by Nic Tatano
"Well, yeah. Sure. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a woman who didn't think he was attractive. Physically he's off the charts, and he's nice, too. I have to admit I was flattered that he asked for my phone number when we first met because guys like that can hook up with supermodels."
"She obviously tapped into that and used him to tempt you. I think Sebastien was right, they're trying to come between the four of you."
"Makes sense." I stare into my coffee cup. "Mom, there's something else."
"What?"
"Well, I don't know how to put this…but when I was kissing Trip in the dream, or what I thought was a dream, well, I felt something. A real connection that I don't feel with Ryan."
"You weren't yourself, sweetie. Hey, if I had a dream and ran into Bradley Cooper I'd rip his clothes off."
"You got a thing for Bradley Cooper?"
"I'm middle-aged, honey, I'm not dead. Anyway, you're being manipulated."
"God, I hope that's it."
She reaches across the table and takes my hands. "Let me tell you something about love. It's not about finding someone you can live with, but finding someone you can't live without."
Once again, parents can sometimes simplify things. It makes perfect sense.
"Could you live without Ryan?"
"No way, Mom."
I decide to do a little damage control and stop by Ryan's dorm room with a small peace offering. Even though Mom says I've done nothing wrong and it wasn't my fault, I know I've hurt him. The kind of hurt that doesn't go away quickly, and I know how fragile a guy's ego can be, even a self-confident guy like Ryan. I've got a box of red velvet cupcakes, his favorite, from Roxanne's family bakery. Just as I'm about to knock on the door he comes up behind me, dripping with sweat, carrying a gym bag.
"Hey, Sparks, good timing."
He didn't call me Jillian. Maybe he's not mad anymore.
I lean forward and give him a quick kiss. "Brought you a present." I hand him the box and he smiles as he sees it's from the bakery.
"Thanks. You didn't have to do this. I'm okay."
"I don't need a reason to do nice things for the man I love. So, you and Jake been playing racquetball?"
"We're playing later today. I joined the campus health club. It's free to students and you get a personal trainer for your first visit."
I scrunch up my face. "Isn't racquetball enough exercise for one day? Since when are you a gym rat?"
He opens the door to the room, holds it for me and I walk inside. "Racquetball is a great workout, but I wanna get strong. I started lifting weights. Trainer says I could add ten pounds of muscle since I'm only one-seventy. I started boxing classes as well."
Oh, crap. I know what this is about. When it comes to men everything boils down to that "size matters" bullshit. He saw me with a guy who's a lot taller and bigger than him and built like a comic book superhero. "I don't suppose this has anything to do with what happened the other night."
"I just thought it was time to tone up. You know. Get buffed. For you."
"Uh-huh." He moves inside and I close the door behind him. He puts his gym bag away, grabs a towel, and wipes his face. "Ryan, look at me."
He turns to face me. "What?"
I move forward and take his arms. "You don't have to change a thing for me. You're perfect the way you are."
"You're only saying that because you love me."
I shake my head and exhale in frustration. "Does the stupidity of what you just said even register in that head of yours?"
"What? It's true. You don't want to hurt my feelings because you love me."
I look to the side and do my anchorwoman voice. "Let's recap that last idiotic statement for those of you who just tuned in." I turn back to him and tap him on the head with a knuckle. "Hello! McFly! What were those last three words you said? Huh?"
"You love me."
"Now, would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change? Maybe if you focus on those three words you'll realize I say things to you because they're true. Because I love you. So yes, you're perfect for me. I thought of you that way before we started dating. You're a six-foot hunk without an ounce of fat, and I oughta know because I've conducted a thorough search. You don't have to get all musclebound because I'm already yours and you have a hammerlock on my heart that no one is going to break."
"I wanna be strong for you. Be able to protect you."
Damn. Guys just don't get it.
