure but insistent memory from years ago slithers to the forefront of my mind. It had been right after Ash came back from a trip. It was still in the early days of my captivity and I was too young to fully understand what was happening to me. I still didn’t fully understand the kind of man he was, yet.
I was able to discern from his cryptic conversations with Zero that Ash had almost been caught. He’d slipped from the clutches of the law, but he raged about exacting revenge. And then coolly, almost too calm, he turned to me as I peered up at him, scared but trying so hard to hide my fear.
With that voice of his, the one that always demanded my obedience, he said, “They’ll never take me alive. I’d sooner die than be locked up in a cage like some animal.”
Max
We’ve been in Florence for close to three weeks with Anna and Coop. These past few days, we ventured outside of Florence to the country home of the sculptor Anna works for. The man treats her like his daughter and she’s thriving under his tutelage.
We have one more day here and then Tommie thinks we’re heading home. But I’ve got a surprise for my girl. We aren’t getting on a plane just yet. I extended our stay for a week, alone, in Capri, a small island off the Amalfi coast. I want her to myself for just a little while longer before we have to join the world.
After Ash’s death, and what felt like endless briefings with the FBI and other law enforcement, Tommie was more than numb to her past. It got to the point that she could recount every sordid detail as if counting to one hundred. Something we all do by rote. I had to get her out of there.
In addition to helping the agents working on the Ash Naire case, she offered to go over all the information they’d gathered, verifying what they already knew or filling in the gaps or dispelling assumptions. And as if that wasn’t enough, she also insisted on listening to every single audio tape we still had to examine from the many warehouses we’d wired while watching Taya.
She was manic, and while I understood her drive and obsession, first and foremost as a doctor, I also got it as someone who wanted justice for all my mother had done. But she needed a break or else she was going to break. When we left for Florence, she was dead on her feet.
Our vacation was just what we needed. Everything slowed. Time has become our friend here and every moment with her is golden and magical. Memories I’ll cherish and moments I want to savour.
Tonight’s our last night here and all is quiet, everyone asleep as we sneak out to go swimming. Earlier that day, on one of our many walks around the farm, we wandered across a small natural pool located below the ruined walls of what once was fortified Roman thermal baths.
Now giddy like teenagers, we cling to each other, laughing and whispering as we make our way to the spot.
“What ya think?” She pokes at my side as we undress.
“You need to get rid of your apartment when we get back. Make our living arrangement official. And permanent.”
“Permanent? Why, whatever could you mean?”
“Okay, how about forever? I want us together for forever.”
“I like the sound of that.” She pushes onto her toes and kisses me.
Her plump lips open and her warm tongue slides into my mouth. I taste all of her and a hint of the Brunello we had with our antipasto. Candied cherry, leather and chocolate.
She’s bold, threading her fingers into my hair, voraciously diving deeper into my mouth, and it goes straight to my heart, a flutter and a squeeze.
I could kiss her all day. All the time.
We break apart. “Let’s get in.”
I lead the way and we slip into the warm water underneath the stars, and it’s magical. Tendrils of steam rise into the air, and together, naked in the moonlight, Tommie huskily whispers words as if she’s afraid to say them out loud.
“I want a family. Children. With you.” She slides further into the water, her chin dipping below the surface. “I feel selfish or undeserving just saying that.”
“Why?” My fingers stroke her collarbone and she shimmies closer to me.
“Most of my adolescence was about survival. Maybe even most of my life. Living was my most audacious wish. I’d wanted it desperately. To make it to the other side of life without Ash. To live and no longer be afraid or haunted by those years,” she says, her lower lip trembling.
Under the silvery moonlight, her tears fall silently. “And I got my wish. I’m one of the lucky ones. There are so many out there that never get away. Never get a chance at life. At freedom. To want more seems greedy. Almost ungrateful for what I have.”
“No. It’s not greed. It’s hope. There’s nothing wrong with hoping or striving for something else. And while you got your wish, it wasn’t handed to you. It sure as hell wasn’t easy. You’re forgetting the most i
mportant part of all.”
“What’s that?”
“You played a huge part in making your wish come true. Van may have got you out of that place, but up until that moment and all that came after your rescue was because of you.”
I move us to the edge of the pool, where there’s a narrow shelf carved from the rock. Perching on the edge, I lift her by the waist and deposit her so she straddles me. Her firm, toned thighs rest on either side of my legs.
“You could have easily given up. Succumbed to the horrors done to you and that would have been it. You had years of ongoing therapy. Don’t diminish all of that. The work you did.”
She nods. “It just feels like, how dare I think I can have it all?”
“I’d be surprised, disappointed even, if you didn’t dare to dream.”
She grants me a lopsided grin. “I feel like I can do anything. Have anything, and it’s because of you. I was strong before, but Max, with you… my greatest wish is us. I want you. I want to build a family with you. Start my day with you. Take Gunnar for walks. Do all the normal things together like grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking. Getting knocked up.” I waggle my brows, squeezing her middle, and she laughs.
The vibration of her joy causes her to wiggle in my lap and I groan as my hardening erection jerks against her soft body. She doesn’t seem to notice, or if she does, she doesn’t let my arousal slow her down.
“The late-night breastfeeding, diapers, runny noses, and all. I want all of it.” Her tongue darts out to lick her lip and she leans into me, her teeth snagging at my bottom lip. Her bite is followed by the lick of her tongue and then a suck, shifting into a kiss. We lose ourselves in each other.
Much like we are doing right now on our walk. Our lips break apart, both of us taking in a lungful of air, smiling at each other with our bodies still entwined.
“It’s time we get started on that life of ours. The one you so beautifully described to me. I want that too. I want you and me, Gunnar and kids.”