by Tracy Sharp
And that’s what I did.
Jack called me when I got home, offering to come over. I told him that I just wanted to sleep. He knew Callahan was gone and offered to stay on my couch, as he’d done many times before. I thanked him but declined.
Lucas called. He was harder to turn down, but I really had nothing to offer except for my foul manner.
“It’s been a hell of a day, Lucas. I just want to cuddle in and sleep.” I lay on my bed, stroking Pango’s fur as she lay next to me with her chin on my leg. I closed my eyes, listening for his voice. I could barely keep them open.
“I just wanted to let you know that I’m here, if you need me, if you just want somebody there with you.” His voice was smooth as old scotch.
God. I wanted him, badly. But my feet were stinging and although I technically wouldn’t really need to put any pressure on them if Lucas did come over to comfort me. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned him down, though part of me wanted to weep. “Thanks. But I just want to be alone.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
I nodded, not realizing that I hadn’t said ‘goodnight’ until after I’d disconnected. I let my body sink into my blankets and curled up with my arm around Pango.
Together we slept until the morning light squeezed though the slats in my blinds, a narrow band of it hitting me square in the eyes.
That quiet moment was not meant to last. But I did enjoy my breakfast.
Jack had come over early, used his spare key, and whipped up a cheddar cheese, mushroom and sausage omelet and coffee so good it made me want to cry. At that moment I felt so much love for Jack that if I weren’t so messed up, I’d get down on my knees and beg him to marry me.
When my belly was full, I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug and looked at him. “Thank you for allowing me to enjoy that freaking’ spectacular breakfast, but I know you’re dying to tell me something. So spit it out.”
He’d been quiet during breakfast, waiting patiently for me to finish. Jack was the epitome of slow and steady, though he could be lightning fast when the time called for it. He was patient and calm, like a Rottweiler. Maybe that’s why we got along so well.
“We’ve been looking at Gabriel’s cell phone records and his bank accounts, at least the American ones. I know he has to have some elsewhere. He was into all kinds of shady shit, but black market baby selling seemed to be his forte.”
“Big surprise there.” I hated talking about this just after my lovely breakfast, but it couldn’t be put off. I wanted to get this one solved.
“We need to visit a little known adoption agency named Friends of the Family Adoptions. They are located in Philadelphia, but I understand they are doing so well, they are planning on branching out.”
“How nice for them, I just love to see a small company prosper and grow, don’t you?”
“Indeed. It does my heart good.”
“Today,” I asked him, but it was a silly question. It had to be today. Babies needed to be found, and we didn’t have any more moments to waste.
He nodded once. “Today. You up for it,” Jack would go without me if I wasn’t up to it. But he knew me far too well. I wasn’t one to sit around ruminating or licking my wounds, at least not for long. I was going with him.
“I’m up for it. Got my, what, fifth wind?”
He tilted his head back and laughed. “You’re a tough chick, Kicks. You know that?”
“I do. Let’s go kick some baby thieving ass.”
* * *
It was early, still morning. Grey clouds hung low in the sky, and it looked like snow again. Despite a residual tiredness, I felt pretty good. I felt alive. Escaping certain death always had that effect on me. I definitely had a very overworked, frustrated and pissed off angel looking out for me. That angel must’ve been a bad-ass in life to end up with the likes of me. I wondered who I’d be in charge of watching over if I weren’t booted down in the other direction, when I finally use up the last of my lives. I didn’t know what number I was on, but I had to be getting close to running out.
When we got to Philly I stretched, looking around at people walking the streets, going about their daily lives like they’d never had a gun pointed at their heads. Like they’d never wondered if the moment they were in right then was their last moment. I wondered what it was like not to be so close to mortality on a regular basis.
Susie had gone missing when I was seven years old. I knew then that life could be taken away in a matter of a second. I knew, in my heart and in my bones, that she was dead. That night, as I lay in bed, I was painfully aware that I no longer felt her in the world, the same way you feel when somebody you love isn’t in the same house with you anymore. Her energy had winked out.
Susie was never found. Neither was her abductor. But I had hope that someday I’d find him and I’d look into the same eyes that Susie had last looked into, and let him know that my eyes were the last he’d ever see, just before I put a bullet in his head. That hope, that dream, made me feel warm and fuzzy.
The Friends of the Family Adoption Agency was run out of a large old Victorian house in an older neighborhood of town. Many of the houses had been made into business space. It was all the rage these days to make an office feel homey. Make people feel comfortable. I guessed that making people feel comfortable was key when trying to sell them a stolen baby for several thousand dollars.
“Are you ready, sweet cakes?” I asked Jack.
“As I’ll ever be, honey pie.”
We walked through the front doors into a large room where a large woman sat at a large desk. She looked up at us, smiling brightly. Her hairstyle was something out of the eighties, and I wanted to slap her hair stylist. Big, layered hair with tons of spray was way out, and an assault to the eye. It just wasn’t right.
“Can I help you?” She asked us.
“We’d like to talk to the head of the agency please,” Jack said, smiling back at her.
