by Kumo Kagyu
Goblin Slayer turned his helmet from one side to the other, watching them without concern. Spearman was equipped with his armor and his beloved spear, a knapsack hanging from the point. As for Witch, she was wearing her usual outfit and held her usual staff. She also carried a cylindrical container with a scroll in it. It was perfectly obvious where the two were going.
“Off on an adventure?”
“Yes.” Witch’s eyes, graced by long lashes, narrowed slightly. “A date…if you will.”
“And I guess you’ve been up to goblin slaying?”
“Yes,” Goblin Slayer nodded. “I just finished.”
“Feh. Sure,” Spearman muttered, then opened his mouth to say something else. But an expression that was difficult to describe passed over his face; he looked from the helmet to the Guild and back again, then closed his mouth without saying anything.
Goblin Slayer pushed the door open, making room to one side. After a moment’s reflection, thinking he should say something, he offered briefly, “Be careful.”
“You’re the last person I want to hear that from.”
Spearman bumped a fist against Goblin Slayer’s shoulder as he passed by. He was already on his way as Goblin Slayer regarded his shoulder with a touch of perplexity. When he looked up again, he found Witch giving him an oddly significant smile before making her exit, her hips swaying.
“…Hmm.”
Goblin Slayer cocked his head slightly, letting go of the half-open door. It creaked as it slid shut, and then he opened it again, by himself this time.
The rousing holler of the building enveloped him. One party was clustered at the front desk, trying to report on their adventure. Another eyed the bulletin board, looking for a quest they could start immediately. Some people were hanging out at the bar, enjoying a day off, while others were eagerly taking on new adventures. It was loud, it was rude, and the whole place rang with the sound of weapons and equipment and voices.
Goblin Slayer gave the scene a once-over from the entranceway, then strode over to the open waiting area. He could see that Guild Girl was currently busy helping other adventurers. His head bobbed in response to her slight bow, and he plopped onto the bench.
“Oh!”
“Ah!”
This provoked a pair of incoherent exclamations from nearby. He turned to look and found a young man and a young woman who appeared completely exhausted.
It was Rookie Warrior and Apprentice Priestess. Perhaps they had been having a water fight, because their hair was damp, and they were soaked through. All the same, there was a hint of excitement on their faces, most likely the pleasure of a job done.
A club hung next to the sword at the boy’s hip. It was grimy and well-used, and there was a loop of string at the hilt. Goblin Slayer tilted his helmet ever so slightly.
“So you’re using it.”
“…Oh, uh, yeah.” Rookie Warrior shifted uncomfortably, then gave the club a gentle smack with his open palm. “It’s pretty good.”
“Is that so?” Goblin Slayer said with a nod.
Rookie Warrior scratched his cheek in a way that suggested indecision, then said, “I’ve been thinking…”
“…”
“Maybe I’ll name it Masher.”
“I see.”
“Hey,” Apprentice Priestess said, giving the young warrior a jab with her elbow. “That name’s embarrassing.”
Rookie Warrior grunted, but didn’t back down. “Yeah, but…”
Goblin Slayer looked from one to the other as they began to bicker, then stood up.
The party in front of Guild Girl was gone.
Goblin Slayer was silent for a moment, but before he began to move he murmured, “That’s not bad.”
Their argument stopped in an instant. The boy and girl gaped at the cheap-looking steel helmet as though they couldn’t believe what they’d just heard. The helmet inclined just a bit to look down at them.
“It won’t do for throwing, but that string is clever,” the quiet voice went on. “Maybe I’ll try it.”
The two young adventurers found themselves looking at each other as Goblin Slayer turned his back to them and strode off.
At the reception desk Guild Girl, finished with the other adventurers, was straightening a sheaf of papers. When she saw the grimy steel helmet, she gave a bright smile.
“Welcome back, Mr. Goblin Slayer!”
“Thanks.” The chair groaned under his weight as he sat down, and he briefly registered some unfamiliar objects on the reception desk. They were dolls small enough to fit in the palm of the hand—no, it was a group of five or six pawns in the shape of adventurers.
