by Reagan Shaw
“Morning, Maggie,” I said, but I refocused on Gabriela almost immediately. “What did you mean by that?”
“Mean by what?” Gabby asked, innocently.
“That it explains so much? You said that me living with Dr. Cox explains so much?”
Maggie’s head swiveled toward Gabby. “Are you causing trouble again?”
“No,” the other nurse replied. “I’m just talking.”
“Yes, well, no good has ever come of you talking.” Maggie sighed and walked around to the computer. She took a seat and began typing away. The phone rang and she answered it, but the flurry of activity did nothing to placate me.
“Gabby, what did you mean by that?”
“It’s not so much you staying with Dr. Cox that makes sense,” Gabby said at last, shifting her coffee cup from one side of the countertop to the other. “It’s that you said he’s a family friend. I just never understood why Dr. Cox went to such lengths to make sure you were at St. Katherine’s, and now I do. That’s all.”
“Such lengths?” My brow wrinkled up.
“Well, yeah,” Gabby said. “Everyone knows that he’s the one who got you the job.”
Maggie had finally hung up, and she rose from her seat. “Gabby!”
“What?”
“I told you not to spread gossip and rumors. There’s no—”
“Oh, please,” the dark-haired nurse said, rolling her eyes. “It’s no big deal. Dr. Cox was obviously correct in getting her the interview. Dr. Gray is great at what she does. I just wondered why her, is all, and now I know. Family friends. Interesting what friends in high places can get you, is all.”
“What?” My stomach dropped so hard it should’ve penetrated the crust of the earth, straight through the mantle down to the core. “What are you talking about?”
“You didn’t know?” Gabriela asked, feigning shock. “Well, that’s interesting. I wonder why he didn’t tell you. I thought for sure you were in on the whole thing.”
The words coming out of the nurse’s mouth were English, they made perfect sense, yet my brain couldn’t process them or what was going on. “Gabby, speak plainly. How do you mean Dr. Cox got me the job?”
“Oh, I’ve really put my foot in it now,” she said and pressed her lips to her mouth. She moved them aside, slowly, rubbing her fingers together to check she hadn’t ruined her lipstick. “See, Dr. Cox has connections at the hospital. His older brother donated a lot of money to St. Katherine’s, as in, he’s on the board of directors. He bought his way in, I guess. So, when St. Katherine’s had a vacancy here, rumor has it that Dr. Cox went directly to his brother and asked that he push you through as a potential candidate.”
I shuddered a gasp.
That was…not crazy. It made perfect sense. Marc had been the one who’d contacted me about the possible job interview, and when I’d called about it, they’d immediately told me to come on down and talk. There’d been no hesitation, no needing to see my resume first. I’d figured my brother had merely been on the lookout for me, not that the whole opportunity had been manufactured for me.
This, combined with the pictures Noah had snapped of me… Well, it was telling. He’d brought me here. And for what? Not because he thought I was a great doctor. No, that wasn’t it. Because he’d seen me as that high-school conquest, and my brother, knowingly or not, had helped him with that.
Doubt spiraled through my mind. What if he’d… What if Noah had somehow flooded Luna’s apartment? What if he’d done it all to gain power over me? To fulfill whatever desire he’d had as a teen?
It was too confusing.
“Dr. Gray?” Gabby was practically in a state of rapture over my reaction. Happy from head to toe.
The dream I’d had of working here, of doing what suited me and starting over somewhere else, was dashed. None of what I’d achieved at this hospital was mine to claim. It had been handed to me on a silver platter, and I was the idiot who’d accepted it all without question.
“Dr. Gray,” Gabby repeated, but I didn’t reply for the second time.
I had to get out of there. I had to work this out.
Slowly, I placed my coffee cup on the counter, then took a step back. Noah had lied. I’d told him how important honesty was to me, and he’d acted, last night, no, this morning, like he was on board with that. Like he had no secrets to hide.
Yet, here I was.