“Oh, I’m afraid they aren’t available.” Her eyes flicked to an office to the left, which might have been a parlor at one point. “Can I help you with something?”
“We’d like to talk to somebody about adopting,” I said.
Her smile was warm and patient. “There’s a process you need to go through. The first step is to fill out an application. You need to make an appointment and one of our adoption counselors will get back to you as soon as they can.”
“We’re aware of the process,” Jack said. He hung his head. “Look, we’ve tried everywhere. We don’t want to go through the long waiting period. We want a baby as soon as possible.”
The receptionist watched him, silent.
Jack leaned in, voice low and conspiratorial, “Is there any way, any way at all that we can, you know, get around the red tape? We are open to any and all possibilities. Sometimes people have to get a little creative, you know?”
The receptionist paused. She seemed to consider something. “One moment, please.” She stood up from her desk and went into the office, closing the door behind her.
I wondered if she was getting a cut of the profits. Probably not, though. I didn’t think greedy, morally bankrupt assholes were overly generous to their employees.
“You’re good,” I said to Jack. “Very well done.”
“Thank you, honey.”
“I’ll take you along if I ever do really want to buy a baby from a shady adoption agency,” I said to him.
“Aaaw. You say the sweetest things. Stop, you’re making me blush.”
The door opened and the receptionist came back to her desk. “Mrs. Mandell will see you now.”
“Thank you,” Jack and I said at the same time.
We went to Mrs. Mandell’s office. She stood up, an attractive brunette with gold, oval glasses perched atop the bridge of her nose. “I’m Adrian Mandell, nice to meet you.” She offered her hand to me first, then to Jack. The scent of lavender wafted around her.
“Jack and Leah Morrison,” Jack said. I
wasn’t sure where he got the name Morrison, except that we’d been listening to Jim Morrison for a while in the truck, to escape the incessant onslaught of cheery Christmas music on the radio.
She gestured to the love seat against the wall, next to the door. “Please, sit. Would you like some coffee?”
“No, thank you. We’re fine,” I said. Boy, mention avoiding red tape and get the star treatment around here.
She nodded once and sat down, crossing her legs and folding her hands, one over the other. “How can we help you?”
Jack leaned forward, arms on his thighs, hands palms out. “For reasons I’d rather not go into, I’m not able to…”
“He’s shooting blanks,” I piped in, keeping my face serious.
Jack looked at me, a faint grin on his face. “Thank you, honey.”
I leaned forward, lowering my voice. “And thank God, because in the music business, they kind of frown on us gaining weight. I have to try to keep my figure. You understand.”
“I do,” Adrian said, her gaze moving from me to Jack quickly. She folded her hands in front of her on her desk, trying to be patient. Clearly, she didn’t give a rat’s ass about the whys of it. She was sniffing out the cash that she was already counting in her head.
“We’d like to adopt a baby, but we really don’t want to go through the red tape. Is there any way at all to…a short cut?”
“We’d be willing to compensate you for any trouble,” I told her. “Jack is a successful music producer in Switzerland. “As I’ve mentioned, I’m a musical artist. With the moving around and living in two countries, it’s making it very difficult for us to be able to adopt.”
Her eyes lit up for just a moment before the mask of concern slid back into place. She nodded slowly. “I can see how that would pose obstacles for you. I understand your frustration.”
“Can you help us? We can pay you. Money isn’t an issue. We just really want a baby,” Jack said. “A child would complete us.” He looked at me with puppy love in his eyes, his huge hand patting my knee. “We love each other, but we long for a child. We want to start a family.”
I looked at her, my eyes as sad and hopeful as I could manage. “Please. We could provide a wonderful life for a child, and he or she would never want for a single thing. We promise.”
“I can certainly see what I can do. We do make allowances for a very choice few. We may be able to speed up the process considerably for you, if you are, in fact, willing to pay for the extra work involved.”
“Oh, absolutely. Not a problem at all,” Jack said.
She leaned forward on her desk. “This is a very sticky situation, as I’m sure you can appreciate. The people involved like to keep a low profile. In these kinds of situations, we work outside the lines. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes,” I said, quickly. “Perfectly. We won’t ask any questions.”
“Are you sure? Because you can never, ask questions. Not just now, but never. And your baby can never know anything about this. He or she can never know anything about the agency. He or she can never go looking for their natural parents. Parents in this situation often explain to the child that their natural parents were…killed.”
Jack and I both nodded.
“Can you do that?”
“Yes,” Jack said, his voice urgent. “Yes.”
“Yes,” I said. “Anything.”
Adrian Mandell smiled.
* * *
She was going to get back to us. I wanted to jump out of my skin. She said to go home, but keep our cell phones handy. She needed to reach out to her other resources.
“Jesus. It’s too easy. All you need is money,” Jack said. He turned to me, face incredulous. “Can you believe this world?”
“I can't believe you’re asking me that. We’ve both seen people do some really horrible things, Jackson.”
“But this…buying babies. That people would be that…dishonest and selfish. They lie to their child for the child’s entire life.” He shook his head, staring at the road ahead of him. “It’s just mind boggling to me. How can a parent do that to their kid?”