I snake my arms around his neck and give him a soulful look. "Ryan, there's more to being strong than just physical strength, which, I might add, you already have. You've been my emotional rock since I've known you. I never had a father and you always protected me and took care of me, even when we were little. I've always been able to lean on you. And, in case you've forgotten, you almost gave your life to save me a few months ago. Which was the second time you nearly died for me. I couldn't find a stronger guy than you if I tried."
He grows a hangdog look and his face drops.
"This is about what happened at the dance, isn't it?" I ask.
He nods, still looking at the floor. "I was, you know, feeling a little…inadequate."
I take his chin and lift it so he's facing me. "Stop it. Stop it right now, young man. There's nothing inadequate about you. Any girl would be thrilled to have you and I'm incredibly lucky to be that girl."
"I just…felt like such a shrimp next to him."
I roll my eyes. "Obviously you're not getting my point. You talk to Jake a lot, right?"
"Yeah."
"And in case you hadn't noticed, he's got an amazon girlfriend who towers over him and yet is madly in love with him. She doesn't think he's a shrimp. Hell, she wears four inch heels around him. She's proud to be seen with him."
"Yeah. I guess."
"You guess? For God's sake, Ryan, I love you! Do I have to have sex with you to prove it?"
"No, of course not. We agreed to wait."
"Good, because you shouldn't need it to know how I feel. What happened the other night wasn't me."
"Deep down I know that, Sparks. But it's still hard to compete with a guy like that."
Roxanne's bite of bagel nearly falls out of her mouth as she looks at Trip sitting down at the opposite end of the coffee bar. "That's the guy you made out with?"
I take a look and nod as I sip my coffee. "Yeah. Trip Logan."
"Yowza. Damn, Jillian, at least the dream weaver has good taste. I'm not sure I'd wanna wake up."
"Down, girl. You're still taken, remember?"
"I know, but geez, he looks computer generated. You basically had a fantasy come true and got a get out of jail free card."
"Doesn't make me feel any better about it. And I didn't get away free. It really hurt Ryan. He's still upset."
"Hell, I don't blame him. The equivalent would be me seeing Jake making out with a supermodel."
"And get this…Ryan joined the health club. Started weight training and boxing lessons."
Rox shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "If men have one common denominator, you just found out what it is."
I take a quick look at Trip, who is busy reading a book. "That's not the only thing bothering me, Rox." I lower my voice to a whisper. "I…uh…can't stop thinking about it. Me and Trip, I mean. What happened the other night is stuck in my head."
"I wouldn't be able to forget either. But as long as you're just thinking, you won't need to go to confession."
"It's not just that he's incredibly hot. Remember when you went out last year with that football player?"
"The crash test dummy? Yeah, what about it?"
"Remember how you didn't feel anything? Well, this was different. I felt something with Trip I never felt with Ryan."
"That's 'cause you were dreaming. Or thought you were."
I shake my head. "No, no, there was something else. We were, I don't know, it was like we were connected on a different level. There was an electricity about it, like we we
re meant to be together."
"Jillian, stop it." She stares at Trip over her coffee cup, then turns back to me. "You caught the sexual brass ring for a couple of minutes, that's all. You're acting like a man."
"What do you mean by that?
"You're thinking with the wrong head." She looks at Trip again. "It will pass."
"She says as she stares at the guy and drools all over the table."
"Hey, it doesn't matter where I work up my appetite as long as I have dinner at home."
"I'm sure Jake would appreciate knowing that. Meanwhile, I need to talk to Trip."
Her eyes widen. "Are you out of your mind? You're only gonna make things worse. What if Ryan walks in?"
"He's got class right now. Rox, I need to know what really happened, I need his point of view. What I remember and what Ryan saw when he read my mind are two very different things. I need to know why there are two different memories in my head of the same event. I promise, this will be the last time I ever talk to him."
"I'm tellin' ya, you're playing with fire."
"I'll be fine."