I turned on my heel and marched back down the hall, toward my office. Two minutes later, I was inside it, the door shut and locked, and the phone’s receiver in my hand. I dialed my brother’s cell, and he picked up on the second ring.
“This is Gray,” he said.
“Marc, how did you hear about this job?”
“Huh?”
“It’s Erika. I need to know how you found out about the job at St. Katherine’s. About the interview, remember? You called me and told me to contact them?”
“Oh, right, of course,” he said. “Well, it was Noah. He got hold of me a couple weeks after the wedding, while we were still on honeymoon, and told me to call you with it. Why? What’s the problem?”
“Noah told you about it. Noah.”
“Yes. Sis, you sound really fucking weird. What’s going on?” Marc asked.
“Nothing,” I replied. “Nothing. I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you back some time. Keep safe. Um, send Jess my love, OK?”
“OK, but are you sure you’re—?”
I hung up without answering. I had one response to this, one option, and that was to end this dream before it had started, and to run, as fast and as far as I could.
Whatever Noah had wanted, he’d gotten. I’d given it to him, and I was the fool who’d fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.
Noah
I took the elevator up to the apartment, question marks floating through my mind. It was lunchtime on Christmas Eve, and Erika hadn’t been in her office. One of the nurses had told me she’d rushed off without saying another word, shortly after her 9:00 a.m. appointment that morning.
I checked my watch and frowned. Noon. Where was she? Why hadn’t she come back to work?
Maybe there’s a family emergency.
But no, if anything had happened with Marc, I would’ve heard about it right away. I was just about family to him too.
The elevator doors slid open, and I stepped out into the hall, passed the study, and made for the living room. Noises from the guest room, behind its closed door, stalled my footsteps. I listened intently, caught a few muttered curses, and then a thump.
I rapped my knuckles on the door. “Erika? Are you OK?”
“Fuck off,” she yelled.
Well, that was hardly what I’d hoped for. “Erika,” I repeated. “What’s going on?”
There was the click of the lock, the doorknob turned, and she appeared, her cheeks flushed, her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail. She wore a fluffy pink coat over a blouse and a pair of jeans, and behind her, her bag was open, stacks of folded clothing placed neatly within. A makeup bag was on the bed, mascara and lipstick tubes spilling out of it, other shit I didn’t recognize nor care to identify.
“Luna’s apartment ready?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, evenly. Her eyes were sharp as fucking daggers.
“Then where the hell are you going?”
“Away from here.” She was so tense, she looked ready to pop a gasket. “Away from all this bullshit. All your lies.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Drop the act, Noah. I know.”
“Know what?” I asked, but my stomach dipped lower. I ground my teeth. Christ, surely not.
“That you headhunted me. That you had your brother hire me for the position. I didn’t need your goddamn help nailing down a job. I didn’t need you to step in and try to… Whatever this is. Conquer me? That’s it, isn’t it? It’s not about me needing help or being down and out. It’s about what you wanted, and what you wanted was to claim me. You said it yourself.
Claim me, make me yours.”
“Erika.”
“What? What do you have to say for yourself, huh? You got some smart-ass comeback? How are you possibly going to defend this?”
Fuck it, this was exactly why I hadn’t told her about the deal in the first place. I knew her reaction would’ve been like this. She’d always been so damn independent, so unwilling to accept any kind of help, unless it came from her brother and it wasn’t too obvious.
“I was trying to protect you,” I said, simply. “That was all it was. Giving you a chance.”
“And the fact that the chance just happened to be at the exact same hospital where you were employed? What about that?”
“How else would I have gotten you help? It was serendipity.”
“No,” she snapped. “It was creepy as hell. You’ve been stalking me.”
“I wasn’t fucking stalking you. I just want what’s best for you, Erika. I just want to fucking help you.”
