There was too much going on in that one sentence for me, but that last bit caught my attention. “What pictures?”
“The ones from a few days ago when you were looking at her like you wanted to fuck her.” What the fuck! Okay, granted my inner feelings towards Tara had changed in the last few days, but I hadn’t done anything different.
“Where’s this picture? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She gave me the name of some online gossip site. One of those rags that have nothing better to do than follow stars and other celebrities around like lovesick puppies, spreading their shit all over the place in the name of free press.
I booted up my Mac and found it and got gut punched when I saw my own face looking back at me. Damn she was right. There were about five shots of us leaving the studio. As usual there was a throng waiting to get an autograph and I was just there doing my thing, wishing them all to hell.
Most of the shots were innocent enough, but she was right, there was one that did indeed look like I was hungry and my gaze had been trained right on Tara’s face. Damn! That shit did say a fuck of a lot.
I didn’t know what to say, what could I say? “So, are you fucking her?”
“No, and you know I’m not about to have this conversation. If I were it would be none of your business remember? We both agreed a long time ago that we are free agents. And this little conversation has convinced me that maybe I should do something that should’ve been done a long time ago.”
“Yeah, and what’s that?” I never had any intention on ending shit this way. She’d been there for me in the past as well as I her, and apart from this little out of body experience we’d both been cool with each other and respected one another’s space. But she’d crossed a line with this shit and I wasn’t the most forgiving fuck once crossed.
“I think we need to call this quits.”
“Oh I see, you string me along all this time and now you’re gonna drop me for a fresh piece of ass. Do you really think she wants you?” I was listening to her with half an ear as I scrolled through the rest of the photos and that’s when I got it.
I knew it wasn’t my interest that had set her off, or even the fact that Tara was a celebrity. In the five years we’d been fucking around I’d bedded other women and she never gave a fuck. But when I came across the picture of Tara looking at me, that’s when it clicked.
The by-line was right. Looks like someone else had read between the lines of that look too. If there was hunger in my eyes, there was something more in hers, in the way she looked at me.
It was taken on the same day, but we had left the lot and were heading through the door of her favorite coffee place. I remembered it well, as I was now in the habit of saving every fucking moment with her to memory. Like I was planning on pulling them out later once she was no longer in my life or some shit.
In the shot she was looking up at me while my face was turned, with a very telling look on her face. I’d missed it that day but it was hard to miss now. I looked toward the closed door with my gut in knots and my mind on autopilot. But Zeta’s screeching brought me back to the here and now.
“Zeta cut the bullshit. You and I both know we don’t have that kind of relationship, you don’t get to question me and neither does anyone else. We could end this on a good note or you can stay on this shit.”
I kept my voice down low and tried to rein it in. I didn’t want Tara to hear me and neither did I want this to deteriorate into something ugly. I was more pissed off at her shot that Tara wouldn’t want me than anything else, and it bothered me that I would even care.
I’ve seen the men who swarm around her like bees. All Hollywood types or businessmen with enough money to buy half the known world. I was nowhere near that league, not yet anyway. But she wasn’t looking at any of them like she wanted to climb under their skin and live.
I ran my thumb over her face through the screen. Now instead of that look of sadness that has been plaguing me for days, I had this to take its place. I wasn’t sure which was worst. But I knew that I wasn’t strong enough to ignore both.
In that moment I knew that I’d just been kidding myself that I could walk away. I realized that subconsciously I’d already made the leap, even though I refused to accept it. But the clues were all there.
It’s why in the last few days I’d grown more possessive of her time. Not letting anyone get too close. Killing any ideas she had about going out to meet friends. I see now that I’d been laying the groundwork for when I finally made my move; when I finally staked my claim.
I’d convinced her and myself that it was for her safety, until we figured out where the danger came from, but now I have to face the truth. Seeing the evidence with my own eyes, the way she was looking at me, explained why she hadn’t complained, not once. But just accepted my word for it.
Now I’m thinking that maybe there was more to her capitulation. I’d become such a sap in the last few days, that even though she spent most of her time locked away in her room while we were alone here, I preferred that to sharing her with her millions of fans and the people who always seemed to show up wherever she went.
She never gave anything away, same as I. She’d kept that shit well hidden. But now some asshole with a camera had put it out there for all the world to see. I couldn’t look away. It was as if I were trying to see into her head by staring at that shot.
What did it mean? Her expression was raw, open. And when I went back to mine I saw that same open need written on my face. I felt the first blip of hope and my mind ran away with maybes and what-ifs, before I caught myself.
Dammit Hunter, what the fuck! You’re too old for this middle school bullshit. I went through all the reasons it wouldn’t work in my head, but the thought that I could have her wouldn’t let up.
It had been a long fucking time since I’d let myself feel. I wasn’t afraid of it, of the emotion that I’d been keeping at bay ever since I allowed myself to really look at her. But not being afraid did not necessarily mean that I wanted to jump into the pool.
