She let his words ping around inside her head. It was such a broad statement—not quite an apology. Was he sorry for being superficial and not asking her out on a date? Was he sorry for using her body to help him deal with Ivy’s cruel words? Was he sorry for not even caring enough after their tryst, to talk her through things?
She gathered her thoughts. For so long, she’d wanted to have a real conversation with him. “It was probably awkward for you. I had such a huge crush on you.”
He looked at her. “And I was so full of hormones, I was a jerk.”
“You weren’t a jerk. Except, I guess, the morning after we. . . you know.” She’d awoken in his brass bed, the sunlight streaming in through the balcony window, thinking all of her wishes had finally come true. Only to find a note. “Dear Beth, Had some stuff to do. See you around.”
“You have it memorized? How awful of me. I didn’t remember exactly what I wrote, but that’s cold.”
She nodded. “Yes, it was.”
Another long pause hovered between them. “That’s still no excuse for what you did.” Even though he watched the traffic ahead of him, his thoughts seemed elsewhere.
Just like that, a barrier stood between them. She swallowed. “I knew you and Ivy were on again off again. I’d hoped that night meant something to you the way it did to me.” Oh, God. Why did she just admit that? Had sixteen years of him choosing Ivy not been answer enough? “When it was obvious you wanted to pretend it never happened, I realized I was on my own.”
He checked his blind spot and pulled into the left lane. He accelerated past the Volvo that had been in front of them. “It did mean something. I just couldn’t deal with it. My relationship with Ivy was like an addiction. It didn’t make sense.”
She clasped her hands together tightly. Sleeping with her had actually meant something to him. All of these years and she’d never known that. She’d felt used by him, but she’d willingly allowed him to use her. Anything to get close to him. She’d been secretly addicted to him, too.
His cell phone rang and he didn’t hesitate to answer. He talked business with the caller. She looked at the center console that must’ve had twenty buttons on it. Almost like something on the Star Ship Enterprise.
When Parker hung up his phone, it rang again. This time he spoke in short sentences, as if he didn’t want to explain where he was going or when he’d be back. His tone changed. Less professional, more emotional.
That was probably Ivy. She still had him. After he ended the call, Beth looked at him. “How are things with your wife?”
His forehead wrinkled. “Over.”
“What do you mean?”
“None of your business.”
Her spine stiffened. “I didn’t mean to pry.” She faced the side window, watching the snowy drifts forming like dunes.
He sighed. “I caught her cheating on me. I always suspected, but tried to deny it. When I found her piano player buck naked in our bed, I decided that’s it.”
So Ivy had probably slept with that guy at the reunion, too. “Are you getting a divorce?”
“I don’t know if it’s worth the hassle. I’m dying after all.”
She swallowed hard. How could this handsome, thirty-something be sick? “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Only apologize for things that are your fault. I think that’s one of the differences between men and women. When I say I’m sorry, it’s because I screwed up.”
Pondering that, she watched the snow covered cornfields whiz by the SUV. She did tend to apologize just to make other people feel better. That was her job after all. I’m sorry, Mrs. Klem, that we sent you the wrong vitamins. Mr. Stover, I’m sorry your package hasn’t arrived yet—must be a delay with the mail. I’m sorry you’re never going to order from us again, Miss Peck, but what if I threw in a three months’ supply for free?
Parker cleared his throat. His face relaxed. “Let’s not waste our time talking about Ivy. I’d rather think about where we’re going.”
Her heart pitter-pattered inside her chest. “Me, too.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Beth jumped back into the passenger’s seat and held her icy hands in front of the heating vents. “They have one room left, but it only has a double bed.”
Long after the moon had replaced the sun in the sky, Parker had asked her to call four-star hotels about vacancies. After thirty minutes, they’d been forced to consider cheap motels, like this one. “Take it. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Are you sure?” He nodded and she ran back to see the clerk.
