by Rina Kent
“One more word and I’m reporting this,” I cut him off as I stand by her side, then glare at Pearce. “Control your client better, would you? Or does that also need to be done for you like every single case you’ve taken?”
His lips curl in a snarl. “This isn’t over, Van Doren.”
“It sure as hell isn’t. Because your client just breached the restraining order.” And with that, Lauren and I escort Sandra out of the courtroom.
“Thank you,” she whispers shyly.
“Don’t thank me yet. We’re not done.” I make eye contact with the prosecutor in charge, Gerard. He’s been present during the trial since it’s strongly tied to the criminal case.
His brows are knit together and he doesn’t seem amused by the new evidence I brought forward. I could’ve given it to him or discussed it with him beforehand, but he’s on Pearce’s side, not mine.
Which is why I metaphorically twisted his arm so he’d look further into it and, for once, go aggressively against Matt.
He narrows his eyes at me and I wink.
That’s right, motherfucker. Either you do the right thing or the media will riot against you. Many humanitarian and women’s associations are backing Sandra on this. Even the public switched to her side once Lauren and I tactfully leaked pictures Sandra secretly took of her bruised skin over the past year.
She didn’t want to do it at first, but after a chat with Lauren, Sandra agreed.
It’s been submitted into evidence, too, but there’s still no medical report to back it up. Some fuckers on social media even suggested that she could’ve paid someone to beat her. Anastasia used to methodically hack into various platforms and delete those comments so Sandra didn’t see them.
She didn’t tell anyone this, but I caught her once while she thought I was sleeping.
We spend all day in the courtroom and it’s bloody annoying and fucking exhausting, or maybe it’s because I’m irritated and all I want to do is go home.
No, that’s not the part I’m more interested in.
It’s the person I’ll find at home. The woman who’s been watching her back every step of the way and decided to push me out of her life.
It’s not going to happen.
Ever.
Not when she’s not telling me the real reason behind it.
Hell, even if she does, we’ll work around it. There’s no way in fuck I’m ending what I’ve finally found.
The light to my shadows.
Sure, it’s not bright or constant. Fuck, it could be mistaken for darkness, too. It’s dim, but it’s there, the light that I’ve probably been coveting since the first time I saw her.
Since the first time I laid eyes on her.
I just didn’t fucking realize it then.
Lauren, Chris, and I go back to the firm for a short meeting, but I need to see her first, so I tell them to start without me.
After every day spent in court for Sandra’s case, I get into this funky dark mood that makes my blood boil.
And Anastasia is the only one who drives it away.
I don’t care how often she tells me we have to break up, I’ll just refuse until she comes to her senses.
When I reach the IT department, though, she’s not there. I find Gwen lounging at her post, drinking a milkshake and reading from a stack of files Nate probably gave her.
When she notices me, she releases the straw in her mouth. “Oh, Knox. What are you doing here?”
“Have you seen Jane?” Usually, I try to be around here as little as possible, mainly because Anastasia likes to keep everything a secret.
But fuck that, she was never my dirty little secret.
Gwen narrows her eyes. “Why?”
“You don’t need to know.”
“Of course, I do. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you roaming around her, trying to intimidate her and stuff.” She stands up and places a hand on her hip, her drink clutched tightly in the other hand. “I protect my friends, you know.”
“And you’ll do that with a milkshake? I suppose this is the time I should act scared?”
“Not with a milkshake. I’ll tell Nate and he’ll fire you.”
“He can’t fire me, Gwen. I’m a junior partner, so he’ll have to make the board agree first.”
“Then he’ll just do that.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Can you just not bully the only female friend I’ve ever had?”
There’s desperation in her tone that makes me pause my arseholish remarks. Gwen might as well be Anastasia’s only friend, too.
She’s that lonely and used to acting solo.
“I’m not bullying her, Gwen.” My voice softens a little.
“How can I be sure?”
“Because I like her.”
We both freeze at that, me more than her, because what the fuck am I saying?
“Ohhhh.” She grins. “That sneak Jane never told me. You must be the friend she’s staying with these days.”
So I’ve become a fucking friend now?
“I am. Now, can you tell me where she is?”
“She took her laptop and went to the fourth floor. Apparently, there’s a place she can focus there. I haven’t been to it, but Jane says…”
I’m striding out before she can finish her sentence.
“You’re welcome!” Gwen shouts behind me.
I don’t focus on her, because I’m on a mission to get to Anastasia. She must be in the supply room.
Our room at the firm.
No idea why that fills me with a strange type of energy.
The moment I arrive, I barge inside and pause in the doorway. Soft light bathes the room, which is different from when we’re usually here.
And the reason for the change punches me right across the face when I find Anastasia sitting between someone’s legs, unbuttoning his shirt.
Someone.
Not me.
Someone else.
As in, another fucking man who has his hand on her arm.
The man is Daniel and he’s touching what’s fucking mine.