Still I kept going back to that shot of her. The look on her face said that maybe I wasn’t the only one questioning what could be. That maybe there was more interest on her part than she let on when we were together.
I looked towards the door again, wondering what she was doing this very minute before looking away, my attention drawn time and again to that picture, that said so much.
I’m no expert but I know lust when I see it. And therein laid the problem. What I saw written so plainly on her face was a hell of a lot more than lust. If that was all there was, it would be an easy write-off.
I could fuck her, get her out of my system and move the fuck on once the job was done. But there was something else in that look. Something that made my dick hard and my heart soft. Fuck!
5
I stared at that shot while Zeta finally got around to being honest enough to tell me what she’d been after all along. A noose around my neck, and a diamond on her finger! I was only half cognizant when I told her it wasn’t going to happen and hung up. All my attention was focused on Tara’s face in that picture.
I heard the door open behind me but didn’t allow myself to turn and look. I felt her approach in the sudden acceleration of my breathing, the way my pulse picked up speed and just went the fuck off.
She stood off to the side behind me for the longest time before speaking. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t have to say anything more for me to know that she’d overheard. I closed the Mac so she wouldn’t see what I was looking at. “Not your fault.”
She came closer and stood just behind my shoulder and I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. “So she isn’t your girlfriend?” I wondered how much courage it took for the usually reticent girl to ask such a bold question.
We’d opened up to each other some in the last few days sure, but nothing on this level. I knew if I went down this path, followed the tread of this conversation, we’d head into very murky waters. “No, not real
ly. It was easier to say yes than to try to explain what we were.”
Fine, looks like I wasn’t using my head this go around, my dick had decided to take point on this one. She inched closer and I all but jumped up from the chair and hauled ass out of the line of fire. But I couldn’t shake that look from my head, and what it could mean.
Had she seen it? She hadn’t said anything to me about it, but then again why would she? I’m sure she hadn’t meant for anyone to see it, least of all me. Like me she probably had no idea her feelings were so plainly written on her face.
“So, did she break up with you? I hope I’m not to blame.”
“Nothing to break, it was time anyway.” I shouldn’t have said that shit, what the hell are you doing? I knew what the fuck I was doing when she finally got up the nerve to take the seat across from me.
She didn’t say anything else, didn’t even look at me, just sat there running her finger along the edge of the table. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out there was something on her mind. Then she hit me with a whammy, looks like it was my day for getting sideswiped by females. “Did she see the picture?”
“Come again?” Her face was red as a damn campfire and she looked about ten. She forced herself to look up at me and hold my stare. “I asked if she was mad about the picture.” For someone who spent her days in front of the camera with such poise and confidence, she wasn’t looking so sure of herself now.
“Which picture would that be?” Her shoulders hunched in on herself and she pulled at her lip with her teeth. “The one…the one…” She got up and left the room and I sighed in relief thinking that was the end of it, but she was back in less than a minute.
She held her phone out to me and I was surprised to see not me, but her. It was the shot of her looking up at me. Our body language was telling a story that hadn’t yet been written. I was standing close because that’s my job, but there was no mistaking the protective, almost possessive way I towered over her.
Anyone of my team seeing this would know the signs. I hope like fuck they don’t. After years of me riding their ass about being professional on the job, it wouldn’t do for the boss to break his own rules. But I couldn’t leave her hanging out there like that. It was obvious she was embarrassed.
“No, she saw this one.” I flipped open the Mac and logged back in to show her the picture of me staring at her like she was the beginning of a four course meal. She swallowed hard and her eyes flew to mine. I didn’t look away even though I knew I should.
“I didn’t see that one, now I’m not so embarrassed at being caught.”
“Caught doing what exactly Tara?” Oh you’re really fucking playing with fire aren’t you Hunter? I’d put her on the spot and half expected her to turn tail and run, but she didn’t.
Instead I saw some of the woman she kept hidden from the rest of the world. That strong stock farm girl who knew a thing or two about facing down wild animals.
“It’s pretty obvious what I was doing. I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, or whatever you have. It… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make trouble for you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong no need to beat yourself up. If anything you forced me to take care of something I should’ve a long time ago.”
I thought that that was it when she started to walk away but then I actually saw her gear herself up. She took a deep breath and folded her fists; more like dug her nails into her palms, before turning back to me again. “So, what does it mean? You were looking at me and I was looking at you…”
Could she really be this green? I mean, I’d seen her in action, I knew that she was like two different people when she got in front of the camera, but you’d think after spending more than four years in this fucked up town she’d have lost some of that shine.
“What do you think it means?” She went after that lip again and it was all I could do not to pull it back out with my fingers, or my mouth. Fuck, and the line had finally been crossed.
I’m no hypocrite and I sure as hell don’t lie to myself. I knew once I crossed that line in my head the next step was to make that shit a reality. I’d opened the door and now there was no way to close it again. We were now in balls to the wall, all cards on the table territory.
