by Grace Lin
Famous
THE NEXT MORNING AT BREAKFAST, DAD SLAPPED the newspaper in front of my bowl of rice porridge.
“You’re a star!” he said. “Can I have your autograph?”
What was he talking about? And then I saw it. There was a picture of me in the paper! I couldn’t believe it! It was a picture of me carrying my poster. The title of the photo said, “Oxford Rd. Elementary Shows Many Talents,” and underneath it the caption said, “The Oxford Rd. Elementary School held its Talent Show last night. The singing, dancing, and music talents of the school were captured in the poster by the drawing talent of Grace Lin.”
The big poster almost covered me completely; you could just see my head and the top part of my shoulder. I didn’t know they took my picture! I wasn’t looking at the camera, so they must have taken it when I was looking away. Suddenly, the world that had seemed so gloomy was sparkling like ginger ale in a glass cup. I’d never had my photo in the paper before. My poster was in there and they wrote about MY talent. Someone had paid attention after all.
“Can I cut the picture out to bring to school?” I asked. I couldn’t wait to show everyone.
But when I got to school, everyone already knew. I was famous! Becky had cut it out of her newspaper to show me just in case I hadn’t seen it. Mr. Davidson hung a copy from his newspaper on the door of his classroom and Mrs. Janey hung one on her door. The whole class gathered around and tried to see whom I had drawn on the poster. It was a little hard to tell since the photo was a lot smaller than the real thing, so Mr. Davidson asked if I could bring the poster back in again. Sam Mercer even asked me if I could draw a poster for his band!
I had been wrong to change my mind about my talent. It was a pretty good one to have. I don’t know why I had ever doubted it.
Chapter 30
Resolutions
THE WEATHER SEEMED TO TURN COLD IN A SNAP. Even though we thought we were ready, everyone was surprised when snow fell from the sky as if someone were pouring down sugar.
“Lots of snow today!” Dad said in the morning. “You lucky kids! The radio said that there’s no school. It’s so cold outside that it’s breaking records. I wish I could have a snow day. I’m going to turn into a snowman going to work today.” No school! It was like a surprise vacation. I was all ready to go outside and play until I opened the door. BRRR! The cold wind bit my face, and the inside of my nose stung as if icicles suddenly formed there. I closed the door.
“It’s so cold out there!” I said, shivering. “It froze my nose!”
Dad laughed and said, “I warned you. That’s what you get when you open a cold door!”
All of a sudden, Dad saying that reminded me about the other cold door—the cold door of becoming an author and illustrator. Even though I didn’t have any doubts about my talent anymore, I still didn’t like that door. But for almost two years, I had thought that being an author and illustrator was what I wanted to be and who I was going to become. Now, I just didn’t know. Was being an author and illustrator just a wishful dream or was it something I could make happen? Was it even something I should try to make happen?
“Remember at Chinese New Year when we wrote resolutions?” I asked Dad. “Remember how you told me some things you made happen and other things you just wished?”
Dad nodded.
“Well, how do you know which is which?” I asked. “And how do you know which are the things you should try for?”
“Well, this is a hard question for so early in the morning,” Dad said. “Hmm, I guess it’s different for every person. You have to know yourself what you can do.”
“Can’t someone just tell me?” I said. “It’s too hard to figure it out.”
“No, no one can tell you,” Dad said. “Only you can decide, because only you know who you are.”
“You know who I am,” I said. “And Mom, too. You’re my parents.”
“We are your parents,” Dad said. “But that doesn’t mean we truly know you. It’s like that little story . . .”
KNOWING THE FISH
One day two philosophers were walking outdoors. As they crossed a bridge, they stopped and saw an orange fish glide through the muddy green water, like floating tangerine peels. In the sunlight, the fish sparkled like fireflies.
“The fish are happy today,” one philosopher said to the other.
“How do you know?” the other philosopher replied. “You’re not a fish.”