Stepping inside their room fifteen minutes later, she noticed prints of Elvis and Graceland decorating the walls. She knew she should visit the exercise room after sitting in the car all day, but she felt wiped out. “Do you mind if I change first?”
“Go ahead. I’ll check the closet for an extra blanket.”
In the dinky bathroom with one burned out bulb, she brushed her teeth and slipped into her flannel nightshirt. When she opened the door, she quickly dove for the bed and covered herself with the comforter so he wouldn’t see her bare legs. Hiding her body had become a habit.
A few minutes later, dressed in sweatpants and a red and white Hoosiers T-shirt, he emerged from the bathroom. He grabbed a pillow off the bed and tossed it on the paisley couch. More awkward silence hovered between them. “Good night.” He turned off the light and made his way to his spot in the dark.
The wall unit heater clicked and hummed, but the room remained chilly. Beth snuggled under the thin bedspread. “Did you find a blanket?”
“No. I’ll be fine, though.” The springs squeaked, telling of his struggle to find a comfortable position.
A streetlight forced its beam through the gap in the curtains. She sat up and looked at Parker. His silhouetted feet hung over the edge of the sofa. “This is silly. I can share.”
“I’m okay here.”
“Seriously. We’re grown ups. Come over here.” She flipped down the covers on the empty side of the bed.
He hesitated. “What about your boyfriend? Won’t he mind?”
“What he wants no longer matters to me.” The announcement surprised even her.
Parker sat up and cocked his head. “Well, if you’re sure. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
She waved him over. He gingerly slipped onto the far side of the mattress. She put her back toward his. Less than a foot of space separated them.
All keyed up about meeting Hannah, Beth couldn’t fall asleep. She listened to Parker breathe. The intimacy of this moment confused her. She needed approval--especially after Drew’s rejection and the potential rejection from Hannah. She needed someone to accept her for who she was. But just today Parker had said she had no excuse for what she’d done. She grinded her teeth just thinking about it.
He turned over. “I’m so excited about tomorrow, I can’t relax.”
Her jaw loosened. She faced him and whispered, “Me, too.”
“Want to talk about what happened between you and your boyfriend?”
She blinked her eyelids, trying to focus. His face remained shadowy. She decided to keep it vague, not wanting to blather on about longing to marry and start a family. “A lot of issues have been adding up for a while.”
“It’s hard when you realize it’s time to end things.” His voice signaled understanding.
“If I did call it quits, it would be the first time in my life I’ve been the one to break up with the guy. I’m used to being the one dumped.” She laughed at herself. “That’s what happens when you’re fat.”
“You’re not overweight anymore.”
“But I still feel like the fat girl. Inside.” Their faces were only inches apart. He didn’t act like the enemy at all. God, she was so mixed up, she actually wanted him to kiss her.
Of course he didn’t. He kept talking instead. “You’ve seriously never dumped anyone?”
“No. There haven’t been that many relationships to begin wit
h.”
“How many boyfriends have you had?”
She swallowed her embarrassment. “Define boyfriend.”
He laughed. “You know. Someone you dated, kissed, slept with.”
She’d dated five guys. Kissed six, if you counted Timmy in fourth grade. Only slept with two. After an unwanted pregnancy right out of the gate, she hadn’t been quick to jump into bed with anyone. “If you require all three of those things, then Drew’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
“What?” He propped his head up with his bent elbow. “I’m supposed to believe you’re in your thirties and only had one boyfriend?”
“I dated one guy in high school, but we never. . . you know.”
“What about college? Everyone sleeps around in college. I did until I met Ivy.”
She didn’t answer. Ivy always seemed to come between them.
He studied her. “Come on. How many guys have you been with?”
“Only two.”
“Two? Bullshit.”
Her face warmed. He’d figure it out soon.
“Wait a minute. You’re living with a guy now. I’m assuming you two have sex.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“And you and I had sex.”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s two.”