Roxanne finishes her bagel, wipes her mouth with a napkin and stands up. "Okay, but I gotta get to class in five minutes, so I can't keep an eye on you."
"Really, I'll be okay."
"Well, if you're gonna do this at least take me over and introduce me."
"Working up that appetite?"
"I want an up close and personal look at Mister Universe. I'm attached, but I'm not dead."
I get up and lead her over to Trip's table. He's engrossed in his book as we approach. He looks up and his eyes widen and fill with a touch of concern. "Uh…Jillian. Hi. You sure this is a good idea?"
"We need to talk, Trip. Oh, this is my best friend, Roxanne."
He stands up and extends his hand. Rox does all she can to keep her jaw from hanging open as she looks up at him but is unsuccessful. This is one of the few guys who's taller than her in her heels. "Hi, Trip Logan."
She shakes his hand. "Uh-huh."
She doesn't say anything else as he sits down. I give her a gentle elbow in the ribs. "You've got class, right?"
"Whuh?" Her eyes are still locked on him. "Class, right. Nice to meet ya."
"My pleasure," he says. Rox turns and walks right into a chair, nearly falls, then continues out of the coffee bar. I grab a chair opposite Trip and sit down.
"Look, Trip, what happened the other night—"
He puts up his hands. "I promise, it won't happen again. You don't have to worry about me coming between you and your boyfriend. I'll keep my distance."
"It's not that. I wasn't myself and…Well, I need to know what I said."
"You don't remember?"
"I can't handle my liquor." I've never even had alcohol, but it's the best excuse I can come up with.
"Okay. Well, I went out in the hall to use my cell, and just as I finished the call I saw you, so I shouted out to you."
"I remember that. What happened next?"
"You asked me what I was doing there, which I thought was an odd question. I told you I'd come to the dance."
"You didn't say anything about dreams?"
His brow tightens. "Dreams? What dreams?"
"Not important. So then what did I say?"
"You said you'd been thinking about me, and I said I'd been thinking about you too but it was really frustrating since you had a boyfriend. You started to laugh and I asked you what was so funny. Then you said you were unattached, that you always told guys you just met you had a boyfriend. Until you got to know them better. Just to be safe. And then you said you wanted to get to know me better, that I seemed like a good guy after saving you from getting hit by the cab."
"I said that?"
"Yeah. So now I'm thinking I have a shot with you so I got excited. Jillian, I was very interested from the moment I met you. I hadn't stopped thinking about you."
"Me? I would think a guy who looks like you would have women beating down your door."
He actually blushes a bit. "There's something about you, Jillian. I'm mean, you're gorgeous and all but you have this incredible life force thing going that takes it to another level. Anyway, when you almost got hit by the car and I got to spend a little time with you, it made things worse. I'll admit I got turned on carrying you down the street when you put your arms around me. It was driving me crazy that you had a boyfriend because I desperately wanted a chance with you."
I must say I'm getting really flattered at this point, and now I'm beginning to blush, but I need to stick to the task at hand. "Okay, so what happened next?"
"Well, you started talking about how I saved your life and how you felt protected when I carried you to the infirmary. How you hadn't properly thanked me and wanted to do it in private. You started sliding your hands up my arms, then around my neck and you gave me this look that went right into my soul. Then you jumped into my arms, wrapped your legs around me and started kissing me. Then you asked me to take you back to my place. That's when your boyfriend showed up."
"You didn't make the first move? You didn't pick me up?"
He shakes his head. "No, you took the initiative. And you certainly weren't shy about it."
"And I asked you to take me to your place?"
He nods. "Yeah."
"Were you going to?"
"A guy doesn't pass up an invitation like that from a girl like you. But then your boyfriend showed up. Talk about a disappointing end to an evening." He looks around, leans forward and lowers his voice. "Look, Jillian, I'm sorry you got in trouble with your boyfriend, but I never would have let it happen if you hadn't said you were unattached. I don't want you to think of me as one of those guys who breaks up relationships."