“Oh, these?” Guild Girl couldn’t restrain a giggle as she patted one with a fingertip. It seemed to be a warrior in light armor. It stood with a tiny shield and sword, and she placed it gently in her hand. “I found them the other day… They’re just game pieces, but I felt a little bad putting them away somewhere.”
“Is that so?” She nodded at him and put the figurine back in its place. A lightly armored scout, a knight with a steel helmet, an elf sorceress, a dwarf warrior, and an elderly monk.
“Is this…a party?”
“Yes. Adventurers who set off to close the gate of the tomb that leads to hell. Not that they ever quite managed…” She scratched her cheek.
“It’s well balanced,” he said.
“Yes. It’s a very good party.” She talked about their adventure as if it had actually happened. How they had found the entrance to the tomb, fought with a guardian monster in green, and the terrible maze…
Goblin Slayer listened in silence, until Guild Girl came back to herself with a start.
“P-pardon me! I’ve just been going on all this time…”
“Don’t worry,” Goblin Slayer said with a shake of his head. “It’s quite interesting.”
“It is?” Guild Girl cocked her head with a slight bob of her braids. Then she gave a little cough. She offered him a cup of the tea she had prepared and settled herself again in her seat.
“So, uh… How’d your quest go?”
Goblin Slayer took the cup and drained it, then said:
“There were goblins.”
Right, right. Guild Girl was smiling as if this made her happy, her pen dancing along the page. How many were there? How had they set themselves up? How had he killed them? Did he rescue anyone? Was the quest successful?
He gave her the information dispassionately. All was just as usual. Another goblin slaying job by Goblin Slayer. When she had finished taking down a quick report, she read it back over, double-checking everything.
It was all in order. Guild Girl congratulated him again on a job well done, then put her seal on the report. Now the job was truly over. All that was left was to get his reward from the safe.
“Now then, your reward… Oh, that’s right.” She clapped her hands with their neatly trimmed nails. There was something she mustn’t forget. “Do you remember the village from the other day?”
“Which village?”
“The one you went to alone…”
“Ah,” he nodded. The cave. The villagers. The boy. The prisoner. “I remember.”
“Well, that village,” Guild Girl said with a meaningful chuckle, “sent you a little thank-you gift.”
She told him to wait for a moment and scuttled off like a happy puppy. She took a leather pouch out of the safe and measured it on a scale, making sure the gold weighed what it should. No problem.
She put the pouch on a tray, then gave a hup! and placed an incongruous basket beside it. The result, on the reception desk, was a pile of corn that looked to be freshly harvested.
“They said this is for you to eat!”
“Oh-ho.”
Goblin Slayer picked up one of the ears; it was heavy in his hand. He pulled back the leaves to reveal beautiful golden kernels.
“This is very ripe.”
“Isn’t it?” She stuck out her delightfully average chest, as proud as if she had grown it
herself. “And you know what? The person who brought it was someone you saved recently.”
“…Was it, now?”
“Uh-huh!” Guild Girl let her eyes drift to the corn with an expression that bespoke relief. It was rare that adventurers or mercenaries found themselves with a second chance when they had failed once. “It’s great, huh?”
“Yeah.” Goblin Slayer let his helmet bob slowly up and down. “Excellent.”
And then, with all the paperwork and procedures finished, Goblin Slayer took the basket of corn and stood. Except for very recent registrants, none of those gathered in the Guild paid him special attention. Perhaps a few glanced up and remarked, “Oh, he’s at it again.” It was no different for Apprentice Boy as he peeked out from the workshop, offering a small bow.
Goblin Slayer stopped. “What is it?” The boy wiped his hands on his apron before he spoke.
“Aw, nothing. I just thought you might, uh, need a sword or something, and I wanted to come take your order.”
“I see,” Goblin Slayer nodded. “In that case, one, please.”
“Sure thing. Don’t want to order several at once?”
“No.” Goblin Slayer patted the sheath at his side. “I can only carry one at a time.”
