Merran got to his feet, not liking that the redhead towered over him from that angle. His own temper ignited, a flash response to abuse him right back flared within him, but he drew on years of experience in tense situations to help him not overreact. Ignoring Alarin’s outburst, he looked at Alarin and then at Dana, deliberately bringing Alarin’s attention to the fact that there was someone else in the office. “I apologize for the intrusion and my compatriot’s rude behavior, Dana. Apparently, I have a crisis on my hands that I need to take care of right away,” he said in English, his tone polite and businesslike.
Alarin’s temper tantrum slipped into embarrassment as Dana, a tall, attractive brunette dressed formally in her designer business suit, kept her calm and poise. She leaned over and collected her brown leather briefcase. Getting to her feet, she assured Merran. “That’s all right, Ambassador. We were pretty much finished, I think. And you do have to take care of crises as they pop up.” Her tone was correct and very professional, without a hint of judgment that Alarin had burst in and started screaming in Azellian.
Alarin flushed a deep red from the bottom of his neck to the tips of his ears, unable to control the intensity of his physical reaction to his embarrassment. Visibly shoving down his temper to bring himself under control, he turned to her. “I’m sorry for the intrusion, Ms …” he said in English, the force of his anger draining away with his words. “I didn’t realize Merran had a meeting. The guard said he was available.”
“Redmond, Dana Redmond,” she replied, holding out a hand. “You must be Alarin Raderth?”
Alarin nodded and shook her hand. “I’m flattered that you recognize me,” he said, his native politeness resurging from the shattered shards of his temper. “I apologize again for my rudeness.”
Dana smiled at him, and some of the tension drained from the room. “It’s all right, Mr. Raderth. As I said, we were nearly finished anyway. Will you email me your final thoughts?” she asked Merran. “I’d like to get the interviews set up tomorrow.”
“I’ll have an answer for you tonight,” Merran replied, making sure he was as heavily shielded as Alarin. “Thank you, Dana.”
“You’re welcome, Ambassador.” She glanced at Alarin. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Raderth, Ms …”
“Tamara Carrington,” Tamara said, extending a hand.
Dana shook it and smiled warmly at her. “Pleased to meet you, Ms. Carrington.” She turned back to Merran. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Ambassador. Nice to meet you again, Mr. Raderth, Ms. Carrington.”
Alarin gave her a short bow and Tamara murmured a polite response as Dana walked to the door and exited. As soon as she was out the door, Merran turned on Alarin.
“What in the name of the aarya was that all about, Alarin?” he asked, his tone still cold and distant, reigning in his temper with an effort. “I have an office to run, you know.” Give us a moment, will you, Tamara? I’ll contact you when we’re done. He sent the request to Tamara’s intimate level. Tamara left as he requested, slipping out of the office quietly. Merran turned his attention back to Alarin. “What’s with barging in here and flailing around like a madman?”
Alarin’s aura flared, but it lacked the intensity of just a few moments ago when he’d slammed his way into the office. “You know what I’m talking about.”
“No, actually, I don’t,” Merran said slowly, enunciating his words carefully and slowly. “What has you so upset you felt the need to come barging in here, swearing at me in the jygar dialect, and demanding to know why I let her come? Who’s here? What are you talking about?”
“Idara. Idara’s here … as an exchange student.” Alarin stared down at the swirling design on the area rug carefully laid over the russet cherry wood floor planks, refusing to meet Merran’s eyes.
Merran raised an eyebrow, relaxing slightly. At least Alarin hadn’t started swearing again. Although his friend’s surprising facility with the vulgar, if creative, jygar dialect had been quite impressive, he didn’t really care to hear more of it. “Idara?”
“Yes,” Alarin snapped, starting to pace. “Larger than life and just as pushy. She’s not going to give me up without a fight, Merran, and you know how she fights. Why, in the name of the aarya, did you authorize her to come?”