"I don't. And I want to thank you for the way you handled it. That was quick thinking on your part. It would have ended up much worse."
"Well, I understand how he feels, and I'd feel the same way. He obviously cares for you a great deal. Lucky bastard."
"Actually, I'm the lucky one."
"So how are things with your boyfriend? He looked pretty angry."
I shrug. "He's hurt, but he's tough. He'll get over it."
"Good. Not sure I will."
"Excuse me?"
He leans forward and locks eyes with me. "Jillian, I know we were only kissing for a minute or two, but what I felt with you is something I've never felt before."
Jake and I are riding to The Summit on this Saturday morning. Mom's backed up on her clients, so she isn't tagging along. Sebastien only wanted to see the two of us since we're the ones who have been affected. Roxanne and Ryan are patiently waiting at home, both of whom hoping for something that will explain why the people they love suddenly seem interested in others. But them being left behind is fine since I wanted a chance to talk with Jake and bring him into the loop. While I know I've been affected, he doesn't think anything is different.
"Trust me, Jake, you've changed."
"I changed last year, remember? In a good way."
"I know. But you're doing stuff you wouldn't normally do. And I've been meaning to talk to you about it since Roxanne hasn't."
He turns to me as I drive and keep my eyes on the road. "What's up with Rox?"
I exhale deeply, knowing she didn't want me to talk about it, but I can't let this go on. It's hurting her too much. "Jake, you've been talking about another woman when you're out with her."
"No I haven't. I would never do that."
"You've been doing it. You just don't realize it."
"Well, then, who am I talking about?"
"Your teacher, Ms. Cruise."
"That's different, Jillian. I was just talking about a teacher I like, that's all."
"Yeah, but the way it comes out, it sounds like you're interested in her. Romantically."
"That's ridiculous. Cruise is old enough to be my mother. And I love Roxanne."
"I know you do, and she knows you do. But your teacher has seriously screwed with your mind." I ca
n tell he doesn't believe me, so I decide to tell him about seeing him in a reading. "Okay, you have to pinky swear with me that you will not tell Roxanne what I'm about to tell you."
His face tightens. "What?"
"Pinky swear." I stick out my pinky.
He shakes it with his. "Yeah, sure. So what's the big secret?"
"I saw you in my crystal ball the other night."
"You did a reading for Roxanne?"
"No, Jake. It was a reading for someone else who is a student at our college, but you were in it. You were kissing Ms. Cruise. And it looked like you were going to go a lot further."
We're both propped up on a couple of hospital beds with electrodes attached to our heads. Jake is noticeably upset about what's been going on with Cruise, especially after talking with Sebastien about her. After two hours of testing, I'm ready for answers.
But when Sebastien walks in with a worried look, I know I'm not getting the answers I want.
"You can remove the wires now," he says. Jake and I quickly pull the sticky connectors from our foreheads.
"So, what's the verdict?' I ask.
Sebastien looks down at a printout. "Both of you have been affected in the same way."
"How so?" asks Jake.
"Your brain waves have been altered."
My eyes widen. "Altered?"
"The patterns have changed slightly. In the Delta waves."
"The subconscious ones," says Jake. "The ones her father wanted to access in her."
"Correct," says Sebastien. "Jake, I know you would like to drop this class, but if we are to study this situation we need you to remain close."
"I understand," he says. "Not sure Roxanne will, though."
"And Jillian, I need you to monitor her class, but only using your alter ego. Remember, she cannot access your brain waves when you are a projection. We will need to compare what Jake takes from the class to what she is actually saying."
"Okay. So…what does this mean?" I ask. "Can we be, you know, fixed?"
Sebastien looks at the floor. "I'm told it's like a virus in your brain waves. Right now we have no idea how to deal with it, but at least we have isolated the problems."
"So how do I know when I'm dreaming and when I'm not?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "Unfortunately, I cannot answer that question. You will simply have to be very careful."