Lord, help me. I don’t want to be like this.
“Horsey!”
Zach’s excited cry—and a thump on the head by two little hands—brought Nate back to the action as the sheriff’s mounted posse came into view. “Wow, that’s a bunch of horses.”
“There’s Deputy Renfro, Zach,” said Jenna. “Remember him from church?”
“Uh-huh.”
She glanced up at Nate. “Dalton makes it a point to get to know all the kids, even the little ones.”
The deputy sheriff spotted Zach and waved. When he focused on Nate, he grinned and gave him a relaxed salute. They had gone through school together. Nate wasn’t as close to him as he was to Chance and Will, but he considered him a good friend. Dalton glanced at Jenna, then back at Nate and Zach, his expression turning speculative.
Several of the other riders saw Nate and called out greetings as they rode by. Most knew that he and Jenna had been friends for a long time, so they didn’t appear to think anything about him being with her family.
Still, standing up with Zach made them easier to spot. It might not be smart to be quite so obvious. “Let’s sit down, bud. I think you can see just as good there, now.” He lifted the boy from his shoulders and carefully set him on the ground beside Will.
Will put his arms around Zach and gave him a hug as Nate slipped past and sat down. “Are you having fun?”
Zach nodded, then pointed to a float coming into view. A skirt of purple and gold crepe paper flowers hung from the bed of the large, flat-bed trailer and almost touched the ground. Fake goalposts sat at each end, with the football team in their uniforms standing in the middle, waving at the crowd. Nate recognized Pinky from the grocery store. He’d exchanged the pink wig and tie-dyed shirt for a linebacker’s jersey.
“Touchdown!” yelled Zach, throwing his hands up in the air like a referee.
Pinky waved at him and grinned at Jenna, who waved back. “Yeah, little guy! We’re gonna make lots of touchdowns tomorrow night.”
Zach did his referee imitation again, making Nate laugh. “Who taught him that?”
“Who do you think?” Will asked with a smug expression. “We’ve been watching the Dallas Cowboys on TV.”
Nate turned to Jenna. “Does he know which one is Jimmy Don?”
She shook her head. “He doesn’t remember him, so we don’t mention it. When he’s older, I’ll tell him. But right now, he wouldn’t understand.”
“You mean he never sees Jimmy?” he asked quietly.
“We haven’t seen him since the day he walked out on us.” She kept her face forward, watching as the float with the cheerleaders came into view. Like the first one, it was covered in paper flowers and held a fake cage with a gigantic stuffed tiger inside. “He doesn’t want anything to do with either of us.”
Anger swept through him. “How can he turn his back on his son?”
“He’s too wrapped up in himself to care about anyone else. I hear he’s already left wife number two. Thankfully, they didn’t have any children. He provided a very generous trust fund for Zach and a huge lump sum settlement for me. We only communicate through our lawyers.” She finally looked at him. “He’s never asked about Zach. Not once.”
Nate had never liked Jimmy Don, but he hadn’t realized he was such a selfish jerk. Focusing on the pom-poms the cheerleaders were waving as they led a cheer, he fought to control his anger. Now, he understood that fleeting sadness he’d seen in her face when she watched him and Zach. Sorrow because the kid’s own father didn’t care enough about him to share in his life.
Finally, he reached over and curled his hand around hers as it rested on the chair arm. “I really wish I’d asked you out all those years ago.”
She blinked and slipped her fingers through his. “I wish you had too.” Her gaze drifted past him, settling on her son. “But I don’t completely regret marrying Jimmy Don. I wouldn’t have Zach if I hadn’t.”
They watched the little boy bounce and wiggle to the Latin music coming from the Spanish Club float, then shared a smile. “He’s a sweetheart, all right.”
Just like his mama, thought Nate.
6
Two hours later, full of barbecued brisket and potato salad, Jenna helped her mom clear off a picnic table at the city park while the men rearranged the lawn chairs in the slowly moving shade of an elm tree. For the second time, Nate placed his chair with the back against the trunk of the big tree. She caught her parents exchanging one of their meaningful glances.