Merran ran a hand through his hair. “I authorized five exchange students. Idara was not among them. My assistant, Jamian, greeted the students when they arrived the day before yesterday. I just found out about her arrival when he and I met this morning, and since then, I’ve gone from one meeting to another. I haven’t had a chance to even think about her presence here or its implications, Alari.”
Alarin stopped on the other side of Merran’s desk. “Like I believe that. Nothing happens in your exchange program without your approval. You didn’t even warn me! I thought we were friends. Friends don’t do that to each other, Merran.”
Merran yanked open a drawer and pulled out a computer tablet. He swiped a finger across it to activate the screen and threw the tablet across the desk at Alarin. “Look at the roster of students I authorized if you don’t believe me.”
Alarin stared at the list of students. “But I thought she had to ask you first.”
Merran snorted. “Why would I think Idara, of all people, would even want to study on Earth? I know her almost as well as you do. Never in my wildest dreams would I think she’d want to come to Earth, much less seek out a visa to actually do it. She didn’t go through me to get a visa.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “As for my say in the exchange program, since the fiasco with Justy, the Council has taken over the choice of candidates. They can, and apparently did, send people they didn’t tell me about.”
Alarin snorted. “As if.”
“Don’t believe me if you don’t want to. I don’t care.” He looked steadily at Alarin, picking up on the emotions behind Alarin’s outburst. They definitely feel more personally directed at me than just being upset about an unwanted ex-girlfriend showing up, he thought to himself as he relaxed and opened himself to the unspoken messages his friend was giving off. At least he’s talking to me, finally. “What did she do?”
Alarin took a deep breath. “She showed up at lunch and started in on Tam.”
“Did she harm Tamara? What did she do?” Merran asked again, and just the faintest hint of protectiveness crept into his tone, despite his effort to stay neutral.
Something, maybe that note of protectiveness in Merran’s voice, set Alarin off again. His temper flared. “She started in on Tam, all right. Does it matter? I’m not spending the next two years dodging her in every class I have. Get her off the planet!”
Merran took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What exactly did she do? Tell me what she did, Alari, and I will lodge a protest with the Council. Enough of those and I’ll force them to recall her. But I have to lodge a protest first or I’ll be censured myself.”
Alarin blew air out his lips in frustration, the brief flash subsiding. “She was harassing Tam.”
“Do I have to call Tamara in here to ask her myself?” Merran challenged, pulling up the reserves of patience he normally stockpiled for a particularly recalcitrant ambassador or dignitary. Alarin is acting so strange, he thought to himself. Almost paranoid. “Tell me what Idara did to Tamara, or I will call her in myself.”
Alarin’s jaw clenched. “Tam didn’t even understand what happened,” he muttered. “It’s not going to help for you to call her in.”
Merran took a deep breath. “Then you tell me what she did,” he said. “There is nothing I can do unless you tell me, formally, so I can lodge a protest.”
Alarin narrowed his eyes and looked at Merran, his expression as unpleasant as the dark emotions leaking from his shielding. “My telling you does nothing. As the wronged party, Tam has to be the one who lodges a protest, or am I not remembering the rules correctly?”
Merran scowled. “Will you stop treating me like I’m out to get you, Alarin? So what if you tell me and Tamara doesn’
t? As you said, Tamara didn’t understand what happened. It doesn’t make it any less hurtful, and I do have some leeway in the rules. Tell me what she did!”
Alarin stared down at the desk. “She reminded all the Azellians at the table that Tam is human and not High Council,” he muttered. “While she emphasized her own High Council connections.”
“Is that all?” Merran asked, relaxing abruptly. “From the way you were acting, I thought she attacked Tamara.”
“Is that all?” Alarin lifted his eyes and glared at Merran, his aura flaring. He said something in the jygar dialect again, then continued, “Is that all? I knew it! I just knew it! You just want her here because it will distract me and you’ll get Tam all to yourself.”