My vision turns pure bloody red.
Red like I’ve never experienced.
Red like I’ve never seen before.
Something inside me crashes, splinters, and blasts into a million fucking pieces.
And in the midst of the blinding, searing pain, only one thought remains.
The need to fucking hurt.
32
ANASTASIA
“What the fuck is going on?”
There’s a clipped quality to his voice. The voice that I would recognize anywhere. The voice that’s been haunting my reality and my nightmares.
I raise my head slowly, my throat drying, and my skin suddenly turns freezing cold. The air thickens with suffocating tension and my breaths become deeper but shorter, like none of it is reaching my lungs.
And I don’t think it’s only due to the lack of air or his rough, savage voice. It’s his entire presence. The tightness in his shoulders, the clenching of his jaw, the bulging veins in his neck.
Mostly, it’s the light slowly but surely leaving his golden eyes. The light I always found refuge in. The light that anchored me when I needed something to lean on.
It’s gone now.
What’s left behind is worse than rage or even anger.
It’s nothingness. A bottomless black hole that has no end in sight.
Daniel pushes me away and I scramble to my feet as he stands up, the first buttons of his shirt still undone.
He carefully walks up to Knox. “Mate—”
Whatever he was going to say is cut off when Knox drives his fist into his face with a force that makes me gasp.
Daniel reels backward, cradling his nose with both hands. When he checks his palms, I lean over and startle when I see droplets of blood. “The fuck, Knox? Not the face, you bloody wanker!”
As if not hearing a word he said, Knox lunges forward, probably about to finish what he started. I don’t know
how I do it, how I get the courage to jump forward.
Usually, I don’t get involved. I’m neither a pacifier nor a shit-stirrer. I just stay in the background, watching with my mouth shut.
But I think that part was purged out of me when I started becoming Jane. When my life took a sharp dive in a direction I don’t recognize.
The old Anastasia would’ve never gotten involved in fights, but the new me doesn’t think twice as I slide in front of Daniel, flinging my arms wide.
Knox stops mid-punch, his fist still raised in the air, and he’s breathing harshly through his nostrils, uncontrollably even. “Step away.”
“No,” I whisper.
“Step the fuck away.”
“No! Daniel has nothing to do with this. I was the one who asked him to join me here. I was the one who came on to him, so if you want to punch someone, punch me.”
“No one came on to anyone…” Daniel starts.
“I did. I wanted him,” I say firmly to Knox’s face, despite feeling something splinter to a million pieces inside me.
I feel bad for using Daniel and putting him in this position without asking him about it first, but this is the only chance I have.
Knox’s fist clenches until the veins on the back of his hand pop, and just when I think he’ll punch or strangle me, he lets his hand drop to his side.
Even though it’s still balled in a tight grip.
We’re both breathing heavily, his skyrocketing adrenaline rubbing off mine, his anger scratching on my fragile emotions.
He grabs me by the arm, his fingers leaving bruising marks on my skin as he hauls me closer to him. “I don’t want to deal with you right now, so fucking disappear.”
“Why? So you can beat Daniel up?”
“That’s none of your fucking business, and stop taking his side in front of me before I drive my fist into his windpipe and end his motherfucking life.”
“Ouch,” Daniel says from behind me. “And I’m still over here, bleeding, thanks so much for asking, everyone.”
“You shut the fuck up. I’ll be with you in a second,” Knox enunciates from between gritted teeth before narrowing his eyes on me. “And, you. Go.”
“No. You have no right to do this. I already broke up with you.”
He grinds his back teeth together, then drags in a long inhale. “I never fucking agreed to that.”
“That doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
“That’s exactly what it fucking means.” He shakes me by my arm, his voice becoming guttural and asphyxiating. “You’re mine, and no one touches what’s mine. You don’t let anyone put their hands on you or it’ll be the last time they touch anything.”
My breath hitches and it’s not only due to the raw possessiveness in his tone, or that his heat nearly melts me. It’s that I feel his words instead of merely hearing them.
They sneak beneath my skin and flow into my bloodstream faster and thicker than blood. I’m speechless in the wake of their intensity.
Completely and utterly helpless.
His fingers dig further into my skin as if driving the point home. “I mean it, so don’t make me act on it.”
“I also mean it. We’re over.” I sound calm and composed, even though a war is bursting through my limbs, destroying me from the inside out.
“Anastasia…” The thickness in his voice nearly makes me crumble.
I’m so weak for him, I realize. So damn helpless in front of these golden eyes that hold the world in their depths. A world I recognize myself in. A world I never wanted to leave.
Every part of me is urging me to explain, to throw myself in his arms and cry.
But that will only hurt him.
And me.
“Let me go,” I murmur.
“Not in this fucking lifetime.”
“Let me go, Knox. Just let me go!” I’m two seconds away from crying, from ruining the fragile façade I’ve been wearing since he came in.
“Not going to happen.”