“So what was that look about?” Jenna quietly asked her mother as they dumped the paper plates and napkins, along with the plastic utensils and empty containers, into the garbage can.
“Part memory and part understanding,” said Sue, watching Zach carry a toy dump truck over to some bare dirt beneath the tree. “Protecting his back is the kind of thing a man does when he’s been in a war. It used to get tricky when we’d go out to eat with other vets. All the guys wanted to face the door or a window, with their backs against the wall. I suppose it’s a common trait for most anyone who has been in a dangerous situation.”
“Dad still does that sometimes.”
“Yes, but now it doesn’t bother him too much if he can’t.” Sue rested her hand on Jenna’s shoulder. “It’s going to take Nate time to get used to civilian life, honey. He’ll never be the same as he was before.”
“We all change, Mom. Some more than others. But life would be pretty dull if we didn’t.” Nate’s laughter drew her gaze and made her smile. “He’s having a good time. I’m glad he came with us.”
“Me too.”
Walking back to rejoin the others, Jenna noted that once again her family had managed for her and Nate to sit side by side. She kept her eye on Zach as he pushed around his dump truck with the Callahan Construction logo neatly painted on the door. About once a minute, he would stop and add two or three pebbles to the load. When it was almost full, he drove it over next to a tree root and lifted the trailer, dumping the rocks out.
Nate chuckled. “Has he been watching Chance work?”
“We were out at his building site last week. Chance gave him a whole set of construction equipment for his first birthday, though he was a little small to play with most of it. There are still a few pieces that he doesn’t quite have down, like the crane.”
“He was doing okay with it the other night,” said Chance. “We had a good time hauling stuff around the living room.”
“You’re giving that boy a split personality, like you,” said Will. “Half the time he won’t know whether he’s ranglin’ a horse or a bulldozer.”
Chance grinned. “You sayin’ I’m weird?”
“Yep.” Will grinned back.
“Careful, bro, or I’ll take you down and sit on you.”
“Yeah? You and who else?”
Nate glanced at Jenna. “They haven’t changed a bit.”
“Still mostly talk and not much action.”
“Reckon that’s good. Otherwise they’d be bruised and bloodied all the time.”
Jenna relaxed, enjoying the cool shade, light breeze, and her brothers’ banter. Soon the talk turned to the upcoming roundup, but she only halfway paid attention. She knew how her dad ran things. The discussion was mostly for Nate’s benefit, to bring him up to speed on the few changes they’d made over the years.
Not all that long ago, she wouldn’t have been sitting there. After one disastrous visit to town soon after she returned home, she hadn’t set foot off the ranch for almost six months. She wondered if the folks who’d been so cruel in their criticisms and gossip that day had any idea how much they had wounded her. Some probably did, but didn’t care. There had always been a few people who resented the Callahans and their success. Others were too caught up in the aura of the hometown-boy-who-made-it-big to look past Jimmy Don’s football success and see his failures as a person.
Thankfully, God was faithful. Along with her loving and patient family, the Lord had comforted her, love
d her, and brought her out of the depths of her despair. There were still remnants of pain, buried so deep that she didn’t know if even the Lord could ever root them out. But for the most part, they stayed hidden and rarely bothered her anymore.
For months, she had wrestled with the worry that the gossips might have been right—that the failure of her marriage was really her fault and not Jimmy’s. God had slowly given her clarity and understanding. Yes, she had made mistakes. Done things—or not done them—that had contributed to their unhappiness. She had learned from those errors and wouldn’t make the same ones again. New ones, probably, but hopefully not the old ones.
When all was said and done, most of the blame lay squarely on her ex-husband’s shoulders. In hindsight, she could see that he had always been self-centered, but fame and fortune had magnified it until his selfishness had become astounding. She knew that she still hadn’t quite forgiven him, but she was working on it. Every day she asked God to help her, to wipe away another layer of the bitterness that cloaked her heart. Someday, it would be completely gone.
“Swing, Mama.” Zach stood in front of her, resting his grubby little hands on her jeans. He pointed toward the big set of swings down the hill.