So there it is. I can feel it now. Jealousy. Even as Merran listened to the now clear projections of jealousy, insecurity, and fear rocketing around his office, he said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. How did we get from Idara being rude to Tamara to me wanting Tamara all to myself?”
“I’m not blind, Merran. You’re in love with her. Fine. You want her, take her. I’ll just go back to Azelle and you can have her.” Alarin straightened and switched to English. “If I’m back on Azelle, I might not have to listen to your fucking either.” He turned for the door, reaching out with psi abilities to pull it open.
“No, you don’t,” Merran snapped. He held the door shut under the pressure of his mind. “We’re dealing with this right now, Alarin Dorvath Raderth. You are not walking out of here thinking that I am trying to make a play for Tamara, or that Idara is my way of doing that.”
Alarin refused to turn around. They struggled for a moment, but Merran won. “Let me go, Merran. There’s nothing to talk about.”
Merran came around the other side of his desk. “You’re jealous.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re so jealous you can hardly see straight. Why?” Merran asked, walking over so he stood between Alarin and the door, forcing Alarin to meet his eyes. “You spend ten times more time with her than I do. You’ve made love to her so many more times than I have that my sex life has become pretty much exclusively experiencing what you two are doing. I haven’t had physical sex with Tamara or any other woman in a while. What are you afraid of?”
Alarin twitched.
“You’re afraid I’m going to get sick of it and demand my fair share of time, aren’t you?” Merran asked ruthlessly.
Alarin held his body and mind under control this time, giving Merran nothing but blank shields.
“Or are you more afraid that I’ll step back and give you free access to Tamara?” Merran asked, a sudden curiosity welling to the surface.
Alarin’s breath caught, but his shields didn’t waver.
“Is that it? This whole drama was to give yourself an excuse to leave Earth, to leave Tamara and what you feel for her?”
“I’m not you,” Alarin muttered under his breath.
Merran ignored the comment. “You are very capable of handling Idara, Alari. She probably is here to try to test the boundaries you’ve set up, but you are very good at distancing yourself. As for her behavior toward Tamara, you know as well as I do that Idara will listen to you. You tell her to stay away from Tamara, she’s going to obey. Not that she has much of a choice, if you use your Raderth willpower to force her to do what you want. Let go of this jealousy, Alari. I will step away from Tamara, if that’s what it takes.”
Alarin lifted his head and stared at Merran. “How can you do that, with the bond between us that forces you to share in Tamara’s sex life? Do you want to restrict yourself to a vicarious sex life? How long do you think that will last before you start demanding your share of time with Tamara?”
“What do you want, Alari? Forget Tamara. Forget about me. Forget all the rest of it. If the bond weren’t between us, what would you do?” Merran asked, leaning back against the door and crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Alarin’s breathing caught slightly, and he said nothing.
“I thought so. You love her; you want to be with her. She feels the same way, you know.”
Alarin frowned, looking up. “What do you mean?”
“She loves you, Alari. I’m an empath, remember? Even without the bond, I know quite well how she feels about you. And I, for better or worse, can’t give her what she needs,” Merran replied, feeling suddenly tired. While Alarin had been working himself into a jealous rage, Merran had been sensing the cracks in their relationship and had tried to talk about it with Alarin before it got to this point. That Alarin chose to get angry and throw a temper tantrum, not taking the more reasonable approach to talk through his troubles around their odd little arrangement, made Merran very tired.
Alarin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “No matter what you say, the bond between us does make a difference, Mer. No matter how we feel about it, we’re irrevocably tied together. It’s going to destroy us if we don’t deal with it.”
Look who’s talking, Merran thought to himself sarcastically, but he kept all hint of that emotion buried under heavy shields. Instead, he studied Alarin as he spoke. “Not necessarily irrevocably,” he responded quietly.