“I don’t need your help!” She charged back to the bed and proceeded to throw things into her bag, heedless of the neat folding or packing now. She halted and shot a look at me over her shoulder. “Tell me something, Noah. Was the interview even real? Or was it preordained by your brother dearest that I would be the one who got the position? Was it all a fake-out so I’d believe I’d earned it?”
I exhaled, didn’t bother answering.
Erika gave a choked cry. “I fucking knew it. You are so full of shit. You’re a liar.”
“I do what I have to do,” I said.
“Yes, you do. You do it for you. Don’t pretend like this was for me, when really it was just a sick attempt on your part to claim me as your… God, I don’t know, your sex toy or something.” She zipped up her bag and heaved it off the bed. “Well, you got it, bucko. You got what you wanted. You broke your best friend’s little sister in. You fucked me. I hope you’re happy, Noah. I hope that doing this was all you ever wanted.” She stormed forward and pushed past me.
I let her. I wouldn’t stop her now. Wouldn’t be that guy. Besides, if she was ready to leave, then what did it matter? It just meant I could go back to being lonely-ass Noah again. Noah with no complications. Noah without needs.
She reached the elevator doors, then looked back at me, again. “This is over,” she said. “I don’t ever want to see you again. Birthdays, Christmases, whatever. If you’re there, I won’t be.” She hit the button, nodding to me, tears welling in her eyes, but never spilling over. “Congratulations, Cox, you did what you set out to do all those years ago. I officially hate your fucking guts. But you know what?”
“What?” I barked it.
“You haven’t broken me. I won’t allow it. I won’t allow you to have that power over me ever again. Sorry.” She shrugged then stepped through the open doors. She flipped me off, hit the button for the ground floor, and the doors slid closed. My last view of her was that look of extreme hatred.
I stood, staring at the doors for what had to be ten minutes. I half-expected her to come back, to tell me it was all a misunderstanding, or she’d flipped her shit unreasonably, but she wouldn’t. She wasn’t that person.
Once Erika made a decision, she stuck with it. I respected that. I was the guy who never chased. Never played games, except when it came to her.
“Idiot,” I muttered, and gripped my forehead. “Fucking idiot.”
She was gone, and there was nothing I could or would do about it. I paced toward the elevator, stopped, shook my head, walked back. I didn’t want to follow through with this. It was good that she was gone.
She’d clouded my vision. Every thought had been about her, about feelings, shit I’d never been good with or wanted in the first place.
I itched to go after her. My muscles banded like iron, but still, I didn’t take that step forward. Didn’t press the button on that elevator to take me down.
Finally, I stepped back, turned, and walked back down the hall and into my living room. I sat down on the sofa, looked around the room at the half-finished decorations, the tree with its string of lights, unplugged, the empty packaging from some of the ornaments and the star for the top.
She was gone.
She wasn’t coming back.
And I had to be back at work in an hour.
Which begged the question, what the hell would happen with work? Would she stay at St. Katherine’s? Judging by her extreme reaction to the help I’d provided, that was most likely a strong no.
I brought my cell out of my pocket and unlocked the screen with a swipe, then scrolled through my contacts and hit dial on Marc’s number. He picked up after a couple rings.
“This is Gray.”
“It’s Noah,” I said.
“Oh, hey, buddy, how’s it going over there? You at work?”
“No, I came home for lunch,” I said. “Did Erika call you today?”
“Well, how do you do, too. Damn, dude, are you OK?”
“Fine. Did she call you?” I snapped the words out, barely controlling my anger at this fucked-up situation.
“Yeah, she called me. She asked about where I heard about the job, why? What’s up?”
“Nothing in particular,” I replied. “Just wanted to know. She was, uh, late for work this morning.”
“OK…”
“Fuck it, anyway, I’d better get back to it.”
“Wait a second, dude,” Marc said. “What’s going on? First Erika calls me about this shit, and then you do? What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“OK, can I speak to Erika then?”
“She’s not here,” I replied. “She, uh, she’s moved back in with her friend. Their apartment’s ready now.”