Daniel steps to my side, still wiping the blood from his nose. “She said to let her go.”
“You keep your mouth shut and send any goodbye messages before I fucking murder you.”
“Knox…” Daniel grabs his arm and shakes his head, speaking slowly though with a firm edge that I’ve never heard from him before, “Let her go. You’re hurting her.”
I don’t know how he noticed it when I’ve been hiding my reaction, but his words prompt Knox out of his haze. He focuses on where his fingers are digging into my arm and releases me with a jerk.
I wince, not because of the pain, but because he’s no longer touching me. I prefer the pain over completely losing his touch.
The pain means he’s there, but its absence is no different than being abandoned.
Daniel sniffs, the blood still coating his nose. “You need to calm the heck down, mate.”
Knox raises his fist and punches him in the face and he jerks back, cursing.
“Fucking fuck, Knox. What the bloody hell is wrong with you? This face is real estate!”
He completely ignores him, his attention solely on me. His hazel eyes are dark and unreadable, a bit scary, even. “This isn’t over.”
The staring contest continues for a few more seconds, or maybe minutes, before he turns and leaves.
As soon as he’s out the door, my feet falter and I nearly drop to the floor.
Oh, God.
Is it supposed to feel this miserable? As if something is tearing up my insides and leaving them out in the open?
The door I’ve been staring at since Knox left is blocked when Daniel stands in front of me. “Are you okay?”
I internally shake my head and focus on him. On the blood that’s trailing down his chin and dripping onto his white shirt and the lapel of his jacket. “I should be the one asking you that. I’m so sorry.”
“He’ll be the one who’s sorry when I sue him for assault.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“You’re still defending him after he fucked up my face? The same face that’s worth millions of dollars and on the cover of countless magazines?”
“I’m really sorry. I’m sure he didn’t mean to.”
“You must really love him if you’re apologizing on his behalf after you clearly broke his heart.”
A ball the size of my fist thickens in my throat. “It’s…complicated.”
“I can see that. He called you Anastasia and I assume it’s not because of some role-play kink I didn’t know he had. Is that why you asked me to come in here? And what’s with the coming on to me bullshit when we both know it’s not true?”
I bite my lower lip. I really didn’t mean for Knox to catch us, not that there was anything going on. I only spilled my water on Daniel and I was trying to wipe it off when Knox walked in.
Daniel dabs the back of his hand against his nose before his scrutinizing attention falls on me. “I might not look like it, but I don’t allow anyone to use me, especially when it comes to hurting my best friend.”
“I’m not using you…I just wanted to ask for your help.”
“Concerning what?”
“Knox’s safety. If you care about him, don’t explain this situation to him. Let him believe that I came on to you.”
“So he’ll hate you?”
My lips tremble. “Yeah.”
“That means he’ll hate me, too, and I’m not game for that. So you’ll have to give me something more to go on with this plan.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m leaving.”
He lets his hand fall to the side and tilts his head as if I finally have his undivided attention. “Why?”
“Because I’m a danger to his life, and if I stay, he’ll be dead in no time.”
Daniel doesn’t react strongly. In fact, he doesn’t react at all, which is to be expected of a lawyer, I guess. He leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “Explain in more detail.”
“And you’ll help me?”<
br />
“If your goal is to protect him, I will.”
Okay.
I can do this.
If there’s anyone who can help me keep Knox away, it’s Daniel. Even if it means hurting him in the process.
However, no amount of emotional pain compares to what would happen to him if he insists on staying with me.
Surprisingly, the words don’t feel heavy when I confess to Daniel, “Because my father is the leader of the New York Russian mafia and Knox is under threat because of that.”
33
KNOX
The need for violence hasn’t left my system.
If anything, it’s growing and intensifying, despite being in the process of murdering the punching bag in my building’s gym.
I keep pummeling on and on, imagining Daniel’s face as its substitute. Or any other man’s face who ever put their hands on her.
Any.
All.
This isn’t normal, is it? Being on the verge of destruction and feeling like I’ll burst any second. It isn’t normal to have urges I thought I got rid of long ago.
Like standing at the top of something high, spreading my arms, and plummeting down, just so I can kill the shadows swirling around me from every side.
Or maybe cutting open my veins so they’ll fucking bleed out so I can stop them from whispering, murmuring, and hissing in my ears.
I haven’t had these thoughts for…years. Or maybe I’ve done a fantastic job pretending they weren’t there anymore.
That I was fine.
Perfect.
Completely over my past
Dad is right, after all. It’s impossible to pretend all is well when it isn’t.
One incident, one moment in time is able to make me backpedal into the worse version of myself.
The version that resisted the urge to jump or cut open my veins because I couldn’t leave Teal. Because I was responsible for my sister and abandoning her was a betrayal of the vow I made to protect her.
But she doesn’t need my protection now. Not only does she have her husband and son, but I can finally admit that she’s in a better place than I am.