Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
West: Why?
Me: Because it won’t change anything. You still broke my heart, West. That’s not something I can just forget.
West: What are you saying?
Me: That I think maybe it’s better if we don’t talk anymore. I need to move on.
West: Move on? Len…
Me: I have a boyfriend. He’s a really nice guy, and I know he won’t just break up with me for the ‘college experience’.
West: Len, come on. Just let me call you.
Me: Goodnight West.
I saw him typing, but I closed out the window before it came through. Then I shut down my computer. It only took him thirty seconds before my phone started ringing. I stared down at it as his name showed on the screen. I silenced it then turned it over like that would somehow make me unaware that he was calling. I could still hear it vibrating against the desk though so I picked up my phone and put it in the top drawer of my dresser. That blocked out the sound. Satisfied that I had avoided him, I turned and went back to bed.
Twenty-Four
I pulled into my parent’s driveway way beyond late. The porch light was on, but other than that the place was shrouded in darkness. I let out a sigh before I put my car in park and climbed out. It had been a long day. Katie ended up not being able to come with me since at the last minute, her cold became a full on body weakening flu. She felt horrible, but I told her it was all fine and that she needed to make sure to take care of herself.
I was almost to the front porch when I heard a familiar voice call out my name. I turned and saw West coming forward. My heart flipped around in my chest as he slowly began to close the space between us. He finally came to a stop a few feet from me. I could just barely make out his face in the dim light from the porch. He looked sad, and apologetic.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Hi,” I replied back. “What are you doing here?”
“Mom mentioned you and Katie were supposed to be coming home today.”
“How long have you been waiting?” He shrugged.
“Not long.” I knew that wasn’t accurate though. The last our parents had heard, Katie and I were going to be home about three hours before. However, I’d gotten a slow start that morning and then I spent about an hour and a half sitting at Katie’s house before I left there. My parents knew I was going to be late, but I wasn’t sure if Mrs. Blake had gotten the same message.
“I was hoping maybe we could talk,” he said as he took a tentative step forward.
“It’s late,” I whispered. “And I’m tired.” He gave a nod of his head.
“Yeah,” I could tell he wanted to say something else, but for some reason he remained silent.
“Goodnight West,” I said before I turned and took a step up onto the porch.
“Wait,” he said. I turned to face him and he had moved even closer. “Len, please just talk to me.”
“I can’t. Not tonight. I’m exhausted.”
“Please,” he sounded pitiful, and it made my chest ache to think that I was hurting him. Even if he hurt me first.
“Tomorrow.” For the first time that night, I saw him smile. It wasn’t quite the West grin I was used to, but it was close.
“Okay, our spot, noon.” I nodded my head. “Night, Len.”
“Goodnight, West.” I turned back and stepped into the house, still feeling his gaze on me.
The next morning, I got ready and tried not to get too worked up about the fact that I was about to be seeing West again. Unfortunately, my dumb stupid heart didn’t seem to get that this little chat didn’t mean anything. I was still with Stetson, and this wasn’t going to change that.
I changed into my running gear and headed out the back door. Even though I hadn’t been running in a while, being back on those trails brought it all back. I found my stride as I made my way through the winding trails to the little creek that had become ‘our spot’.
West was already sitting there waiting for me when I slowed to a stop. He glanced up, and I tried to keep my annoying breathing in check. He gave me a slow smile that made it obvious he wasn’t sure what to expect out of our little meeting. That made two of us.
I walked over and climbed up onto the boulder sitting opposite of him. It was chilly out, and I was thankful I had thought enough to wear a hoodie over my running clothes.
“Thanks for coming,” he said, and I gave him a small nod of my head as I wrapped my arms around myself. “I half expected you not to show.”
“I told you I’d be here.” A few seconds of silence passed between us before he spoke again.
“Len, tell me how to fix this.”
“You can’t.”
“I don’t believe that. This is us, Len. We’re not meant to be enemies.”
“We’re not,” I told him. “We aren’t anything, really.” I could tell by his facial expression that he hadn’t expected me to say that.
“Can we maybe just start over?” He asked.
“I don’t think so.”
“Why? Because of this ‘boyfriend’?” I didn’t like the way his tone implied that Stetson wasn’t real. I glared back at him.
“No, not because of him. Because of you, West. You’re the reason we can’t be friends. You’re the reason that we aren’t speaking to each other. You decided that we were over and never once did you stop to see how I might have felt about the whole thing.”
“I was doing what I thought was right for us. I didn’t want to hold you back. If I had known this is how things would have turned out, then believe me I never would have said any of that stuff to you that night. I would have kept my damn mouth shut.”
“But you didn’t,” I reminded him. “I just don’t think I can go backwards. I can’t just be your friend, West. I was never all that good at it.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, and it reminded me of that night at the lake house when I said the same thing to him. When I pleaded with him not to break my heart.
“I shouldn’t have come out here,” I said as I slid down from the boulder. “I’m sorry.” He hopped down quickly and reached for my arm.