She inhaled deeply. She wanted to hide her face under the sheet. “That’s right, Sherlock.”
“You’re telling me you didn’t sow your wild oats in college?”
“Nope.”
“So that time with me. . . you were a virgin?”
The word still made her cringe. She closed her eyes. “You were my first.” She dared to open her lids to witness his reaction.
He sat upright and put some distance between them. “I thought you were just shy.”
“I was.” Her heart thudded. “But I was also clueless. My parents actually pulled me out of health class in school when they covered sex ed.”
He covered his face with his hands. “Shit. I seriously took advantage of you.”
She sat up so they were on the same level. “I wanted you to.”
He dropped his hands and studied her. “I don’t know what to say. If I had known, I wouldn’t have. . . .”
She shrugged. “Now you know. Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about your many conquests, Romeo.” They both chuckled.
“I’m kind of ashamed of it now. But back then, if a woman wanted to throw herself at me, I didn’t see any reason to say no.”
“That’s called being male, I believe.” She teased, yet she hated to think she’d been one of those women. Just another number. Should she believe what he said in the car earlier? That with her, it was special?
He interrupted her thoughts. “Now I worry that it meant more to them than it did to me.”
“Since you married Ivy, though, you haven’t been with another woman?”
“I’ve been faithful, even though I suspected she wasn’t.” He let out a breath. “I take wedding vows seriously.”
“Me, too.” The fact that he’d been with plenty of women didn’t shock her. He was definitely a ten in a world filled with sixes and sevens. “I told you about my first time. Now you tell me about yours.”
“That’s embarrassing.”
“I know. Tell me. It’s only fair.”
He cleared his throat and paused as if considering whether to divulge his personal history or not. “Well, I’d had a crush on this woman who lived in our neighborhood since I was fifteen. She was twenty-eight and had the kind of body I’d only seen in Playboy. She was divorced and never had kids. To an adolescent boy, she was a dream, but she was never anything but polite to me. Until high school graduation.” He smiled at the memory.
“You’re telling me you were a virgin all through high school?”
He nodded. “Anyway, she came to my graduation party and told me she had left my present at her house. She told me to stop by after everyone left. I walked over there and she answered the door in this black silk robe. I blushed and looked at my feet, but she acted like it was no big deal. She took my hand and pulled me inside. Said she’d had her eye on me for a while, but had been waiting for me to grow into a man. Well, that day, I became a man.”
Beth didn’t know what to say. “Lucky you.”
“She taught me everything I know about pleasing a woman.”
Beth felt the heat flushing her cheeks and hoped he couldn’t tell. He reached forward and brushed a loose strand of hair out of her eyes. At his touch, a thrill zinged throughout her nerve endings.
His palm warmed her cheek. “We’d better get some sleep.” He hesitated as if he wanted to say something more. “Good night.” Then he rolled over and left her with goose bumps--even more keyed up than before.
# # #
The next morning, Parker woke to the sound of Beth taking a shower. When she exited the bathroom, her naturally blonde hair shone and her eyes seemed especially blue. He forced himself to look away. He rifled in his suitcase for his clothes—jeans and a rugby shirt. When she passed by him, she smelled fresh and citrus-y. Was that her shampoo or shower gel? Part of him longed to find out. He distracted himself by searching for his socks. “Where do you want to go for breakfast?”
“It doesn’t matter. I brought some diet granola bars.”
“Diet granola? That sounds horrible. When’s the last time you ate a waffle?”
“I make Drew’s niece waffles sometimes, but I don’t allow myself a taste.” She shrugged. “It’s been a long time.”
“Remember how I said sometimes you gotta live a little? You never know which is your last meal.” People didn’t understand how to enjoy all of the simple pleasures. Why did it take a diagnosis of Huntington’s or cancer to make a person savor every bite?
Her face grew somber. “I guess I couldn’t be held responsible if you forced me.”