She looked at me now, pretty much the way the photographer had caught her in that infamous shot. “That we like each other?” She was scared as shit. It didn’t occur to me to wonder why in the moment. I saw it, registered and moved past it.
“This isn’t high school Tara and I just realized I’m done with the casual shit when it comes to my dick. You think long and hard before you say anything else to me about this.” I held my breath as I waited for her next play. I’d give her that much, because only I know what she was in for if she fucked around and let me anywhere near her.
She nodded her head in understanding and clutched at the gold and diamond necklace around her neck before she turned and walked away. I was a little bit surprised to find myself wanting to go after her, but I left it alone…for now. But I knew this wasn’t over, not by a long shot.
I thought you were going to let her make the play? Fuck off! Now I’m arguing with myself. And so it fucking begins, fucking females, always fucking up shit. It didn’t matter how much I castigated her and her whole species in my head, my goose was cooked and I fucking knew it. I suddenly felt like a drowning man in the final throes of death. Fucking sunk!
That was two days ago and now here we are. Yesterday she’d spent all day locked away from me. It was one of her rare days off and it spared us having to face each other. I busied myself with pointless shit because I couldn’t concentrate on anything worthwhile, the whole time vacillating between telling her to scratch everything that was said, and just forcing her to come to me.
She’d taken me back to that childhood boy who always stood in the shadows watching shit happen. I didn’t like it, didn’t like that what I felt for her made me weak. Then I realized that it wasn’t weakness but fucking fear. I was afraid of what she was going to decide.
And today she’s been busy getting ready for this gala here tonight. She didn’t give me anything when we woke up this morning, but it was the first time she had coffee with me outside on the balcony overlooking the sea.
Cool as fuck this girl. She didn’t even look like she had anything on her mind. Meanwhile my guts were tied in knots and my dick was on a low-grade throb because he didn’t know what the fuck…
I think she wore that tee shirt with nothing under it to fuck with my head though. And she did have a secret smile on her face when she went back inside to get ready for the day. I wish she’d let me the fuck in on what she was thinking, but I played it cool.
She’d spent the day in makeup and with some designer who looked like he was twelve. That’s the only reason I didn’t chuck his ass out a window when he kept putting his hands all over her. That, and the fact that his wife was there, sitting in a chair watching him like a hawk. Pretty much like I was doing.
Now the gala was over and the reporters and photographers were lined up outside like they hadn’t moved since we left them there two hours or so ago, doing the same shit. In short, we hadn’t had time to revisit the conversation of a few days ago so I had no idea what the fuck was going on in her head.
I got her back to the car and just before she got in she looked up at me as I held the door open for her. It was that same fucking look again, but it was her words that sealed her fate. “I’ve thought about it…” She didn’t have to say anything more for me to know what was on her mind, it was written plainly on her face.
I couldn’t say shit because I was suddenly choked up, don’t ask me what the fuck that was about. It wasn’t my first time around pussy for fuck sake. But fuck if this didn’t feel new, like I was embarking on something unknown. I simply nodded my head with a, “get in”, and closed the door behind her once she did.
I kept my eyes on the road as I drove her out to the beach where the little bungalow was hidd
en behind a hedge of rosebushes and an iron gate that was meant to keep the undesirables out.
I didn’t say anything as I walked her inside and did a walkthrough to make sure we were alone and the place was safe, but the tension was like a cloud wrapped around both of us.
My dick has been hard since I put her in the car and I was holding on to my patience by a thread. But now that we were here, about to take that step, I knew I had to be very careful for both our sakes, how I proceed. I had to be sure that she understood what she was getting into, because I wasn’t kidding when I said I was done with the casual bullshit.
6
She was standing in the middle of the living room right where I’d left her when I came back. I guess there was no more running from this shit, not that I wanted to. I’d spent the last two days salivating at the thought of what I was going to do to her once she gave me the go ahead.
I’m not sure about her experience, I hadn’t seen much in her bio and I didn’t believe fuck of what I read online. The person I knew was not the flighty bed-hopping hoyden she was made out to be in the gossip rags. I knew enough not to believe everything I heard, but to see for myself.
I would’ve known if she was playing me, if she was putting on an act. It’s my job to know these things and I’m fucking awesome at my craft. She was the real deal. If she wasn’t an innocent, she wasn’t far from it.
That wasn’t the problem though, the problem I now have is worrying about just how much of me she could take, and not just physically. I had the insane need to take her in all the ways a man could take a woman. Something I didn’t have any experience with, but was now beating a hole in my chest.
The need to protect was there sure, but this shit ran much deeper than that. I wanted to fucking consume her from head to toe and that can’t be good for her little ass. The girl was barely five-three in heels. My strapping six foot two, two hundred and twenty pounds would no doubt crush her.
The Protectors Book 3_The Bodyguard Page 3