“Oh, for real?” Marc asked, and let out a light chuckle. “Shit, that’s a relief. Not gonna lie, man, I was worried about you two living together. Wouldn’t want anything to happen, you know? Anything regrettable.”
I grunted in place of replying.
“She’s been through too much to deal with anything complicated right now,” Marc continued, “I swear, this job was a godsend for her. When I spoke to her after the wedding, I could tell she was putting on a happy voice, but the truth was, she was broken after her last relationship. Pretty sure she would’ve had to live with my mom and dad for a while if the position at St. Katherine’s hadn’t come up.”
“Uh-huh.” Every word dug me deeper into that hole of guilt. “Yeah, that’s great.”
“I can’t thank you enough for looking out for her, man.”
“Yeah,” I repeated.
“All right, well, clearly you’re talkative as fuck today. I’m going to let you go, buddy, I’ve got a meeting in a half hour, anyway.”
“Bye.” I hung up without another word and moved to put my phone back in my pocket, but it rang in my hand. My brother’s number flashed on the screen. I lifted it, frowning, then answered. “Dave?”
“Noah,” he said in those deep, clipped tones that were so much like my father. “Care to explain why I’ve just a received a call from the chair in the maternity department? The woman you earmarked for the opening there put through her resignation this morning, just after nine, and I’ve got a panicked staff member on my hands. I thought you said this was a sure thing.”
“Fuck.”
“Fuck, indeed. The last thing the hospital needs is another hunt for the right person for the position. This looks bad for me, Noah. It’s embarrassing. The board was unimpressed already with me presenting a preselected candidate. Went against the hiring scheme they’d already established.”
“It wasn’t intentional,” I said. “I have no control over what another person does.”
“Be that as it may, you could have warned me that we were walking into an agreement with an untrustworthy doctor.”
“She’s not untrustworthy.”
My brother sniffed. “Guess I’ll have to clean up after you again.” And then he hung up. Out of the pair of siblings I had, me being the youngest, Dave pissed me o
ff the most. He was the mini-dad with the attitude of my mother. All the worst traits from both and, consequently, the star of the damn show at all times.
“Fuck,” I said, and tossed my phone onto the coffee table. It skidded across and hit a package of ornaments. It teetered, then fell over the edge. Glass balls with golden trim dropped from it and shattered on the floor as one, and I cursed again.
I’d let her go. I’d let her walk out because that was what she wanted, but I’d never fucking meant for her to quit her job. To give up the opportunity which could’ve changed her life or at least, fulfilled her purpose.
The memory of that conversation we’d had, of her truth about being infertile, about why she’d wanted to be an ob-gyn swam back to me, and my insides curled in on themselves.
I had a day of work ahead of me, empty of her, and then… Fuck, then? I needed a goddamn drink and a plan to get her back. Get her back to the hospital, at least.
And in my life? Maybe. Yes. Fuck, that didn’t matter, as long as she was happy. I could be alone if I knew for sure that Erika was set.
Erika
Erika – Aged 17
* * *
After an entire period of scribbling “Noah Cox” all over my sketchpad in art, I’d come to the conclusion that my love-hate crush had gotten totally out of control. Thankfully, we had an hour of PE to wipe thoughts of him from my mind.
I tucked the pad against my chest and strode down the hall toward the girls’ changing room, Jessie at my side. “Dude, are you sure you’re, like, OK? You’re acting really strange today.”
“Just had some stuff on my mind, I guess,” I said, “um, I—my partner in chem was absent today, and I had to carry the load, you know.”
“Ugh, don’t say ‘carry the load,’” Jessie whispered. “If people hear you say that out loud, they’ll think you mean something else. You know, like sexual.” Her eyes were wide and darted from side to side in her skull, checking the coast was clear. “Literally the last thing you need in high school is to be branded a slut. Just ask Nancy Tyler. Nobody will touch her with a ten-foot pole right now.”