He reached for her wrist and gently twisted it behind her back. “You’re coming with me, lady. Don’t try to resist.” He attempted to sound like a gangster in a movie. Touching her soft skin sent electric jolts up his arm and straight to his heart. He let go quickly.
She smiled at his antics. “I do love waffles.”
They asked in the hotel lobby for a place to eat. The clerk, an elderly gentleman with a stooped back, didn’t hesitate. “It’s a little ways into town and therefore most tourists miss it.”
After listening to the fairly simple directions, Parker handed the man a generous tip. “Thanks. We don’t want to miss a thing.” He looked at Beth and winked. “Right?” Shit. Why did he wink at her?
As they drove toward a small town eclipsed by Memphis, he realized that Beth had been the only woman to ever pull away from him. Until the Leadership Club reunion, it had been years since he’d tried to kiss anyone besides Ivy. Before he’d settled down, though, one-hundred percent of his advances had been welcomed.
He glanced over at her. She still had a few freckles sprinkled across her nose. So cute. She didn’t look a day past twenty-five.
Catching him watching, she frowned. “What?”
He forced his eyes to focus on the two-lane road in front of him. “Nothing.”
“You were staring at me. Why?” She flipped down the sun visor to check herself in the mirror. “Is there something on my face?”
He laughed. “Yes.”
“Where? What is it?” Leaning closer to the mirror, she squinted.
“On your nose.”
“What? I don’t see it.” She brushed at her face.
“Your freckles.”
She pushed his shoulder playfully. “You had me worried.”
“Beth, you have nothing to worry about.” Silence surrounded them. Had he done it again? Let down his guard? Big mistake. Just like climbing into bed with her last night and talking about their sexual histories. Huge mistake.
“I have tons of things to worry about. I’m about to meet the baby I gave away years ago. Maybe she’ll hate me. Maybe she should.�
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He didn’t offer her any comfort. Everything in his life would’ve been so much better had he experienced fatherhood. His short life would’ve meant something. It was still Beth’s fault. How could he ever forgive her?
She took a deep breath. “Okay. I guess I deserve that. The silent treatment. To be honest, back in college, I didn’t for one second think that you’d want to hear you’d gotten me pregnant. All I knew was that if I kept the baby when I was eighteen, then my whole life would be over. No more college. No career. I was afraid I’d resent her.” She waited a beat before finishing. “I assumed you’d feel the same way.” Pursing her lips, she stared out the side window. “I guess I shouldn’t have assumed I knew what you wanted.”
He blinked quickly, trying to stay focused on the country road. Finally she admitted that she’d been presumptuous. She’d made all of the decisions, cutting him out of his own destiny. Worried his voice might crack, he didn’t speak.
“If I had told you, what would you have done?”
Even though Hannah had basically asked the same thing, the question still threw him. He’d been married. He’d hoped to build a family with Ivy and a business with what was left of his inheritance. “I don’t know. I like to think that I would’ve stepped up to the plate. But I can’t imagine that Ivy would’ve wanted to raise someone else’s child.” Perhaps the baby would’ve saved him from years in a lackluster marriage. Forced them to split earlier. “I would’ve paid what I could in child support.”
She didn’t respond.
He paused a moment. “If you and I both agreed to adoption, I would’ve liked to help select the parents.”
Tears shone in the corners of her eyes as words tiptoed out of her mouth. “That would’ve been nice.”
He’d never seen Beth on the verge of crying before and it softened his heart. “I would’ve wanted an open adoption, though. I would’ve stayed involved as much as possible. And there’s no way I would’ve let some family in Texas adopt her.” He was so distracted by his pain that he drove right past the Sunnyside Diner. “Shit.” He turned around, parking on the street.
“They lived in Indiana at the time,” she said as they climbed out of his not-so-white SUV. Dirt and salt clung to the paint as a reminder of the long road they’d taken to get here.
A Weekend Getaway Page 19