by Lola StVil
She turns to me with tears shining in her eyes.
“You do what’s best for the mission,” she says in a shaky voice.
She blinks away the tears and gives me a sad smile and then she takes off before I can respond. I’m kind of glad. I mean, what could I have said to that?
I go back into the loft and head for the lounge. The textbooks sit on the others’ laps, but no one is looking at them. An uneasy silence fills the air and all eyes are on Kane, who stares back at the team looking…uncomfortable would be the closest I could come to describing it.
What now?
“Langston’s right,” Regal says to Kane.
“We should never have doubted you. I’m still not quite ready to sign up for your fan club, but I know you didn’t poison me, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d betray us.”
Kane shifts awkwardly where he’s sitting.
“In hindsight, poison is a bit sophisticated for Kane,” Perry jokes.
Kane laughs along with the team, nodding his head in agreement, and the uneasy silence drifts away.
I know what Kane’s uneasiness was all about now. The team is apologizing to him for doubting him, and he had no idea how to respond to being thanked and welcomed.
Kane goes to stand up.
“Umm, I should go then,” he says.
“Don’t even think about leaving,” I say.
He glances at me, but he makes no move to leave.
“Look, tomorrow is going to be dangerous. Let’s enjoy one night together before then. Okay? We’ll take the night off and chill,” I say.
I think with everything that’s happened today, it’s what we all need. And there’s no way I’m letting Kane escape now that the team is starting to see the version of him that I see. Even if that makes him uncomfortable, he’s stuck with us now.
“You know what we should do?” Tracey says to Saudia.
Saudia shakes her head.
“We should go to a club. Drink, and dance, and blow off some steam.”
Saudia grins. “I’m in,” she says.
She looks at the rest of us. “You guys coming?” she says.
I feel myself nod. “Yeah. Just give me five minutes to go put the map somewhere safe,” I say.
As I leave the room, I hear Langston.
“I’m going to pass. I’m just going to have an early night,” she says.
I make my mind up to go and talk to her after I find somewhere in my room to put the map. Langston is barely in her room when there’s a knock on her door.
“Are you okay?” Perry asks her.
“Yes. I just don’t feel like going to a club,” Langston says.
“Okay. I’ll stay with you, and we’ll watch a movie or something then,” Perry declares.
I smile to myself. He’s smitten. I hope Langston doesn’t break his heart.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m a big girl, and I’ll be fine on my own,” Langston says.
“I know. But it’s not like you to miss out on an excuse to go clubbing. So, unless you tell me what’s wrong, you’re stuck with me,” Perry says.
“It just feels wrong, you know? Going to a club and dancing and having fun so soon after Drew died. I guess I feel guilty because you’re right. I do want to go,” she admits.
“So, come on then,” Perry says. “Langs, sitting around here moping isn’t going to bring Drew back, and I’m sure he would want you to live your life. You sacrificed everything for him, including your own life. You have nothing left to prove.”
“I feel guilty…having feelings for someone…so soon,” Langston stutters.
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. You realize you’re talking to a guy who had feelings for several girls at one time, right?” Perry says.
He’s done it again. He’s said something I’m sure will make everything worse, but instead, Langston bursts into laughter.
“Fair point. Screw it, let’s go. But first, I have to ask you something. Exactly how many girls were you screwing at one time?”
I hear them move out into the hallway.
“I’ll tell you, but you have to promise you’ll still respect me in the morning,” Perry responds.
Langston laughs again.
“Hell, I don’t even respect you now,” she replies.
I’m willing to bet that’s a lie. She’s clearly into him, and I hope they find a way to make it work.
I realize everyone is going to be waiting for me, and with a last glance at the map, I shove it in my sock drawer. It’s an awful hiding place, but it’s as good as anywhere else.
I put on a quick slick of lip gloss and rush down to the lounge. Saudia and Tracey have already left for the club.
“It’s a terrible idea going to a club tonight knowing what we have to do tomorrow. Which is why I think we should all go. We owe it to Remy to go out and live our lives and drink a toast to her,” I say.
Langston whoops and gets to her feet.
“That’s the best idea you’ve had in ages, Atlas,” she says.
“I’m just going to stay here. I need to be alone for a while. You guys go and have fun,” Regal says.
“Come on, Regal, don’t be boring,” Perry says.
Regal shakes his head.
“You guys go on ahead, and I’ll catch up,” I say.
Kane looks at me, and I can tell he’s angry, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut. He kisses my cheek.
“Call me if you need anything,” he says quietly into my ear.
He steps away.
“Don’t be too long, Atlas. As the leader, it’s only fair the drinks should be on you,” Kane says with a slightly forced grin.
He heads for the door with the others and silence falls on the loft.
“Remy would want you to live your life, Regal,” I say quietly, thinking of what Perry said to Langston only moments ago.
“I know,” he says. “And I will. Once Quinn is dealt with. Until then, it doesn’t feel right. It feels like we’re forgetting her. And I know that’s not what the team is doing, but I can’t go to a club and pretend like everything’s okay, because it’s not.”