“That’s our Goblin Slayer,” Apprentice Boy said with a wry smile and a nod. “I’ll get one ready for you, then, and—whoa! That’s some corn!” He caught sight of the basket and blinked. “Lucky you,” he said. “I didn’t realize it was the season already.”
“It is.”
“Out in the country, back before I came here, we used to boil corn all the time. You know, in summer.”
“Is that so?” Goblin Slayer reached nonchalantly into the basket and pulled out two or three ears of corn. He thrust them in the apprentice’s direction. “Do you want some?”
Apprentice Boy made a sound of surprise. “Can I? Really?”
“I owe quite a bit to you and your master.”
“W-well, sure, then! Thanks very much!” Bowing his head, Apprentice Boy ran off with corn under both arms. “Hey, boss!” His voice echoed in the workshop. Goblin Slayer turned and walked on.
The day was ending and adventures were over, so the Guild was packed with adventurers. He worked his way through the crowd, giving a slight nod of his head each time someone he knew greeted him.
“Geez. You could have let us know. We could have cooked them in the kitchen.”
Just as he reached the door, he felt a tugging on his elbow.
“What?” He looked and saw Padfoot Waitress, holding his arm and glaring pointedly in the direction of the workshop.
“In fact, I’m pretty sure you should have brought us some of that first.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah. We could have prepared it, and everyone could have shared it! That wasn’t very nice of you…” she continued, piling on the invective.
Goblin Slayer simply nodded and said, “Is that so?”
With his basket of corn, the steel-helmeted adventurer stood out like an even sorer thumb than usual.
“Yo, Goblin Slayer!” a jubilant voice called from the tavern.
He turned his helmet to look. Heavy Warrior waved a hand, his red face suggesting he was well into his cups already.
“You look like a man who needs a drink. C’mere and let’s toast!”
“Don’t tell me you want him to join us?” Female Knight, her lovely face tinged with a bit of crimson, puffed out her cheeks next to the warrior.
“Aw, what’s the harm? Just once in a while.”
“Some of us would like something other than goblin stories to go with our drinks.” Her chair clattered as she stood with an exasperated mutter of “Oh, forget it,” and changed seats. “Move over, kids. The paladin’s sitting here.”
“I dunno, you really think you can call yourself a paladin with a mouth like that…?” said Scout Boy.
“You watch yourself. See if I don’t Holy Smite you one of these days…”
“Sure. It’s been nothing but Shield Bash with you lately,” Druid Girl commented.
“And what, pray tell, is wrong with a knight using her shield? Blame the gods for not giving me any miracles!”
“Agh, will you will be quiet already?! A man can’t hear himself think!”
Scout Boy and Druid Girl had started arguing like children when Female Knight pushed them out of the way. Heavy Warrior broke in and glowered at everyone. He had no attention to spare for Goblin Slayer.
Just as the latter was trying to figure out what to do, a shadow appeared beside him. It was the half-elf from Heavy Warrior’s party. He offered an elegant bow of his head and winked.
“I will have a word with our esteemed leaders. Please, pay them no mind.”
“No kidding!” Padfoot Waitress said with a chuckle. “They’re waaay past drunk. Nothing to see there.” She waved her paw-like hand as if shooing something away. “All right, sir, off with you. It wouldn’t do to keep anyone waiting, would it?”
“…” Goblin Slayer turned his helmet toward both of them, then toward Heavy Warrior at the bar. He looked up, then down. “Thanks.”
“No problem!” She answered his quiet word of gratitude with a smile, and he said nothing further as he left the building.
Jostled by the adventurers all around, he opened the saloon doors and went outside. There was a cool night breeze, and within his helmet, Goblin Slayer closed his eyes. Then he took a step forward. He proceeded down the street with his usual bold, casual stride, heading for the main gate. Then again, the gate was right next to the Guild, so it wasn’t very far. Still…
Among the press of adventurers and travelers hurrying through the gate, one massive form stood head and shoulders above the rest. Goblin Slayer stopped when he noticed the distinctive silhouette, and its owner saw him, too.