”The friends continued walking. Their footsteps crunched the carpet of golden leaves as they passed, and each was quiet. The first philosopher was deep in thought, considering their conversation.
Finally he said to the other, “How do you know that I don’t know that the fish are happy?” the first philosopher said. “You are not me.”
“So, you see,” Dad said, “only you really know yourself and only you can really make your decisions.”
And I guessed Dad was right. It was up to me. All the things I didn’t like—being scared of the cold door, feeling ashamed about Dun-Wei and being Chinese, getting bad grades, feeling weird with Becky and Charlotte, even trying to get Sam Mercer to notice me—I was the one who had to change those things. And knowing that was a little scary. “Why do you look so frightened all of a sudden?” Dad asked.
“I didn’t realize I’d have to decide and do things,” I said. “I liked it better when you and Mom did everything.”
“Ah, you’re growing up,” Dad said. “Don’t worry, it’s not that bad. Do you remember how I told you the story about the twelve animals of Chinese New Year? The tiger came in third place, without a raft or friends helping him. He looked at the wild and fierce waters and went in, relying on just himself, his courage and strength to get across. You were born in the year of the tiger, so you’re brave. You can face anything.”
Dad’s words warmed me as if I had put on a fur coat. I could be brave. I didn’t need tiger luck; I was a tiger. I could almost feel the tiger stripes on my back. I wouldn’t let the changes of the Year of the Rat sink me.
Chapter 31
Brave like a Tiger
THAT NIGHT, MELODY WAS SO EXCITED WHEN SHE called me I could barely understand what she was saying.
“Guess what?” she said. “Guess what? I’m coming back to New Hartford to visit!”
I couldn’t believe it, but it was true. Melody was going to come back to visit. Her parents were selling the house to Dun-Wei’s family, and Melody’s mom had to come back and take care of some paperwork and details. Melody’s mom asked if she could stay with us while she was here, and she was going to bring Melody because “We know you two would never forgive us if I came alone.”
But they weren’t coming until around Chinese New Year. That seemed SO far away. But, luckily, the winter days were blowing by. In school we were doing open projects again, about endangered animals. And this time, I was making a book.
“Are you sure you don’t want to be a third partner?” Becky asked out on the playground at recess. We were watching the boys play football in the snow. The boys liked to play football in the snow because then they could dive on the ground without getting hurt. We liked to watch because it was funny to see them covered in snow—especially Sam Mercer, who rolled around so much that he looked like a gingerbread cookie with white icing. “You’ll have to do all that work on panda bears by yourself,” Becky added.
“That’s okay,” I said. “If I want to be an author and illustrator, I better practice as much as I can.”
“What if you don’t become an author and illustrator?” Charlotte asked. “Then you would have done all that practicing for nothing.”
“It won’t be for nothing,” I said, trying to feel as brave as a tiger. “I know I’m going to be one, no matter what.”
And after I said that, I did feel like a brave tiger. What did I care about cold doors when I had fur that was thick and warm? Just like the tiger that jumped into the wild water because he wanted to win the race, I was going jump through the door
and become an author and illustrator. I wouldn’t be afraid anymore.
“So, when is Melody coming back?” Charlotte asked. I had told them all about her phone call that morning.
“In a couple of months,” I said, smiling. “Just in time for Chinese New Year.”
“Well, maybe it’s good you’re doing the project by yourself, then,” Becky said in a funny voice. “We won’t see you at all once Melody arrives.”
I stopped smiling. Suddenly I understood why everything felt clumsy and awkward when I was with Charlotte and Becky. When Melody had moved here two years ago, we had become best friends, and I had stopped being such good friends with Becky and Charlotte. Not only had I ignored them and probably hurt their feelings, all the things that I had been interested in and cared about were different now. They hadn’t changed. I had changed.
“Wow, look at that throw!” Charlotte said as a ball whizzed through the air. “Who threw that?”