Alarin’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been talking to Greg about it for some time now. Pretty much ever since it became glaringly apparent that Tamara and I have not been spending time with each other. He says he thinks the bond may have been established at Tamara’s Awakening, but that our activities after that served to strengthen it. He thinks the sexual sharing part will fade with time, if Tamara and I don’t renew it by being together.”
Alarin stared intently at Merran, unable to suppress the surge of hope that spilled through his body. “What? How does he know that?”
“Because the intensity of my participation in your sex life is fading off the longer I’m away from Tamara. At the risk of condemning myself to a hell of you two rabbits going at it, I can ignore you two having sex if I have to, whereas not that long ago, there was no way I could have ignored it to save my life.” He made sure his tone was calm, as if it didn’t matter. As if he didn’t care. The funny thing is I do care, just not as much as I care about you two, he thought to himself.
Alarin was silent for a moment. “That doesn’t change how Tam feels about you. You’re lying to yourself if you think she doesn’t love you.”
“No matter what Tamara may feel, the reality is that I’ve already chosen to be married, Alari. To my job, to my life as an ambassador. She deserves more than my occasional attention when I have the time, and I sense that she already knows that. It’s not something I can see changing. Me? Married, with kids? Not in this lifetime.”
Alarin eyed him narrowly. “Ambassadors don’t have to be single. Being married to your job is your choice.”
Merran shrugged. “I just said that. I’ve thought about it quite a bit since Tamara’s Awakening and the establishment of this bond, Alari. For better or worse, I can’t give Tamara my full attention. For better or worse, since you and she have been having sex, she’s come to depend on you, come to love you. I don’t mind stepping back. Once our link through sex is gone, it will be even easier.”
Alarin scowled at him. “You still love her. The link you have with her is not just sexual.”
Merran shrugged again. “We’re friends, too, Alari. If I step back, I’m not going to betray you with Tamara just because she and I care about each other. Are you afraid she doesn’t love you as much as she loves me?”
Alarin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s a thought.”
Merran raised an eyebrow. “And a baseless one. Whose bed has she been in pretty much constantly since her mother’s death?”
“Because yours hasn’t been available.”
Merran snorted. “You haven’t been paying attention, Alari, if you think she’s chosen you because I’m not available. She turned me down several times before she left on vacation.”
“She did?”
Alarin asked slowly, his tone lightening considerably.
Merran spread his hands and let Alarin read the truth from his mind. “She’s sensitive enough to have picked up on the nuances long before you were ready to admit they existed. Of course, she was pretty clever at making me think there really were other reasons she couldn’t have sex with me, but she’s managed to tell me no quite a few times. In fact, I’ve had only a handful of sexual encounters with her on the physical level since you and she started having sex. If anyone should be jealous, it should be me. In truth,” he continued thoughtfully, “it’s for the best. I’d rather have you and Tamara happy than Tamara with me. I care about your and her well-being more than I care about who’s in my bed.”
Alarin relaxed abruptly. “I didn’t know that. She … never told me.”
“Why would she? I’m not sure she was consciously aware of what she was doing anyway. Now go. I have work to do, and you have a relationship to build and nurture.” He stepped aside so Alarin could pull the door open and leave. “You do anything to hurt her, though, and we’ll have words,” he said, only half-joking.
“Stand in line. I think Greg would be there first.”
“You’re probably right. Take care of her, Alari.”
“If she lets me. You know how prickly she gets about her independence.” He put his hand on the door and looked back at Merran. “What about the bond? How long do you have to continue in enforced chastity?”
Merran sighed. “I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Hopefully it will fade before Festival descends upon us.”
Alarin frowned, doing some mental calculations regarding the upcoming Azellian spring ritual. “They told us it would affect us on Earth, but does Festival really impact us that strongly here?”
Merran made a sound. “Oh yes. The aaryaSong travels quite well through the galactic aether.”
Alarin’s eyes widened. “They told us before we came to Earth that humans don’t know about it. How have we kept it from them? I mean, if the Song is heard so clearly here, how have we been hiding it?”
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