“Please don’t go. Please just give me another chance.”
“I’m sorry.” Then I walked away, pretending that my heart wasn’t splitting back open with each step away from him I took. By the time I reached the house again, I was crying. I don’t know what I’d been thinking by going out there. I knew what he was going to say, and I knew it wouldn’t change things. I must have been some kind of masochist. I risked the pain just so I could see him again.
I promised myself right then that it wouldn’t happen again. From that moment on, I would avoid West entirely. I lasted one week.
Twenty-Five
The Christmas party at the Blake’s house was something straight out of a movie or a really nice Hallmark commercial. I wasn’t exactly surprised though that Mrs. Blake had decorated the place to the absolute nines. She had always gone above and beyond for the festive holiday.
I stepped inside the beautiful home with my parents and immediately I was assaulted by the smell of pine and cinnamon. It smelled like Christmas, and it brought an instant smile to my face.
“Welcome, welcome,” Mrs. Blake called out as she made our way over toward us. She was wearing a figure hugging white dress that made it hard to believe she was a woman nearing fifty. Her blonde hair was pulled into a tight updo and she looked incredibly elegant. Suddenly, I was feeling every bit out of place in my maroon sweater dress with my hair in loose waves around my shoulders.
“Your house looks incredible, Mrs. Blake,” I said as she pulled me into a warm, loving hug.
“Thank you so much sweetie.” I held out the bottle of wine that mother insisted we bring along. Mrs. Blake gave me her usual sweet smile before she told me I could put the bottle in the kitchen. I headed that way and came face to face with a brooding West.
I hadn’t seen him since that day in the w
oods, and just as I thought, he hadn’t managed to become any less attractive since then. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say he went in the opposite direction. I had always loved him in a suit, and that night he had taken things up a notch.
He was dressed in a pair of Navy slacks and a white shirt that he had taken to rolling the sleeves up on; showing off those arms that years of working out had blessed him with. His short hair had been slicked back, putting those stormy eyes front and center. He also hadn’t bothered to shave, which had become a bit of a new weakness for me.
“Oh, how sweet of you,” a woman said as she took the bottle of wine from my hands, effectively pulling my gaze off of West and back to where it should be.
“It was nothing,” I told her, and I tried really hard not to think about the fact that West was still staring at me. I could feel his eyes and it was making me warm all over. “I…um, think I’m gonna go outside for a bit.” The woman nodded her head and I disappeared down a hallway opposite the one West had been blocking.
I stepped out onto the deck and took in the cool air. I mentally chastised myself for not being able to keep my cool for even ten seconds around him. I reminded myself over and over that we were done. Whatever had happened between us was in the past. I was with Stetson. Sweet Stetson that was waiting for me back at school. Sweet Stetson that wouldn’t break up with me without justification.
“Lennon.” Just hearing my name fall from his lips sent my heart into overdrive. I closed my eyes and hoped that maybe I had imagined it. Maybe he hadn’t followed me out here, but I knew that was a dumb thing to even think. I felt his fingers gently press down on my shoulder and I turned around to face him. I was teetering. I knew that if he asked me again for a second chance, I would give in. He just wasn’t someone I could stay away from.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly. His eyes scanned my face and I noticed the moment they dropped down to my lips. He kept them there for no longer than a second before he looked into my eyes again. “I made a mistake. I was an idiot. I thought I was doing the right thing, but that’s not what happened. I don’t think I’ll ever regret anything more than saying goodbye to you that night.”
I swallowed hard as I gazed back into those stormy eyes that I loved so much. He reached out and brushed his hand over my cheek. “I made a mistake, Len. I know it’s gonna kill me to only be your friend, but I can’t not have you in my life. I just can’t.”
I knew what he meant. Even if someone told me right that second that letting West back in would lead to him shattering my heart again, I still couldn’t have stayed away. He just meant too much to me.
“Please,” he begged softly. “Please, let me be your friend?” I closed my eyes before I nodded my head and sealed our fate.
“Yeah?” He asked disbelievingly.
“Yes, but things can’t be how they were. I have a boyfriend now. He’s a nice guy and I won’t hurt him.” West nodded his head.
“Okay.” Then a smile spread across his face, and that wonderful dimple appeared. I couldn’t help but grin back at him.
“I have no idea how to be just your friend,” I admitted.
“Yeah, it’s kind of a first for me too, but we can do it.” He seemed so sure of himself, and it made me think that maybe we could. Maybe West and I really could be just friends. Or maybe we just made a mistake? Only time would tell.
Twenty-Six
It seemed like a different lifetime when I finally went back to school. I had left angry with West and in a happy relationship, and I was returning with West and I becoming friends and confusion about what that meant for Stetson and I. I was determined not to give up on us just because West was somewhat back in the picture. For one thing, I still wasn’t sure that I completely trusted West enough to let him back in. For another thing, Stetson really was an incredibly sweet guy and I owed it to him at that point to see what could become of us.