I shook my head. “They are desperate, and their desire to have a baby overrides their sense of judgment. I think some of these adoptive parents who buy babies do it out of selfishness, yes. But they rationalize their actions by saying they can provide a better life than the birth parents can, or they will love the child more than the birth parents can.” I let out a breath. “And that may all be true. In fact, in some cases, it is very true. And that is how they live with what they’ve done. They don’t think about the consequences, and they figure they’ll cross that bridge when and if they ever come to it. It’s a short-sightedness born of complete desperation.”
“Whatever. It’s not right. It’s a horrible thing to do to a child. Not to mention, it’s friggin’ illegal.” Jack was pissed. He was getting all kinds of whipped up.
“I agree with you, Jack. I’m just saying, sometimes people want something so badly they figure the ends justifies the means. They whitewash their actions. We see it all the time in this business.” My stomach growled. “Can we get some food? I’m about ready to chew my arm off here.”
Jack grinned. “We’re in Philly. How about a Philly Cheese Steak?”
“Oh yeah.” My mouth watered. “That will do nicely.”
We found a corner pub and were led to a booth at the back of the place. It was fine with me. I felt like keeping a low profile. “So what’s Adrian’s story, anyway?
“She’s a social worker. She worked with unwed pregnant mothers.” Jack slowly turned his beer glass on the table.
“What a sweetheart. Let me guess, she works in the group homes for unwed mothers as well, to help them make an informed decision about whether or not they should keep their babies or adopt them out.”
“You got it. Of course, you know what she tells them. They and their babies would have a better chance at life if they gave their babies up, which may or may not be true, depending on the situation. Obviously these young girls don’t realize that her intentions are not altruistic in the least. She doesn’t give a damn about the life of the girl or of the baby.”
“Right. She’s the worst kind of con, you know that? She preys on the hopes, fears and vulnerability of these girls. I bet she guilts them into giving the babies up, too.”
“Whatever works. And that’s not all. She has ads in all the local papers. ‘Are you pregnant, scared and alone? Call this number. We can help. All calls completely confidential.”
“Of course they are. Just the way she wants them.”
“With the number of unplanned pregnancies skyrocketing in this country, you can just imagine how much money this woman makes. When we’re done here we’ll take a drive by her house. You’ll be amazed what a lucrative business baby brokering is.”
“You know, I really don’t feel like waiting however long it takes for Adrian Mandell to get back to us. This is a giant sized pain in the ass.” I sat back on the bench seat, slid down and looked out the window at the snow falling. It seemed that it had been snowing forever. “Is this stuff ever going to stop?”
“What do you suggest we do? Storm the agency? Dig up addresses and phone numbers of all the people who have adopted babies through the agency in the last ten years while holding all of the employees hostage at gunpoint?”
“It’s not a bad idea. You know me, Jack. I’m not a sit around and wait kind of girl.”
He leaned forward, looking at my face. “Sometimes you need to wait. It’s the name of the game.”
“Not the name of my game. Look, I want to know where all those babies have gone.” I looked him hard in the eyes. “I want to know now.”
“So do I. But if we jump the gun, she’s going to take off. You know it as well as I do.”
I pushed out a long breath. I was getting jittery. My nerves jangled under my skin. Maybe I was afraid that if I didn’t keep going that I’d run out of steam. I’d lose momentu
m. “So what? We stay in Philly until she calls us?”
“I really don’t think it’ll be very long. We’re talking about money here. She’s going to jump on this. We do this right, we find out where the newest batch of babies are. Babies we have no idea about yet. This is big, Leah, bigger than we know. I can feel it in my bones.”
I looked back out the window. “There must be a very special kind of hell for people like Adrian.”
“Oh, there is,” Jack said, his smile wide. “Us.”
* * *
By the time we left the pub, the snow was coming down hard and fast. I still wore my leather riding boots, and I was having a hard time not slipping and falling on my butt. Jack slipped his hand under my arm to steady me. That’s who he is. My rock and my anchor. I couldn’t imagine my life without Jack in it.
He drove slowly. The windshield wipers worked double time trying to keep up with the snow. I was shivering in my short, zip up leather jacket, but trying not to show it. Jack glanced at me sideways, and then blasted the heat. He’s rarely cold, so it was strictly for me.
Christmas lights were out in the city. We drove up the main strip, which was decorated with lighted candy canes, wreaths, Santas and snowmen. Brilliant Christmas trees lined both sides of the streets, each one placed several feet from the next. It was beautiful.
I felt the empty hole in me widen for a moment, thinking about my parents who both became non-existent after Susie’s disappearance. How I lost everyone but Jesse when I lost her. I wondered if I’d ever feel whole. If the seemingly, yawning gap inside me would ever mend itself. What I needed to do so that I didn’t feel so empty over the holidays anymore.
A Christmas song came on the radio and Jack punched radio buttons until he found a station that wasn’t playing holiday tunes.
“Thanks,” I said to him.
“You’re welcome,” he said simply.
“What a life, huh Jack?”
“Yeah.”
We drove in silence until we reached Adrian’s street. The homes became larger and more regal looking the further into the area we got.