“It was Dumb-Way!” Becky said. “Can you believe it? I guess Dumb-Way is a pretty good football player.”
I took a deep breath and gathered my tiger strength. If I was ever going to make things better with Becky and Charlotte, I’d have let them know how I had changed. I had to let them know that the things that wouldn’t have bothered me before, bothered me now.
“I don’t think it’s nice to call him Dumb-Way,” I said. “His name is Dun-Wei.”
“But everyone calls him that,” Becky said.
I swallowed hard and looked at my feet. “I don’t,” I said, “because I think it’s kind of mean.”
When I peeked up, I saw Becky looking at me with her head cocked like a surprised pigeon. Slowly, she nodded. “You’re right,” she said. “It is mean. I won’t do it anymore.”
“Thanks,” I said, and it was as if the ice in my stomach had suddenly melted away. “You know what? When Melody comes, you two should come over. I bet my mom would let me have a sleepover.”
“Yeah, that’d be fun!” Charlotte said and they smiled at me.
I smiled back. Everything would be all right. Deep inside of me, I heard a tiger roar. It was so loud and strong I was surprised. I never knew it was there before.
Chapter 32
Christmas
ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT WINTER WAS that there were so many vacations. After Thanksgiving, we had Christmas and New Year’s off and then another vacation in February. I was really looking forward to the one in February because that’s when Melody was coming. But now, it was Christmas and even though it wasn’t the vacation I most wanted to happen, I still had a good time.
For Christmas, Mom took us shopping for our presents. We didn’t give presents the way most American families did, where they bought things ahead of time and wrapped them up for a surprise. Mom just took us shopping and bought us what we wanted. She said Chinese people usually just gave people money, anyway. This used to bother me, but now I thought this was the best way to do it. It was too easy for Mom to make a mistake otherwise.
Lissy didn’t come shopping with us. She said she’d just take the money and get what she wanted herself. She never wanted to go shopping with us anymore, even though she went to the mall all the time. She didn’t want her friends to see her with us. Mom said Lissy was going through “a phase.”
Shopping was fun. All the stores glittered red and gold and green with their holiday decorations and Christmas carols jingled merrily through the loudspeakers. Ki-Ki and I liked to look at the outside window of the Kaufmann’s department store. Every Christmas they put up a special holiday display. This year they had a toy Santa with his reindeer. Out of all the displays I could remember, it was my favorite, though they didn’t have red-nosed Rudolph. I guess they forgot.
First we went to the toy store for Ki-Ki. They had hula hoops and plastic cars and dollhouses as tall as I was. Ki-Ki liked looking at all the Barbie dolls, though Mom would NEVER get her one. Barbie had long blond hair and shiny clothes, just like the princess in Cinderellaor Sleeping Beauty. I kind of understood why Ki-Ki liked that doll; when I was younger, I thought Barbie was beautiful. But Mom didn’t think so at all.
“You don’t want one of those,” Mom said to Ki-Ki.
“Please!” Ki-Ki said. “Everyone else has one! Only our family isn’t allowed to have Barbie. It’s not fair!”
That wasn’t 100 percent true. Melody hadn’t been allowed to have a Barbie doll either. I think our mothers talked to each other.
“It’s her Christmas present,” I said, trying to help Ki-Ki. “You promised you’d get us whatever we wanted.”
Mom sighed. “Okay,” she said, and she scanned down the aisle. Her eyes stopped at the “Dolls of the World Barbie.” These were Barbie dolls dressed up to look like they were from different countries. They were more expensive than the regular ones, which were on sale, but Mom didn’t seem to notice. Instead she picked up the Barbie from China with the dark red dress and black hair and offered it to Ki-Ki.
“How about this one?” Mom said.
Ki-Ki grabbed it. I think she was so excited that Mom was actually going to buy her one, that she would’ve taken anything. “Okay!” she said.
“How about you, Pacy?” Mom asked.