I can hear the emotion in his voice, and as much as I want to go to the club, I can’t just leave him alone here like that.
“You’re right. It’s not okay. Not at all. So, let’s stay here and talk instead,” I say, sitting down beside him.
“I’d like that, Atlas, but don’t stay because you’re the leader and it’s your job. I don’t want to be someone you have to handle.”
I nudge him gently with my elbow.
“I think we both know how much I care about you, Regal. I want to stay not just as a leader but as a girl who cares about you—in a platonic kind of way. Is that okay—if we are just friends? The truth is I don’t have a lot of those.”
“Neither do I,” he admits as we sit side by side.
“I miss her,” he says after a while.
I place my hand on his shoulder, but I don’t say anything. Friends don’t need words.
Regal sits stiffly, his back straight, staring at the wall in front of him. I want to hug him, but I don’t want to lead him on. I’m starting to think I was the wrong person to stay behind with him. The tension between us is almost palpable, and I don’t think he is going to feel comfortable opening up to me about his feelings after I rejected him. But he did ask me to stay as his friend, and I am his friend.
“I miss her so much. Every day, something still happens where I make a mental note to tell Remy about it and then I remember,” Regal says finally.
His voice makes me jump.
“It’s hard, I know. When my mom died, I felt the same. Something would happen, and I’d be excited to rush home and tell her about it, but then I’d remember that she wouldn’t be there,” I say.
Regal turns to face me, and I face him too. I tuck my leg underneath my body and put my arm on the back of the couch, and he does the same.
“How did you do it, Atlas
?” he asks.
“Do what?” I ask.
“Forgive Kane for killing your dad. I think if I could let go of some of the anger at Quinn it might help, but I just can’t. Every time I think of her, I’m filled with a rage and a despair that’s so intense I feel like I might explode,” he says.
I shake my head.
“I don’t know. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just happened. I started to forget the bad things and see the good in Kane. I saw that the version of him that killed my father wasn’t the real him. And we both know that this version of Quinn isn’t the real her,” I say.
“Isn’t it?” Regal asks. “Because from where I’m standing, no one had a gun to her head. She willingly accepted the role of the Keysu, and let’s not forget that the Keysu’s job isn’t to slaughter the whole team. It’s to kill the Seeker. Kane went after the rest of the team because he couldn’t bring himself to kill you. I get that. But Quinn doesn’t have any affection for you. She chose to do this in the most inhumane way possible.”
“Her heart was broken. She felt betrayed. That combination can do strange things to people,” I reason.
Regal snorts.
“Well, I’m upset now. Maybe I should go and torture her family. Oh, that’s right. It wouldn’t work, because even they can’t stand her, not like she’d even care,” he says angrily.
He sighs and rubs his hand over his face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m so lost. I don’t have a family anymore, Atlas, and that kills me deep inside,” he says.
My heart breaks for him. I know that feeling all too well. But I don’t feel alone anymore because the team is my family now.
“You do have a family, Regal. Remember when my dad died? You told me I’d always have a family because the team is my family. Well, we’re yours too. You’re not alone in this,” I say.
His hand moves along the back of the couch and covers mine. He smiles sadly at me and then he leans towards me, his other hand coming to settle on my shoulder.
When I was at my lowest, Regal kissed me, and it did help. For that moment while we kissed, I forgot everything, and part of me wishes I could do the same for him now, but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to him, and there’s no way I could do that to Kane.
I clear my throat and pull back.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
He folds his hands in his lap and turns to face the front again.
“It’s okay,” I say.
I keep my voice firm but gentle.
“We’ve been through this, Regal. I don’t feel that way about you. I love you, but only as a friend. Is that okay?”
He smiles then.
“Not really. But I’ll take what I can get,” he says. “I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. You’re worth the trouble.”
“Hey. I’m no trouble at all.” I laugh.
He laughs with me. He turns back to me, and the smile stays on his face.
“Thanks, Atlas. Now you should go,” he says.
I shake my head. “It’s okay. I’ll stay,” I insist.
“Really, I’m fine. Go to the club with the others and enjoy yourself. You deserve it,” he says.
I do want to go, but I can’t just leave him.
“Seriously, give a guy some space to nurse his bruised ego. I need a bit of time on my own. Please.”
“Okay,” I finally agree.
I stand up and bend down to kiss the top of Regal’s head.
“We won’t be too late,” I say.
As I reach the door, Regal calls after me.
“Kane is a very lucky guy.”
I walk into the club. It’s busy but not so busy that I can’t spot the team. They sit on a few low couches around a table that’s loaded with various drinks and shots. I push my way through the people who stand around drinking, laughing, and dancing. The music pounds away and I feel my mood lift instantly, some of the tension of the last few days pouring out of me.
I reach the team and squeeze in between Kane and Perry.
“How’s Regal?” Perry asks.
“He’s okay,” I say. “Not fantastic, but okay. And that’s the best we can hope for right now.”