“Okay. Let’s put your hat on. It’s sunny down there.”
He waited impatiently for her to secure the hat on his head, then took off.
“Hey, wait for me.” Jenna scrambled out of her chair and jogged a few steps to catch up with him.
“Now I understand why you have on running shoes.” Nate fell in step beside her. “Is it okay if I tag along? I’m tired of sitting.”
“Sure. You can help push him if I get tired.” They strolled along in comfortable silence, letting Zach run a short distance ahead of them. He stopped by the little kid’s swing, made similar to a child’s car seat to hold him securely. Jenna lifted him up to the swing, and he poked his feet and legs through the openings.
“Mama, push.”
“In a minute. Let me fasten you in.” She clipped the safety belt around his middle, then stepped behind him and gave the swing a gentle shove. “Here we go.”
Zach laughed and pounded on the molded plastic bar in front of him. “Swing!”
Jenna pushed a little harder, and he giggled. “He’d be happy doing this all afternoon.” When Nate didn’t make a comment, she looked up. He scanned the park and the people in it, and his gaze narrowed, clearly assessing the situation. Shifting slightly, he stood with legs spread, arms at his side and fists clenched, watching a small but loud group of cowboys and their ladies about fifty yards away. “Looks like they’ve gone through a few six packs already,” she said.
“More than a few.”
“They’re keeping to themselves. Other than being loud, they aren’t bothering anybody.”
“And they’d better not.” He seemed to realize how tense he was. Uncurling his fists, he shook his arms a little, then tucked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. He turned toward Zach, but his gaze darted in the rowdies’ direction every few minutes. Jenna had the feeling that if any of them decided to wander their way, they would regret it.
A short, slightly plump blonde and a stocky man walking down the hill drew her attention. Lindsey Moore had been a good friend since junior high, and a closer one since Jenna had moved back home. But she didn’t know the man with her.
Lindsey waved. “Hi, y’all.” When she reached them, she gave Nate a quick hug. “Welcome home.”
“Thanks. You’re lookin’ pretty as ever.”
She laughed, swishing the crinkly skirt of her apple green sundress with the tips of her fingers. “Wider than when you last saw me, but thanks for the compliment. This is my cousin Roger from Sweetwater. We’re having a little family reunion this weekend.”
Jenna raised one eyebrow. Lindsey came from a very large family. “How little?”
“There will only be seventy-five of us this year. Aunt Liz and her brood couldn’t make it this time.”
Lindsey introduced Nate and Jenna to her cousin, and they shook hands. “I was giving him a tour of town and spotted you. I couldn’t pass up the chance to say hello. How long will you be home?”
“Probably till I’m old and gray.” Nate’s gaze slid to Jenna for a second before he smiled at Lindsey. “I didn’t re-up, so I’m a free man.”
“Well, thank you for your service. Roger enlisted in the navy last week.”
“Good for you. I thought about the navy,” said Nate, “but the one time I’d ridden a ferry boat—the only thing I’ve ever been on bigger than a ski boat—I got seasick. So I figured I’d better stick with good ol’ terra firma.”
“I worked on a fishing boat for a while out of Corpus Christi, so I think I’ll be all right on the water,” Roger said.
“Mama, swing!”
“Oops. I’m falling down on the job. Excuse me.” Jenna walked back around behind the swing, giving it a push. Lind-sey followed her.
“Lindsey tells me you won a Silver Star.” Roger’s voice held both awe and eagerness.
“I didn’t do any more than anybody else would have done. I was in the right place at the right time. Where do you go for basic?”
“The Great Lakes Naval Training Center on the shore of Lake Michigan. It’s halfway between Chicago and Milwaukee.”
Nate continued to ask Roger questions about his upcoming training, deftly deflecting the conversation away from himself.
“He doesn’t like to talk about it, does he?” murmured Lindsey.
“No. He’s embarrassed by all the fuss.”
“I saw you two, or I should say three, at the parade.” Lindsey had her back to Nate and spoke softly so he wouldn’t hear. “So what’s the scoop?”