“Oh-ho, milord Goblin Slayer!” The lizardman’s face lit up, and he made a broad wave of his arm to get the warrior’s attention. When Goblin Slayer got close enough through the crowd, he could see three others at the lizard’s side—all his usual companions were there.
The four looked exhausted, their clothes dirty, but a sense of accomplishment was clear on their faces. Dwarf Shaman’s nose twitched at the faint smell of blood, and he unstoppered a bottle of wine to get rid of it.
“What’s this? Don’t tell me you’re heading out again at this hour, Beard-cutter?”
“No,” Goblin Slayer said with a shake of his helmet. “I’m on my way home. What about you?”
“Just wrapped up a little adventure.”
“It’s sure rough with just one person on the front row!” High Elf Archer made a sound of annoyance and an exaggerated shrug, shaking her head. Then she reached out and grabbed Priestess, pulling her into a hug.
“E-eek!”
“I’ll bet you’re pretty tired.”
“N-no, I’m—” The sudden physical contact seemed to throw her for a loop; it might or might not have been why she lowered her head shyly. “I’m fine. Thanks to everyone working so hard to protect me…”
“Aw, and modest, too!” High Elf Archer held the girl’s willowy arms, patting her head and chirping, “What a sweetie.” She managed to look up at Goblin Slayer at the same time, with no apparent intention of letting him get away. “Now,” she said, “I’m no dwarf, but I thought we should have a little treat.”
“I see.”
“Ooh, is that corn?” The elf’s eyes, ever sharp, fell on the basket Goblin Slayer was carrying. Unless she was terribly mistaken, it was full of ripe, yellow corn, still in the leaf. “Ooh! Ooh! Can I have some? Please?” No sooner had she spoken than she had let go of Priestess and snatched an ear.
“Are you an elf or a rhea?” Dwarf Shaman asked, caught between exasperation and amusement.
“It’s fine,” Goblin Slayer said, causing the elf to puff out her little chest even more proudly.
Priestess was busy being frantic at the whole situation, and Lizard Priest let out
a sharp hiss. “Oh-ho. This was a staple in my homeland.”
“Huh? You mean you eat something besides meat?” Priestess asked, surprised. She could see an argument coming on despite their fatigue, and she wanted to avoid it if at all possible.
“We often made porridge from it or drank it in a soup with honey or agave.”
“Wow! I can hardly picture it.” High Elf Archer leaned in, her interest successfully diverted, and Priestess let out a small sigh of relief.
“In that case, I shall prepare some. Ah, yes, milord Goblin Slayer.”
“What?”
“If I may trouble you, I would like another round of…”
“Cheese?”
“…Mm.”
Lizard Priest’s head bobbed restlessly, and he couldn’t hold back a slap of his tail on the ground.
“I’ll have it delivered directly to your room.”
“Ahh! My gratitude knows no bounds! This has become an addiction with me…” He went on in this vein, with cries of “Oh, sweet nectar!” and the like.
“Orcbolg,” High Elf Archer said, watching the lizard out of the corner of her eye, “why don’t you just bring it yourself, then?”
“Then it would not be farm work.”
“Hmmm.”
Did that count as a kind of integrity? High Elf Archer flicked her ears and giggled. “That’s perfect, then…I was just thinking of asking you to do some work.”
“Goblins?”
“Absolutely not,” High Elf Archer said with a wave of her ears. “I want you to see this girl back to the temple.”
“Hwah?!” Priestess had not expected to become the subject of conversation. She found herself being pushed from behind until she was standing in front of Goblin Slayer. She looked frantically from him to High Elf Archer and back. “Oh! Uh! I—I’m fine…by myself. It’s not far…”
“The open road’s a dangerous place at night.” Dwarf Shaman ran a hand along his beard, a teasing smile on his face. “Goblins could show up at any time. Isn’t that right, Beard-cutter?”
“Yes,” Goblin Slayer said with utmost seriousness. “But aren’t you staying at the Guild inn?”
“Yeah, but it sounds like she’s got something to do with the autumn festival, hmm?”