The team falls silent. I don’t want to kill the mood. We need to have a bit of fun.
“So what’d I miss?” I ask.
“Not much.” Saudia grins. “Just Perry trying to do some dance move that ended with him on his ass.”
“I didn’t see you doing any better.” Perry grins.
“That’s because I have more sense,” Saudia replies, laughing. “I know I have no rhythm and I’ve made my peace with that.”
“Remember that time we were in here and Remy disappeared?” Langston said. She turns to me. “We thought she’d gone to the bathroom, but when she came back, she had an inflatable banana and a pint of milk with her. She didn’t give any explanation, and she seemed confused about why we thought that was odd.”
I laugh along with the team.
“To Remy,” Tracey says, picking up a shot and holding it in the air.
We all reach for the shots.
“To Remy,” we chorus and down the drinks.
“How about the time she went for a walk and came back with a sock, a goat, and a tin of red paint.” Perry laughs.
We all down another shot.
“That was nothing compared to the time she dragged us all to Fiji because she got it into her head there was a tribe of leprechauns there who had discovered the world’s first truly waterproof mascara,” Saudia says.
Langston snorts.
“Their faces when she announced why we there. I must admit I was kind of disappointed it wasn’t true.”
We down another shot.
“I’m going to get more shots,” Kane announces.
“I’ll go with you,” I say, ignoring the kissy noises the team makes.
We go to the bar, and Kane orders one hundred shots of sambuca.
“A hundred?” I say.
He shrugs. “Remy sounds pretty random. I’m guessing there’s going to be a lot more stories,” he says.
I smile.
“I didn’t know her as well as the rest of the team obviously, but yeah she was random, but in the nicest possible way. And no matter what she had going on, you could always rely on her to drop everything and be there for everyone,” I say.
Kane picks up two of the shots from the bar and hands me one.
“To Remy,” he says.
We down the shots and make our way back to the team carrying two trays each.
“Holy shit,” Perry says when he sees the number of shots we have. “It looks like Kane is still trying to kill us all.”
Kane grins and hands Perry two shots.
“Yeah. And you’re top of the list. Drink,” he says.
Perry drinks one of the shots and winces.
“And the other one,” Tracey says.
He shakes his head.
“Down it, down it,” Saudia chants.
Perry knows he’s fighting a losing battle, and with a shrug he downs the other shot.
“You’re all forgetting the weirdest thing Remy ever did,” Saudia says. “Remember that time when she turned up to that party wearing a wedding dress? She didn’t even have a boyfriend at the time, so naturally, there were questions. She said it was too pretty to only wear for one day of your life, so she bought it and she planned on getting her wear out of it. She wore it every day for the next few weeks. I don’t think she even noticed the weird looks she got.”
“I don’t know how, but somehow, she pulled it off too,” Langston adds.
We down another shot.
“What about you, Atlas? I know you haven’t been around her as long as the rest of us, but that wouldn’t have stopped Remy being weird around you,” Perry says.
I smile. I know the moment I realized Remy was different from anyone I had ever met before.
“I hadn’t known you guys very long. I think
around a week. Remy came into my room one morning completely unannounced. She handed me a little pot of glitter. She didn’t explain or anything, she just smiled at me and left. I stood for hours trying to work out what it was for.” I laugh.
We all drink again. I can feel my head starting to spin.
“She really was the best,” Langston says.
She raises another shot, and we all join her.
“To Remy, who was by far the weirdest person I’ve ever met,” she says, and we all drink.
“I still can’t believe she’s gone. And I don’t think I’ll ever really accept that it was Quinn who killed her,” Perry says.
“Speaking of Quinn, what are we going to do about her? Regal isn’t going to hold off much longer on his plan for finding her,” Langston says.
“Look, let’s not talk about Quinn. Just for one night. Okay? We’ll worry about her once we’ve got the staff,” I say.
The others nod their agreement.
“If we’re not going to talk, then we’re going to drink,” Tracey announces.
Another couple of shots and I can feel the effects of the alcohol. I rest my head on Kane’s shoulder. He puts his hand on my thigh and gently squeezes it.
“Oh no,” Saudia says, shaking her head dramatically in our direction. “None of that sappy shit. We came here to party.”
She grabs Kane’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go dance,” she says, tugging at him.
“No way,” he says. He looks at me as if he expects me to help him. I push on his back.
“Go on, have fun.” I grin.
He realizes he isn’t getting a way out from me and he shakes his head.
“Fuck it, why not?” he says.
He allows Saudia to pull him to his feet and he follows her to the dance floor. He doesn’t look overly happy about it, but he goes along with it. I watch him as he walks away. Okay. I admit it. I watch his ass as he walks away.
Saudia leads him onto the dance floor and turns to face him. He takes her hand and spins her into his arms. She laughs, shocked that he has some moves. I watch them for a moment. Saudia was right about having no rhythm. At best, they look like two dads dancing off at a wedding, but they’re having fun. I can hear their laughter from here, or at least I feel like I can.