“You know we’ve all been friends forever. Hanging out with us is normal. Dad hired him to work part-time at the ranch. The rest of the time he’ll be helping his folks on the farm. This afternoon, they’ve been going over the plans for the roundup.”
“But he’s down here with you. Not up in the shade with Chance and the rest of the family.”
“He has a lot of pent-up energy. I don’t think he’s used to relaxing much. And he likes Zach.”
“And you.”
“We’re only friends, Lin.” Jenna caught Zach’s hat when he tilted his head back to look up at her. The motion of the swing took him away, so she let him go without it for a little while.
“Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”
Maybe. Sometimes when Nate looked at her, her pulse went into overdrive. But Jenna wasn’t about to admit it. “Are you going to the bonfire?”
“No. Some of the other relatives are coming in this evening, so I need to be social and help Mom feed them. I’ll be at the game, though.”
Jenna was relieved that her friend let the conversation shift to other things. She plopped Zach’s hat back on his head and chatted with Lindsey for a few minutes about who they had seen in town for homecoming and who they’d heard was planning to be there. As usual, the alumni coming home would increase the population substantially through the weekend.
Lindsey checked her watch and turned to her cousin and Nate. “We’d better get going. The horde will descend on Mom and Dad’s place soon.”
“That pretty much describes it.” Roger shook hands with Nate. “It was good to talk to you.”
“You too. Take care.”
“I will.” Roger nodded, his expression serious as they walked away.
“Were you able to give him any good tips?” asked Jenna when Nate moved a little closer.
“Not many. I don’t know much about the navy.” The group that had been so boisterous earlier had quieted down, and Nate seemed to relax, turning his attention to Zach. “Somebody’s drooping.”
Jenna peeked around to look at her son’s face. He rubbed his eyes. “Are you ready for a nap, honey?”
“Ye-ah.” He sounded too tired to talk.
She lifted him from the swing, and he cuddled close, resting his hea
d on her shoulder, knocking off his hat.
Nate picked it up. “Do you want me to carry him?”
“No, thanks. I want to enjoy the snuggle time.”
Zach was almost asleep by the time they reached the family, and she was only a little short of breath. She wondered how long it would be before she couldn’t carry him up that hill without huffing and puffing. Her mom had seen them coming and had already picked up Zach’s toys and put them in the pickup. Dub held out his arms. “Come here, buddy. Let’s get you home for a rest.”
Zach raised his head and looked at Jenna. “Mama, go?”
“I’m staying in town for a while with the guys, but I’ll be home before bedtime tonight. You go with Papa and Grandma, okay?”
“Okay,” he said sleepily. He let his grandfather lift him from Jenna’s arms without a fuss. He’d be sound asleep before they pulled out of the park. As Dub turned away, Zach looked at Nate. “Bye-bye, Nate.”
Jenna was surprised by how quickly Zach had taken to him.
Nate swallowed hard, his expression tender as he focused on the little boy. “Bye, Zach. I’ll see you soon.”
It appeared the handsome cowboy was pretty taken with Zach too.
Jimmy Don was an idiot, but maybe his neglect would make it easier for her son to love a stepfather—if he ever had one.
7
They spent the rest of the afternoon swapping amusing tales, throwing a Frisbee around, and going to the Dairy Queen for sundaes. As dusk began to fall, they drove to the football stadium where the pep rally and bonfire would be held at one end of the dirt parking lot. Will found a parking space at the end of the high school five blocks away. It meant a longer walk but less hassle when it was time to leave. Judging from the crowd streaming toward the stadium, about two hundred people had the same idea.
Nate shifted to high alert. His vision sharpened, rapidly assessing those around them. Was that jacket heavy enough to conceal a gun or a bomb? What was inside that backpack? Why was that guy acting nervous? Nate slowed his pace, keeping his eye on the man in the white shirt and dark slacks. Looking ahead, the man smiled shyly, his face turning red when a pretty blonde hurried up to him. Nate speeded up to rejoin Jenna and her brothers.
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