We left the toy store because I felt like I was too old for toys, and we went to the book store. I knew Becky and Charlotte would think wanting books for a Christmas present was weird, but I didn’t care. That was what I wanted.
“How many can I get?” I asked.
“Hmm,” Mom said. “How about three?”
“How come Pacy gets three books and I only get one doll?” Ki-ki asked. I knew she was hoping she could get another doll.
“You can get a book, too,” Mom told her. Ki-Ki quickly grabbed a Barbie book. Mom wrinkled her nose, but let her have it.
I picked my three books out carefully. Finally I decided on Anne of Green Gables, The Last Unicorn,and Theater Shoes.
“Are you sure you want those?” Mom asked. “Those seem a lot longer than the other books you read.”
I nodded. I had picked them out especially because they were extra thick. I was hoping they would help make the days go by faster while I waited for February vacation, Chinese New Year, and Melody to come.
Chapter 33
Waiting for Melody
I KNEW CHINESE NEW YEAR WAS COMING WHEN we finally threw out the Christmas tree. It was only then that Dad was forced to stop putting off throwing it out. In the meantime, the pine needles looked like brown grains of rice and whenever anyone passed a cascade fell to the floor.
Dad dragged the tree out to the trash and Mom swept the floors. She swept the needles and every speck of dust out the back door.
“We have to sweep all the bad luck out of the house now,” Mom said. “The first day of the year is the broom’s birthday.”
“The broom has a birthday?” I asked, laughing. “Do we give it a party?”
“No,” Mom said, “we give it a rest. No one is allowed to use a broom on the New Year. If you do, you’ll sweep all your good luck and your money away.”
“For real?” I asked; I was starting to think these superstitions were silly.
“Who knows?” Mom said. “But why risk it?”
That was true. So when Mom had us hang the red banner on our door, get our hair cut, and go through all the chopsticks to throw out any that had chipped (because that would mean something was eating away your fortune), we didn’t complain. Though I felt like Mom was being pickier about Chinese New Year than she usually was. She even bought new sheets and silk dresses for us. But I did like getting a new dress; I could finally stop wearing Lissy’s old green one.
Mom said we could choose whatever we wanted for our new Chinese dresses. She ordered them from a catalog, so Lissy, Ki-Ki, and I lay on the ground looking at it, turning every glossy page and inspecting each picture carefully.
“I want the one that is all white,” Ki-Ki said. Ever since she was a flower girl, she wanted all her clothes to be winter w
hite.
“No, no,” Mom said. “You can’t wear a white Chinese dress. In Chinese tradition, white is the color of funerals.”
“Really?” Lissy said. “What’s black for then?”
“Well, people wear black for funerals, too,” Mom said. “Both of those colors are not lucky to wear for Chinese New Year.”
Lissy looked disappointed. I knew she wanted to get a dress that was all black because she said black was always stylish. Instead she chose dark blue again.
“Don’t get dark blue again,” I told her. “What’s the point of getting a new dress if it’s almost exactly the same?”
“That’s true,” Mom said. “Especially since your old blue dress still fits you. Also, one of the reasons why we get new clothes for the new year is so that it confuses any evil spirits. We’re hoping that in your new clothes, they won’t know you.”
Lissy made a face, but she chose a deep eggplant purple dress with fortune flowers on it. Ki-Ki chose a pale, icy blue dress with butterflies. I knew I wanted the coral red one with goldfish on it, but what Mom had said about spirits not knowing us in our new clothes was bothering me. I hadn’t seen Melody in a long time. Maybe when she came during Chinese New Year, she wouldn’t know me, either. That would be horrible! I hoped that wouldn’t be the last change of the Year of the Rat.
Chapter 34
Finally Chinese New Year!
MELODY WAS COMING ON THE EVE OF CHINESE New Year. Our school was on winter vacation then, so it was perfect for me. Her school had a different schedule, but her mom arranged for her to take some days off.