I thought about telling him about West, but I knew he wouldn’t understand. I barely understood and I was right there. I figured the best thing was to just keep quiet about my new friendship with West and when the time came, I would tell Stetson. Once I could prove to him that we really were just friends.
My computer dinged with an online message and I walked over to check it. West’s name popped up in the bubble, and I saw that he was typing out a new message.
West: How do you feel about checking out the new Batman movie this weekend?
My brow rose in question as I pulled out my chair and took a seat. Then I typed out my response.
Me: How are we supposed to do that with me here and you in Houston?
West: Easy, I rent it here and you rent it there.
Me: That seems like a lot of work.
West: Well, I could make it easier and just come up for a visit.
Me: I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
West: Why not?
Me: Because we’re just friends.
West: Friends watch movies together. Just last week, I went out with my roommates to see a movie, and there is nothing non platonic about our relationship.
Me: I should probably ask Stetson.
West: He’s gonna say no.
Me: You don’t know that.
West: Yes, I do. I’m a guy, Len. I know how guys think.
Me: Is that a fact?
West: It is, and I know that if you ask your boyfriend if he has a problem with you watching a movie with your platonic guy friend, he’s not gonna like it. In fact, he’ll probably tell you not to see me anymore.
Me: No, he won’t. He knows I wouldn’t do anything. He trusts me.
West: He can trust you all he wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that a guy is coming in to his territory, to be with his girl, in a quasi romantic setting.
Me: I thought you said friends can watch a movie without it being romantic.
West: Don’t change the subject, Len.
Me: Okay, so I don’t tell him then. You come up here, we’re watching a movie, and he drops by for a visit. Don’t you think it would look worse for him to catch us watching a movie when I’ve never even mentioned you before?
West: He doesn’t know about me?
Me: No, I didn’t think I needed him to worry.
West: So you admit he has a reason to?
Me: I didn’t say that.
West: :)
Me: Don’t do that. I didn’t say that.
West: Sure, :)
Me: Stop it.
West: So, movie night, this weekend?
Me: No.
West: You know you want to. It’s Christian Bale. In leather. Blowing things up.
Me: You really know what I like, don’t you?
West: You don’t like leather? I mean, I’m a straight guy, but even I can admit that Bale in leather is a bit of a force to be reckoned with.
I laughed out loud when I read his message. I felt myself wavering. I did want to see West again, and I could see how us seeing a movie could be harmless. After all, like he said friends saw movies together all the time and it didn’t mean anything. It was harmless. I let out a sigh and sent him my answer.
Me: Okay, we can watch it together, but you’re renting the movie.
West: Then you buy the food.
Me: Deal.
West: :)
West: See you Saturday then, six okay?
Me: Kind of early.
West: It’s a long way to drive back.
Me: Then maybe we shouldn’t do it. We can go back to your original idea.
West: Nope, I’m not letting you back out now. I’ll see you at six, Len.
Me: Okay.
Even after our talk, I still toyed with the idea of telling Stetson, but I didn’t want to worry him. Besides the chances of him showing up uninvited were pretty slim. He usually always texted me to make sure it was okay before showing up. I just had to hope that he would do the same that weekend. So, just like that, the plan was set. I would be seeing West and we would see just how well we c
ould actually do at this ‘just friends’ thing.
Twenty-Seven
“If I had known you were going to eat my half too, I would have ordered two pizzas,” I said as I came out of the kitchen, having just found the pizza box empty. I only got two slices of the whole thing. West looked over the back of the couch at me and smiled. His mouth was full of pizza and he was still holding a half eaten slice in his hand.
I plopped down on the couch next to him and he held it out to me. I just scrunched my nose up at him. He shrugged his shoulders, swallowed the pizza in his mouth, and took another enormous bite. I rolled my eyes before turning my attention back to the screen.
So far, our little experiment seemed to be working out okay. I still wasn’t sure exactly how to be around him yet and I was constantly aware how close we were to one another like the entire time, but for the most part it was normal. It was just the two of us hanging out, watching Batman together. I was looking at him when he turned his attention toward me and smiled.
“I’m still hungry,” he announced.
“How? You ate almost an entire pizza by yourself. I barely ate any of it.”
“All the more reason we should go out. Come on put some clothes on.” I glanced down at my tank top and lounge pants that I’d put on only an hour ago. I was ready to relax and the last thing I wanted was to go get dressed up again. I shook my head.
“I don’t want to go anywhere,” I said. West gave me a pout that made me laugh rather than give in. He never could pull off the puppy dog look.
“Come on.”
“Why don’t I just make something for you?” I offered. He looked appalled by the suggestion.
“Uh, yeah, I’m gonna pass. I still remember when you decided to bake Katie a cake for her birthday one year. Sorry Len, but cooking is definitely not your strong suit.”
“I’d like to see you bake a three layer chocolate cake and have it turn out any better.” He grinned, showcasing that dimple.
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